The New Tech of Relationships

Our relationship to technology and the benefits we reap from it depends on how much we make it our own.

This realization has motivated me to contextualize the drumbeat we hear about the perils of technology, particularly social media: increased isolation, difficulty empathizing, and impaired conversational skills. Rather than regarding technology as an external force or temptation that we have to struggle against, I propose thinking about the alliances that we form with technology. This alliance begins when we acquire or access something, perhaps a new device, service, or data, and evolves as the technology challenges us and we challenge it. We bring the technology into social situations it wasn’t designed for. We draw on it to negotiate the limitations that we see in ourselves. In exploring new applications for it, we find new perspectives on ourselves and our social worlds.

The commonality across the three stories presented here is individuals’ adaptation of technology to meet their own objectives. Their significance is personal and interpersonal. For readers who work in technology development, perhaps these examples will inspire designs that reflect how people see themselves over time, or how they construct the significant relational and emotional themes in their lives. Too often tech designs focus on discrete tasks rather than taking into account the intricate, evolving self that each user brings to those tasks.

These stories invite us to reflect on our lives and our devices—that is, to engage them as supportive allies in our quest for connectedness and well-being.

Connected Lights

Elana is not a gadget person. She has minimalist sensibilities and wouldn’t normally spruce up her