When Life, Not Death, Do us Part
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About this ebook
This is my emotional journey of the divorce I went through as a christian woman. This narrates the journey, healing and conclusion of the path that God took me through. This is by no means a theology on divorce just an honest depiction of what I went through.
Keabecoe Choene
Mom to Choaro Nahum Osei. Daughter to Ivy Emily Choene. Sister to Will, Tsholofelo, MacDonald and Moipone. Aunt to Abongile, Will II and Naledi. The highest calling for her is being a servant and follower of Jesus Christ. She is saved by grace and loves much, because she has been forgiven much. She is a Jesus gal through and through. She serves the Master who gave His life for hers; the Master who requires nothing less than her life. She surrendered her life to live for His glory. She spends that life pursuing, serving and doing what her Master commands. In Him she lives, she moves and has her being. She believes that if you love Him, you will tell others about Him, because in the end it is all about Him.
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When Life, Not Death, Do us Part - Keabecoe Choene
Naming of the Book
The initial title of the book was To Divorce or Not to Divorce.
That changed, because I realised how emotional the book became once the writing began. The title of the book is derived from a biblical perspective where the Bible shares the truth that God hates divorce - how shocking is that truth though.
It is challenging to imagine God
and hate
mentioned in the same sentence. Isn’t it amazing that though we know God hates all sin, His Word still emphasizes that He particularly hates divorce? Not only is divorce sin, but God had to get it in our hearts and minds that He hates it.
Malachi 2:16-17 ‘For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her’, says the Lord, the God of Israel, ‘covers his garment with violence’, says the Lord of hosts. ‘So, guard yourself in your spirit and do not be faithless.’
Actually, that Malachi chapter has some rough analogy on why He hates divorce. Read it and it shall enlighten you.
There is so much that the church debates on the topic of divorce. There is so much debate and hostility around this topic that the church ends up neglecting those that are hurting because of going through divorce. Christians really do battle with the question of divorce - whether this question is posed to friends or in their Christian circles, and to colleagues or in their private thoughts. The question, to divorce or not to
does come up even to the most devoted of God’s children.
I toyed with that title, secondly because even non-Christians are having the same debate in their circles. Others ask such when they are faced with certain hardships and tribulations, situation and circumstance. I have lost count of how often I have asked myself this question while I was still married.
Thirdly, the "to divorce or not to divorce’ title was a lingering thought in my mind, because it is derived from a nagging question I have always had - is divorce really the answer or worth the effort and its aftermath?
The question itself indicates how conflicted the individual asking the question could be. Sometimes we could be so overwhelmed by our own situation that we are blinded from seeing things clearly. So, conversations arise with either ourselves or with others regarding our relationship.
After a long consideration, I finally settled for the book title – When Life, Not Death, Do Us Apart.
Introduction
When I had my son, I came across the many things that mothers never share with you
type of scenarios. It is the same with getting divorced. The divorced make it seem so easy and free. No one ever tells you the other side of the fence until you have to personally climb over it. Later in the book, I shall share a little about the divorce aftermath from my personal experience, which shall be about the emotional, spiritual, social, material changes and dynamics no one would have ever prepared me for. These changes, though different from one individual to the other, do nonetheless come and ultimately change the person you were before the divorce.
I am in no way advocating for divorce, yet the reality is that many go through it with little or no support at all. I consider myself blessed, because I had friends and family who supported me. The reality is, even if the whole world rallies around you, it is still something that you need to get over by yourself, mostly because it hits you so much inside. It knocks down your dream of forever
and shakes off your belief of growing old with someone. You suddenly have to deal with the reality that was never a part of your plans.
No one gets married to get divorced. Who wants to do that to their hearts? So, when we say I do
, we hope that it is forever and when forever is suddenly not part of the equation, a new future and new plans have to be forged and made. This process takes some longer than others to map out and actualize, with very few ever making the transition productively. Divorce is hard and harsh; hence I wrote this book for someone to have an understanding of what they are about to go through. I did not think the pain would ever end. I did not think the humiliation would ever stop. I did not think that the sadness and confusion would ever end. I went out looking for a book I could read to regain some hope, but I did not get any.
Truth is, any book can inform you, but only the Bible can transform you. So, I had no choice but to turn to it. God in His infinite power used so many people to cross paths with me to lead me to a place of healing. Some hurt me; others caused me pain, but most encouraged me immensely. I could not have gotten through this time without my family, friends, Moruti Shimmy and Mama Mercy Kotu. At the time of my deepest hurt, they embraced me with love and wrapped me around with prayer. I don’t know how much I have called, messaged and cried to Pastor Shimmy and Mama Mercy; and all of those times I was never rejected or neglected.
Families of those going through divorce don’t know what to say and friends don’t even know what to do. Some people think when the divorce is over in court or on a piece of paper, it will also be over in your heart. They think that just because it is over in court you are supposed to be already over it; but most of the time it is then that you begin to deal with a lot of conflicting, confusing and often frustrating emotions and thoughts.
God took me through my own path and since His plans are never the same for everyone, I pray that if you are going through a divorce, you will find God’s love, forgiveness, grace, mercy, strength, wisdom and comfort.
This is my story, but I can assure you now that He has a plan for you to recognize and walk through. As you read a bit of my story, I pray that you look up towards the heavens, because that is where your help will come from. He loves you so much that He is waiting to receive your broken heart and broken life so He can do something wonderful with them. It is when we search for Him that we find ourselves.
Isaiah 1:18 reads,