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Chapter 1

I regret to declare that he is married this Sunday last. The incomparable he who has been a friend since childhood. I know not how to express her disappointment with any eloquence other than to say that she should not have hidden her affection so well that even Grace could not know how much Isabelle cared for him. They have been the closest to sisters either had ever known and if Grace had known nothing of her emotions, then certainly he could not have believed it himself. Do not pretend to think that had he known, his plans might have changed, but what might have taken place if he had?

It is reprehensible to believe that a man should bestow a second proposal of marriage to the same girl, especially when he was so immaturely and rapidly denied the first time. But you cannot also expect that a girl of fifteen might understand her own affections and emotions, let alone those of a man eight years her senior. Though Miss Vincent did not wish to be united with him under the first proposal, she had always considered him to be the most amiable of companions, and her affections for him only increased since then. Over the past three or four years, she became convinced that no other man would do and always waited patiently for his proposal to come again. Would that such a proposal had ever come, she would not be soliciting a visit to her friend’s abode, but he has found his match in another girl.

She comes from the Darby family and her demeanor is as sweet as pie at Christmastime, she writes. "I do not doubt that he has made a fine choice in a wife. If he were my brother or any relation, I should praise him on the good fortune. But I find myself with naught to say than to curtsy politely and return to my solitude. I am in such agony.

"Perhaps you recall the ball at Harriswood when he danced all evening with your sister, Joy. It was then that my disgust over his proposing to me began to diminish and turn to a sort of jealousy at the thought of his choosing another. I would not dare have mentioned it, as your sister seemed quite taken by him. And he by her as well. I don’t think he spoke a single word to me the whole evening except to wish my mother and father well and to remove himself from our conversation. I knew not what I felt then for half of me desired he should never approach again and half of me longed to spend the entire evening by his side. I do not think anyone should have noticed my conflict because I was determined to be in amiable spirits and spent much of the evening dancing with your cousin Marcus Woodston. Mr. Woodston paid me much attention that evening and it was not in vain for I was not unhappy in his company. He danced beautifully and I was not so unlucky to have him for a partner.

"But I longed so that he should desire to dance at least one turn with me. Perhaps my desire was to refuse him once more, or perhaps it was to secure his happiness. For which reason, I could not say, but I desired it so.

"We did not speak for weeks following the ball, but when I dropped over to Hampton to visit, we were obliged to share a meal together, as he had been invited that very afternoon. Nothing transpired but the usual cordiality but it began to be clear that we were to be fast friends again soon. No more than two days after our meeting at Hampton did he call on my family here in Worthington.

"After inquiring after my brother William and of our own health, he proposed a turn about the gardens. My mother and father being too much at task – on what I cannot recollect – I was obliged to join him alone. You cannot know how my heart raced at that thought, but I was resolved to still my nerves. We took many turns about the garden talking of all things, excluding nothing and were once again the warmest of companions, though I made no obvious signs of my ensuing affections for him. He was as dear a friend as ever and I was careful to be sure that’s all that he could believe of our friendship.

"When your sister became engaged to Mr. Henry, I was of course delighted in her arrangement, as I do desire the best for her. I wondered at his never speaking of it, however. He seemed to be quite in a quandary about her at the ball and at Hampton. After several meetings with him and hearing nothing on the subject, I was obliged to be nosy about it.

"He admitted that indeed he was disappointed as he found her very agreeable at Harriswood. Were Mr. Henry not a perfect match for her, he would be prevailed upon to be very upset. He could not find fault however in her choice and could not bring it upon himself to be a more worthy suitor for your young sister. His intentions were extremely honourable, and what command he had over his own affections. Would that I had such command at present over my own.

"It was in the winter, then that I received a post from Lady Baring requesting my companionship for a few months time. With her husband lately passed, I could not deny her my company, for she needs desperately an ear for her stories. With Lord Baring she had an eager audience, for he loved her speeches. I could not bear them as well, except for one story in particular which involved our certain hero and a young lady he had long ago had designs upon. The Lady Baring’s niece was to be his wife while you and I were yet children. I was instantly intrigued by the dissolution of the attachment and why it has never been mentioned before.

"I shall indeed remit the story to you as she had described to me. He had the pleasure of visiting his lordship while accompanying a friend on business. I did not hear much of the friend except that he was a tall, foreboding creature who went by the name of Barkley and spoke but three words throughout the visit. At the time that the pair had called, the Lady’s niece, Miss Adams had been staying with them for a few weeks. The young lady had apparently her aunt’s gift for talking and that is no ill quality with him. He so desires conversation. At their first meeting he had become immediately enchanted by Miss Adams and proceeded to call upon her every afternoon for the duration of her stay in town. Sometimes he called with Mr. Barkley, but many times without. In just a matter of weeks, the two had made an alliance and were engaged to be married at the good fortune of both families.

"Upon her return home, however, she became very ill. She never believed herself to be in any true danger and thought it of no consequence to conceal her condition from her betrothed. When Lady Baring received word from her sister, however that her niece’s fate was darkening, her ladyship sent word immediately to Miss Adams’ beloved.

"By the time he reached her, she had expired of the most violent influenza. It was at that time that he left his friend Barkley and took up residence not far from Worthington. Hopeful of releasing all remembrance of his affairs prior, he engaged himself in worthwhile business and acquaintances among our families and others. It was there that you and I became his dutiful companions.

"I know no more than you as to when his affections turned toward forming an alliance with me. I could scarcely believe that you had fallen for Mr. Lukham when he pronounced his intentions of marriage to me. Of course I do not doubt your affections for your husband at present but I could not at fifteen believe that I had completed my maidenhood already and was due to wed a man so much more advanced in years (though I do not think him quite as old now).

"It is not a story with a happy ending of course unless you consider that it is the ultimate reason he came to be our happy friend. But that story alone hastened my return to Worthington. I had not much thought of him while I was away at the Baring residence, but upon hearing such an account, I quickly sent word to my mother that I was returning sooner than expected and that I wished to be received with a ball. Lady Baring was incredibly understanding that my mother had missed me so and requested my return. She did not know it was I who was eager for home.

"I must tell you dear friend that I do not wish to make deceit a common practise in my life, for I never intended to deceive her. When I received post from my mother announcing she would be sending the carriage to collect me, Lady Baring took it upon herself to assume I was needed back home. I only did not correct her.

"The ball, as you must remember, was a very elegant occasion. I think the whole country must have attended for I did not know the half of them. I dare say that Mr. Lukham would have proven himself quite the dancer if he had the opportunity to attend. Whether or not he is the dancer you claim him to be, I cannot be the judge. I should like to discover its veracity upon my visit in a month’s time. The two of us, however were never without partners unless we desired it. I do recall you’re mentioning the behaviour of a rather robust lady who made herself quite an annoyance, and I find great pleasure that her presence at the ball has brought us many a smile since. It could not have been an evening to forget at all. And I have never. For he was there, though I scarcely took notice of him. At least, the notice I took was never candid or visible. For the truth is, I scarcely took my eyes off of him all evening.

"I was gracious with my dancing partners of course, but I had the most enjoyable time when he asked me to dance two. I danced also that evening with your cousin Mr. Woodston again, and although I supremely enjoyed my dance with our hero, I could never ask for a more beautiful dancing partner than your cousin. He shews such gentleness and arrogance all at once. You feel as if you deserve his attention and yet also as though you’re the most honoured girl in the room. I believe he relates that very well when not dancing as well. I have not seen your cousin in quite some time and I take a moment now to inquire as to his health and happiness. I do hope that he has endured many pleasurable affairs since we last spoke, and you may send him my regards.

"Going back to the ball, however, since I never really took my eyes off of him I happened to notice him stealing glances at me as well. And our eyes met more than a few times. I was sure that we would be engaged in no time at all. My brother William even spoke of his noticeable admiration of me from across the dance floor. William did not often speak of love and romance so for him to have mentioned it was a very great compliment indeed. However, I made no remark myself of holding him in high esteem. He was only to be admired in secret as far as I was convinced, and only a new proposal would be cause enough to announce my affections for him.

"In the few weeks after, brother William was called away again and was no longer there to issue narrative of our glances. Or rather his glances, anyway. I spent many an afternoon with him in the garden or on horseback. We had little reason to stay indoors except for the occasional rain shower. On such afternoons we spent the hours reading to each other or playing chess. He would beat me at every game, though I secretly allowed it, for he was not a very clever player at all. Then one afternoon, he started telling me of his meeting of a young girl not seventeen who was the daughter of Mr. Jamison. He spoke so intimately about her, about the curl of her hair and the brightness in her conversation. He told me of her family and how they have recently moved back to town from a sabbatical these two years.

"Miss Jamison, he said, was an accomplished player of the pianoforte and beautiful artist as well. I almost remarked that Miss Jamison must have been his own creation because I have never met such a woman myself, but he assured me that she was whom he described. He could not even believe it himself though he only just made her acquaintance the Thursday previous.

"They dined together many evenings after that, but in the course of their acquaintance, it was made known that Miss Jamison had become engaged before they returned home, and was to be married in only a matter of months. Victory at last.

"He did not tear himself away from her, as he had made no expression of intention prior to this news. Rather the acquaintance slowly dissolved, and he remained my loyal friend.

"I suspect myself a fool while recounting all of this, to believe that there may have been a second proposal. For even if I had made known my feelings, I wonder at his having any designs upon me past his first proposal. I am now not five and twenty, and I desire an amiable match, though I know not who could possibly replace him in my esteem.

"Whatever speculations may have been made regarding our frequent acquaintances must have been eventually waylaid at the length that our acquaintance continued. For it must have been concluded that we were to be forever friends, as I had fully intended to portray to everyone except to myself. It did not seem so uncommon, then to go riding with him in the afternoons, or to join him for tea or a turn about the garden.

"Rather it was more unbearable when one of us was to be called away for a while and not be able to spend our afternoons in conversing with one another. Such was the case when I visited my brother in Hentsworth last August.

"William, as you know, is not keen on dancing and balls and social events. But as he is very considerate of his sister, who he knows loves dancing; he escorted me to a ball at a local residence when I arrived at Hentsworth. I met so many fascinating gentlemen that I’d almost forgotten how much I yearned for our friend. I never gave him up altogether, but there was one Mr. Ressler who occupied my afternoons briefly when he would come to visit William. The two of them had become good friends and would go hunting together when the game was plenty. Mr. Ressler paid me kind enough attention by engaging me in a card game in the afternoons, but it was not the sort of company I was used to.

"It was not long before I dearly missed him and Mr. Ressler’s visits became fewer and less often. I do not believe that Mr. Ressler had any designs upon me, or I might have felt ill for spending so many afternoons with him. I believe he enjoyed my company as I enjoyed his, but not to any extent beyond what it was. William believed his affections to be much more and began to disdain him. I assured him there was nothing to cause affliction in Mr. Ressler’s actions, but William would have battled (and lost, unfortunately) against his friend over his flippancy regarding our recent companionship.

"I wrote soon thereafter to him to express how I missed his conversation and our games of chess. I did not write anything too personal, as you know how guarded my affections have been.

"It was not long before he returned my post with the most beautiful penmanship