untigering

Describe yourself.

My name is Iris and I’m an author, mother and unschooler. I live with my partner, Jason, and our two kids, Noah and Caleb. Noah is thirteen, and Caleb is eleven. We live in California, but our kids were born in China and we lived there for many years.

What is Tiger parenting?

The term ‘Tiger parent’ came from Amy Chua’s book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother and is often associated with Asian parenting. Unfortunately, many people from Asian backgrounds understand that type of upbringing. It’s a very strict, authoritarian and hierarchical style of parenting.

Are there similarities between Western parenting and Tiger parenting?

Sure. I think mainstream parenting is generally focused on behaviour, and behaviour management is often the standard of good parenting in Asian and Western cultures. We are taught to deal with children using aggressive forms of behaviour management or emotionally manipulative forms. But in any culture, some parents are more emotionally connected and others aren’t. There are many parents just going through the motions of each day, shuttling kids from one thing to the next without connecting.

Tell us about your book Untigering.

I started parenting as a Tiger parent, practising a toned-down version of the way I was raised. But it came to a point where I realised that my parenting style just wasn’t