Three Myths and Four Truths About How to Get Happier

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I have heard this statement from thousands of people in my career of teaching and researching happiness. I have said it myself many times; you probably have too. As the philosopher and theologian Saint Augustine declared in 426 C.E., feeling no need to offer proof, “There is no one who does not wish to be happy.”

But what do we actually mean when we say we just want to be happy? Usually, that we want to achieve and keep certain feelings—of joy or simple cheerfulness—but that some obstacle prevents this. “I just want to be happy” is almost always followed by naming a source of unhappiness, such as money problems, relationship problems, health problems—or real tragedies. (As I write these words, the Maui wildfires have killed dozens, displaced thousands, and caused suffering that has affected us all.) From small problems to major catastrophes, life seems to conspire to make our wished-for happiness fleeting at best, inaccessible at worst. What a cruel paradox: We are wired to desire happiness yet seemingly doomed to a life of struggle that makes it unattainable.