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    Finding Me
    Finding Me
    Finding Me
    Ebook88 pages1 hour

    Finding Me

    By Sarah Wheeler

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    About this ebook

    The book will take the reader through hardships that had built a woman that has made it a mission to help others by shining a light, a beacon of sorts. Her trials started at a young age and progressed till her father passed away in her early thirties.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherBalboa Press
    Release dateMar 2, 2018
    ISBN9781504399340
    Finding Me

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      Book preview

      Finding Me - Sarah Wheeler

      Copyright © 2018 Sarah Wheeler.

      All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

      Balboa Press

      A Division of Hay House

      1663 Liberty Drive

      Bloomington, IN 47403

      www.balboapress.com

      1 (877) 407-4847

      Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

      The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

      Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

      Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

      This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

      ISBN: 978-1-5043-9936-4 (sc)

      ISBN: 978-1-5043-9935-7 (hc)

      ISBN: 978-1-5043-9934-0 (e)

      Library of Congress Control Number: 2018902747

      Balboa Press rev. date: 02/28/2018

      Contents

      Manual

      Trauma

      Death

      Fear

      Child

      Sex

      What Is Depression?

      Ideation

      Surviving

      Spirituality

      Happiness

      Family

      Age

      Finding Me

      Building My Own Manual

      Introduction

      I have been given guidance several times in the last few years to go back to my childhood and find my joy—to try to see through the eyes of a child again, with the child’s sense of wonder and awe. I lost my sense of amazement in the world when I was young, and instead, I cultivated fear and anxiety for decades. Even though I often wanted to give up, there was always this small, still voice telling me I had more to live for. I’m glad I listened—and that I’m here.

      I wrote this book so I can help others who are struggling with depression, ideation, guilt, trauma, and spiritual void—not that I believe myself to be an expert, but because I know I’m a survivor. I have an innate feeling that I’m supposed to give my heart to others for the highest good. The nagging feeling goes away when I’m working on this book.

      I’ve done a lot of soul searching in regard to this book. Is it something I want the whole word to read? Will it do any good for others? Will it change things in my life? The answer is yes on all three accounts. I know I will be following in the footsteps of many others who have poured their souls—their deepest secrets, heartaches, and triumphs (even minute ones)—into a book for the whole world to see.

      I remember the first time I read Dr. Maya Angelou. I had found an adult to look up to. I was so obsessed with her. I even cried the day she died, in May of 2014. When I read of the hardships she went through at a young age and then came out on top, it made me feel I could do the same.

      Even when I felt nothing was getting better, I thought of her and had faith I would overcome the plague no matter what. So, I dedicate this book to all the people brave enough to be vulnerable to share their stories so they can help others survive.

      I also dedicate this book to everyone who has been in my life, for you all have shaped me in one way or another—for good or bad. I thank you.

      Manual

      W e are not born with the understandings we have as adults. We are born with unconditional love, and then we slowly realize over time that some people can be bad—so we lose love for them. Some are taught that love is only given to a select few people (or animals), if anyone. Before we are born, we have this conversation with God; we make a plan starting with the lessons we need to learn and which people are going to help us along our journeys of life. Then, poof, we are born with no awareness of the conversation as soon as we are released from our mothers’ wombs.

      This is meant to be. We are meant to be in the sense that we have a job, and that job is to write our own manuals. I wished so many times that I knew what my purpose was, why I was given such a hard life, and why I was so resentful. But then there were times when I knew I was meant for something. The need to stay alive overpowered the need to die.

      My parents didn’t have a manual to give me, and they certainly didn’t have their own manuals when they were born. My parents definitely did better than their own parents at raising children and progressing themselves. I say this wholeheartedly now because I understand more of how they were raised, and the manual they had to create for themselves must have been hard. The one thing they did have were their siblings who helped carry them through hard times even into adulthood.

      When do our manuals start? I think they start as soon as we realize that certain feelings resonated with certain awarenesses. For example, the first time I saw violence, I was aware that it wasn’t right and that it hurt me. I didn’t know how to describe the hurt back then, but it was a terrifying betrayal.

      When people start to compile information for their manuals, they are influenced by their tribes. What I consider to be a tribe are the people who are connected to a person on a deep level—support (negative or positive), relation (neighbor or relative), and experience. Experience comes from actions that help to create understanding and awareness. This can be negative too. The experiences other people have aren’t true for you.

      When I started to write my manual, I wrote a lot of false ideas. I wrote that I had to be in survival mode all the time, that if I cried then I was showing weakness, that my feelings should not be validated, and that my voice didn’t matter. There were many times when I thought I couldn’t talk to anyone because I would get into trouble.

      I also thought the things that happened to me were my fault and that I needed to fix myself. I felt guilty for not helping when bad things were happening to my family, but I was afraid to step in

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