Shades of Gray: Into the Light

© 2009, 2012 Bill Gray. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 8/8/2012

ISBN: 978-1-4389-3198-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4389-3197-5 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4670-4596-4 (e)

This book is printed on acid-free paper.

Copyright notice: TXu-1-698-762 January 22nd 2009

Contents

Foreword

Preface

Introduction

Into The Light

Adieu

Dreams

Ideas

Drippings

Awaken

Still

Grudge

Dream Lover

Too Late

Barren Beauty

Bound

You Just Don’t Get It

Not Afraid

Blame Game

Big D

Broken Promises

Jaws

Come And Gone

Forevermore

Final Tally

Fluttering Wings

Time No More

Forever’s Not Forever

Angels

From Here To

Nowhere

Hypocrite’s

Gone Mad

Great Waste

Guilt

His World

Hollow Eyes

Incompatible?

Hole In My Heart

Kathleen

Katrina

Open Doors {Song}

Just Not Alive

Three Breaths

Beyond The Light

Lost

Wounded Heart

Maybe Not

More

Never Alone

No Winners

Things

Peace

Once Again

Without A Word

Silence

One Life

Think Of Me

One Star

When

Pillow Talk

Press On

Plant Love

Sea Sounds

Second Coming

Empty

See Me

Shattered

Skin Deep

Stay The Course

The Car Ride

Disappointments

Almost Love

The Game

Last Dance

The Fall

One Heart Apart

What Chance?

Bleak Souls

Until We Meet Again

Hello Dad Goodbye

Time Lost

God’s Tears

Away

Contagious

Yesterday

By George You Did It

One Way Trip

Blood-Oil-Dreams

Cream Of The Crop

Dark Souls

Fanatics

Ground Zero

Heroes

Great Armies

No Choice

Old Glory

Nine Eleven

One God

Sacrifice

These Are The Times

Unearned Debt

We Adapt

Towers

White Crosses

Wars A Bitter Pill

A Promise Is A Promise

More Than U Know

Footsteps

Accept It

Give A Hand

If Nevermore

Mine

Here

Face The Voice

Parts Of Life

Just Words

Legacy

Blues

Without Reason

Again

Jump In

Age Of Reflection

Ahhh!

Real

Your Plan

Love’s Light

Here And Now

As I Am

Be Kind

Golden Rule

Adams Love Apple

Be There

Is That You?

Learn

Fear

I Promise

Never Leave

Fuzzy Faces

I Write

I Try

Illusive

New Meaning

Learn

Inside Out

Big Dreams

Mystery

Before

Forgive

Into The Light

Judgment

Learning

Love’s Rhythm

Roads

More Roads

New Roads

Charred

Lost Pieces

Choose Wisely

Myth

Dark Or Light

Contact

Creation

Cyrano

Never Jump In Before Ten

Events

Forever

Never Too Late

Music

Pretend

Crossroads

Don’

Purpose

Mystified

What If’s

Mirror Mirror

Okay

Oscar

Searching

Not Impossible

Overdue

Can You

Pure Waters

Restless

Rich

Life’s Plan

Silence

For Me And Thee

Wise Investment

Stretch It

Stop

Slippery

Sharing

Washed Away

Solid Reminder

Sometimes

Speak

The Right Touch

The Wall

Treasure Chest

Success

Wholly One

Your Touch

Take A Peek

The Gardener

Grandma’s Path

The Reflection

Unfinished

The Trip

Letting Go

Your Life

This Too Shall Pass

Today

Living

Time And Time Again

Simply Insane

Waiting For The Rain

Survival

Live It Now

Stories

Stand Firm

Warning Warning

Talk

That Seed

Fall

Ahh Love

Are You Sure?

Believe

Bright Ideas

(From The Prostate)

Deny Not

Calm

Billy The Kid

Decipher Not

Free At Last

Destiny

Favorite Season

Grand Entrance

Heaven

Helen’s Forth Button

Horror

Hound Dog Man

Humpback Movie

Clutter

Your Say

Keep Laughing

Instincts

Change

Bombed

I’m Just A Man

In Debt

Cheesy

Impatient

It’s A Girl – Again!

It’s All Your Fault

Just Think

Kids Songs

Chaos

Priceless

Careful

Borne On The Wind

Love Don’t Care

Crap

Bloom Here

Concerts

Life’s Opposites

Devil Cat

Life’s Story

Like Wild Flowers

Along Alone

Love Talk

Dna

Three Week Catholic

Magic Pill

Discovery

Man

Sand And Surf

Live It

Alarm Clock

Perfect Fit

"Cause I’m Your Dad

That’s Why"

Men Of Nature

Ten To Three

There

Mustard Seed

No Edge

Time Capsule

Movies

The Ice Man Cometh

Celebrate

Vacation – A Long Short Story

San Jose

No Time

No Longer

Oh Baby!

You’re Everything

Ogle N. [An Amorous Glance]

Wherefore Art Thou

Romeo

Sip And Spit

Ole Betsy

Perfectmate.Com

Sick Papa

Today Is For Me

You Again

Read

Never Was Never Will Be

One Heart

Papa’s First Boy

Papas Gotta Brand New Boy

Proof

Teenagers

Special

Tooo Cool

Brief Encounter

Pictures Oh My

A.T.V.

A.T.V. High Fives

Pockets

Rude

The Tea Party

You Shine

Clay

Relax

Stop Wishing

Sure Resolutions

That’s Life

Trust

Vagabond

Web

Undiscovered

Wisdom

Youth’s Dreams Forever

Tiny Fingers

Mighty Man

Laugh And Sing

I Am I

Rooted

Consumed

White Out

Upward

Paint Me Happy

Life In Motion

Afterword

DEDICATED TO:

To My Beautiful Daughters Billie Sue And Bobbie Lyn For Whom My Book Of Love Was Finally Written.

FOREWORD

To know Bill through his writings you will understand a wonderful and sensitive man who thinks very deeply as he reveals the depths of his soul in his writings. His loving and caring soul becomes clear in his feelings with words.

Bill has put life support into his poems as well as his life, because he realized he was worth it. I applaud his energy and caring for the universe as he shares his thoughts with others. I know Bill will continue forward for many years as he continues to spread the good word.

I appreciate the opportunity to write this Foreword to his masterpiece.

Dr. Avis Garrett-Baptist

Registered Art Therapist

PREFACE

In recording my words on paper I realized my path and my future were about to take very different routes. That particular period caused me to start writing the pages you will read in this book.

There are experiences in life when that One Moment seems almost overwhelming. My moment (like many others) came with the finality of my marriage. Nothing monumental by today’s standards, but to me, devastating! Like many challenges in life those ups and downs either make or break you as I resorted to writing as my form of therapy turning my adversity eventually into triumph.

Poetry is filled with emotions and writing can be an escape into that realm of fantasy where life can be as we wish it to be.

As I found myself moving from a place of despair towards a place of hope I felt a need to record those events out of a desperation to hold onto my world as a man and a father.

Later I would find my eldest daughter reading bits and pieces of my words from my scrapes of paper and my notebooks. With that thought in mind I decided to put them all in a book. SHADES OF GRAY was thus conceived so both my daughters might be able to read them in some semblance of order.

An original collection of poetry and stories true and fantasized from my remembrances of life. Like many poets, writings are mostly done for our own self gratification, but always there’s the hope our words might someday speak to those hungry hearts with ears to hear.

My book contains SHADES of my life both real and imagined. From dark to medium to light. From despair to hope to joy. Life is to be lived and as you read my words my hope is you will see this to be true.

Please enjoy and take from them what you will.

INTRODUCTION

Poetry has become an integral part of my life. I can remember writing Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you poems to a girl when I was seven or eight years old. I also remember the shy smiles that I received as my rewards.

In 1952 I forgot my homework assignment. A class project to be written as a poem called My Favorite Season. By the time I remembered the assignment I was already at my desk in the classroom. As my classmates came to the front of the room to read their poems, I hurriedly wrote mine titled FALL. It went like this.

God made the world; He then made us all, then He put all His secrets in the season of Fall, He had the leaves painted with colors so bright that people would gaze at their whispering flight. So whenever you stop to look at the trees, or smell of the flowers or glance at the bees, just remember one thing, that God made us all, then He put all His secrets in the season of Fall.

When my turn came I stood and read my poem and received accolades from the teacher. A ten minute project with a lifetime memory. I received an A and mom hung my poem on the wall in a frame encircled with many of fall’s multi colored leaves. It hung there for several years as the leaves dried and crumbled never to be replaced.

I never wrote again for twenty years. Go figure! At eleven years old I was more interested in toy soldiers and baseball.

When once I wrote again emotions were dark and wounds were raw. My writings of those dark and dismal places have long ago passed into the shadows. As I worked my way Into the Light, life became a new form of normal for me. This book has been a passion of mine since the late eighties, but 9/11 was the catalyst that started my writing in earnest again.

From the darkest to the lightest, this book tells tales of my eternal quest for love and hope in plain and humorous words. Bear with me through the dark as I travel towards the light and you might find some words that also speak to your heart.

INTO THE LIGHT

From the shadows of darkness

I have stumbled,

My soul’s eyes squinting from

The light.

Years ago my thoughts I wrote

While dwelling in the dark.

From that wounded heart how

Easily they bled.

Words come now once again,

But words of hope instead of

Words of woe.

Words that whisper to my soul

To tell me once more hope is

For the living.

For to live is to hope.

To be that person I set out to be.

Now once again I am.

1990

DARK SHADES

ADIEU

And still he misses thee.

Thine hair of gold and eyes

Of blue when asked to stay

Still went away.

As evening comes his heart

Grows cold till not even his

Anger doth warm him.

For morning to bring light,

Windows once more must

Open, but open they shalt not.

As hours turn into days and

Days to months and months to

Years the factors of time

Become irrelevant.

Is best to breathe no more than

Sit here at this door that shalt

Nevermore be opened

To those feelings once again.

So in his final words

He wrote for all to see.

"Au revoir to all who ever loved.

Farewell to life

That only love doth bring.

Adieu to you

Who only left the pain."

1988

DREAMS

Looking back I realize that all things

Begin so small we sometimes never

See them.

Life, love, happiness, disappointments.

All things spring from a tiny seed. That

Fleeting thought or whisper or some

Feeling deep inside.

Someday you might awake one morning

To find your world has changed. Filled

With huge mountains and deep oceans of

Despair. Don’t give up! Someday you’ll

Look back in wonder because you made

It through.

To me the worst crime of all is giving up

Without a fight not realizing beyond that

Bleak little world we’ve created, the sun

Still shines.

Why do some go on when others quit?

Why are some willing to look up through

The forests and believe beyond the black

Of darkness that star on which they made

That wish those few short years ago still

Shines? Why do some still sacrifice their

Lives to climb that highest mountain or

Swim that deepest ocean? Why do some

Still succeed in a final desperate attempt

To survive? Because they dare to dream!

Dreams are the beginnings of reality.

The dreams of winning no matter what

The cost because the highest price you’ll

Ever pay is not to dream at all.

As long as breath remains never admit

Defeat. As long as dreams exist you can

Succeed. You are special, designed by

God with a purpose designated to only

You. Dare to dream and your purpose

Will become your reality. Never quit!

Dreams will always guide you through

Your darkest valleys. New hopes beckon

And new dreams will always call you to

Be the best that you can be.

2/24/88

{In memory of Tim Murphy}

IDEAS

They took away his sight and limb.

They starved and then imprisoned

Him, but he had set his ideas free

They could not stop his legacy.

He talked about a better day

So then they took his tongue away,

But he had time to write with ink

And he still had a mind to think,

So all the thoughts inside his head

He passed to those he knew instead,

And when they finally silenced him

His words grew louder once again.

The friends he had were but a few

But by the numbers grew and grew,

And as his ideas were set free

They live because of you and me.

2006

DRIPPINGS

Love dripping words

Like candle wax.

Burning on the outside

Only to cool within.

A light at first most

Welcomed

Because it brightened

Up the night.

But then it burnt away.

2007

AWAKEN

The darker your despair,

The brighter

Your awakening.

1999

STILL

We’ve shared so much

You and I.

Joy and sorrow.

Ecstasy and pain.

Laughter and tears.

Hope and hopelessness.

With all we’ve shared

And all we’ve learned,

This shell I call my heart

Is still so full of you.

1990

GRUDGE

Is it worth the price

You have to pay,

To hold that grudge

Day after day?

2006

DREAM LOVER

Quietly, gently, you come to me.

Each night I welcome sleep

Knowing you’ll be there.

I close my eyes and you appear.

You’re always here! Waiting!

From the shadows and the

Darkness you whisper words,

Words long ago forgotten.

You talk of life, of love,

Of dreams forgotten.

I reach for you and you never

Turn away.

You’re always warm,

Ready for love, for everything.

I hold you tight until the light

Steals through my window and

You whisper once more

That you must go.

The days are alright,

But I welcome tonight.

1990

TOO LATE

Too late we cry I’m sorry

Too late when past that point of no return

We charge on knowing even as we go

We shouldn’t.

Too late when from our lips has slipped

Those words that we now certainly

Don’t mean.

Too late we utter our apology when

Upon deaf ears it only seems to

Land unheard.

Too late once more our actions speak

Much louder than our feeble words

Of explanation.

Too late to those important we try to

Prove once more this time we really

Will succeed.

Too late we realize that not one person

Cares more for our success than

We should.

Too late we understand that failure is

Not who we are but who we think

We are.

Too late sometimes we never take the

Time to realize this time it really is

Too late.

2006

BARREN BEAUTY

Gifts of teddy bears and jewels

Were daily hers as satin ribbons

Adorned her pretty raven hair.

Sometimes daddy would brag

Of all those hearts someday

She’d break. Never thinking one

Heart might be his!

Enticing words once called all