Living Singlish: Your Life, Your Way

Living Singlish: Your Life, Your Way

By Marne Platt, VMD MBA

Published by Marne Platt at Smashwords

©2016 All Rights Reserved

Discover Other Titles by Marne Platt:

Professional Presence: How to Look, Sound and Act Like a Leader in Any Job

PREP For Success: How to Position Yourself and Your Requests to Get the Answers You Need

Visit Marne at www.fundamentalcapabilities.com

Smashwords Edition License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be resold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favorite ebook retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1: The Singlish Attitude

Chapter 2: How I Got Here

Chapter 3: Friendships

Chapter 4: Romance and Relationships

Chapter 5: The Singlish Look: Presence and Style

Chapter 6: The Singlish Woman Works

Chapter 7: Personal Finance

Chapter 8: Your Own Home

Chapter 9: Fun and Entertainment

Chapter 10: Living Well

Chapter 11: Life Planning for the Singlish Woman

Chapter 12: It’s Not All Wine and Roses

Chapter 13: Common Questions About Being Singlish

Chapter 14: Start Your Singlish Life Now

Appendix 1: Basic Budget Template

Appendix 2: First Home Needs and Wants List

Appendix 3: Easy Recipes for the Singlish Cook

References and Readings

Acknowledgements

About Marne Platt

Introduction

Are you a young woman starting to build your adult life? Are you leaving the safety net of family help? Maybe getting ready for your first home away from family, and the first full-time job to pay for it all? It’s scary! There are so many decisions to make, so much advice to consider, and so many ways to go wrong. You have tons of questions, but you’re embarrassed to ask them.

It seems like all of your friends are more in control of their lives than you are. Some of them are getting married, many have long-term relationships; and maybe that’s not for you right now. You want an exciting, independent life – but you’re a little afraid that it won’t happen. Maybe you want to fast-forward by 20 years or so, just to see that it all turns out OK. Wouldn’t that be cool?

Unfortunately, that peek into the future isn’t possible. But don’t worry, wanting it is to-tally normal!

Living Singlish: Your Life, Your Way is the next best thing. In this book, you’ll learn 7 simple principles that will help you prioritize, make decisions, and shape your life. They will also help you make decisions that balance needs and wants, fun and responsibility. The principles will help you decide what is important and what you can ignore, so you can focus on building the life you want.

How do I know all of this? Well, not so long ago, I was you! I’d been to college and graduate school and was starting the career I had al-ways dreamed of. I found a job, a place to live, and started off as a real grown-up person. It looked fabulous from the outside – and in many ways, it was. But I was secretly scared, and I wished desperately that I could look into the future and know what the consequences of some of my decisions would be. I have built a great life, with close friends, exciting vacations, interesting work and tons of fun; it’s been worth the moments of inner panic. But I made some mistakes along the way that you don’t have to make.

This book grows out of a discussion I had with a younger friend and colleague, who is a lot like you. Let’s call her Jillian (it’s not her real name). Jillian was looking for her first apartment that she would live in by herself. She had always lived at home, in dorms, or with friends or boyfriends. Now, at 26, it was time to go out on her own. She knew exactly what she wanted in the apartment: location, size, which way the windows should face…but she didn’t know anything about her budget, how much things like heat, electricity and internet access would cost, or what it would take to furnish her new home. We ended up talking a lot about how you run your life on your own, when there is no one else to look after the bills, plan for the future, or be your safe date for parties and trips. After a while of repeating the same things, I realized that there were just a few basic guidelines that made it easier. The more I talked with friends, the more I realized that we were all following the same rules with-out talking about it! Those unwritten rules be-came the Singlish Principles, and what started as a letter of advice to Jillian became this book.

The Singlish principles will show you how the successful, confident single women you see around you became that way. You’ll learn how we prioritize, how we plan, how we present ourselves to the world so that everyone else can see our abilities. You’ll learn how we balance work and fun, and how we balance what’s important to do now versus what can wait.

When you follow the Singlish principles, you’ll become stronger, more confident, and more capable. You will learn from the experiences of other women, some of them famous and some of them just like you and me. And you will begin to build the life you want for yourself, not the life that other people think you should live. Best of all, the book is for you as an individual; the principles can apply to every woman, but I wrote the book with single women in mind.

I promise that if you read this book, you will learn how to use these principles to improve your life. If you follow them, you will find yourself calmly making the decisions that used to intimidate you, taking on and mastering new challenges, and having loads of fun. Before you know it, you will be the kind of woman that other women look up to, because you will be living your life, your way!

Why wait to get started? Sitting and thinking about how scary the future is will never make you stronger. Don’t let life get ahead of you. Before other people start making important decisions for you, based on what they think is best, start living the Singlish way. Make your own decisions, create the life you want. Start now…join the Singlish world!

Chapter 1 The Singlish Attitude

"You have to face things, have faith in what you do and go for it."

Annie Lennox, Musician

"My mother told me to be a lady. And for her that meant be your own person, be inde-pendent."

Ruth Bader Ginsburg, US Supreme Court Justice

Two women are having lunch in a café. Although they are different in age, they look very much alike. The older woman, perhaps in her 40s, wears jeans, high-heeled boots, and a cashmere sweater. Her reddish brown hair is cut fashionably short. She speaks confidently, has a broad open smile, and laughs a lot. The younger woman also wears jeans, with low boots and a cotton sweater. Her long brown hair is held back in a single braid. She is full of questions, smiles and laughs but without quite as much flair as her older friend. Still, they seem so much alike, so in tune with one another that you would think they were sisters. Let’s hear what they are saying….

Younger: Tell me again who you are?

Older: I am you – 25 years older. I’m always with you, because I have always been inside you. I remember what it was like to be you. So you can ask me anything. I’ll never make fun of you, or think you are silly, because I had the same fears. I know you can do what it takes to be whoever you want to be, because I did it.

Younger: You seem so confident! What were you ever afraid of?

Older: Well, when I finished school I was afraid that I wouldn’t find a job, let alone one that I liked and that would pay enough to do more than just cover the bills. I worried about finding new friends, and about making a life for myself. I didn’t really want to get married and I wasn’t sure about children, and I was afraid that I couldn’t make it on my own.

Younger: That sounds like me! I don’t want to get married right away, and I don’t even want a boyfriend right now. I wonder if I will be good at my job, I worry about where I will live and how to save money. I worry about how to make friends if I move to a new city. Did you really struggle to do all of that?

Older: Absolutely! That’s why I came back to talk to you. I wanted you to know that it’s not that hard. There are a few principles you can follow, and if you do that, you will make the best decision you can at the time. If something goes wrong, you will know how to recover. You will grow into someone like me – actually you will grow into me – without as much worry and stress as I had.

Younger: Are you the only one like this? I mean, are any of your friends also single and happy? All of my friends seem to want to get married. I feel like I am the only one who thinks it’s not for me. I can’t really talk with my friends about it; I don’t know if they will understand.

Older: There are lots of women like me. They all grew from women like you. At your age it can still be hard to talk about not fitting the traditional mold of wanting the big white wedding. That’s fine, don’t wish for what you don’t really want. You’ll see, as we talk I will tell you about lots of my friends, and even some famous women, who decided to live a Singlish life. There are more of us that you realize!

Younger: It’s hard to believe that I could ever be like you…

Wouldn’t it be great to have your older, more confident self nearby any time you had a question? You could ask her anything, and she would give you a straight answer, without thinking less of you or making you feel embarrassed. She could help you learn how to make decisions, overcome your fears about having an adult life, and enjoy yourself.

Sadly, we can’t have that for real. But you can have it in this book. If you are a woman starting your adult life, this book can be your older self. Ask anything and the principles to help you get started are inside.

Who are you right now? You’re probably in your twenties, either finishing university or starting your first serious job. Maybe you are ready to set up your first home, with or without roommates. Whether you are partnered or single, wealthy or struggling financially, doesn’t matter. All that matters is that you are about to take the big leap into adult life, you have a lot of questions, and you aren’t sure where to turn for practical answers to help you build the life you want. Follow the principles in the book. You will develop a Singlish attitude and before you know it, you will be living a Singlish life!

Why Singlish?

Singlish comes from 2 perspectives: Single and Not Single

Singl- because these are the skills, facts and attitude a single woman needs to look after herself, and not be dependent on anyone else to put a roof over her head, food on the table, and a stimulating challenge in front of her brain. In short, these are the basics for a fulfilling life as a single woman

-Ish because the same skills, facts and attitude give you the same advantages if you are partnered, as well as the confidence to know that you can make it on your own, if you ever have to. They are just as important for partnered women as they are for single women.

What is a Singlish Attitude?

Having a Singlish attitude means taking control of your own life and taking responsibility for how much enjoyment you get out of it. Singlish women choose the life they want, and then take steps to build it. The Singlish woman of any age makes her own decisions, plans her own life, and makes the most of her opportunities. She enjoys the good times, copes with bad times, and lives a full and interesting life as she defines it.

Singlish women don’t live their lives on autopilot, letting someone else take the decisions that affect their futures. Remember, you are responsible for how your life turns out. Yes it can be scary. It’s also a powerful feeling, knowing that you can make such important decisions for yourself. Who knows your wishes better? No one!

There are millions of Singlish and potential Singlish women in the world. According to the US 2010 Census ⁴³, 22.8% of American women over 18 have never married. Another 9.8% are widowed, 11.4% are divorced, 2.7% are separated, and 1.3% describe themselves as married with spouse absent – add it all up and you will find that only 52% of women are married with a spouse present. So you have plenty of company if you are on your own, by chance or by choice.

As far back as 150 years ago, strong women were pointing out to the rest of us that we created many of our own limitations. The law in those years prevented married women (and we were all supposed to get married) from owning property, entering contracts, and controlling our own money, even if we had earned it our-selves or inherited it from our families.

For many years, in the middle and upper classes, the ideal woman was considered little more than a vessel for producing children. She had no right to own property or sign contracts. Back then, an unmarried woman had to live at home, or with some other protective family member(s), living her life in service to their needs as a governess, or as a devoted caregiver to elderly relatives. Women’s brains were considered fragile, easily overexcited, or incapable of making rational judgments.

Fortunately, times changed. Single women can now take advantage of all life has to offer. The Singlish woman does it with