Depression is weird. Sometimes, you have to sweat it out. The reps, weights, and endorphins of gym life pushed me through bad months. Some years ago, a meme went around of a cartoon man flexing his arms in a mirror with a thought bubble over his head: “Yep, still dead inside!” At the time, I thought, Yep, that’s me.
I don’t think all gym gays are like me, but a lot of us are fighting shame, body dysmorphia, or just the fact that we grew up disconnected from others. In , the clinical psychologist Alan Downs posits that gay bodybuilding can be an attempt to ward off feelings of inadequacy in a culture that marginalizes us. Today, a growing percentage of us take steroids and other supplements — I do. According to multiple reports in the U.S. and Europe, anabolic steroid use is increasing in men across the world, as are rates
