Dear Stress, I‘m Breaking up with You

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Preface

DEAR STRESS, I’M Breaking Up With You is a compilation book written by women for women. My name is Ky-Lee Hanson and I am the lead author, visionary and compiler of the Dear Women Guide Book Series.

I am the, 1. Say Yes 2. Tell the World 3. Figure it Out. - Eric Worre, kind of person. I’ve always had a goal to change society for the better. A big task, I know. They say only crazy people have the ability to change the world, and my dreams have always been out there.

Throughout my life, I have worn many hats and also many masks. I have appeared as many different people, most times, often not recognizing myself. I would say at those moments, life was the hardest. Whenever my vision has been blurred - I felt like I was bush-whacking, instead of walking my Golden Brick Road. Now, looking back at those times, I can say that I was depressed. I was anxious and stressed out. I was lost.

This book came to me on a night like that. I had recently jumped in with our publisher to lead and create a co-author book. I had been published before as a co-author and now, I was taking the leadership and doing it myself. I didn’t know what I was doing, but I knew the overall purpose was to create opportunity for other women. It would be similar to what I had experienced from being a published coauthor, but now with my own touch. It opens doors. I saw the big picture of inspiring the co-authors, helping them develop and as a result, we help our readers. I have always been about inspiring an individual and their ability to then inspire a community. It is, what I call, The Inspiration Trickle Effect. The week between the day I jumped in with the publisher by paying a hefty deposit, to the day I named this book, was an extremely hard week. I found out that not only was my knee painful, internally bruising and swelling, but my meniscus was torn, again. I left my [distraction] job to pursue the unknown and put 200% back into my various businesses which made my spouse and I unsure about what was going to happen to us financially. He booked me a flight to visit him where he works in NYC, my favorite place on Earth! Last minute, I had to cancel because my knee was in excruciating pain and the process of traveling with a limp, a brace, ice pack and painkillers was not my idea of fun. I created anxiety and stress in my mind by playing out the, I can’t, what if, could cause more pain, scenarios in my mind.

That night as I laid on my couch crying in physical and emotional pain, feeling so sorry for myself, I decided this was what the book needed to be about. Breaking up with stress! To stop being a victim of my own mind and to stop letting jobs, finance, physical pain and other external crap control me. The next day, since I was staying in town, I went out to support an event hosted by an entrepreneurial friend of mine. I was proud of her for doing so and she is in this book, Michelle Zubrinich. It was a beautiful event, all except for the guest speaker. As a Gemini, I have two very strong sides. One is an optimistic ball of awesomeness and the other is a miserable sack of anxiety. Well luckily, optimistic was out that day! The speaker’s teachings did very little for me. The message the guest speaker was trying to project was not well received. I had honestly heard the material before, time and time again. However, I did receive a very big lesson that day. I CAN do what this speaker does and I believe I can do it better. I am meant to be up there speaking. It was time for me to step up and lead. To really lead women in business. I was meant to be creating material and inspiring others to do the same. To be the best version of themselves. To share what is unique in them and help all women admire their own uniqueness. That day, I went from a hobby coach in network marketing to a fully rounded motivational mentor and business creationist.

I got to work and in three weeks, I had the book concept and mission in place. I had my list of dream coauthors. Most of them met with me! A few of them joined. I had many more chapters to fill… over the next two weeks I would speak with almost 100 inspiring women. It was stimulating, yet exhausting. Everything came together. I found my aces and was committed to making this the best experience for everyone, and because of all those who said no to this opportunity, the fire to go Wall Street Journal best seller, was even stronger. I will bring my vision to life and show people my strength, and I will do it by bringing others up with me! People do not always hear our message, but they always see our actions.

I encourage everyone to read this book in whichever order and under whichever conditions they most enjoy. We designed it with the busy person in mind, as well as, the ADHD all-over-the-place reader, and the leisurely reader. We have highlighted key points and provided takeaway tips. This book is designed to impact your life and help you make change. The book can be read from start to finish and you will hear from me between sections to check in with you. This book can also be read by section or individual chapter. You can jump around and take what you need, as you need it, on the subject specific to your current development. Each chapter is written by an expert in that subject and each chapter is an inclusive story all on its own. ExpertEnough.com and Udemy conducted a study and the results said it takes 29 days or 700 hours to become an expert in Yoga or 26,800 hours to become an expert in Economics.[1] TheMuse.com says 95% of people have the capacity to learn and acquire knowledge in ANY field of study. Overall, the consensus is the 10,000 Hour Rule Theory; expertise takes 10,000 hours of focus and practice on the topic.[2] Our authors have LIVED. They have lived through stress, pain, happiness, transformation, and have helped others. We are experts at life and certain areas within life and society. I believe you are also an expert at something and I encourage you to reach out to every single author in this book that resonates with you and reach out to me if you have a story you need help to cultivate and share.

Get a grasp on reality with Patricia Yeatman, Kelly Rolfe, Tania Jane Moraes-Vaz, and Karina K Ullrich in our first section, The Weight Within. We then move onto the next section by putting priorities and Family Matters in check with Kathryn Yeatman, Stephanie Butler, Sunit Suchdev, and Eva Macias. Health is such a big factor in happiness. We address this in the Healing The Body With Knowledge, section with Dr. Lauren E. Karatanevski, Kimberly Francis RN., Amanda Yeatman CHC., Medical Momma Kyla Thomson, and from a Survivor and Thriver perspective with AJ Roy. There comes a point in life where we must stand up and say - I Am More Than Just A Girl. This statement titles our section where we dive into stereotypes and male dominance with Dr. Supriya Gade, Michelle Zubrinich, and Rusiana T Mannarino. Once we are amped up from all this knowledge, we can apply our new outlook on life onto our external world. You will find me at the end to send you off with a motivational kick and help you pave new positive expectations of your life and to fall in love with each day you have on this journey to success!

Ky-Lee Hanson

kylee@gbrpublicationsagency.com

____________________

[1] How Many Hours Does It Take To Become An Expert? (n.d) How Many Hours Does It Take To Become An Expert? Retrieved from expertenough.com Online http://expertenough.com/2442/10000-hours-to-become-an-expert-infographic

[2] Jessen, Catherine. How To Become An Expert At Anything. Retrieved from www.themuse.com Online https://www.themuse.com/advice/how-to-become-an-expert-at-anything

Introduction

WHY WAS I destined to write a book on breaking up with stress? Is it because I have it all figured out? That is only partially true. I still experience bad stress. Sometimes, I want to scream, sometimes I want to break a dish and sometimes, I am exhausted from my stress leading to depression which looks like moping about, my hair not done, a bag of chips and lots of couch time and sleep. Goodbye World, see you in a week! While interviewing coauthors for this book, conducting research and sharing the book concept with friends, family and clients, I came to find that most people often feel similar emotions, act in similar negative ways and refer to it as a rollercoaster. Let’s turn to The Canadian Mental Health Association for a minute. Their website states, We all talk about stress, but we’re not always clear about what it is. Stress comes from both the good and the bad things that happen to us. If we didn’t feel any stress, we wouldn’t be alive! Stress may feel overwhelming at times, but there are many strategies to help you take control… Stress can be difficult to understand. The emotional chaos it causes can make our daily lives miserable. It can also decrease our physical health, sometimes drastically. Strangely, we are not always aware that we are under stress. The habits, attitudes, and signs that can alert us to problems may be hard to recognize because they have become so familiar. Stress looks different on each of us, which is why this book is more powerful through the voice of many, our coauthors.

There is likely a connection between stress and illness. Theories of the stress–illness link suggest that both acute and chronic stress can cause illness, and several studies found such a link.[1] According to these theories, both kinds of stress can lead to changes in behavior and in physiology. Behavioral changes can be smoking, eating habits and physical activity. Physiological changes can be changes in sympathetic activation or hypothalamic pituitary adrenocorticoid activation, and immunological function.[1] However, there is much variability in the link between stress and illness.[2] Chronic stress and a lack of coping resources available or used by an individual can often lead to the development of psychological issues such as depression and anxiety.[3] This is particularly true regarding chronic stressors. These are stressors that may not be as intense as an acute stressor such as a natural disaster or a major accident, but they persist over longer periods of time.

I am not a person that embraces illness. I am not ok with being off work or taking one’s opinion on MY health. I want to take care of myself. I want to be healthy. I want to feel good. I want to control my life. I believe I can do that and have proven it to myself time and time again. That simple. There is no control when tied down in pain, illness or stress. Am I against medicine? No, of course not. However, it is easy to let disease consume us and sometimes doctors don’t have all the answers. We are still learning as a society and science is developing daily. My studies and interests within Biochemistry, Sociology and Psychology have led me to ponder many social norms. Most people reading this book lived through decades where stress was almost seen as cool. It was cool to be grunge, emo, angry, stressed, and broke. It was cool to be tough, strong and show no emotion. Happy people are fake. Any of this sound familiar to 80’s and 90’s kids? Science now shows links between the mind and the immune system, as well as how our environment affects our epigenome. Could our attitude be making our body sick? Science seems to think so. Is that always the case? No. Sometimes, life doesn’t make sense and it is not fair. In each situation though, if we work together and do not accept things at face value but for what lies deeper, what is the cause to the effect, together we can grow at rapid speed. We are in fact, living in the Knowledge Age. ShiftThinking.org states, Knowledge is no longer being thought of as ‘stuff’ that is developed (and stored) in the minds of experts, represented in books, and classified into disciplines. Instead, it is now thought of as being like a form of energy, as a system of networks and flows –1 something that does things, or makes things happen. The Knowledge Age is defined—and valued—not for what it is, but for what it can do. It is produced, not by individual experts, but by ‘collectivizing intelligence’ – that is, groups of people with complementary expertise who collaborate for specific purposes. These changes have major implications for our education system.

In our external world of relationships with others, sometimes relationships need to evolve or change, and sometimes you need to breakup with that relationship. It is the same with stress and our inner emotions. Stress has been made into a public health enemy, but new research suggests that stress may only be bad for you if you believe that to be true. Psychologist Kelly McGonigal urges us to see stress as a positive, and introduces us to an unsung mechanism for stress reduction: reaching out to others. A study was done over 8 years in the United States, to see how harmful stress is to human health. The people who believed that stress was harmful to health opposed to those that did not see it as harmful to health, had a 43% increased risk in dying. People that did not view it as harmful to health although they experienced high levels of stress, had no increase in risk of death. Kelly McGonigal asks, "Can changing how you think about stress, make you healthier? Here the science says - yes."[4] This book is a guide to ending pressures and breaking up with overwhelming-stress. We offer you real stories and a community of authors that are reaching out to you and inviting you to reach back.

I’ve often been told that I am stressed. I have been told I am too busy, that I am doing too much and that I need to take time for myself. Sometimes, I am flabbergasted at this. Some people don’t understand that I enjoy stress; the good kind that is. The stress I face is making myself a priority within a society that does not value that. They see it as being selfish, hardworking, closed off, busy, naive, optimistic and not realistic. We have been taught that our boss, spouse, job, friends, children, finances, and household should all come before us as an individual; if these things are not first, we are not responsible. Being happy and optimistic is often looked at as having less intelligence and having a detachment from reality. Our emotions affect our outlook on the world. We can’t always control how we feel, but when we can choose to see light even in a dark situation, as stressful as it may be, is there not benefit to this? Are we kidding ourselves? I enjoy being nervous, I translate it to excitement and a sign that I am on the right path. The feeling of scarcity means I need to find more, not hold back what I already have. I’ve been challenged to find more and since I have found it in the past, I know my ability to be resourceful. I am hungry for more and I enjoy creating. Naturally, that makes me a project-oriented person. Projects come with deadlines and deadlines translate to pressure for most people. To me, deadlines mean it is finally done and now I have the desired outcome. The way I look at stress is different than most people. How do we do this? How do we look at stress in a good way? Maybe we have made stress an enemy and there is a lot of bad energy around that word. We need to break up with, and end that stigma. We have to take the control back. The law of the universe is that every negative has a positive, it’s science. Can we benefit from stressful situations? Can we benefit from heartache, growing pains, disease and self-agony? Can we find the good