Redemption: The Legacy Series, Book Four

Table of Contents

Title Page

Copyright

Newsletter

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Epilogue

About the Author

Copyright @ 2018 by Jessica Ruddick

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

Cover design by Paper and Sage Design

Edited by Judy Roth

ISBN 978-1-946164-06-3

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Chapter 1

NEXT TO ME, CLAIRE SNORED softly in a way that was kind of cute. When I snored I probably sounded like a lumber mill. But there was no worry of that tonight. My eyes were wide open with no signs of shutting.

I rose carefully so as not to disturb Claire and padded out to the living room. In a daze, I sat on the couch, thinking about everything and nothing. How could things have gone so horribly wrong? Just once, I’d love to not have to ask that question.

Resting my forehead in my hands, I closed my eyes. The memory of Cole standing in the doorway with the envelope in his hands flooded my mind. He’d glared at me—an accusation, but I didn’t know what for. Though, it could have been any number of things.

I’d never forget the hurt on his face. I’d seen it before, when we’d gone to visit his mother, and it was a heart-wrenching, gut-clenching pain, the kind that scarred your soul.

But this time, I was responsible for it.

I’d gaped at him, not trusting my eyes that he was really there. It was like time stood still. Finally, Clare had taken the envelope from him and he’d bolted without another word. I hadn’t said anything. Even if my mind had been able to figure out what to say, I physically wouldn’t have been able to get the words out—I’d been paralyzed. Would it have mattered? Would he have stayed? By the time I’d gotten my wits about me and went after him, he was long gone.

The sound of Chase stirring in his room brought me back to the present. I slipped out the front door, not bothering with shoes. I wasn’t going far.

I sat on the curb in the parking lot and wrapped my arms around my knees. It was actually quite pleasant out here—there was a full moon and a nice breeze, almost like it was going to rain soon.

I’d been so stupid, which seemed to be the theme of my life. It had been a double whammy of an afternoon. First Xavier dropping the bombshell that he wanted me to kill him and then Cole showing up. My brain had been overloaded. Still was.

And my emotions? Wrecked beyond belief.

Movement in the parking lot caught my eye, setting me on edge and making me wish I had a weapon. Xavier was no longer a threat, but there was still Linda to worry about.

A lone figure appeared between two cars and recognizing Xena’s small frame, I relaxed. Even though I should be angry at her because she’d obviously given my location to Cole, I couldn’t help but feel comforted by her presence.

She walked over and sat next to me, not saying anything for a moment. I was hit by her citrusy scent, which reminded me how much Xavier’s cinnamon scent had faded.

But that was the least of my concerns in his changed demeanor.

How are you? she asked, breaking the silence.

I considered for a moment before shrugging. I wasn’t ready to talk about it yet, especially with Xena. Although, who else was there who understood the complexities of the situation?

I’m sorry, she said quietly. I didn’t tell him. He found the address in my phone and left before I could stop him.

I let that tidbit of information roll around in my mind. I didn’t know if it made me feel better or worse because if he’d been so eager to find me, then why did he leave without talking to me? Did he have some other reason for coming all this way? It felt self-important thinking it was because of me, but I couldn’t come up with any other logical reason for him to make the trip.

How’s Bill?

Now it was her turn to consider the question. About how you’d expect.

In other words, not good. Damn.

Is he pissed?

"Not pissed. More like…disappointed."

Ouch. I’d rather he be pissed at me. The last thing I wanted was to hurt him.

How much does he know? I asked.

Enough to understand why you had to leave, she replied. The less he knows the better.

We agreed on that front. I didn’t want to drag Bill into this mess any further than he already was.

Linda was here, I said. She found me at my hotel. Niles, another handler, tipped her off.

Xena scrunched her nose. Niles is vile.

So she knew him. Despite everything, I chuckled. Did you just rhyme on purpose?

She shrugged, a pink sheen gracing her cheeks. He doesn’t have much of a backbone.

I picked up on that, too. I paused. He’s in love with Claire.

I assume that’s who Niles is assigned to.

I filled her in on Chase and Claire’s general situation, but I tried not to get into specifics about their family dynamics. That was their business.

Do you know if Linda learned anything else about Cole? I asked.

I don’t think so, Xena said and I let out a breath of relief. From what I can tell, she’s been focused on finding you. She’s absolutely pissed you slipped away. Xena smirked, happy my shenanigans had gotten under Linda’s skin.

I was beyond caring. I just wanted that toxic woman out of my life. And away from Cole. I didn’t know how I’d manage to accomplish both, though.

She’s not going to give up, is she? I asked.

Xena’s expression sombered. No. She didn’t ask whether I was referring to Linda trying to find me or find Cole. I figured the answer was the same in both scenarios.

I was a fool to think I could outwit Linda. When had I ever been able to stay one step ahead of a handler?

By now, the sun was starting to peek on the horizon and I yawned. Figures. Now that it was daytime my body finally decided it was ready to sleep.

Have you talked to Shenice? I asked.

She came home a few days ago. Xena didn’t say anything else, but she didn’t have to. I could read the implied disappointment in her tone.

I stood. This conversation had run its course—I didn’t want to hear any more about how I’d disappointed and hurt the people I loved and had been trying to protect. And anyway, my brain was fuzzy.

Just as I turned to go inside, Chase came up from our basement apartment steps dressed in running shorts and a t-shirt. He slowed when he saw Xena, eyeing her suspiciously. I was sure he’d have a sharp comment waiting when he learned my former handler was here. I didn’t have the patience to deal with it right now.

Chase, this is Xena, I said, pointing. Then I pointed in reverse. Xena, Chase.

Xena nodded coolly, giving Chase a run for his money with her own suspicious look, more than holding her own.

I’ll see you later, Xena. I brushed past Chase, leaving the two to sort things out themselves.

I WENT BACK TO BED where Claire was still snoozing away.

And dreamed of my mother.

I got the sensation of being in the ocean with the waves lapping against my skin. The water was cool and warm at the same time. I couldn’t describe the temperature other than to say it was just right—it felt like the water was embracing me.

My mother stood in front of me, looking exactly like I remembered her. Her auburn hair that was the same shade as mine fell in waves around her shoulders, and there were tiny wrinkles around her eyes when she smiled. She was beautiful. When she opened her arms, I walked into them and the sensation of being in water shifted.

It felt like I was surrounded by pure love. I choked on emotion as tears streamed down my face.

What’s wrong, baby girl?

I messed up, I told her. I wished I could tell her all my problems and that would be the end of them. She’d take care of me like she had when I was a little girl.

But I was no little girl anymore. And she wasn’t here. Not that I’d expect her to solve my problems, but she couldn’t if she tried.

She stroked my hair. You can fix it.

I don’t know. I don’t think I can. There was no way things could go back to the way they were. Anyway, things had never been right in the first place. My birthright was always looming over me, ensuring I could never live a normal life. And because of me, neither could Cole.

Damn it, I was trying to save him from the burden of being a seeker. But now it seemed my sacrifice was for nothing. He’d tracked me down, which brought him that much closer to Linda, that much closer to his role as a seeker being exposed.

My mother pushed me away from her and held me at arm’s length, so she could stare into my eyes. "You can, Ava. You can fix everything."

She stressed that last word like it was supposed to mean something important, something big, something I was not understanding.

But how? I hung my head.

I’d alienated everyone I loved. My intentions were good, but that didn’t change the end result. Truth be told, I didn’t know if I should try to fix it. I was toxic. Nothing good could come for anyone who was close to me.

I knew before I looked up that my mother was gone. With a sob, I held my hand out to where she’d been, but all I felt was cool air. The rhythmic wave sensation turned cold and choppy, beating against my skin, its former comfort gone.

I was alone.

IT WAS NEARLY NOON BY the time I stumbled into the kitchen still in my PJs. Chase and Claire sat at the kitchen table not talking, but I’d heard muffled voices before I’d come out, making me suspect they had been talking about me. I flashed them a tight smile and Claire’s expression turned guilty. Yup, they’d definitely been talking about me.

So your boyfriend brought your handler here, Chase said. Leave it to him not to beat around the bush. I actually appreciated it. I didn’t have the time or patience for bullshit.

But he had it wrong. If anything, Xena had led Cole here. Cole was never supposed to come.

"Chase, Claire hissed. Leave her alone."

I squared my shoulders. While I appreciated Claire’s concern, I could fight my own battles.

Xena isn’t like Linda or Xavier. Or Niles for that matter.

She’s a handler, Chase retorted.

I know, but she’s not like them. I can’t begin to tell you how much she’s risked to help me.

Why would she do that? His voice was laced with suspicion. What’s her motive?

I don’t know. I crossed my arms. I wasn’t any happier about my answer than Chase was, but there was no point pressuring Xena. She’d tell me what she wanted to tell me and so far, her motives weren’t on that short list.

I can’t believe you shared our location. Chase’s voice was laced with anger, but I’d take that over disappointment any day.

Xena helped me get away from Linda. She’s not going to turn us in, I insisted. But I can tell there’s nothing I can say to convince you, so you can talk to Xena yourself and make up your own mind.

I could tell by the look on his face that wasn’t happening.

He pushed back from the table. I have an interview. When he stood, I noticed he was dressed in khaki pants and a shirt and tie. The fact I’d missed that before showed just how out of it I was. The sleep had done me well physically, but mentally, I was still a wreck.

Moments later the door slammed and Claire jumped.

I sighed, sinking into the seat Chase just vacated. I’m sorry, I said. If it really bothers him that much, I can leave. I don’t want to cause trouble for you two.

Claire reached out and squeezed my hand. Don’t be silly. He’ll get over it. He always does.

I wasn’t so sure. He was pretty mad, and he had reason to be. I understood his position completely. Maybe it would be better for everyone if I left.

Except I couldn’t. I still had the Xavier situation to deal with, but I couldn’t tell Claire that. She would be horrified. I was fairly horrified myself.

You wouldn’t think I would be. After all, I’d been thinking about killing Xavier for almost a year. But wanting to do it and actually being given the opportunity were two entirely different things. It turned out I wasn’t as fierce as I led myself to believe.

I couldn’t wrap my head around it. Xavier had done everything in his power to make me miserable and basically ruin my life. And now he was giving me what I wanted.

Except not really. If I went through with it, it would be a mercy killing. An assisted suicide. Where was the justice in that? I’d be giving him what he wanted. He’d effectively put me in a no-win situation.

And stolen my vengeance.

Can I make you some breakfast? Claire asked.

I shook my head. I’ll just have some cereal.

Are you sure? She peered at me, concern in her eyes. I don’t mind.

No, I’m good. Thanks.

Her concern actually made me feel worse. I felt like a jerk just thinking it, especially because I knew that wasn’t Claire’s intention. In the past, my mom had been the one to try to cheer me with food. So Claire’s behavior was an in-my-face reminder of what I had lost, especially in the wake of my vivid dream.

Seeming to sense I wasn’t up for company, Claire retreated to the bedroom, closing the door behind her with a soft click. I dragged myself out of my chair and foraged in the pantry for cereal. But holding the box in my hand, I knew I wouldn’t be able to eat. I sighed and shoved the box back on the shelf.

While I showered, tears filled my eyes and for a moment, I gave in, letting them stream down my face. Then my hands clenched into fists.

"No."

Taking a shaky breath, I wiped at my eyes. Crying and self-pity wouldn’t fix anything.

It may have been a jerk move for me to leave like I did, but that didn’t make it okay for Cole to pull the jerk behavior, too. My intentions were good. And right now, I couldn’t say the same for Cole.

I got it. He was hurt. I’d hurt him. But what the hell had he expected? Why drive all this way just to run out?

I turned off the water and yanked the shower curtain to the side, nearly pulling it down. I wrapped a towel around myself and stalked to my and Claire’s room, my hair dripping all over the place.

Claire looked at me with wide eyes but smartly didn’t comment.

I picked up my phone that had been gathering dust these past few weeks and pulled up Xena’s number.

Where’s Cole? I asked as soon as she answered, not bothering with a greeting. I didn’t worry about offending her, though. She appreciated directness.

I could almost hear her grin through the phone. It’s about damn time.

Chapter 2

MY HAIR WAS STILL DAMP by the time I parked in front of the hotel. It was a nice one, or at least much nicer than the one I had been staying in. This one had interior hallways and exterior doors that required a key card to open.

I stormed through the lobby, going straight for the stairs. If I waited for the elevator, I might lose my nerve. I had to keep moving.

Housekeeping carts loaded down with towels and cleaning supplies blocked the hallway. Crap. They only cleaned rooms when the guests were out. I suddenly became fearful Cole wouldn’t be here. For all I knew, he could have left already.

But Xena hadn’t said so and anyway, I didn’t think that was the case.

I went in search of room 304, but I didn’t have to go far. It was the second one. I stared at the numbers on the door, my hand poised to knock. After a few seconds, I rapped my knuckles on the wood.

Right away I could hear movement inside the room, and I was temped to bolt. Hypocrite. I swallowed.

The door opened a crack and Cole leaned against the doorframe. We stared at each other for a moment. I had no clue what was going on in his head, but I drank him in. His presence had always affected me, no matter what mood he was in, whether it be playful or brooding. There was never an in-between with him and today was no exception.

I wanted nothing more than to wrap myself around him and press my face to his chest to listen to his heartbeat. My own heart thudded in my chest, my hands shook, and my mouth suddenly became dry.

He towered above me, guarded dark eyes peering at me suspiciously.

That hurt, but I supposed I’d earned it.

He didn’t make a move to let me in, so I pushed past him into the room, catching a strong whiff of the peppermint gum he always chewed. I closed my eyes, the scent bringing memories powerful enough to make me sway on my feet. I dug my fingernails into my palms to bring me back to the now.

I opened my eyes and turned to face him. We need to talk.

I don’t have a lot to say to you right now. His voice was flat, emotionless.

I shook my head. "You don’t drive six hours just to not talk to me."

I brought your birth certificate.

Really? I said dryly. That’s the best you have? Xena could have overnighted it.

He shrugged, then moved toward me. As he did, a small burst of hope he’d take me in his arms rose in my chest. When he passed by without so much as touching me, I squeezed my eyes shut as the hope sank deep within me where it belonged. Stupid. You know better than that.

When I opened my eyes, Cole was stretched out on the bed with his hands behind his head, his gaze focused on the ceiling.

He wouldn’t even look at me.

How did we get here again? It was eerily similar to when Cole had learned I’d made the decision for Areli to save him, thus making him a seeker.

But this wasn’t exactly the same. In that situation, I’d made a decision for him. In this case, I’d made a decision for myself.

Cole, look at me. I half-expected him to refuse, but he wasn’t that obstinate. As his gaze shifted to me, he let his guard down. A rawness consumed his features.

It was a dagger to my gut. I’d done that to him. His life had been filled with shitty people, and I knew how hard it was for him to trust. Yet, for some reason, he trusted me. And I’d let him down.

Again.

I did what I thought was best. I paused, but he didn’t speak, only continued to look at me.

I didn’t know what I expected. An olive branch maybe? Because, damn it, didn’t he realize this was hard for me, too? If he didn’t get that, then he didn’t know me at all.

I pressed on. Do you know who Linda is?

He focused on the ceiling again. Your overzealous new handler.

I was surprised he knew that much. She’s more than just that. I waited for a moment but got nothing. Do you want to know why I left?

He sat up in one swift motion, resting his elbows on his knees. I don’t even know anymore.

I reeled back like he’d slapped me. Why did you bother to come? I asked. What do you want from me?

I don’t know. Scrubbing his hands over his face and hair, he let out a shaky laugh. I don’t know why I still care.

All the breath left my body in one fell swoop. I was getting a dose of my own medicine, and it was sour, making me want to throw up. I’d hurt him and now he was hurting me back.

There was so much I’d planned to tell him, so much I wanted to tell him.

But now wasn’t the time.

You should ask Xena about Linda, I said, trying not to choke on the words. There’s some stuff you should know.

Maybe my actions had been shortsighted, but it all had happened so fast. Linda showed up, and then five minutes later Xena was pushing me out the door. When I thought about it that way, she was as much to blame as I was.

But Xena wasn’t the one Cole had placed his trust in.

You know where to find me when you’re ready to talk. I used when, not if, because I refused to believe the time wouldn’t come.

He regarded me coolly for a few seconds, giving no sign of encouragement before turning away.

I let myself out.

And he let me go.

I DIDN’T GO BACK TO the apartment. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with Chase and Claire. Chase because, well, he was Chase, and Claire because I couldn’t take her pitying looks.

Instead, I went to campus and found a bench in the shade. Pulling my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around them, I watched people come and go and wondered what it must be like to have a