Found out about this production because it's listed as a spoof of Rocky (and not Walk Hard) here on the good 'ole IMDb, but it's difficult to see Rock Hard as a parody. The only thing remotely funny about it is the title. The picture itself is played totally straight. In fact, it's a pretty dramatic remake all the way. And just to prove exactly how serious these pornographers go about their business, it takes a good 15 minutes before the first sex scene. One difference is that this version clearly takes place in the new millennium, instead of the seventies. Also, and even though they keep talking about America and Philidelphia, it's pretty clear all round that this production was filmed in Budapest (but aren't a lot of big budget Hollywood pictures shot there too nowadays?).
Now it's been a while since I've seen the 1976 original, so I'm not sure how close the (badly dubbed) dialogue is to what Sly Stallone wrote all those years ago. Still I do believe some exchanges here are lifted from Sly's script word for word. I'm also pretty sure the Stallone Rocky was never an enforcer for the Mob on the side like the one played by Robert Rosenberg here is. He also takes home a hooker this time around, but who can blame the guy since the girl of his dreams isn't even laughing at his jokes. All the usual character are present and accounted for: Apollo Creed, Micky, Pauly, his sister Adriana (sic). I think she's the only one in the entire lineup who's name was slightly hanged. She doesn't take much persuading when they finally get on their first date, however.
Director Gianfranco Romagnoli really seems to be aiming for a serious drama all the way. And at 2 hours and 20 minutes, it's a even longer than the John G. Avildsen's original. There's even a scene during Rocky's training period where he refuses to have sex with Adriana because his body's hurting all over. But naturally his resolve doesn't last a minute. It's still a Private production after all. While the climactic boxing match doesn't take up as much time here as it did in 1976, the film still ends with another quarter of an hour without sex. It's just two men pounding on each other (in the ring).
Now, if Rock Hard has been an actual spoof, one might have expected Rocky's manager 'Micki' to be a hot babe that had to apply some desperate last ditch tricks to keep Rocky up during the final round. But alas, no such luck. Also, there's a scene in which Rocky is interviewed in the meat locker where he trains by an uncredited actress who appears to be Sandra Iron. I was really hoping to see her get to know her subject in-depth and up personal, but again, no deal.
7 out of 10
