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    Sexual Assault Watchdog: Survivor's Guide
    Sexual Assault Watchdog: Survivor's Guide
    Sexual Assault Watchdog: Survivor's Guide
    Ebook167 pages2 hours

    Sexual Assault Watchdog: Survivor's Guide

    By Heidi Carlisle

    ()

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    About this ebook

    This is the only book providing sexual assault survivors with an abundance of resources for free advocacy, free monetary assistance, free safety programs, free specialized mental health services, and lasting support. This is also the only book that will tell survivors about how to compensate for some of the gaping loopholes that exist in state programs designed to provide you with safety from rapists, stalkers, and violent criminals. The trauma of sexual assault and the heart-wrenching experience of secondary victimization inflicted by the rape culture and criminal justice system is something survivors do not have to go through. Learn how to navigate the criminal justice system and find a rape culture free environment to thrive in. Knowledge about the resources available to sexual assault survivors and overcoming the criminal justice system is empowering. Through my experience of being sexually assaulted on more than one occasion, seeking true advocacy, and having a burning desire to overcome a broken life, I overturned every stone to find happiness, safety, and support. Not one single person or specializing advocate I spoke with provided me with all the information contained in this book. It took years of intense research and experience as a survivor who truly wanted and needed to know. I also fought for my rights as a victim to the Supreme Court of New Hampshire and won. I am an independent survivor advocate who overcame the many obstacles that plagued my path to recovery and a better life. You get the benefit of my personal experiences, opinions, and true hope. I survived a seriously broken life. I know you can survive too! It is an honor for me to write this book for you.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherBookBaby
    Release dateMar 24, 2016
    ISBN9781483566610
    Sexual Assault Watchdog: Survivor's Guide

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      Book preview

      Sexual Assault Watchdog - Heidi Carlisle

      REFERENCES

      INTRODUCTION

      I am writing this book for all the women, men, and children who have faced the trauma of sexual assault. I believe you, and I truly care about you.

      I believe that it is so important for all victims of sexual assault to have as much information as possible. Being informed helps you make educated decisions about how to help prevent an assault; possible methods to use while being attacked; navigating the criminal justice system; law enforcement’s approach to sexual violence; how society reacts; agencies and programs that are in place to help you with free services and safety; free guidance to help you find mental health specialists; how to recover; and tips to survive sexual assault, society, and the process.

      I have been assaulted on two separate occasions, and kidnapped and almost sexually assaulted on another. Navigating the criminal justice system, law enforcement, mental health professionals, and society was a difficult and heart wrenching experience that I hope you never have to go through. I will help guide you, so that you, hopefully, will not have to experience what I did. There is hope and a wonderful, happy life ahead of you!!

      My intentions are to give you an honest, upfront account of my experiences, and the benefits and pitfalls that I experienced through reporting, and not reporting, sexual assault. I will teach you about what to expect when you tell people you have been assaulted. And I will give you good information on how to navigate the system, and ideas about where to go to seek help from people who are knowledgeable and caring, so that you can recover the quickest and the best way you can.

      Most victims do not report sexual violence to medical professionals, law enforcement, and friends and family. The first time I was confronted with sexual assault, I did not report it to professionals or talk to family or friends about it. The second time, I was trying to report it to medical professionals for my personal care. The third time, I reported it to law enforcement directly. Through my personal experiences of being attacked three times, I have an abundance of first-hand knowledge and understand why some victims report, and why most do not.

      The unfortunate truth is that the majority of people in society, law enforcement, and the medical field are poorly trained, have misguided preconceptions about you, and do not understand what you think and feel as a victim of sexual assault. Law enforcement had point blank told me that my actions were stupid, and I was even laughed at by the investigator when I explained that I had been sodomized by the rapist I was reporting. I was also accused of crimes I didn’t commit. On another occasion, I was wrongfully incarcerated at the direction of a hospital and under the thumb of law enforcement. Also, society and the criminal justice system have shunned me for sticking up for my rights. That all was done when I was simply trying to receive help, or in the process of helping society by reporting violent criminals to law enforcement and medical professionals. There is a way to avoid that from happening to you.

      Many have suffered the effects of the system and a culture of indifference that is so endemic in society and law enforcement. This creates an atmosphere allowing rapists to thrive and sexual assault victims to suffer. That culture is known as the rape culture. And it is very much alive across the world. The harm it causes is called secondary victimization and is sometimes referred to as the second rape. It causes secondary trauma, which is very real and painful for victims to experience. Let’s avoid experiencing that harm by standing together.

      Every time I hear of someone experiencing secondary victimization, I cringe at society and the system for its cruelty and ignorance. The secondary trauma inflicted on victims for seeking help and reporting, is just too much for some victims. But I am here to help you, so you can overcome that experience through learning positive ways to cope. There are, indeed, kind, compassionate people available to help you. You just need to know where to find them.

      Being raped is certainly bad enough, and compounded by the secondary trauma inflicted on you by the good guys. My motivating drive is to help you, and not let the system and society crush you. I wish I had had a book like this prior to reporting sexual assault and prior to talking to anyone about any of the problems I had experienced as a result of being sexually assaulted and victimized by people who have the rape culture mentality. You will have the benefit of learning through my experiences and all the research I have done regarding these topics.

      Whether you choose to report sexual assault or not is a very personal decision that only you can make. Whichever choice you make is, in the end, up to you. There are amazing things that you can do to make your life healthier and happier.

      I hope to empower you. Being informed is strength. It is one step toward regaining control of your life. You do not need to be mentally paralyzed by being attacked and suffering society’s ill reaction towards you. You can take better control of your life, and free yourself from the grips of society’s ignorance, your fear, stress, sadness, and intrusive thoughts, with knowledge and better understanding. Your recovery will lead to a wonderful new lifestyle that will provide you with a more fulfilling life than you ever imagined you could achieve.

      CHAPTER 1

      How Society Reacts: The Rape Culture

      The rape culture is the most common term used to describe the cruel attitude that society projects on sexual assault victims, which keeps rapists from being convicted; victims from coming forward to report; victims from seeking mental health care services; hinders a victim’s ability to recover from the trauma of being sexually assaulted; and even drives some victims to suicide.

      From all walks of life, society is riddled with the rape culture mindset. It does not matter what someone’s job is or how rich or poor they are, society simply allows the rape culture attitude to infiltrate and mentally abuse victims everywhere. Police, doctors, nonspecializing counselors, teachers, relatives, the court system, and lawyers, all do this. It is flat out abusive and shockingly rampant.

      So, what exactly is the rape culture? It is a sickness and form of denial that festers and grows in society’s attitude towards victims. It is a mindset that permits society to regard sexual assault as normal by minimizing the invasiveness of sexual assault, and eliminates the responsibility on the part of the rapist. Each and every single rape is a violent and control driven act! The rape culture mindset is an overall attitude that blames victims for being assaulted, which is known as victim blaming. Women, men, and children are also viewed as objects, rather than people who deserve dignity and respect as human beings. Society tends to a sexist and discriminatory outlook towards women all around the world when it comes to sexual assault.

      Sexual assault is a form of psychological warfare that allows attackers to roam free from prosecution, and women, men, and children to suffer at the hands of a society refusing to believe that sexual assault is a massive problem. The United States is saturated with rapists who assault its citizens. Statistics show that 98% of rapists will never spend one day in jail.¹ A staggering high number. Taking into consideration that 1 in 6 American women are victims of attempted rape or completed rape in their lifetime,² that means that 17.7 million women in America have been victims of attempted rape or completed rape during their life.² Repeat - 17.7 million - women are victims during their lifetime in America. Of all the men in the United States, 2.78 million men are victims of attempted rape or completed rape.² That is 1 in 33 men.² Repeat - 2.78 million - men in America. Yet, society prefers to remain in denial regarding the prevalence of sexual assault.

      Sexual assault is one of the most underreported crimes, with 68% still being left unreported.³ Of all the men and women in America right now, 20.48 million have been a victim of attempted sexual assault or completed sexual assault during their lifetime. That is about equal to the entire population of the State of New York. With the majority of victims not reporting, that means that 13.92 million current victims in America never reported, equivalent to the entire population of the States of Mississippi, Alabama, Louisiana, and Rhode Island, combined!

      So society’s rape culture attitude blames victims. Victim blaming takes on many forms, such as: Well, what did she expect when she wore that miniskirt out to the nightclub? She was asking for it. She was flirting and teasing… doesn’t that mean she really wanted to ‘go all the way.’ She was drunk and shouldn’t have been drinking. It is her fault, she asked for it. She sleeps with any Tom, John, and Paul, so, even though she said, No, to Doug, what else was he supposed to think?

      The rape culture in society views victims as objects. They are not true human beings in the eyes of society. Women are too good looking to resist, sex objects, and there for an attacker to conquer. Why would a woman mind someone wanting to have sex with her? Some women’s sex drive isn’t as significant or as biologically strong as a man’s, but men have ‘needs.’ He couldn’t help but have sex with her (against her will) because she was very good looking and he just had to have her. Those are all examples of viewing a victim as an object. And the invasiveness of sexual assault is minimized as a result of viewing a victim as an insignificant object, rather than a meaningful human being.

      Rape is a terrible act, regardless of a woman’s appearance, level of intoxication, whom she has slept with in the

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