Chaos Theory

Astrology Tile Mosaic, Ringling's Mansion by Chris Lexow via Flickr.

I want to tell you about broken glass. About the blue orb wrapped in cloth that my husband crushed with his heel at our wedding ceremony, just before the kiss. I want to tell you about a Jewish tradition meant to invoke a demolished temple. Meant to remind us that joy should not override attention to the world’s disrepair. Meant to remind us that a marriage lives always under the threat of a heel.

I want to tell you about symbolism, about retrieving blue shards from the floor beneath the wedding canopy and placing them into a tiny glass tube alongside Hebrew prayers on parchment. A personalized mezuzah. According to Jewish law and lore, hanging that finger-sized mezuzah in one’s doorjamb ensures long lives for all inhabitants and wards off evil. My husband and I placed the mezuzah on a shelf by our apartment door and meant to hang it up, but then our son was born and we were consumed and amid the consumption the mezuzah got knocked to the floor and our wedding shards became wedding slivers. 

I want to tell you about romance, about how my husband recovered what pieces he could from the jagged mess and glued them to a little board and put the little board in a little frame and gifted the whole thing to me for our anniversary. I want to tell you, too, that we meant to hang it by our apartment door but then our second son was born and we were consumed and amid the consumption the frame with the broken mezuzah with the broken glass got knocked to the floor and our wedding slivers became wedding specks.

I want to tell you about surrender. About how my husband and I decided not to frame the broken frame with the broken mezuzah with the broken glass. 

Did we believe the universe was sending us a message? Did we know what