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    Polka Dots and Politics
    Polka Dots and Politics
    Polka Dots and Politics
    Ebook70 pages1 hour

    Polka Dots and Politics

    By Jason Ranieri

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    About this ebook

    “The cast of characters seemed infinite in variety. Figures of monumental stature, ordinary men and women, heroes, villains, lovers and warriors, idealist, cultural icons, leaders of industry, family and friends,“ all appear in this looking glass of small-town politics and it’s enthusiastic glam. The tale is one of rapture and regret, flashes of guilty pleasure and tearful refrain, proud achievement and embarrassing blunders. Then again, when all my strutting and fretting is done, my book amounts to a fun, humorous political satire. I will settle for your enjoyment of my work as one of my desires.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherJDRpublishing
    Release dateMar 4, 2020
    ISBN9781545743812
    Polka Dots and Politics

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      Book preview

      Polka Dots and Politics - Jason Ranieri

      Universal

      Chapter 1

      Breathe if You’re Horny

      The year was 1972 and a crowd of local political pundits gathered at Nana and Papa Ranieri’s home, a modest white-house in the small town of Bellingham, Massachusetts. The scene was a powder keg. No doubt from the massive quantities of beer and dynamites the nervous crowd had consumed. My grandfather worked for Budweiser as a salesman. The golden nectar would flow infinitely from the brass tap on the basement bar. Nana would be upstairs with Aunt Cathy speaking idle chit-chat and putting the dyno in the dynamites.

      Dynamites for all those not from southern New England are hearty helpings of ground beef cooked to perfection with well-proportioned amounts of diced red and green peppers, onions, celery, and tomatoes. All were heated in a tomato paste base of medium viscosity. Nana would often tell the boys that her cooking was sure to put hair on their chests.

      If it doesn’t kill ‘em first Papa would jokingly chime.

      There was a dark haired, brown eyed girl always by her mother’s side. Cheryl, the youngest of the clan and only girl of six children, would later have three boys of her own. Apparently, living with five brothers wasn’t torment enough. Upon further questioning and speculation in regards to this all boys club a doctor would explain to her the fundamentals of genetical science. It is believed that if she had kept having children she very well may have been able to man her own hockey team by the end of the decade. Cheryl was closer to my age then to some of her brothers. I looked to her for information on what was hip and cool. After all she did take me to my first rock concert.

      It was a stormy night and lightning flashed, the thunder and audience clapped, as the laser light show began to shine on like a crazy diamond. Legend has it that the band’s music which featured the acoustical scientific advance known as quadraphonics or Q-sound, pioneered by James Guthrie, producer of Pink Floyd’s The Wall (1979) and The Final Cut (1983), projected sound beyond the scope of the fifth-dimension!

      I grew sweaty with anticipation thinking of the tonal complexities and sheer force at which Pink Floyd would be cast upon us like a net of sound, complete with a wall of visual imagery. In the center of the arena was a gigantic disco mirror ball which sprayed light beams in a thousand directions. The lasers shimmied and shone across the wave of fans. I turned to my soon to be new Uncle Gary and said, Look at that man puffing that funny smelling cigarette. At my young tender age and at an event of this nature a natural high is, well, almost as good. The last words I remember from that show, sung in three-part harmony, were See you on the dark side of the moon.

      Cheryl was and always will be Daddy’s little girl and Mother’s helper. She would supervise and give hourly reports on what her brother Kevin was doing. He couldn’t get away with saying Ah heck! without a holler from Mom to watch his mouth.

      Kevin was a tireless, tough as nails competitor. The kind of guy you were glad was on your side. Rumor has it he once shot a man for eating his ham sandwich. He is from the old school, whenever he played hockey he didn’t wear a helmet or mask, and he was the goalie!

      Kevin would later join the Bellingham Police Department and became an upstanding detective reporting on the wrong doings of others. Perhaps he was motivated into this occupation by Cheryl who gave her reports about him to the parental authorities, namely Mom.

      During his climb up the ranks Kevin found himself drawing his technique upon many of his major influences such as The Andy Griffith Show. Bellingham was a small town much like the fictional town of Mayberry and Kevin often resembled Deputy Barney Fife. This one particular occasion is called to mind.

      There was a bank robbery. Kevin took it upon himself to set up a sting operation knowing the robber would come back for the hidden money, which Kevin stumbled upon accidentally while on patrol. The guy that comes after that money could be none other than the crook. Kevin would make the bust.

      It went down in the backroom of the Coachman’s Lodge where all the big-time gamers played until the dark, smoky wee-morning hours. There was Jolly Fingers, Tony Buzzcock, Roy Sweetpuss and Paul Caci who often wore a T-shirt with the words, Breathe if you’re horny, white slacks, no socks and penny loafers. Often found drunk on Pina Coladas, he was sweating as the ocean is vast and began talking to himself, as he was already down $300,000 after two hands. Paul was a self-made millionaire through selling sex toys on E-Bay. He once quoted some Charles Bukowski, from his book Love Is a Dog from Hell, If you got to be fucking somebody you might as well be fucking somebody with money. Paul had money and loved to fuck. Inflatable dolls were his forte and he often said they were ideal for every man, "They never have a headache and don’t bitch about

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