Owning My Life: a Memoir of the Good, the Bad & the Ugly

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Print ISBN: 978-1-09830-247-4

eBook ISBN: 978-1-09830-248-1

Dedication

This book is dedicated to my children (Marvia, Phoebe, and Nick) and my grandchildren (Maya, Daisha, Xavier and Syon) as well as my husband (Henry Lee Parker) and my son-in-law (Pastor D) who all have demonstrated unconditional love towards me without measure. I’m so glad we get to do life together. Each of you has contributed immeasurable meaning and joy to my life. I carry you with me always. I pray for you without ceasing. I love each of you dearly.

Contents

Foreword

Preface

Acknowledgements

Off to Grandma’s House We Go

Love Found Me

Back and Forth

Foreword

By Chaplain Cheryl Jones

"i found god in myself

and i loved her

i loved her fiercely"

— Ntozake Shange

Ever since Ntozake Shange died, that quote from her ground-breaking choreo-poem, For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide/When the Rainbow is Enuf, 1976, has been swirling in my mind and spirit. Once a woman discovers God in herself and for herself, and she really allows God to inhabit her life, she can fly beyond limitations.

Elder Sandra Abbitt-Parker is such a woman. When I met her, she was a quiet and kind person. She seemed reserved, but there was something about her that emanated power, strength and wisdom. There was also pain, a hurt in her eyes so palpable that it gave me pause. After knowing her for a year or so, we sat together and she finally told me her childhood story. I was grateful that she trusted me enough to share her incredulous life story. I was at moments horrified, shocked, while at the same time being overjoyed and impressed with her resilience and her tremendous faith in God.

Sandra is a profound truth-teller. She does not shy away from expounding upon the ups and downs of her life. She tells us about her mistakes as well as her triumphs. As a child who lost her mother early in life, she found her home in Jesus the Christ. God, in His mercy, saved her for great things. By telling her story, she stands as a powerful witness to how God takes the broken glass of our lives and creates beautiful mosaics, cracks and all.

I was blessed to be the officiant at the wedding of Sandra and her beloved Henry, her childhood sweetheart in August, 2017. As I watched her walk down the aisle, I reveled in how beautiful and content she looked. God has brought her a mighty long way. Her faith and tenacity were on full display that day. She has truly owned her life.

I recommend this book to everyone—but especially women who need a word from the Lord. May the God of all comfort allow you to peek into your possibilities by reading this true story of pain, triumph and redemption.

Cheryl Ann Jones/VA Medical Center, Washington DC, Wellness Chaplain

Preface

Herewith comes the shattering of the silence which held me captive for many-a-year. Some may wonder why in the world I would bother to write this book at all. Some may wonder what took me so long. Some may not care at all. I’ll answer the questions just the same. I am a writer in my heart. I write when I’m happy; I write when I’m sad. I write when I’m inspired. I write when I can’t cry. Even when I can’t speak the words out loud, I can write them. It has been my passion and my escape since I was a little girl. If I wasn’t writing words, I was reading them from a book. However, I never thought myself good enough. I was afraid of rejection which I had known too well throughout my life. I feared what others would think or do if I said the things I really wanted to share. My mind was riddled with shame and guilt. So, I would start this memoir and stop. I would write for a while and then I’d tear up the paper on which it was written. I have written many other things to include poems, essays, and short stories but none which chronicled my life with any detail. However, since returning to my hometown of Thomasville, Georgia a year ago, I haven’t been able to stop writing about my upbringing. The words and tears have flowed most freely.

It is my prayer that this book will serve as inspiration in someone’s life journey. It is my deepest desire to provide insight into matters of the heart, to open dialogue about things not often brought to light in families, and to give information that can be deemed useful in avoiding the snares which entangled me as a child, an adolescent, and young adult. Maya Angelou, my favorite writer, has inspired me over the years to live my best life. It is my hope that I, too, will inspire others to live better lives through this offering of mine. Protect and love your children. They are a gift from God. A heritage, the Scriptures say. Teach them. Take time with them. They are a gift most precious. Not only are the lives of our children precious. Life itself is a treasure. Embrace it. Explore it. Love it. Live it. Value it. Give yourself permission to be happy, content, and grateful. There is always a reason to be grateful. The more thankful you are, the more things for which you’ll find to be thankful. You’ll find yourself living a life most victoriously by default.

Acknowledgements

I would be remiss if I did not first thank the Lord Jesus Christ for the grace to take on this endeavor. The cathartic process I could not have endured without His enablement. I had to revisit places I had suppressed for decades, but by His spirit I have been set free. I am grateful. In addition, I would like to acknowledge two of my dearest friends Ms. Marguerite Parker and Ms. Cheryl Jones for their tremendous assistance with this writing project. Many thanks to Mr. Charles Finn for permission to use his poem Please Hear What I’m Not Saying. As well, I want to thank my first born Marvia Joy Wilson for her aid and constant support. Also, I would like to give a special mention to the Thomas County Library staff (Ms. Tricia A. Jones and Ms. Perida Mitchell) who provided technical assistance along the way as well as a tranquil work environment. Last but not least, I want to thank Pastor Hardy Clayton of Covenant Christian Center for his expertise, guidance, and inspiration. I appreciate each of you very much for your input, your support, and encouragement which prompted me to finally complete this book. It is a story worth telling. To God be the glory for all He has done and all He continues to manifest.

But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us. We’re troubled on every side, yet not distressed, we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken, cast down, but not destroyed. Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body.

-2 Corinthians 4:7-10

There I was sitting under the oak tree in our front yard reading another book. My younger sister Tara was on the other side of the house jumping rope with one of her friends. It was nice and warm outside in our small town of Thomasville in southwest Georgia, although summer was coming to its end. It was just another day in September, 1972. Why would anyone take an interest in me? I wasn’t special looking or anything. In fact, I was rather ordinary looking for all practical purposes, yet I was chosen out of the crowd it seems to me. This guy who was 10 years older than I, beckoned to me, Come here. I’ll give you a dollar. So, it got my attention and I walked to where he stood, at the back corner of our house, waving the dollar in the air. For what, I asked. He told me it was for me to go and tell Judy Jackson to come outside to play. I was puzzled but it seemed like easy money to me, so I said okay. He said he’d give me a dollar right then and another one when I got back. Judy lived a couple of houses over from me. She was a little older than us but she played with us from time to time, checkers and things like that. Anyways, I took the man’s dollar and went to knock on Judy’s front door which faced the street that intersected the street I lived on. Judy’s sister, Roxanne answered the door and told me that Judy couldn’t come out to play. I said okay and returned to the man with the money. I told him what had happed and asked for my other dollar. He said, Okay. I’ll give it to you if you give me a kiss. I refused and took off running and went into our house. What