Attention all techbros...

GIF of text on fire that says «NFTs suck».

Yes, that's right... I said it, NFTs suck, are stupid, and are scams (oh, also women don't find the idea of it all that hot).

A dumb monkey NFT that is crying. — LMAO

Look at that, I downloaded Justin Bieber's dumb ape!! And now it's on my website!!

*Ah yes, when I see this, I think «Art!»*

People who buy into NFTs are morons and we all know it! «Hmmm, oh yes, I sure love paying ten billion DollarPounds for this computer image of a dumb monkey, oh yes, this will be worth a lot!» Huh??? Have you tried to hire someone to make your art? Or are you so big brain doge that you know that in four billion years your NFT of Rick from Rick and Morty shitting on Elon Musk's face will be worth 95636 bitcoin (฿฿฿)? You know, going outside is free!

And here I thought the idea of art was to express yourself??

Oh, you are so smart to invest in Daddy Derek's 420-themed NFTs (Light 'em up! Make Pot Legal!), please meet me at the local bar in town, sit down at my table, and tell me all about your future roadmap while my t-girl bussy is leaking. I am but the little doge dog next to you with the tiny, smooth brain going goo goo ga ga. Here I was, paying artists to draw me crap I can hang up on my wall that I forgot... the real magic in art isn't anything stupid like creative freedom, but it's paying some scammer to get a computer to go beep boop, here is CumShitWank NFT #69420Reddit. All of this time I was hyped to pay someone to draw some obscure character from the late 1990s kissing my owl sona on the beak while they both smonk weed, but no, I think I will turn my sweet GBP into real money, like dogecoin, bitcoin, peniscoin, wankcoin, shit-load-of-fuck-coin, or whatever so I can pay for a Crazy Frog NFT of The Annoying Thing (That's the frog's name, FYI) pulling his ass cheeks apart for the camera!

I'm sorry, but what kind of caveman brain motherfliper looks at their crusty computer screen and goes «Unf. Me make big money out of this! Me can buy Twitter Blue forever now, oo oo ah ah»?? Try logging off of Twitter for a day or two My God people, it's not that hard of a task to do. Why don't you go to your local park? Have you gone to a museum, you know, I heard that they have these funny pictures on the walls that show NFTs but you can't be scammed by them and you actually have to appreciate them rather than use them as a made-up ogga booga brain currency. Elon isn't going to buy you a house, a car, or invest in your dumb monkey!

«Unf. Mean owl femoid made fun of me online, me call her a slur on my Twitter». Yeah, yeah, yeah, you do that monkey brain while I right click and download your monkies, Oooo, spooky! What might be even more spooky is when you have to go to the job center.

Wait... hold the press

Some artist on DeviantArt just died and I'm low on cash after buying into a scam after I saw on my Twitter that if I give one bitcoin (equal to 27,089.90 USD), then I will be given back sixteen bitcoins, jeez, thanks, Daddy Elon, so now what I'm gonna do is download their images off DeviantArt and sell them, pretending that I'm their fuckin' family or whatever, simple! Eazy! No-one cares if you freeload off of other people, why would they? It's the Wild West, and we're all Jesse James

All my Twitter frens love NFT so it will be okay to do that. People love NFTs, just look at this Wired article:

Huh ?? Uh, yeah, I also like «Preserving Street Art» - it's called taking a photo of a wall with graffiti on and uploading it to Flicker?? Hello??

Um. Yeah, fucking thanks. It's not like I could have used my cell phone to take a photo of some graffiti and upload it online to my social feed or even my own website (making websites is hard, so I just use Wix.com).

Seriously, I know that I'm going to sound like a boomer here, but I have a hobby of using a disposable camera and using that to take photos of street art, then scanning in the photos onto my computer and showing the results to people, just do that, it's fun.

This is an NFT update

Hello, this is the Poop Fart News at ??? to bring you the latest on NFTs. Reports have just come in from Twitter that man who can make women cum just tweeted about ShitPenis NFTs, making their value in them sky rocket from only being worth a single handjob and chewing gum to ten trillion DollarPounds!! Here's the tweet that Mr. Musk (who I would sleep with if I wasn't a sad wojack male) made to his loads of chad followers:

Fake tweet from Elon Musk (Daddy) that says: Just had a brown trouser moment @ Twitter HQ today when I saw the price of the ShitPenis NFTs, to the moon ⚡️🚀🚗

Uhh, btw, what's a woamn??

Right now, loads of Rick and Morty viewers (Rick and Morty is a smart person show) are spending their good boy Mommy money on buying ShitPenis NFTs, this is truly going to the moon

Oh my God, someone phone Ringo Starr and tell him that he needs to invest in PissCoin!! Oh yes, I can not wait to spend my Reddit Facebook Twitter Myspace PissCoin money in the MetaVerse, I love technology! It's so cool, yes!!!

How Ringo Found Out About NFTs: A Transcript

Techbro: *ring ring* *ring ring* Hello? Is this Wrongo Star's agent? Boy howdy, do I have a deal for you!! So you see, there's this thing called The MetaVerse, it's like Toontown Online and Club Penguin Island but fucking stupid!! Everyone is on it now! Mark Succaburg is a famous face! People love the blockchain; people like David Bowie's dead body, Pussy Riot, even Kurt Cobain isn't safe - I mean, even Kurt Cobain is in on the fun!

Ringo: Hewwow uwu, I love the sound of NFTs!! Me and my mate Macca love the MetaVerse! Piss and Love, Piss and Love

*One week later*

News article screenshot with the title of «Ringo Starr Preps for First Tour in 2 Years by Launching an NFT Collection». It carries on with a quote that says «Who'd have thought I would be spreading Peace and Love in the MetaVerse[?]».

But Cass (that's me, I'm the sysop and am really cool)... why Did You Make This Page??

idk

Well, okay, I made this page so I could 1) make fun of techbros and 2) make fun of OWLyFans, «huh, but I don't», oh, this is you BTW if you're a techbro who likes NFTs (I'm owning you) «But I don't get it?? This website is OwlyFans??» no you stupid moron, can you not reed ? This is OwlyFans, while the other is OWLyFans. Doofus.

This Chad big t-girl penis website was started in 2021 while the virgin little loser NFT project was started at least in February 2023. We share a name but not a world view. Anyway, seeing that they share a name with us, let's see what their about me says:

Are you tired of all those ordinary lucky charms? Well, it's time to upgrade and join the world of OWLyFans! Prepare yourself to have your life to get endless doses of owl-tastic luck & happiness. Who needs clovers when you can have the wise guidance of an owl!

Owning an OWLyFans NFT not only brings good luck but also transforms you into the epitome of coolness. Picture yourself strolling through life surrounded by envious people who know you're on the cutting edge of luck trends.

Is it corny to say that I just got chills down the back of my spine... because dude... I just got chills down my back!... I don't know about you, but I think I wanna see what these NFTs look like.

...

Are you ready

...

Four owls that look AI made.

bro... I'm sorry, but did an AI make these? This looks like shit! They look like Poopie Ass!! What kind of prompt did you use ?? «cute owl sitting on branch»? Did you use that and just made an AI spit out loads of images that you then slapped onto OpenSea?

A cartoon man is crying. — Pitured: Cass crying as she will never truly own an **OWL**yFans NFT, instead she was stupid and paid an artiest to draw her fursona.

First off, why would I want to own something that looks like it was made by an AI? Doesn't it defeat the whole point in owning something unique if it looks almost the same as the other set of NFTs sold by the seller? My God, this looks so terrible and I don't see why anyone would want to spend any of their money on your crap when it would be better off spent on doing something good like,,, like anything else!

I will say this, our namesake's NFTs are at least cheap, being around $2.30, but still, I think I'd rather spend that money on something better, admitally, you can't buy that much with that cost, but you know what else is cheaper? Going onto www dot google dot com and typing in «make AI image», going onto that website, typing out «cute owl sitting on branch», waiting, and then Boom! you've got an image that looks like one of these shitty owls. Of course, I'm not saying that's what OWLyFans NFT did, I'm just saying that the art style looks quite simaler to something an AI would make - I'm sure OWLyFans made the art on their own!

Warning: Outdated joke

The following section contains a joke that, while funny at the time, no longer makes sense. When this was written, Rishi Sunak was still Prime Minaster, however, since then, the Tory Party lost the 2024 UK election, meaning that the Prime Minaster is no longer Tory Scum.

We apologize for any confusion this may cause.

Update made: 2024-07-05.

But for real, OWLyFans NFT project leader, if you're reading this, then lol, I own owly dot fans lol and that's a really funny website domain name that I am sending this to my girlfriend (she's real and also vapes and smokes weed) and she said that it's really funny and also said if I wanted to have e-sex later on (she said I could be the one being vored this time - yippee!!) Oh, also my dad just called to say that he loves me and the Prime Minaster also phoned me to tell me that I am really funny (I told him to fuck off as he's Tory scum).

Anyway!

Enough about this OWLyFans NFT loser

Let's talk about other terrible NFT projects that I want to dunk on

NFTs are terrible things, and The Gypsy is proof of that, I have very little words to fully describe how ... dogshit(?) these look, like yeah, I would really love to own one of these bad boys, mmm, oh yes baby! Anyway, the cat is out of the bag here as if you look down, you'll see what these NFTs look like:

A collection of poorly drawn images of people's faces.

Well, at least this time it doesn't look like a computer made these...

Top left we have «The Gypsy (Pro Vladimir Putin)», next to it we have «The Gypsy Four», bottom left it's «The Gypsy Five», and, finally, «The Gypsy (Pro Volodymyr Zelenskyy)». Oh how brave you are for supporting Ukraine and Russia. You know, during the War in Ukraine, I truly think that Russia is the victim here, they just want to stop the Nazis in Ukraine by... killing.... killing civilians and committing war crimes...? Wait, that doesn't sound right... I guess this is the only way to «demilitarise and denazify» Ukraine!

Anyway, I'm saying this as a way to piss off the Putin simps lol Slava Ukraïni!

I really wish that I had more to say about this collection of ass, but I really don't. I just think that this is either a guy who just relized that there's, somehow, money to be made in NFTs and was like «Oh shit! I need to make some moola!» or was made by someone who thought «Hmmm, if I put no effort into this, then people will want to buy it as a form of irony!». Anyway, no-one cares about Gypsy NFTs

Oh, what's this? It looks like we have a newsflash...

NFT Update

This just in, my fellow frens, welcome to NFT News with your host, DJ OwlGal AKA Cass. What's up, forum? Hello? We're just gotten an update on the Elon Musk situation... Only a few hours ago, Elon Musk posted a tweet where he talked about ShitPenis NFTs and their price, causing the cost of the NFTs to go up in price, making shareholders very rich and sexy, but only now did Elon post this tweet:

Fake Elon Musk tweet: yeah, shitpenis seem like a scam, I don't think I'd invest in NFTs anytime soon...

Yes, that's right. Due to this, the price of ShitPenis has fallen to less than a cent, making Robux worth more!

The long and short of this page? Uhh, uh, don't get scammed!

*I am a femoid, so I know. Hu hu hur but what is a woman?? hur hur hrrr

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