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    Houlihans and Horse Sense
    Houlihans and Horse Sense
    Houlihans and Horse Sense
    Ebook146 pages1 hour

    Houlihans and Horse Sense

    By Vernon Schmid

    ()

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    About this ebook

    This collection of popular newspaper and magazine columns by Vernon Schmid is gleaned from hundreds of published pieces over the years in newspapers and magazines. His work regularly reaches tens of thousands readers. A prize-winning poet and newspaper editor, he is also a novelist and playwright. Filled with humor, wit and wisdom, these pieces offer insight into the always odd and illuminating activities of humanity, albeit from a unusual point of view. Whether a rancher, farmer, stable owner, racehorse aficionado, or casual reader, these columns will tickle your funny bone and sometimes bring a tear to your eye.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherXlibris US
    Release dateMar 14, 2004
    ISBN9781477163986
    Houlihans and Horse Sense
    Author

    Vernon Schmid

    Vernon Schmid is a native of the west. He has been a ranch hand, horse trainer, trail guide, wrangler, rough stock rodeo rider, disc jockey, radio and newspaper journalist. A prize winning poet and syndicated columnist, he is a retired pastor whose published work includes the novels Showdown at Chalk Creek and Seven Days of the Dog and a dozen poetry collections including Kissing Moctezuma’s Serpent. His work has appeared in nearly a hundred periodicals. He and his wife, Susan, live in rural northeast Maryland where they spend time with their horses and he teaches at Cecil Community College.

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      Book preview

      Houlihans and Horse Sense - Vernon Schmid

      Copyright © 2004 by Vernon Schmid.

      Cover art by Joe Prater

      Library of Congress Number:                       2003195043

      ISBN:          Softcover                                 1-4134-4468-7

                         Ebook                                      978-1-4771-6398-6

      All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or

      transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical,

      including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage

      and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the

      copyright owner.

      To order additional copies of this book, contact:

      Xlibris Corporation

      1-888-795-4274

      www.Xlibris.com

      Orders@Xlibris.com

      23508

      CONTENTS

      Acknowledgements

      Houlihan

      Why?

      Garthed!

      Brushing Up Against Fame

      The Beginning of the End

      Alternatives

      Jack and Me

      Charlie

      Cowboy Church

      Good Old Days Revisited

      The Best Christmas Ever

      The Day Ol’ Rick Bucked Off a Hayloft

      Who Benefits from

      Farm Policies

      The Hat

      Happy Anniversary, Darlin’

      The Truth of the Matter

      Waylon, Willie,

      George and Me

      Wranglers

      Getting Hitched

      Dude Horses

      Mother’s Day Memories

      Cowboy Story:

      A Found Poem

      Good Guys and Bad Guys

      Horse Mumbling

      How Many Are There?

      Language Lessons

      My Old Mare

      Nielson Family

      Old Age and Treachery

      Political Wisdom

      Running is a Matter of Survival

      The Brown Bomber

      The Incredible Shrinking

      Cows and Horses

      Prejudice

      Just a Simple Handshake

      God Dogs

      Conversation with

      My Old Mare

      Joe and Me and the Band

      A Memorable Christmas

      The Summer of Our Sorrow

      A Singing Fool

      Cowboy Boots

      Backyard Creation Story

      Cowboy Cures

      Cowboy Time

      Cowboy Insults

      Educashun

      Excuses, Excuses

      Family Ties

      Good Eatin’

      Good Old Days Revisited

      The Black Mare and

      the Cowboy

      The Red Mule

      War Horses

      The Most Important Meal

      of the Day

      The Truth about Tools

      The Sight

      California Chili:

      A Found Poem

      Beef—It’s What’s

      for Dinner

      Advance and Retreat

      Geezers

      The Rockefeller Center Incident

      Summertime and the

      Living are Sweating

      Ute Trail

      The Poor Boy and

      the Mud Ponies

      The Daddy of ’Em All

      For my uncles,

      John and Bert Amrine.

      Like me, all they ever wanted to be was a cowboy,

      and for all the others who dreamed the cowboy dream.

      Acknowledgements

      All of the columns, articles, and poems contained in this collection were published in their original form in the Rising Sun (MD) Herald, the Herald County Times, the National Foundation Quarter Horse Journal, and the Christian Century. We are grateful for permission to reprint them.

      Also by Vernon Schmid

      Poetry

      Kissing Moctezuma’s Serpent

      Hog Killers and Other Poems

      Sleeping with Zapata

      Testament

      Canonical Hours

      As Tentative as Flight (co-author)

      Of the Heart and the Bread (editor)

      The Desert and the Dance

      Pilgrims

      Poets and Priests and Madmen

      Aspen Groves

      Prose

      Showdown at Chalk Creek

      Seven Days of the Dog

      Media and Methods for Your Church

      War and Peace in the Land of Saints and Scholars

      Drama

      Five Who Knew Jesus

      One Night in Daylight

      A Hare with Many Friends

      Between Eleven and Thursday

      Houlihan

      A form of roping wherein the roper throws a backhanded loop in a perpendicular way so that the animal runs into the loop and is caught, sort of like these columns.

      "Every man has wanted to be a cowboy.

      Why play Wall Street and die young

      when you can play cowboy and never die?"

      Will Rogers, July 10, 1931

      Why?

      They couldn’t believe it in the emergency room when I told them the wound in my arm was caused by a horse bite, Joe said. They took 26 stitches and I think they still thought I was lying." Then, he went on to describe a broken foot and other injuries he incurred as a trainer.

      Tommy gives a crooked little grin as he talks about having reconstructive surgery on his face after being hit by a horse. And my rancher buddy Rick leans a little forward as he walks. That is the result of too many years riding broncs. My neighbor Jan has had her back broken in four places. She walks a little funny, too.

      My own aches and pains accumulate with the years, as well. One knee was a bashed up by a two year old filly back in ’49 on a ranch in Colorado and reinjured in ‘53 by a bucking horse who trapped me in a chute at a rodeo at Altamont, Kansas.

      A few years ago, I got bucked off while working a neighbor’s horse. I had to have a little wrist surgery after that incident. The first time that has happened in forty years. It took me a lot longer to recuperate from that little mishap. I am also a little deaf in one ear.

      Specialists tell me it is the result of a concussion I incurred when a horse reared up and slammed me above the ear with one of its front hooves in a parade in St. Paul, Kansas.

      Sitting around with friends talking about our experiences with horses it becomes brutally clear that we have collectively suffered all kinds of injuries. Many of those injuries plague us more and more as age slips up and pats us on the shoulder.

      One thing we all agree on is that most of our injuries were our own fault or just simple accidents. Most horses do not set out to hurt folks. It’s just one of those things that happen when you are working with horses. Then comes the question from folks outside the horse world, Why? Why do something inherently dangerous?

      Well, either you love horses or you don’t. I personally do not believe you can be taught to care for horses the way some of us do. It’s kind of like the old question, When did you decide to be a cowboy? The answer is You don’t choose to be cowboy. You are born that way.

      The same holds true for horse folk. You can learn a lot about horses but the real horse people are just born that way. Stiff joints, aching knees, recurring pains, and funny ways of walking are just part of the joy.

      And the first question asked of the doctor after one of these injuries is, How soon can I ride.

      Garthed!

      When I was a boy, my daddy and my uncle both had dairy herds. Somewhere along the way, some researcher, probably with a federal grant, discovered that if you played classical music while milking cows gave more milk. Well, its years later and some folks are telling horse people that horses are more relaxed if they hear country music while in their stalls.

      Some friends of ours have a very nice stable with prize winning performance Quarter Horses and whenever you visit the barn, you hear country music being played in the background. So, being curious, we placed a small radio in our little barn and turned it to our local country music station so our two mares can listen to country music day and night when they are in their stalls.

      The other morning I came into the house after doing my outside chores and began my inside chores: writing this column and preparing to teach at the local community college. As I worked, I found myself humming a country tune. I hummed it and half sang it to myself, over and over and over again.

      I still have trouble getting it out of my mind. In fact, I heard it again this morning while in the barn and it’s off and running through my head again. I asked Miss Susan, my wife, why can’t I get this song out of my head?

      Her response was quick and to the point.

      You’ve been Garthed!"

      I never thought I would see the day when I would be afflicted by that particular malady. You see, I am a country music fan. However, my favorites go back a few years and include Johnny Cash, Kris Kristofferson, Bobby Bare, Waylon Jennings, Willie Nelson, Chris LeDoux, and Don Williams. Most of whom I’ve seen in concert thanks to generous gifts from my daughters. I am also too much of a penny pincher to buy concert tickets. The newest singer I really like to listen to is George Strait. However, that makes sense. George is a noted Texas Quarter Horse breeder, so he has some special marks to the good. But, new country has never done much for me.

      Oh, I know Garth Brooks is from Yukon, Oklahoma. He knows the right way

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