F My After Life

F My After Life

By Ariana N. Dickey

Part One:

In which I die

Meghan Dies

I stared at my own dead body, laying face down in my own blood. You’d think I wouldn’t be able to stand the sight but it almost brought me comfort. It let me know that I hadn’t just dreamt this. It told me that the car really did swerve out of control and I had gone flying. It was hard to grasp; the fact that everything had ended so quickly. I died fast, that’s for sure. I hardly had time to think about the possibility of dying. I have to admit that was probably a good thing since the idea of death had been what scared me most in life. Yet here I was…dead. I suddenly realized that I hadn’t looked at myself, the self that was looking at the scene of the accident. I suppose I was afraid I’d seem invisible to myself. I mean, how scary would it be to not be able to see yourself? Going through the rest of eternity not even knowing how you looked? I looked down at my hand and, to my relief, saw it. It was there, a little pale but still there. Then I looked to my shirt. Not a drop of blood. I always figured that your spirit looked like how you died. I expected to see the mirror image of what lay before me, on the ground.  But I looked just like I had when I looked in the mirror just before leaving my house.

I saw an ambulance drive up and sighed. They were going to try all they could. It was a pity really. They were going to try to zap my body back to life and probably at least try CPR but, it wouldn’t matter. I was dead. That was it. I honestly shocked myself at how I handled this whole thing. I didn’t hope to be revived or wake up and find this was a dream. I just accepted it. I had never just accepted something in life. How could I merely accept death? I figured it was a built in thing. Like God didn’t want us to suddenly worry about things like that. He figured we had the rest of eternity to worry about dumb things we shouldn’t have to worry about coping with being dead.

As the EMTs made their way over I stepped out of their way. It was instinct. I knew they’d walk right through me but it just felt rude to stay in their way. I watched them roll my body over and begin to assess its condition. Dead, I told them, though, of course, they couldn’t hear me. I shook my head. I felt bad for them. It didn’t seem fair for them to have to work for a lost cause.

I turned and began walking to the road. I couldn’t stay and watch, if nothing else I was bored out of my mind. I walked up to where my car was. It was only dented up on one side. The doors could be easily replaced and the same with the shattered window that I had gone flying through. I was glad to know that my parents could still sell it. It kind of comforted me to know I’d taken care of my parents in some way, even if it was by dying in a convenient manner.

My car was lying against two trees. I had hydroplaned and gone off the side of the road. It slid through the mud and slammed into the two trees. My seatbelts had been acting up that whole week so, of course, they didn’t keep me in the car. I went flying through the window and landed twenty feet down the slope. I was sure I’d hit things along the way, judging by the condition of my body, but by then I had lost consciousness.

I shrugged and made my way to the road. It seemed pointless to dwindle on the process of how I came to my current state of being. It was like thinking about how I was put together in the womb. Pointless. I was how I was. That was it.

I stepped onto the road and turned to the right. I walked in the direction I had been driving. I had been heading to my friend, Sydney’s, house for a small get together. I wasn’t sure if that was where I was going at that moment but it was a direction to go. It was the start of something new. I wasn’t so bummed about missing the party, not that I had expected to be. A boy I had been lusting over was going to be there. Now that I was dead, the butterflies in my stomach had flown away. At least they were able to escape, I said to myself, rather amused. Apparently, when I died I had immediately inherited dry, dark, humor.

I noticed a park just off the road and figured that was as good a place as any to sort out my thoughts.

I sat down on a short wall that bordered the sandbox and buried my feet in the sand. I couldn’t feel the sand on my feet. I sighed. Sand had always been the most comforting thing to me. Suddenly, I felt lost and unsure. What was I supposed to be doing? Shouldn’t I have moved on? I looked up and saw two women hug each other goodbye. Maybe that was it. Maybe I was supposed to say goodbye to everyone. The only problem was that I didn’t feel the need to say goodbye to anyone. Nothing was left unresolved. I kept looking up to see if an angel or the grim reaper was looking for me. Instead I found a little girl in the sand next to my feet.

I smiled at her. Little did she know there was a dead girl inches from her. To my surprise, she blushed then smiled in my general direction. My eyes widened in shock. The little girl simply giggled and returned to playing in the sand. I shook my head. I must have imagined that, I whispered to myself.

Imagined what? the little girl asked, looking up at me. My jaw dropped. Had I just imagined seeing my body? Maybe I was alive after all. Although I couldn’t explain not being able to feel my feet. You can tell me, the little girl continued, I won’t laugh. I imagine a lot of weird stuff.

I forced a smile. Oh, nothing. I’m just afraid I’m losing my mind. I paused for a moment. Oh no, I thought, maybe she’s dead too.

How old are you? she asked.

I smiled. I didn’t do well with kids but she was hard to resist. I’m seventeen. Her eyes widened. I know! I’m pretty old. The little girl giggled and began playing with the sand around my feet. Maybe that’s it, I thought. Maybe I’m supposed to take care of children who have yet to cross over. While this seemed like a plausible deathly duty…it just seemed illogical for me to do it. I was never the maternal type. Was that the point? Was I to learn how to be motherly so I could be better in my next life? I stopped for a moment. I had never believed in reincarnation before this. Never given it a second thought...or even a first thought, really.

Wanna know how old I am? I smiled. She really was too cute. I’m six and a half.

I laughed. A whole half, huh? She nodded, excitedly. I had never gone through the adorable and-a-half stage. Looking back, I wasn’t a cute kid. Then I realized what her age meant. She died so young. I felt sad. She never got to drive or date or—

Ruby! The little girl turned to the woman and her friend. Honey, it’s getting cold, let’s go home. Okay…maybe she wasn’t dead.

The little girl sighed. Can my new friend come with us? she asked, pointing at me.

Her mother smiled and shared a patronizing laugh with her friend. What’s your friend’s name, kiddo?

Ruby looked at me. What is it?

Meghan, I croaked, after a moment of dumbfounded silence.

Her name is Meghan mommy!

As long as it’s okay with Meghan’s mommy, love. She then turned to tell her friend about Ruby’s vivid imagination.

Ruby rolled her eyes and turned to me. She held out her hand, expectantly. I stared at her. I was positive she would freak out when my hand went through hers. Come on, she said when I hesitated. I figure you need a new home. I was confused but couldn’t help but smile when she pronounced figure as figger. I extended my hand, awaiting her petrified scream, only to find Ruby had a firm grasp of my hand and was dragging me towards the parking lot.

I was completely confused. I knew that I shouldn’t presume to know anything about what was going on with me, but I wanted terribly to understand anyway. I was completely fazed as Ruby ushered me into the car. I watched her hop in the car and close the door. Her mother got in and dialed her cell phone as she started the car. She backed out of the space, quickly, and peeled out of the parking lot. Buckle up, I whispered to Ruby as I clung to the handle that hung from the car ceiling. Her mother’s driving made me nervous and the smell of wine that wafted from the front seat only made it worse. I was dead and scared for my life.

Don’t worry, Ruby sighed, looking out her window. It will take some getting used to but you all get it in time.

What? I asked, tightening my hold on the handle. What will I get used to?

Being dead, silly, Ruby giggled, acting as though I was slow on the uptake.

I grabbed her shoulders and turned her to face me. You know about that? But— Suddenly, Ruby’s mother slammed on the brakes, narrowly avoiding a Great Dane. Taken by surprise, I went flying through the front windshield. It was the strangest feeling ever. I hadn’t been able to feel anything until this moment. It felt like my body had turned to liquid. I sloshed through the windshield and skidded against the pavement. Fortunately, I was still numb to that.

I lied with my cheek against the pavement. This day was not going very well for me. I felt confused by what I was supposed to do, why Ruby could see and touch me and whether or not this dog, which had begun sniffing my head, could actually smell me. I heard a car door open and Ruby’s mom call her name. Next thing I knew, Ruby’s chubby face and bright red hair were all I could see. You’ll get used to that too. I sat up and shook out my shoulders, trying to rid my body of the liquid feeling. I’m surprised. It usually takes a couple of weeks for them to learn how to go through things. You’re a quick learner.

I shook my head feeling myself solidify again. Honestly, I didn’t think about going through a window. I only thought ‘Oh God, not twice in one day.’ Although it’s good to know that I’m ahead of the curve. Though she had no idea what I was talking about, Ruby smiled at me happily.

Ruby! her mother screamed, red faced as she got out of her car. "You don’t ever just jump from the car. That was the dumbest thing you’ve ever done."

Ruby looked worriedly at her mother. She hadn’t realized that her mother would get worried and she seemed very sorry for it. Sorry, mommy. Meghan went through the window when you stopped so I wanted to make sure she was—

Ruby’s mother grabbed her wrist and pulled her to her feet. Stop it! Stop being weird for just one minute. You are embarrassing me. A crowd had begun to gather, although I thought they were staring more at Ruby’s mother than Ruby. The little girl continued apologizing profusely but this only seemed to anger her mother further. Shut up. I will make you sorry. She raised her hand and swung it towards the small girl’s face.

I don’t know what came over me or how I managed to do it, but I grabbed the woman’s wrist and held it tightly. Don’t you dare, I whispered in her ear. Ruby glanced nervously between my grip on her mother’s wrist and her mother’s face. The woman let out a few