INDIAN ODYSSEY

Table of Contents

Dedication

Prologue

First Loves

Brandon

SUNIL

SAWAI MADHOPUR

UDAIPUR – CITY OF LAKES

UDAIPUR–RANAKPUR

KANYA KUMARI

BELGAUM, GOA, MUMBAI

A TALK WITH SONS

ANOTHER TALK

A PHONE CALL

FAXES

DIRECTIONS AND A DECISION

PAINTING AND TOUCHING

AN END AND A BEGINNING

ANOTHER WOMAN

HELGA

RUSSELL’S WEDDING

PACKING AND DEAR FRIENDS

ANXIETIES

FAREWELLS

DELHI

RAJASTHAN TOUR

KANKARWA HAVELI

BIRTHDAYS AND VISITOR

A REVELATION AND A FESTIVAL

A NEW LIFE OPENS UP

A VISIT TO DELHI

CHRISTMAS AT THE HAVELI

VISITS WITH OLD FRIENDS

TWO HOMECOMINGS

A HOUSE ON SAHELI MARG

A WEDDING, A DEATH, AN ACCIDENT

A TRIP HOME TO THE U.S.

GUJARAT

A NEW CENTURY BEGINS

A BIRTH AND A DEATH

A NEW HOUSE

DEATH OF A DEAR FRIEND AND NINE/ELEVEN

I’M HOME! I’M HOME! I’M HOME!

Copyright © 2017 by Char Rutman

Mill City Press, Inc.

2301 Lucien Way #415

Maitland, FL 32751

407.339.4217

www.millcitypublishing.com

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the author.

ISBN-13: 9781629529318

LCCN: 2016915272

Printed in the United States of America

Dedication

I dedicate this book to my grandchildren:

Ashley

Justin

Kaitlin

Brianna

Lauren

Michael

Phoebe

To you, my darlings, whom I love. This was written in India when you were very young, You hardly knew me because I lived so far away and came back to visit only briefly. Never think for a moment that you were ever far from my heart and soul. You are my legacy. I am so proud of all of you. I hope this book will help you to know and understand your paternal grandmother and see her in a kindly light. I too lived, dreamed, hoped, and loved. May God bless you and give you beautiful lives, full of love and peace.

Prologue

She sat still, gazing out of the porthole of the plane flying at 37,000 feet. She saw nothing really of the sky brightening in the east with the first rays of the sun, nor the light cloud covering of the earth below. A flight attendant asked if she wanted breakfast. Turning, she smiled and shook h er head.

Her journey had begun. Or had it begun last winter when another plane had taken her to the land she loved and yearned for, the land which gave her joy and peace? It was autumn now, and she was on her way once again to that same land to make it her home. Where was she going to live in that country, that foreign, exotic landmass called India? She didn’t know. What was she going to do there? People had asked her. She had no answers.

Two large overweight pieces of luggage in the underbelly of the 747, a heavy carry-on bag in the bin over her head, and herself. What was left of herself, that is, after months of divesting a familiar, comfortable way of life that no longer had meaning. It necessitated leaving behind a family of sons, daughters-in-laws and grandchildren. Also the few close, really close friends who knew her, loved her, cared about her and what happened to her. These were the treasures she held in her heart and could take with her wherever she went. They were not weights; only precious, jewel-like feathers sparkling in her otherwise bruised and damaged soul.

A darkness held her in its grip, a deep physical exhaustion, a mental shut-down, an emotional chaos. Her mind could not perceive beyond the moment. She moved, spoke, reacted normally to outside stimuli, but her inner self had no life, no feeling, no pulse. There was no pain, no joy, no anticipation, just a sea of emptiness.

There was a history, of course, that had brought her to this point in time, but she wasn’t thinking now, nor remembering. Her mind was a blank and her actions automatic. She had traveled enough to know what was expected of a passenger changing planes in an international hub, so she went through the motions of following signs and arrows, eventually going through another security screen and finding her flight number on a monitor showing the gate and time of departure.

Perhaps it was for her own good that she was asked to change seats so that another passenger could sit with his friend. She was forced to deal with a man in the adjoining seat, alternately drinking heavily and snoring loudly. In his wakeful moments, he began to get overly friendly. She had to pull away from him often as he proceeded to stroke her bare arm and several times took her arm to hold her hand in his.. She was annoyed to a certain extent, but never feeling threatened, she did not complain to the flight attendants. He was a silly, obnoxious individual who insisted on calling her ‘Darling’. Having to be constantly on her guard against this man’s advances, kept her mind alert for nine hours, which helped her upon landing to function normally while going through immigration.

It was very hot and she began to perspire long before her luggage came along the moving trolley. Foolishly she decided against using a luggage cart and with the strap of her shoulder bag sliding down one arm, she pulled three pieces of luggage, one piggy-backed on another and constantly falling off, out of the terminal. No one came to help her. She was met by a sea of faces, hands and arms waving placards with names of people and various tours. She dragged her suitcases out as far as a curb, beyond the semi-circle of dark faces and dark hair. Dropping her belongings, she stood silently, patiently, watching, waiting, waiting, waiting…..

CHAPTER ONE

First Loves

After five long years of yearning, praying and hoping, she finally made it to the altar. Well, not to an altar, to a Justice of the Peace. Bran would never marry her before a priest, he had told her. Never would he agree to have his children raised as C atholic.

Catherine had fallen in love with this man in 1954. She was an RN at her home hospital working in the Operating Room as a scrub and circulating nurse. Bran was an MD in anesthesia training. Ancker Hospital was one of four hospitals on his rotation. At the outset he seemed arrogant and distant. She disliked him and felt insulted the way he looked condescendingly at the nurses. ‘Who does he think he is?’ she thought.

Eventually, as each took their respective turns on the surgical and anesthesia calls, they began to see more of each other, especially if they had an entire weekend where they had to work together. Conversation sprung up naturally and she soon discovered this man had more to him than an MD. She had found most doctors boring people, who knew nothing but medicine, which dominated their conversation.

This man, Brandon Forrest, talked about music, classical music. They discussed opera, and she corrected him a couple of times because she knew more of opera than he did. He laughed at her, not believing her, but the following day he would apologize. Obviously, he had researched and found that she was correct after all.

Catherine was finding this man exciting. That he was extremely intelligent was very obvious. He talked about the books he had read; deep philosophical treatises. He also spoke of wanting to travel and see the world; that in itself a great mind expanding experience. Little by little she started to fall in love. She was 22 and the time was ripe. No one to that date had ever interested her or excited her. She had had only a couple boy friends in the past few years, none she would ever consider seriously, and didn’t even enjoy going out with them. But it was what was expected of her.

How else are you going to find a man to marry? her exasperated mother would ask.

Her parents were gregarious, her mother more so than her father. They had so many friends and were always planning parties or evenings out with them at least once a week. Her mother and father loved each other; she could always see that. Each came first with the other. Then Grandma Tanner, who came next in their concern because she lived with them, and at first, demanded absolute respect and obedience. Then in her later years, became totally dependent on them. The house was next in priority for Catherine’s mother. She had her duties specifically outlined for each day and kept to them no matter what else occurred. That was the fashion of the day. It seemed to Catherine and her sister, Cindy, that the two of them came in fourth on their mother’s list, although in all honesty, their mother would never have believed that or recognized that is how her daughters felt growing up.

Get your nose out of that book, her mother would say to Catherine. Get outside and play. Do something!

Catherine loved to read and never seemed to be allowed enough time for it. She was also an incurable romantic, and made up love stories, acting them out in the quiet of the night, carrying on imaginary conversations with the beloved. She would also act out, in her imagination, the heroine of the story she was reading at the time, always adding her own dialogue and becoming that person. Hugging her pillow as her lover, she would fall asleep.

As a child and into young adulthood, Catherine was timid and extremely shy, so it was in this imaginary world where she lived that she felt like a real person, an interesting person, and a person someone wanted to know and eventually love passionately and forever.

At the age of eight, she became entranced by the sound of music. Her Aunt Agnes played piano and organ. Catherine wanted a piano, and her Grandmother Tanner bought one for her. She studied with her aunt for one year never realizing that she couldn’t read notes. She had a great memory that fooled everyone. It wasn’t until she studied at the Conservatory with the Sisters of St. Joseph that she began reading music. At this time she was forced into periodic recitals. She hated them. She was afraid of being in the spotlight, and always felt extremely nervous and upset, and consequently never did well at them. Her aunt decided she needed better training and suggested, after three years at the Conservatory, that she study with Professor Hinderer.

By this time, Catherine was almost ready for high school. She had discovered she had a voice, a beautiful clear soprano voice. She wanted to sing. She wanted to stop the piano and pursue voice training.

No, said her mother. You have talent as a pianist. You will continue to study the piano.

But, Mom, listen to my voice. I love singing.

Singers are a dime a dozen. Just keep up your piano.

Catherine practiced an hour and a half every day, but never progressed. She knew what her mother did not, that her talent was in her voice. The more she sang, accompanying herself to some degree, the more glorious the voice became. Catherine would sit on the back steps at night and sing, listening to the beautiful sounds returning to her. It gave her joy.

Angela, Catherine’s cousin and elder by eight years, was singing, studying voice, and beginning to have major roles on the stage in St. Paul’s Civic Opera Company. Mother would take Catherine to the performances at the Auditorium, and all Catherine thought was, I could do that. I have a better voice than Angie. But Mother was adamant.

Angie is the singer. You’re the pianist, her mother would say.

Angie even was able to go to Juilliard one summer. She came back feeling that she didn’t have the talent to be a professional. Mother’s resolve not to give Catherine voice lessons was strengthened. See, singers are a dime a dozen.

After seven years of piano study, Catherine was finally allowed to quit. She hated the piano by that time, practiced very little, and her mother must have realized it was a waste of money giving her more lessons. But she was not allowed to study voice. That was an absolute, No. Catherine felt crushed when her mother advised the mother of Catherine’s friend, Pat Hoolihan, to send her daughter to a well-known singer/coach in St. Paul. Pat had a good, strong, clear soprano voice, but Catherine knew her own to be as good, if not better than Pat’s, although at the time, Catherine’s voice was in the mezzo range, rather than soprano.

Pat used to say, Cathy, I’ll sing. You accompany me. Pat never knew how much that hurt Catherine, because Catherine wanted to sing, needed to sing, and was bursting with a gift as yet unrecognized by anyone but herself.

Perhaps because her parents were products of the depression years, they continually pressured Catherine to take courses in high school that would prepare her for the world. Her father didn’t believe in college for girls, so what was she to do? It also became increasingly evident to her parents that Catherine would be a spinster, an ‘old maid’. She was not vivacious. She was not interested in dating. Why aren’t you more like your sister? her mother would ask. Why can’t you just go out and have a good time? You don’t have to marry him. Just go out, she would say in exasperation.

Catherine didn’t care to spend an evening with someone she felt no attraction for and end up having to ‘neck’ with him. Cindy, on the other hand, was six years her junior and dated anyone with pants. Her hormones were raging and she became pregnant at the age of 18 and had to get married.

What was open to Catherine career-wise? Her parents wanted to send her to business school to learn typing, shorthand and bookkeeping. Catherine cringed at the thought. It was good enough for your mother. It is good enough for you, her father would tell her. You have to have something to sustain yourself through life. How else are you going to live? And before Cindy got pregnant, We don’t worry about your sister. She’ll get married and have a man to take care of her. We worry about you. You will have no one. You have got to make a living for yourself.

Catherine was only a teenager when those words were spoken to her. Already her parents had given up on her and thought she had no potential for a full life. What options were open to her? Teaching? Not only wouldn’t her father send her to college, she was so shy and scared of people, she knew that was not the career for her. What she really wanted to do was study English Literature and write, and of course, study voice. Her parents said, No to that again because they thought she would not find a job to support herself with that kind of background.

Her parents did not see the value of a college education. Her mother had been taken out of high school by her mother after only six weeks, and sent to business school so that she could begin earning money and bring it home. Catherine’s father had finished high school and had taken an evening course in accounting at the age of 30. So both parents felt a high school education was a great accomplishment and certainly sufficient for any girl.

Nursing was the last option open to Catherine. She hated science. She loved the arts. But nursing was all that was open to her, and she had enough self-knowledge to realize that perhaps while she was helping people, sick people, she would learn confidence in her training and come out of the shell of timidity that had built up around her all those years.

Nursing? her father cried incredulously. No, absolutely not. You’ll be washing floors and bedpans for the rest of your life. Obviously her father was not knowledgeable regarding the modern duties of a nurse. He finally allowed her to work vacations as a nurses’ aide during two years of high school, but insisted that she spend the summer after graduation in a business office. She did as she was told, but having no business skills, could only do the boring work of filing

Catherine entered the three year nursing program at Ancker Hospital in the fall of 1949. The Sisters of St. Joseph’s Academy, where she had gone to high school, were incensed that she did not enroll at their hospital. But Catherine had had twelve years of schooling under those nuns, and felt it was enough. She was of German descent and those of Irish descent were always favored before her. She was sensitive and extremely hurt by many incidents particularly in high school, where she was passed over, especially in Glee Club, in favor of someone with less talent, but was of Irish descent.

When Catherine started looking for a school of nursing, she found one in St. Cloud, not far from the Twin Cities, run by the Benedictine Sisters. She had her transcript sent there, but was refused entry. That was a shock because although her grades were not excellent, she was a good average student and should not have had difficulty being accepted. Her parents drove her to St. Cloud to have an interview with the sister in charge of admissions.

We do not want your daughter in our school, Sister said, very sternly.

But why? asked Catherine’s mother.

She is not cut out to be a nurse. She would have a nervous breakdown within six months.

A nervous breakdown? But that’s just not so. She has been a nurses’ aide for two summers and loves the work. She is an average student.

You would be wasting your money. Sister replied.

We are willing to take that chance.

Mrs. Tanner, we do not want your daughter in our school.

Angela was dating a doctor who advised her, Catherine, apply at Ancker. It is a city-county hospital, and you will never get better training anywhere. It was good advice. Catherine applied, but when she asked for another transcript of her grades to be sent to Ancker, the nuns were indignant.

Secretaries get paid for this service. We already sent a transcript to another school of nursing. How many times are we supposed to do this?

Mother sent a note with one dollar. Please send Catherine’s transcript to Ancker Hospital School of Nursing. Enclosed is one dollar for secretarial fee.

Catherine was accepted with no questions. When she had her interview with the Director of Nursing, she asked, Was there any problem with my grades?

No, not at all, Miss Tanner. You are an average student and should do well here. We do not accept D’s as passing marks, but I see no problem for you.

Thank you.

Catherine now knew she had been black-listed by the Josephites to the Benedictines. She felt bitter at the injustice, but determined she would do well at Ancker and become the best nurse she could be. Catherine was unaware at this time that she had been blessed. It was the very best place for training. The experience she attained there stood her in good stead wherever she went in the future. She cared for knife wounds, gunshot wounds, mutilating accident cases, victims of beatings, as well as the normal medical, surgical, obstetrical and gynecological, geriatrics, pediatrics, and communicable diseases. She cared for wards of twenty to forty men or women in one morning. There was also a psychiatric department with barred and locked rooms for the seriously ill cases. Ancker Hospital was a TB sanitarium as well. Lung resections were performed several times a week. This became Catherine’s specialty. She loved the operating room and enjoyed, most of all, chest and abdominal surgery.

Catherine came out of her shell of intense shyness, but in the end, after three years of training, she wound up in the operating room where all her patients were asleep. She found she was more comfortable working in close relationship with only a few nurses. Her dealings with temperamental surgeons became challenging at times, but because she knew her field and was confident of her expertise, she didn’t take verbal abuse from any of them.

What a delightful change then when she met and became friends with Dr. Brandon Forrest. But from the very beginning she noticed how he hated Catholics. He would look out of one of the operating theater windows at the beautiful Cathedral of St. Paul on the highest point of the city and remark, Someone should bomb that place. And she, as a Catholic, felt very sad. Why the hatred? Then he professed to be an agnostic, who believed in no organized religion. She learned much later that he was Jewish, and although he did not follow the tenets of his faith, he keenly felt his Jewish heritage and had a great animosity toward Christians after the holocaust of World War II in Germany and occupied countries.

No one took a stand for the Jews and especially the Pope, Pius XII, did nothing, and said nothing, to condemn the evil that spread throughout Europe, destroying six million Jews in the death camps. So his was a valid disdain, even hatred, for all things that stood for Christian honor and integrity.

Despite the way he spoke against her faith, Catherine was drawn to him and started to fall in love with him. However, he never said or did anything to encourage her. He actually asked another surgical nurse to go on a date with him, but she was seriously dating someone else and turned him down. Catherine and Bran had talked about Figaro, the opera character in THE MARRIAGE OF FIGARO and THE BARBER OF SEVILLE, and when the Metropolitan Opera Company came to Minneapolis on tour and offered the former, Catherie bought tickets for it and sent him one anonymously.

She was so excited to be having a sort of date with him, enjoying an opera they had shared views about, and now to be seeing and hearing it together. Catherine dressed carefully, hoping to look especially nice because he had never seen her in anything but surgical scrubs, caps and masks. She waited until it was nearly curtain time, then found her way to her seat, only to find another man sitting in the seat that was to have been Bran’s. He had given the ticket to a friend of his. Catherine did her best to enjoy the opera, but the evening was ruined and she was heartbroken.

The following day at the hospital, she saw him working, but said nothing regarding the opera ticket. He finally brought up the subject himself.

You know, he said, Someone sent me an opera ticket for last night.

Really? she replied. And why didn’t you go?

How did you know I didn’t go?

She just looked at him and shook her head.

You know that young man that sat next to you?

What about him?

He said you didn’t talk to him.

Why should I? I didn’t know him.

Well, I’m sorry. I didn’t know what to do. I figured you had sent it, but I owed this fellow a favor and I thought he’d enjoy going.

Fine. I hope he did. I paid a lot of money for that ticket. It was a very good seat.

This incident alone should have been a warning sign to her, but she was very inexperienced in the mating game. What pulled her heart strings the most was the way he put children to sleep. He had a very good rapport with them and while he had them entranced by his stories, they drifted off to sleep without any fright or panic. That was probably the one thing that convinced her that this was a man to have children with.

But he finished his tour of duty at Ancker without ever asking her out. She left with another OR nurse to work and live in San Francisco. While there, she received her first communication from him. He was in the army and stationed at Fort Sam Houston, about to be shipped overseas. He was lonely, and decided to correspond. She finally received mail from Munich, where he was stationed for two years. At first he was excited to be traveling to Europe and looked forward eagerly to viewing a part of the world he had only read about. Soon came his disillusionment and in the two years he was there, only five letters arrived.

In the meantime, Catherine found work at Mt. Zion, a private Jewish hospital in San Francisco. She and her friend, Shanna, had a lovely third floor apartment on the top of Russian Hill. They earned very little, as the pay scale for nurses was very low at that time. But Catherine managed to rent a piano and began voice lessons with Hans Froehlic, a Viennese voice coach. He gave her two lessons a week, and called her whenever he had a cancellation so she could have another lesson for free. This gave her great joy. She was at last studying voice and enjoying it. However, Mr. Froehlich was a coach primarily, and he didn’t give her the basics that she needed, but she was unaware of it at the time. Just to be singing, learning repertoire, and singing in other languages besides English was a great experience.

After a couple of months, a classmate of Shanna’s who was already living in San Francisco, moved into their apartment. And Catherine’s friend, Ellie, from St. Paul, came to San Francisco. Shanna and her classmate became roommates, and Catherine and Ellie found another apartment in North Beach which was cheaper than the one on Russian Hill, and it was on the ground floor and very close to a bus line. They could see Alcatraz from their living room window.

Through Shanna’s friend, Catherine had met a very nice young man by the name of Ed. He was a merchant marine sailor and was out of port most of the time. However, when he was in San Francisco, he would take Catherine to all the best restaurants, and introduced her to many seafood delicacies. On her meager salary, paying for rent and voice lessons, there was never money left over for dining out. This was a great treat for her and she enjoyed his company. After dinner they would take taxis to bars, and sometimes stay for the floor show if there was one. He treated Catherine with the greatest respect, and seemed eager only for her company. Never once did he so much as hold her hand or show affection until one night he kissed her. It was so unexpected; he apologized profusely and it never happened again. This man was not a homosexual. Catherine was aware that he frequented houses of prostitution. He told her he didn’t believe in permanent relationships because of the type of work he did, at sea most of the time. So he was careful not to involve Catherine’s heart and she respected him as he did her. It was a comfortable arrangement, and it broadened Catherine’s life in San Francisco.

After only nine months in California, Catherine was persuaded by Ellie to return to Minnesota and enroll at the University. Catherine realized the wisdom of this, but she loved San Francisco and shed tears upon leaving. She promised herself to come back one day, but she never returned as a resident. Of course this interrupted her voice study with Hans Froehlich, but they were to continue their friendship for many years until his death in Vienna in 1991.

At the University, Catherine enrolled as a freshman, an English Literature major and Voice minor. She went back to work full time night duty at Ancker Hospital and lived at home with her parents. It was a grueling schedule. After work she had to change buses in downtown St. Paul and ride for one and one half hours before getting to the University. Often she fell asleep and awoke far past her stop and would have to walk back. She was required to carry a full load of 15 credits, so her study load plus 8 hours of work at the hospital gave her little time for study and sleep.

Then her parents learned she was an English major instead of Nursing.

What do you think you are doing? her father yelled. We thought you were getting a degree in nursing.

No, I want to study English and music. I am tired of nursing. I don’t like the work anymore.

That is stupid. Get your nursing degree.

No, I don’t want any more science. I hate science.

Then quit school and get back to work.

I am working.

Well, we aren’t going to help you anymore. You will pay board and room here.

Catherine did not quit school. She gave up her position at Ancker and took a very low paying one at the University Blood Bank. She moved out of her parent’s home and found a one room efficiency apartment with a fellow music student, Laurie Peters.

About this time Catherine fell in love again. Eddie was a violinist and a music student. Catherine hadn’t heard from Brandon in almost a year. And here was this young, talented boy, four years her junior and very immature. But she became extremely attracted to him, and he to her apparently. A relationship developed, but it did not last. He liked the opposite sex and there seemed to be no end of them in his life.

Her parents played a role in this also. As much as they wanted her to date and find a man to marry, they despised Eddie because he was a musician. They were rude to him when Catherine brought him home, barely speaking to him and wearing faces of extreme disapproval.

What are you doing wasting your time with him? her father asked her. He’s a lousy musician, a hop-head. He’ll never amount to anything. And he’s too young for you.

Her mother came to her room one evening, and got into bed with her

Are you sleeping with him, Catherine? she asked.

Of course not, Mother.

I’m glad to hear it because once you have sex, you can’t live without it. You’ll become a street walker.

Catherine was 24 years old then and her mother had no right to ask her such a personal question, let alone tell her such an absolute fabrication. Could her mother actually have believed that? The implication was, of course, that Catherine would never marry and be fulfilled in that way.

But of course Catherine was having sex with Eddie, not very good sex because first of all, it was her first experience and her hymen was so tight, he was afraid of hurting her. After many frustrating sessions together, he slid his finger into her vagina and gently broke and spread the hymen. She bled and it hurt, but she was grateful to him for his consideration and gentleness. She was on fire for him always, but could never reach an orgasm. She had many feelings of guilt and fear of pregnancy as well because no protection was ever used. Finally, he labeled her ‘Frigid’ and moved on to someone else. Her heart was broken because she really loved this boy.

Just for the record, Eddie was no ‘hop-head’. He was a fine musician, a wonderful violinist and became a concert master of the Metropolitan Opera Company Orchestra in New York.

This period at the University was difficult for Catherine. She had little money and the expenses of voice lessons were high. She tried for a scholarship, and her audition was excellent. Her father told her he’d show her how to fill out the application. She trusted him and although she had some reservation, he assured her this was how she should answer the questions. She was denied the scholarship due to ‘lack of financial need.’ She was flabbergasted. She lived in one room with a roommate. She had no money. She ate no breakfast or lunch. Cookies and fruit juice at the blood bank sustained her until she was off duty and stopped for one hamburger on the way home in the evening. Catherine lost so much weight that her ribs were visible through her skin. When she sang, her whole body shook. Her voice teacher became alarmed. He said, Catherine, your voice is bigger than your frame. You have to do something.

What a fantastic teacher she had found in Mr. Roy Schuessler. He was head of the music department and normally took only voice majors as his students. Catherine did not have him the first two quarters of school. She had a woman teacher who sang with her and Catherine felt she was learning nothing from her. At her final exam, singing in front of all the voice teachers in the department, she forgot her words, and was sure she had failed the exam. Instead she was given an A. Frustrated, Catherine went to see Mr. Schuessler.

Mr. Schuessler, I don’t understand why I was given an A. I don’t deserve it. I don’t feel I learned anything this quarter from my teacher. She sings with me all the time, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to be learning. And I flubbed my exam.

Well, he said, You stumbled over words, but you have a beautiful voice. Do you want to study with me?

Yes, yes, I really want to, but I’m only a voice minor.

That’s all right. I will take you.

For Catherine this began the most rewarding time of her life. She studied with Roy Schuessler that spring quarter. He was as pleased as she was with her progress and at the end of the quarter, he asked her to continue with the lessons over the summer. She was delighted.

Catherine, he said, You have a fine natural voice, but I think that over the years, you have acquired some habits that are inhibiting you from your full potential. I would like to try something with your voice over the summer. Will you trust me?

Of course. What are you going to do?

All summer I want you to sing as you would as a little girl, very breathy, and soft. It won’t sound good to you, but the results will be astounding.

During that entire summer she sang as he instructed her, and learned breath control she never knew existed. One day he told her to open and sing naturally the vocal exercises he recommended. She was amazed. Her whole top had opened up to this pure high soprano she had never heard before. He was as delighted as she.

There, he said, That’s it. That’s it. That is what was missing. I knew it was there, but you covered it up so well with the natural ability you had. But just listen to what you have now. You have the rich tones of a mezzo, but also the brilliance of a lyric soprano. Your range is great. I want you to audition for the Met this fall.

For the Met? Really? Do you think that I am that good?

Yes, Catherine. You have the voice. Now we will work on what you will sing for the audition.

Finally, she had to quit her other studies at the University. Her health was suffering from lack of food and lack of sleep. She could go on no longer without serious effects, and Mr. Schuessler agreed to take her as a private student.

Her parents were delighted that she quit. It’s good that you came to your senses. Now you can go back to work at Ancker and make money again. And it’s all right if you want to do this singing as a side line.

Catherine moved back home and again went to work in the operating room.

When the auditions came up, Mr. Schuessler told her, Don’t emote on the stage. Your voice will do it all. I’m one of the judges, but I’ll not be able to judge you.

This was a regional audition including five states and Canada. It was held at Northrup Auditorium, which was a big barn of a place with poor acoustics. Catherine sang an aria from CAVALLERIA RUSTICANA and felt that it went very well. Afterwards, back stage, a woman judge approached her.

Miss, she said, I am not supposed to be talking to you or any of the contestants, but I must tell you that I was very impressed with your voice. However, you need to show some expression if you are selected to go to finals.

Before the end of the day, Charlotte was informed that she was a finalist and was to sing for Kurt Adler of the Met. She did not contact Mr. Schuessler for she assumed he was aware of the outcome. Also, she didn’t think to inform him of what the woman had advised her regarding her lack of expression. He had told her to let her voice do it all, and that is what she planned to do.

The following day she repeated the aria she had sung from CAVALLERIA RUSTICANA and Kurt Adler asked her to sing another. She chose ‘Dove Sono’ from Mozart’s, THE MARRIAGE OF FIGARO. Catherine was one of eleven finalists out of almost two hundred singers. She did not place first, second, nor third. The coloratura who won first place approached Catherine afterwards.

You were the one I was afraid of, she said. You have a gorgeous voice. And she went on to win the national competition as well.

Catherine’s critique from Kurt Adler was that her voice was small and that she had no stage presence. Roy Schuessler was angry. What does he mean by small voice? You have a big voice, but in that barn it got lost. He is used to hearing Wagnerian singers. And I’m sorry, Catherine. It was my fault telling you not to worry about stage presence. I wish you had called after that judge talked to you back stage. I could have worked with you before you sang for Adler.

It’s all right, Mr. Schuessler. I was thrilled to have had the experience. I am happy that I went as far as I did.

Catherine, your age is against you. You should have started studying earlier. What I would suggest is that you go to New York and sing wherever you can. There are countless opportunities there and you need to get experience. You have the voice. Go, do something with it.

She thought about this exciting possibility. She would be able to find a position as a nurse in New Your City, but it would be scary going alone and always looking for places to sing. Did she have the personality for this? She was still shy to a great extent. Would she have what it took to be assertive in the ‘Big Apple’?

When she talked to her mother about it, her mother laughed at her.

You in New York? That’s ridiculous. You remember what Angie said after being at Juilliard. Singers are a dime a dozen.

But, Mother, Mr. Schuessler told me to do this.

I don’t believe it.

You think I’m lying? she asked incredulously. Then call him and ask him yourself.

The following day her mother told her she had spoken to Schuessler.

He never said that he thought you should go to New York. He said you had a nice voice and there were no guarantees. Just forget all this nonsense and concentrate on your nursing. You have to make a living.

The auditions had ended her voice study with Roy Schuessler, and she acquiesced to her parents’ wishes. She believed they had her best interests at heart, and perhaps they were afraid for her, knowing her lack of assertiveness. She sang for herself and for many of her friends’ weddings.

CHAPTER TWO

Brandon

Catherine decided one day to find out what had become of Brandon Forrest. He had to be out of the Army now and living in Duluth. She made plans to take a bus there, check into a hotel and call him. When she asked her father to take her to the bus station, he said, Absolutely not. I’ll not be a party to your making a fool of yourself. You haven’t heard from him in a year. He doesn’t wa nt you.

Determined to follow her own instincts, she took a taxi to the bus station, and went to Duluth. Over and over she read the letters he had sent her, all five of them, to give her the courage to follow through with this plan of hers.

At the hotel she called the operating room at St. Luke’s Hospital to get his phone number. She was put on hold and they never came back. No matter what she did, she could not break the connection. Finally she hung up and waited. Then she remembered his mother’s name was Levine, and found it in the phone book. She chose one of them and dialed. She was nervous and shaking by this time. But wonder of wonders, he answered the phone.

How are you, Brandon?

Who is this?

Catherine.

Catherine? Catherine, who?

She nearly hung up. She was mortified.

You don’t remember me, Brandon?

Catherine Tanner?

Yes.

Long time, no see. What are you doing here?

Oh, it has to do with a New Year’s resolution. I had to come to Duluth, so I thought I’d call and see if you had returned from the army.

Well, can I see you? Are you free for dinner tonight?

Yes.

Where are you?

At the Hotel Duluth.

I’ll pick you up at 6:00 then. OK?

OK. I’ll be ready.

He picked her up and they went to dinner. Afterwards they saw a movie. He brought her back to the hotel, but dropped her at the entrance. He did not kiss her. The following morning she found her way on foot to a Catholic church as it was a Sunday. When she returned, the phone was ringing.

Hello?

Where have you been? I’ve been calling you for over an hour.

I went to church.

Oh! (Pause) Do you feel better now?

I feel fine.

Are you busy this afternoon?

No.

Can I pick you up around 2:00?

That would be nice. See you then.

He drove her all over Duluth, showing her the sights of the lovely port city. Duluth was built on hills at the western tip of Lake Superior. It was a city of hills, not unlike San Francisco, but a small town, a homey sort of town. Many fine mansions graced Duluth because at one time there were more millionaires per capita than anywhere else in the United States. Forestry, mining and railroads were the big industries at one time due to the lush virgin forests of the north woods and the rich iron ore from the open pit mines of the Mesabi and Cayuna ranges. Catherine was delighted with the spectacular views of the harbor along the skyline drive above the city. At the opening of the canal into the Duluth harbor was a lift bridge, the only one of its kind in the United States. Cars and buses traveled over it to reach Minnesota Point, known as ‘Park Point’. It was a narrow spit of land forming a natural barrier between the lake and the bay. Park Point was all sand, but many houses were built there, most on slabs with no basements, and the property was expensive. The US Coast Guard was stationed on the bay side and there were numerous marinas filled with sailboats and motor boats. The season was short for boating, but Duluthians made the most of their summers.

In the years to come, the city cultivated the tourist trade by developing the area around the lift bridge and naming it, ‘Canal Park’. An excellent marine museum stood beside the Lake Superior Engineering Building. A restaurant known as ‘Grandma’s’ catered to the young and old alike with hundreds of antiques hanging from the ceiling and adorning the walls in a very rustic atmosphere. Grandma’s became world famous for the marathon races that were held every spring. The starting line was at the town of Two Harbors, 26 miles up the North Shore and ending at Grandma’s. Despite its attractive location, no more industries filled the vacancy left by the depleted forests and the stripped mines of top grade ore. There was still some forestry, but not to the extent it once was, and the ore mined now was made into taconite pellets.

When the St. Lawrence Seaway opened, Duluth became the western-most port for the shipping of grain to all parts of the world. Her harbor was filled during the summer and autumn seasons. Often there were ocean-going vessels anchored outside the canal awaiting berthing places at the grain terminals. It was always thrilling to hear a vessel touting its signal to the bridge, the bridge answering back, and an acknowledgment again from the ship. The bridge then rose to allow the vessel to enter the canal. Many tourists and Duluthians alike flocked to the canal to watch as ships entered and left the Duluth harbor. It was an exciting event each time.

Lake Superior was as large as an inland sea and great storms pounded its shores. Many ships have been lost on her, the most famous being the Edmund Fitzgerald, which turned over and broke in half, all hands lost. In the winter the lake froze over and all shipping was at a standstill until the Coast Guard cut paths through the ice in the spring. The lake was a great equalizer. Its water was extremely cold, too cold for swimming, so it became a natural air-conditioner for the residents of the city during the hot summer months. The opposite was true in the winter. As cold as the water was, the frigid air that arrived via the ‘Canadian Clipper’ was colder still, and when it hit the lake, the lake steamed–a fantastic sight every early winter. Winds off the lake kept the city warmer during this time. This phenomenon often resulted in twenty degree differences between the lake shore to the top and over the hill.

After a day of sight-seeing, Catherine and Brandon enjoyed another dinner and a movie. She finally admitted that she had made a New Year’s resolution to find out about him, and had come to Duluth only for that purpose. A few kisses were exchanged and he dropped her at the hotel. She left the following morning pleased that the weekend had gone so well.

The next week she wrote to thank him for the hospitality shown to her and he wrote asking why he hadn’t heard from her yet. Their letters had crossed in the mail. He wrote too that he planned to be in St. Paul the following month on his way back from Chicago where he was to take his oral boards in anesthesia. The Met was in town again and he bought tickets for them to see Eugene Onegin. Her parents were out of town, but she invited him to stay at her home anyway. He never made advances to her and remained the perfect gentleman. The evening was a disappointment. Neither of them enjoyed the opera, and he had even bought her the record album of the opera.

They talked a lot and it was decided that she give up her job at Ancker, move to Duluth and work at St. Mary’s Hospital. He didn’t want her at St. Luke’s where he worked. She would get an apartment and they would date and get to know one another.

She had no problem getting a position in surgery at St. Mary’s. Her experience in the field was extensive, and no operating room would turn down her application. Leaving Ancker was to be for the last time, she decided. All her co-workers knew she was now going to Duluth to be near Dr. Forrest. They gave her a great send-off. How many had they given her? Quite a few!

Having obtained the position at St. Mary’s, she proceeded to go to Duluth over a weekend to find an apartment. Brandon insisted she stay at his home, which proved disastrous

First, she developed German measles, and Bran insisted she stay in bed and had his mother bring her meals on a tray. That evening he came to her room to talk.

Cathy, we know what we want. Why wait? Let’s get married now.

What? But I came here so we could get better acquainted.

We already know each other. Why waste time? Tomorrow call St. Mary’s and tell them you don’t want the job. We’ll get an apartment at Mt. Royal and live there.

Bran, are you sure about this?

Yes. Just call St. Mary’s tomorrow. You can’t work after we are married.

When she awoke the next morning, the house was silent. She went down to the kitchen. Mrs. Levine was not there. She was nowhere in the house. Catherine did not feel right about fixing anything to eat, so she waited for her hostess to return. It was Monday and she was able to phone the hospital and find the employment office open. She thanked them for the position they had given her in surgery, but told them a ‘change of plans’ necessitated her withdrawing from the position. They expressed their regret.

Mrs. Levine never returned. Catherine sat all day in the house. She never ate, but waited for Bran to get home from work. She waited and waited. It got dark and still no one came. Finally around 8:00 PM Bran arrived.

Where is everyone? Why are you so late? she asked.

You have to leave, he said.

What do you mean?

You can’t stay in Duluth. You have to go back to St. Paul.

I don’t understand.

My mother is at my sister’s house. The family is very upset. They don’t want me to marry you. You are a Catholic.

But your brother is married to a gentile.

She isn’t Catholic. No, I cannot marry you. It’s all off. I can’t do this to my family, to my mother. She has been at Evelyn’s all day crying.

Bran, this is your life. You are 36 years old, for God’s sake. You can’t make your own decision about this?

I have made it. You have to go back to St. Paul.

It was too late to take a bus, so she told him to take her to the YWCA. When she arrived, there had been a call to find out if she was staying there. She called her parents and learned they had not called, so she knew that his family was checking to see if she had left. She asked her dad to pick her up at the bus station the next day.

It was raining the following morning when she boarded the bus. Her tears mingled with the rain as she sat dejectedly for the 4 hour ride. What was she to do now? Go back to Ancker? How could she? Everyone knew she had gone to Duluth because she was in love with Dr. Forrest. How could she face them and tell them he didn’t want her? God! She’d have to find employment elsewhere. But she couldn’t face that now. All she could do was feel the pain of rejection and a broken heart.

What happened? her father asked. Did you find an apartment?

No, no apartment. We were going to get married.

Get married? he said incredulously.

Well, that was Sunday night. He told me to call St. Mary’s and cancel my job, so I did yesterday morning.

Then, what?

He changed his mind, or his family changed it for him. He’s a Jew and they don’t want him to marry a Catholic, even though I told him I’d marry him in a civil ceremony.

You’d give up your religion?

Well, for the time being. I think he would have come around eventually and allowed me to practice my faith.

This is crazy, Catherine. What do you want with a man who doesn’t respect you enough to care about your feelings, your beliefs?

Well, it’s all moot. He doesn’t want me. He sent me home. Now I have no job, and I can’t go back to Ancker.

Catherine, her mother said, Call St. Mary’s. They called you this morning.

I don’t understand. I withdrew from that position.

Well, it wouldn’t hurt to see what they want. Call them.

OK.

St. Mary’s asked Catherine to please reconsider and take the position as operating room nurse. They needed her. She immediately took this as a sign that God wanted her to go back to Duluth.

Very well. I accept. I will come for orientation and I will need to find an apartment.

We have lists of apartments near the hospital that are available.

So Catherine went back to Duluth, and found a furnished apartment two blocks down the hill from St. Mary’s. Her parents moved her things up and she settled in and began work in the operating room. About a week later she called St. Luke’s Operating Room. She asked for Dr. Forrest.

Hello.

Hello, Brandon.

Oh, hello. Where are you?

Here in Duluth.

Oh, NO! I told everyone you left.

I did leave, but you don’t have to tell anyone I returned. St. Mary’s called me in St. Paul and asked me to reconsider working here and since I didn’t have another job, I took this one.

Oh, where are you staying?

She gave him the address. "It’s only two blocks from the hospital, so it’s very convenient, especially when I’m ‘on call’.

Look, Bran. I just thought I’d let you know that I am in town. You don’t have to see me.

That afternoon he came to her apartment with a small TV. I feel responsible for you, he said.

You’re not responsible for me. I couldn’t go back to Ancker. They knew I was coming here because of you. I had no job and St. Mary’s wanted me, so here I am. Thank you for the TV, but that wasn’t necessary.

I want you to have one.

That was the beginning of nine months of waiting. He’d call and he’d stop by the apartment. They finally became intimate, but Catherine wondered if it would ever lead anywhere. He told her not to mention his name at St. Mary’s. No one was to know that they knew each other. Not only did he not want his family to know she was in town and he was seeing her, but he wanted none of his co-workers to know either. Occasionally when she would be in his car, he would recognize someone driving in the opposite direction, and he would tell her to duck down below the dashboard so no one would see her. After about two months, he surprised her by taking her to his brother Everett’s house. Everett and Tyne had some idea she was in town because his mother would call there looking for him and they hadn’t seen him. One day when she was visiting at Everett’s with Bran, his mother and step-father stopped by. Catherine hid in the basement for over an hour. This kind of subterfuge went on for nine months. Not only that, but often she didn’t hear from him for many days. She would call Tyne and find out that he had been there, but obviously he wasn’t anxious to be with her.

Catherine had expected Bran one Friday evening. He never called to say he wasn’t coming. He just never showed up. The next morning he was pounding at her door at 7:00. His sister had arranged for him to meet a Jewish girl from Minneapolis. The family had decided to introduce him to one of their own if he wanted to get married. He could not say, No to his family, so he went out with his sister and her husband and another couple who had brought the young woman to Duluth. They had dinner, and Bran had to pick up the tab. That did not make him happy.

All the sign posts were there, but Catherine ignored them. She was in love, and foolishly thought she could change him. He never once told her he loved her. He never once said she was pretty, or attractive, and certainly he never told her she was beautiful.

Brandon had not passed his oral board exams in Chicago, so he planned to take them again the following spring in Arizona. Bran could not decide whether or not to marry. He never asked Catherine to be his wife. He discussed it with his brother and then decided he probably should marry because his mother no longer wanted the responsibility of making his meals, doing his laundry and cleaning his room. She told him it was time he found an apartment and moved out.

So, he told her one evening, We may as well get married. My mother wants me out of the house and I have to take my orals in April, so we could get married before then and go to Arizona on our honeymoon and at the same time, I can take my board exams. What do you think?

Yes, she said, But what about your family?

I won’t tell them. Just Ev and Tyne. But no church wedding. I won’t sign my kids away as Catholics and I can’t handle some big wedding. It must be private. Not your parents here either.

That’s no problem. They wouldn’t come if I’m being married in a civil ceremony.

You’d better give notice at St. Mary’s. Doctors’ wives do not work. But you can’t tell anyone who you are marrying. I don’t want anyone to know. They would tease me at St. Luke’s. I can’t handle that.

All right.

Catherine wrote to her parents and her father replied, Are you sure you want to marry this man? He seems not to care about your feelings and beliefs. You are making all the concessions. You are giving up your religion for him. How can you do that? And does he really want to be married? He may feel like a bird in a cage and someday want his freedom.

She gave notice at the hospital, and told them she was getting married. They wanted to know to whom, but she did not tell them, only that she was being married in a civil ceremony. Another OR nurse was getting married around the same time. The staff gave her a party with gifts. Catherine got nothing because it was against Catholic belief to shower anyone who was marrying out of the Church.

Catherine had no engagement ring because Brandon didn’t believe in diamonds and wouldn’t even think of buying one for her. Catherine went shopping for wedding bands and chose both one for herself and one for Bran. She bought them and had them engraved with the date of their wedding.

She also shopped for a wedding dress, but of course