I am the proud mom of an out bisexual son whose same-sex fiance is fully integrated into our family. My son's coming out to me was among the most profound and life-changing moments in my life thus far, one which induced me to question deeply who I was as a mom, my self-understanding as a mom, and my relationship with society. As I pondered these changes, I realized that I had to choose between being an "out" "queer" mom or one who was closeted; like my son, I chose, and continue to choose, to be out. My dissertation will focus on LGBTQ and parents, as will my continuing research, workshops, mediation, and public speaking. In addition, I am a lifelong horsewoman, and a firm believer in the peace and trust which is possible between humans and equines. A future area I wish to examine is the possibilities for incorporating equines as facilitators in mediation and conflict management/resolution. I am devoted to conflict analysis and resolution, particularly in the area of the family and the coming out process, which tends to change family self-understanding and relationships, both profoundly and permanently.
Unprepared … The Queer Conflict of Straight Parents: Coming Out and Closeting Strategies and Decision Making, 2013
Today’s society is rapidly changing in how issues dealing with the rights and treatment of sexual... more Today’s society is rapidly changing in how issues dealing with the rights and treatment of sexual and gender minorities. Among the changes are the ways heterosexual or straight parents relate to their sexual minority children. Once a parent knows definitively that the child identifies as a sexual minority, the parent must make ongoing decisions whether, when, and with whom to share the child’s sexual orientation or gender identity. Straight parents of minority children must choose whether to disclose, or come out, about being the parent of a minority child or whether to stay silent, or remain closeted. Because of unevenness in tolerance and acceptance of minority people by others, parents must also address the possibility that coming out may lead to interpersonal conflicts. Remaining closeted may lead to an internal conflict as parents seek to support their children’s equalization and rights. Parents also may experience social-level conflicts experienced when having to cope with negative messages from social institutions. In my qualitative dissertation study, I explore how straight parents of minority children strategize and make their coming out and closeting decisions. Forty parents were interviewed in a semi-structural format producing rich data which I analyzed and interpreted through emic grounded theory. I generated two grounded theories and uncovered four broad themes from my findings. The first grounded theory I call Parental Harmonization Theory, which reveals what parents need to be likely to decide to come out to another person who does not know about the parent’s minority child. I applied Queer theory to the straight parent and to parenting, a minority child testing that application in my dissertation. I generated a second grounded theory illustrating similarities and differences in being the parent and in parenting. I call this theory Parental Evolvement Theory. Many of the parents with whom I spoke described their parenting and their coming out experiences as journeys in their child’s land. The first theme, Journey’s Onward Onset, describes the parent knowing about the child and the early journeying into the “land” of being the parent of a minority child. Parents learn how to come out and address issues and concerns that may never have happened to them before. The second theme, Journeys in Navigation and Learning, moves more deeply into the parental reality in which parents learn to navigate relationships with family, friends, social institutions, and wider society; while addressing conflict issues regarding coming out or closeting. The third theme, Journeys in Teaching and Sharing, is comprised of parental offerings, what parents have learned about their minority children, about being the parent of a minority child, about parenting, and what parents wish they had known. The fourth theme, Journeys “In-Between Spaces,” shares additional findings that present key aspects of the parental experience of coming out and closeting and being the parent of a minority child today. My dissertation provides a deeper and holistic understanding of the complex experience of straight parents in contemporary America.
"Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered, Queer (LGBTQ) persons who wish to co... more "Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered, Queer (LGBTQ) persons who wish to come out to (Samuels, 2003, p. 237), embark on the self-revealing and actualizing dialogue wherein she or he discloses sexual identity, to another person or persons. However, coming out to others is not one conversational discourse but many. An LGBTQ person faces a daily, lifelong choice-series to speak or remain silent (p. 237). In American culture, LGBTQ persons must cope with entrenched social constructs which specify that any but the hetero is a deviant being (Rimmerman, 2008). Thus, the ability of LGBTQ persons to speak freely is greatly constricted—acceptance of the revealed identity is uncertain. The disclosure discourse effectively and permanently shifts the LGBTQ person’s identity, and thus the person him- or herself, to the hetero-other, who may reject this ‘new’ person. Here the LGBTQ person evinces Maslow’s theory of human motivation (1943), demonstrating the needs for safety (pp. 378-379), love and esteem (pp. 381-382). Maslow emphasizes that the “…normal adult…” (p. 378) in American society generally need not fear lack of safety (p. 378) [italics added]. The disclosure dialogue is a pre-negotiation. When the negotiation involves a core personal and social identity, such as that facing an LGBTQ person when considering whether to come out to another person or continue to pass, risks are high, unless the LGBTQ party can determine how the heterosexual party will react and respond appropriately before disclosing. "
‘Honor’ murder or ‘honor’ killing is not identical to a manmurdering a woman in a domestic violen... more ‘Honor’ murder or ‘honor’ killing is not identical to a manmurdering a woman in a domestic violence scenario. An ‘honor’ killinginvolves the death of a female family member who is murdered by one or more male family members, sometimes with the active assistance of other women related to the victim. In ‘honor’ murder, a female family member is deemed by her male relatives to have transgressed the family’s honor. Unsurprisingly, ‘honor’ murders are historically underreported because of the shame the victim brought to her family. Analyses of ‘honor’ murder cases, therefore, are scarce. I examine the 2007 strangulation of Aqsa Parvez, an ‘honor’ murder victim, through the theoretical lenses of face/shame and the social bond (Scheff, 2000), identity/social identity theory (Stets & Burke, 2000), and Black’s (1983) theory of crime as social control (cited in Gauthier & Bankston, 2004). Then, I deconstruct the conflict leading to Aqsa’s murder through the conflict mapping modeldevised by We...
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered, Queer (LGBTQ) persons who wish to come out to (Samuels, 20... more Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered, Queer (LGBTQ) persons who wish to come out to (Samuels, 2003, p. 237), embark on the self-revealing and actualizing dialogue wherein she or he discloses sexual identity, to another person or persons. However, coming out to others is not one conversational discourse but many. An LGBTQ person faces a daily, lifelong choice-series to speak or remain silent (p. 237). In American culture, LGBTQ persons must cope with entrenched social constructs which specify that any but the hetero is a deviant being (Rimmerman, 2008). Thus, the ability of LGBTQ persons to speak freely is greatly constricted—acceptance of the revealed identity is uncertain. The disclosure discourse effectively and permanently shifts the LGBTQ person’s identity, and thus the person him- or herself, to the hetero-other, who may reject this ‘new’ person. Here the LGBTQ person evinces Maslow’s theory of human motivation (1943), demonstrating the needs for safety (pp. 378-379), love and esteem (pp. 381-382). Maslow emphasizes that the “…normal adult…” (p. 378) in American society generally need not fear lack of safety (p. 378) [italics added]. The disclosure dialogue is a pre-negotiation. When the negotiation involves a core personal and social identity, such as that facing an LGBTQ person when considering whether to come out to another person or continue to pass, risks are high, unless the LGBTQ party can determine how the heterosexual party will react and respond appropriately before disclosing.
Unprepared … The Queer Conflict of Straight Parents: Coming Out and Closeting Strategies and Decision Making, 2013
Today’s society is rapidly changing in how issues dealing with the rights and treatment of sexual... more Today’s society is rapidly changing in how issues dealing with the rights and treatment of sexual and gender minorities. Among the changes are the ways heterosexual or straight parents relate to their sexual minority children. Once a parent knows definitively that the child identifies as a sexual minority, the parent must make ongoing decisions whether, when, and with whom to share the child’s sexual orientation or gender identity. Straight parents of minority children must choose whether to disclose, or come out, about being the parent of a minority child or whether to stay silent, or remain closeted. Because of unevenness in tolerance and acceptance of minority people by others, parents must also address the possibility that coming out may lead to interpersonal conflicts. Remaining closeted may lead to an internal conflict as parents seek to support their children’s equalization and rights. Parents also may experience social-level conflicts experienced when having to cope with negative messages from social institutions. In my qualitative dissertation study, I explore how straight parents of minority children strategize and make their coming out and closeting decisions. Forty parents were interviewed in a semi-structural format producing rich data which I analyzed and interpreted through emic grounded theory. I generated two grounded theories and uncovered four broad themes from my findings. The first grounded theory I call Parental Harmonization Theory, which reveals what parents need to be likely to decide to come out to another person who does not know about the parent’s minority child. I applied Queer theory to the straight parent and to parenting, a minority child testing that application in my dissertation. I generated a second grounded theory illustrating similarities and differences in being the parent and in parenting. I call this theory Parental Evolvement Theory. Many of the parents with whom I spoke described their parenting and their coming out experiences as journeys in their child’s land. The first theme, Journey’s Onward Onset, describes the parent knowing about the child and the early journeying into the “land” of being the parent of a minority child. Parents learn how to come out and address issues and concerns that may never have happened to them before. The second theme, Journeys in Navigation and Learning, moves more deeply into the parental reality in which parents learn to navigate relationships with family, friends, social institutions, and wider society; while addressing conflict issues regarding coming out or closeting. The third theme, Journeys in Teaching and Sharing, is comprised of parental offerings, what parents have learned about their minority children, about being the parent of a minority child, about parenting, and what parents wish they had known. The fourth theme, Journeys “In-Between Spaces,” shares additional findings that present key aspects of the parental experience of coming out and closeting and being the parent of a minority child today. My dissertation provides a deeper and holistic understanding of the complex experience of straight parents in contemporary America.
"Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered, Queer (LGBTQ) persons who wish to co... more "Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered, Queer (LGBTQ) persons who wish to come out to (Samuels, 2003, p. 237), embark on the self-revealing and actualizing dialogue wherein she or he discloses sexual identity, to another person or persons. However, coming out to others is not one conversational discourse but many. An LGBTQ person faces a daily, lifelong choice-series to speak or remain silent (p. 237). In American culture, LGBTQ persons must cope with entrenched social constructs which specify that any but the hetero is a deviant being (Rimmerman, 2008). Thus, the ability of LGBTQ persons to speak freely is greatly constricted—acceptance of the revealed identity is uncertain. The disclosure discourse effectively and permanently shifts the LGBTQ person’s identity, and thus the person him- or herself, to the hetero-other, who may reject this ‘new’ person. Here the LGBTQ person evinces Maslow’s theory of human motivation (1943), demonstrating the needs for safety (pp. 378-379), love and esteem (pp. 381-382). Maslow emphasizes that the “…normal adult…” (p. 378) in American society generally need not fear lack of safety (p. 378) [italics added]. The disclosure dialogue is a pre-negotiation. When the negotiation involves a core personal and social identity, such as that facing an LGBTQ person when considering whether to come out to another person or continue to pass, risks are high, unless the LGBTQ party can determine how the heterosexual party will react and respond appropriately before disclosing. "
‘Honor’ murder or ‘honor’ killing is not identical to a manmurdering a woman in a domestic violen... more ‘Honor’ murder or ‘honor’ killing is not identical to a manmurdering a woman in a domestic violence scenario. An ‘honor’ killinginvolves the death of a female family member who is murdered by one or more male family members, sometimes with the active assistance of other women related to the victim. In ‘honor’ murder, a female family member is deemed by her male relatives to have transgressed the family’s honor. Unsurprisingly, ‘honor’ murders are historically underreported because of the shame the victim brought to her family. Analyses of ‘honor’ murder cases, therefore, are scarce. I examine the 2007 strangulation of Aqsa Parvez, an ‘honor’ murder victim, through the theoretical lenses of face/shame and the social bond (Scheff, 2000), identity/social identity theory (Stets & Burke, 2000), and Black’s (1983) theory of crime as social control (cited in Gauthier & Bankston, 2004). Then, I deconstruct the conflict leading to Aqsa’s murder through the conflict mapping modeldevised by We...
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered, Queer (LGBTQ) persons who wish to come out to (Samuels, 20... more Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered, Queer (LGBTQ) persons who wish to come out to (Samuels, 2003, p. 237), embark on the self-revealing and actualizing dialogue wherein she or he discloses sexual identity, to another person or persons. However, coming out to others is not one conversational discourse but many. An LGBTQ person faces a daily, lifelong choice-series to speak or remain silent (p. 237). In American culture, LGBTQ persons must cope with entrenched social constructs which specify that any but the hetero is a deviant being (Rimmerman, 2008). Thus, the ability of LGBTQ persons to speak freely is greatly constricted—acceptance of the revealed identity is uncertain. The disclosure discourse effectively and permanently shifts the LGBTQ person’s identity, and thus the person him- or herself, to the hetero-other, who may reject this ‘new’ person. Here the LGBTQ person evinces Maslow’s theory of human motivation (1943), demonstrating the needs for safety (pp. 378-379), love and esteem (pp. 381-382). Maslow emphasizes that the “…normal adult…” (p. 378) in American society generally need not fear lack of safety (p. 378) [italics added]. The disclosure dialogue is a pre-negotiation. When the negotiation involves a core personal and social identity, such as that facing an LGBTQ person when considering whether to come out to another person or continue to pass, risks are high, unless the LGBTQ party can determine how the heterosexual party will react and respond appropriately before disclosing.
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Straight parents of minority children must choose whether to disclose, or come out, about being the parent of a minority child or whether to stay silent, or remain closeted. Because of unevenness in tolerance and acceptance of minority people by others, parents must also address the possibility that coming out may lead to interpersonal conflicts. Remaining closeted may lead to an internal conflict as parents seek to support their children’s equalization and rights. Parents also may experience
social-level conflicts experienced when having to cope with negative messages from social institutions.
In my qualitative dissertation study, I explore how straight parents of minority children strategize and make their coming out and closeting decisions. Forty parents were interviewed in a semi-structural format producing rich data which I analyzed and interpreted through emic grounded theory. I generated two grounded theories and uncovered four broad themes from my findings. The first grounded theory I call Parental
Harmonization Theory, which reveals what parents need to be likely to decide to come out to another person who does not know about the parent’s minority child. I applied Queer theory to the straight parent and to parenting, a minority child testing that application in my dissertation. I generated a second grounded theory illustrating similarities and differences in being the parent and in parenting. I call this theory Parental Evolvement Theory. Many of the parents with whom I spoke described their parenting and their coming out experiences as journeys in their child’s land. The first theme, Journey’s Onward Onset, describes the parent knowing about the child and the early journeying into the “land” of being the parent of a minority child. Parents learn how to come out and address
issues and concerns that may never have happened to them before. The second theme, Journeys in Navigation and Learning, moves more deeply into the parental reality in which parents learn to navigate relationships with family, friends, social institutions, and wider society; while addressing conflict issues regarding coming out or closeting. The third theme, Journeys in Teaching and Sharing, is comprised of parental offerings, what parents have learned about their minority children, about being the parent of a minority child, about parenting, and what parents wish they had known. The fourth theme, Journeys “In-Between Spaces,” shares additional findings that present key aspects of the parental experience of coming out and closeting and being the parent of a minority child today. My dissertation provides a deeper and holistic understanding of the complex experience of straight parents in contemporary America.
Straight parents of minority children must choose whether to disclose, or come out, about being the parent of a minority child or whether to stay silent, or remain closeted. Because of unevenness in tolerance and acceptance of minority people by others, parents must also address the possibility that coming out may lead to interpersonal conflicts. Remaining closeted may lead to an internal conflict as parents seek to support their children’s equalization and rights. Parents also may experience
social-level conflicts experienced when having to cope with negative messages from social institutions.
In my qualitative dissertation study, I explore how straight parents of minority children strategize and make their coming out and closeting decisions. Forty parents were interviewed in a semi-structural format producing rich data which I analyzed and interpreted through emic grounded theory. I generated two grounded theories and uncovered four broad themes from my findings. The first grounded theory I call Parental
Harmonization Theory, which reveals what parents need to be likely to decide to come out to another person who does not know about the parent’s minority child. I applied Queer theory to the straight parent and to parenting, a minority child testing that application in my dissertation. I generated a second grounded theory illustrating similarities and differences in being the parent and in parenting. I call this theory Parental Evolvement Theory. Many of the parents with whom I spoke described their parenting and their coming out experiences as journeys in their child’s land. The first theme, Journey’s Onward Onset, describes the parent knowing about the child and the early journeying into the “land” of being the parent of a minority child. Parents learn how to come out and address
issues and concerns that may never have happened to them before. The second theme, Journeys in Navigation and Learning, moves more deeply into the parental reality in which parents learn to navigate relationships with family, friends, social institutions, and wider society; while addressing conflict issues regarding coming out or closeting. The third theme, Journeys in Teaching and Sharing, is comprised of parental offerings, what parents have learned about their minority children, about being the parent of a minority child, about parenting, and what parents wish they had known. The fourth theme, Journeys “In-Between Spaces,” shares additional findings that present key aspects of the parental experience of coming out and closeting and being the parent of a minority child today. My dissertation provides a deeper and holistic understanding of the complex experience of straight parents in contemporary America.