Souls Harbor

Souls Harbor is a work of fiction.

And similarities to any living individual or events, real or imagined are purely coincidental. This is a work of fiction.

Any unauthorized use of any parts or all of this book is strictly prohibited without expressed written consent, except in the case of reviews and/or promotional purposes authorized by publisher.

Copyright @ John Ryland 2019

Written by John Ryland

Published by Gnat Smoke Press

First edition 2019

A note from the author:

Hello dear reader,

First of all, let me thank you for opening up my work. I hope you enjoy reading it. This book took me all of 2019 to write, edit, and put forth to you. That might seem quick to some, and like a long time to others, but for me, it felt like a long time. I won’t pretend that I’ll enthrall you like the masters, but I am a simple man and I write simply. The thing that captivates me most is the human spirit and its ability to adapt to even the harshest of conditions and situations.

In this book there are several such conditions that may seem severe to some, but the sad reality is that things like these happen every day.

The flipside of the human spirit’s ability to endure and adapt, is the level of depravity and cruelty that we humans are capable of, especially towards each other.

If you read this book and are entertained, moved, and touched in some way, then good. I have done my job. The truth of the matter is that our lives are complicated beyond the ability of a stranger to understand, so a little kindness and love, or just being there for someone, will go a long way.

PROLOUGE

What was that? Cara asked aloud, the car horn still blaring in her ears as she staggered along the narrow roadside on the edge of town.

Shut up! said a loud, angry voice from the darkness of her mind.

Please just stop! The pleading scream sounded like her voice.

What’s wrong with you? asked the old woman, her coarse voice dripping with venom.

Nothing. Cara squinted, the sunlight hurting her eyes. Nothing.

Retard! Silence followed the young boy’s voice.

I’m not a retard.

Crazy Cara. The boy’s voice was always teasing and vile. In many ways, his was the worst of the people who talked to her.

I’m not crazy! Cara pushed her palms against her temples to quiet the voices. The oversized flannel shirt she wore flapped in the wind of another passing car.

Crazy, Crazy, Craaaazy! the boy said.

Crazy ass bitch! the old woman said.

I just need to find them.

An old man laughed. You need a lot of things. For starters a straitjacket!

Please stop. The mousy voice came from deep in her memory.

Mama help me. Please. Cara rubbed her eyes and wiped her hands on her dirty jeans.

The old woman cackled. Well, mama’s dead now!

Please let me alone… More a whine than anything else.

Everyone else in her head ignored her almost as much as they ignored the quiet, small voice that was nice to her—the one from the little black girl who came to her sometimes when the others were being so loud.

The sound of chains rattling thundered through her head like a battleship dropping anchor. She cringed and covered her head with her hands as she stumbled through the wild grasses alongside the road.

Mama’s dead. You’re the mama now, the old man said. Don’t you remember? A chorus of laughter echoed through Cara’s head.

You remember the fire, don’t you?

As she tripped over one of the innumerable anthills that lined the road, Cara’s body waivered, and she almost lost her balance. The jolt as her body reacted snatched her back from within herself, if only momentarily.

That and the car horn booming in her ears as it sped by in a gray blur, its driver screaming out the open passenger window. She didn’t know what he said, but she knew they were angry words. Angry words from an angry man. That she was used to.

She watched it tear down the road, its muffler roaring as loud as the horn. Her gaze followed it through a curtain of hair that had fallen across her face until it reached the intersection of the road she was on and another road. The car braked hard and disappeared around the corner.

I don’t like him, her mind said.

You don’t like anybody, she replied aloud.

I like you, the old woman said sarcastically.

Then why are you always trying to kill me? The voices had no answer.

Cara pushed her hair, more just dirty than dirty blonde, out of her face and looked down at the ants swarming out of the hill she’d disturbed. For a long time, she stared at them, allowing their movements to blur her vision and give her a sense of falling from a great height. It was like being close to a waterfall, hearing nothing but the white noise of the water.

Falling, only hearing the wind roar as she fell through it. Wind, white noise. Nothing else. Eventually, you wouldn’t even hear the wind. It turned into silence, drowning out everything else. Everybody else.

She stared for a long while, oblivious to the cars that passed a few feet from her. Some people shouted out the window, and one even tossed an empty Mountain Dew bottle at her. The teenagers in the car laughed despite the bottle missing her.

Nasty bastards. She spat on the ant hill before stomping it again.

Turning from the road, she began to make her way down a small embankment. The spring growth of kudzoo was turning into a ravenous assault on the hillside. One of the vines wrapped around her ankle. She lost her footing and tumbled once, then regained an unsteady balance. As she reached the bottom of the hill, she unzipped her filthy, oversized jeans, pushed them to her ankles, squatted, and urinated.

Above her on the road, another car’s horn blared.

That’s five points! one of the men said. I just saw Crazy Cara pissing.

If every southern town had a designated town crazy, then Cara was Souls Harbor’s. So much so that some people kept a running tally for when they saw her. No one really knew who she was or ever tried to find out. The young kids couldn’t remember a time when she hadn’t been there, but the older ones, the ones around her own age of twenty, might have remembered if they ever took a notion to. They might remember the little girl she’d once been before her world slipped into the dark place.

They might remember a little girl with blond hair and bright blue eyes or that she’d ridden the school bus with them or that she was in their class. They might have remembered who she was if they took the time to remember. But they didn’t remember, and most days neither did she.

The people who didn’t harass her drove past with little more than a pitiful glance, assuming her to be another drug-addled homeless person they didn’t know and didn’t want to know. As with a lot of small towns, Souls Harbor had grown. Not everybody knew everybody, and most people were fine with that. There were some people you didn’t want to know.

In Souls Harbor, the Cara sighting scale was simple: One point was a plain Cara sighting. Two if she was talking to herself. Three if she was in the city limits. Four if she was outside the city limits. Five if she was using the bathroom. And finally, the coup de grâs, six if you could tell if ‘the drapes matched the carpet’. No one ever claimed a six except Tommy Bream. He walked into Tanks just before closing time, looking like he’d been in a fight, and proclaimed that he’d just gotten a six and that Crazy Cara was au naturel. Nobody asked many questions. Tommy was a mean drunk, and he was already loaded when he’d walked into the place. It was just Crazy Cara anyway.

ONE

Evelyn closed her suitcase, took one last look around the bedroom of her tiny apartment, and sighed. She didn’t want to leave, but she knew it was better this way after what happened. Taking in a deep breath, she fought back the wave of emotions threatening to consume her. She was running away, and she knew it, but it couldn’t be helped.

There were some things that look better from a distance and just now, her life at the University of North Central Alabama was one of them.

Months of guilt were weighing on her and she needed a break. She felt like a different person- a person she didn’t like. Her grades were suffering, her friends were worried about her, and her personal life felt forced. She was slowly becoming consumed by her own mind, her own thoughts, and she simply couldn’t take it anymore.

Aaron leaned against the door frame, his eyes falling on the young, athletic woman in the process of packing her suitcase. Even in such a miserable moment, she was a vision of beauty. Things had changed between them. There was a distance that hadn’t been there before. Her usual, carefree spirit was pensive and solemn. She was barely the Eve he knew and loved.

In the months they’d dated, he’d never given much thought to the fact that they came from different races; different cultures, but lately he’d began to wonder if the change in her was somehow related to those differences. Admittedly, she was the first woman of color that he’d ever been with, but it seemed unlikely. He was grasping at straws to try and figure it out before she left, so maybe he could change her mind.

That should just about do it, he said.

Evelyn startled, then turned with a hand on her chest. Oh my God! You scared me. I thought you were still downstairs. Looking at him, she felt her heart lift a little. She’d never seriously considered marrying a man of a different race before, but if things were different, if things hadn’t worked out the way they had, she could see herself with him for a very long time. Maybe even forever.

Growing up as a tall, gangly girl was bad enough, but growing up as a tall, gangly, black girl with way too much hair in a small town named Souls Harbor in rural Alabama was, as they say, a whole nother story. Nestled in the woods of west central Alabama along the banks of the Black Warrior River, Souls Harbor’s only major exports were coal, timber, and people who never look back. It wasn’t a perfect place to grow up but being from a small town had imprinted several characteristics deep within her psyche. Truth, honesty, and loyalty were three that had been hammered into her by her parents, by her preacher, and by every adult that was in her life.

She’d managed to break all three in one fail swoop and had been for months now.

Eve, You okay? Aaron asked as he pushed off the door frame and walked into the room.

Thanks. I’m okay, just spaced for a minute there, she said with a sigh, avoiding his gaze. That was happening a lot lately. Her mind would just dump information on her, reminding her how much she’d hurt the people who loved her most, even if they didn’t know it yet.

She didn’t have the strength to look at him anymore.

Looking at Aaron Deavours, the corners of her mouth gave way to a sad smile. Theirs was a whirlwind romance, almost magical. Her girlfriends were all jealous, not only because he was tall, smart, and handsome but also because he was kind and gentle and always treated her with respect. He cherished her, and it showed, leaving her convinced he was one of the few remaining good guys left in the world. Aaron was a happy soul that loved to make her laugh; what her mother would call good people.

Looking at him, she remembered how enamored he was with her skin every time they made love. He always took his time and caressed her body, watching his fingers trail over her features with quiet adoration that transcended the usual sexual interactions she had in the past. It was as if he was creating a topographical map of her body in his mind. He didn’t even mind when, occasionally, she’d be so relaxed that she fell asleep.

I had the most beautiful woman in the world in my bed all night, naked. What’s to be mad about? he said after the first time she’d nodded off on him. The sincerity in his eyes told her he meant it and she knew she’d never forget the way he looked at her.

You still with us? Aaron asked.

Yeah. I’m still here, she answered with another sigh.

Was that a smile? he asked as he put his hands on the curve of her hips, pulling her close. Those have been rare lately. What cha thinking about?

Evelyn forced a smile for his sake. "I don’t know. Nothing.

Everything." She shrugged and slid her hands around his stout waist.

She was tall at five-seven, but he was taller by six inches and her head fell perfectly on his chest, allowing him to rest his chin on the top of her head as he enveloped her in a tight embrace. Taking in a deep breath, she consumed his smell as a slight moan escaped her. She could stay right here forever. His natural, slightly rugged smell blended perfectly with the lightly scented cologne he wore. It was the smell of a man who loved her, and she’d never forget it.

Well, I like seeing you smile, even if it does hurt my ego just a little that you’re doing it just before you walk out of my life, maybe forever, he said, adding a dramatic flair to the last two words.

What’d you do with the money? she asked.

What money? he said, playing along with the joke.

The money yo’ mama gave you for acting classes. They shared a laugh then he leaned in and kissed her.

She moaned lightly through the kiss. I’m going to miss that when I’m home.

Me too, he agreed heartily. What about a little fun before you go? He pulled her tightly to his chest and slid his hands down to her butt, pulling it close, hoping she could feel the beginnings of his erection. Three, four minutes, tops. It’ll be over before you know it, he joked.

Stop, she told him with a laugh, slapping his chest playfully.

You know you could just stay… he said, trailing off as he watched the light flicker from her deep brown eyes.

Babe, she began, almost pleadingly. I just can’t. We’ve been through this already. It’s just something I have to do for a while. She felt him tense and slid her hands up his body to the sides of his face.

Look at me.

Aaron did as she asked. He hadn’t meant to broach the subject again, but it sprung out in one final plea. The last few weeks were hard, but somewhere in the back of his mind, he always thought she’d change her mind. Now that she was packed and loaded, it was all so final.

"You know how I feel about you. There’s just something I have to work through, and I cannot do it here. I can’t even explain it to myself.

It’s just… she struggled for the words, fighting back tears as she looked into his sad, green eyes. It’s just something I gotta do. Plus, I need to see my folks anyway. Two birds, one stone."

I know, he relented, wrapping her in his arms tightly again. He sighed as he held her, quickly wiping a tear from the corner of his eye.

Being in Aaron’s arms was second only to being in her fathers’ in the level of joy it brought her. He was tall and strong, yet gentle when she wanted him to be. He was her third lover, first man of a different race, and she felt safe and loved in his arms; protected. That was exactly what she wanted right now, to feel safe. Her resolution to leave and go back home faltered in his embrace. Her desire for time and space faded. Her body ached to be beneath him; to feel him; to smell him close to her. She loved him and he loved her, she was sure of it.

She knew he loved her. It showed in everything he said and did when they were together.

But that was all a fantasy and she knew it. She couldn’t spend the rest of her life hiding out in her apartment in the arms of a sexy man, as wonderful as that sounded. It was what she wanted, but it wasn’t what she needed.

Especially after what happened over Christmas break.

Aaron Devours flopped down onto the sofa in his apartment with a sigh. He suddenly felt heavy. Not fat, not tired, just heavy. Like the world was pushing down on him.

She gone?

Aaron looked at his friend and roommate of four years. Kevin was dressed in dirty grey sweatpants and a tee shirt with the saying ‘Haters gonna hate- taters gonna potate’ and a picture of a smiling potato wearing sunglasses. It was one of those shirts you had to search for in the dark recess of the internet, and it suited his roommate to a tee.

Yep, he answered with a heavy sigh.

You going to be okay? Kevin asked sympathetically, lowering the leg rest of the second-hand leather recliner and shutting off the baseball game on television.

Aaron sighed again and nodded his head. I’m sure I will be. I mean, no one ever thought it would last forever anyway. Right?

Dude, I’m no expert in sentiments of the heart. You know that. Aaron nodded. Who doesn’t? To be honest, I don’t know how you even get dates anymore.

The friends shared a laugh, but it faded quickly. Aaron wasn’t in the mood to hear about his roommate’s exploits. He’d seen, heard about, and actually heard too many of them to count already. Though he and Kevin were as close as brothers, they were different in a great many ways. He made good grades; Kevin barely skimmed by. He partied; Kevin lived to party. He’d been with a few women; Kevin literally charmed the pants off at least twenty women in the time he’d known him.

Don’t hate the playa…, Kevin bragged, flashing his broad smile and perfect, white teeth as he flattened the front of his shirt for Aaron to read.

I think I’m going to take a shower. Aaron stood, ran a hand through his thick, black hair, and started for the bathroom only to be stopped by Kevin swiveling in his chair and extending a leg in his path.

Hold on, buddy. I’m here, man. Talk to me. You okay? Aaron threw his hands into the air and let them drop to his side. I don’t know. I’ve been telling myself for weeks that I was fine with all this; that it was no big deal, but I don’t know now. Now that she’s actually gone, I just don’t know.

Look at me. Kevin said as he stood and grabbed Aaron’s shoulders. Not to get all mushy and stuff but know that it’s okay. It’s okay that you didn’t want her to leave. It’s okay that you love her, whatever that means.

C’mon, man. Shit. Aaron pulled away from his friend and went into the bathroom. I need a shower. He was running the water for the shower when Kevin came into the bathroom.

I’m sorry. Really. I know it sucks. I’ve seen you two. I know how y’all were. Hell, we had you two pegged for love and marriage, two kids, a dog, living in the suburbs with a white picket fence. All that shit, man. Y’all were like that black and white cookie they sell at the mall. It was kind of a private joke.

Hope everyone had a good laugh. Aaron pulled his tee shirt over his head. Turning his back to Kevin he slid out of his jeans and stepped into the shower.

Not like that, man. Hell, most of us are jealous of you two.

Were. Y’all were jealous. Not much to be jealous about now.

Anyway. Kevin looked at himself in the mirror, raking his blonde hair back from his face. With his strong jaw line and deep, blue eyes, he’d always known he was handsome. Since he was a little boy, he heard it from everyone. What a handsome boy you are. In a few years, he’ll be beating the girls off with a stick. Even as a teenager, he’d caught the attention of a few of the younger teachers in school.

Nothing physical ever happened, but he charmed a little extra credit on more than one occasion.

Did she at least come out and tell you why she was leaving? Kevin asked tentatively.

No, Aaron replied flatly. Does it really matter?

It might help you to know if it was something you did or if there was someone else.

That’s not it. Aaron poked his head out the shower, holding back the curtain in a tight fist. And there is no one else.

Okay, okay. Sorry, Kevin said, holding his hands in front of him defensively. Aaron shook his head and returned to the shower.

So, she didn’t say anything at all?

Just the same stuff she’s been saying. That she ‘needed to work things out’ and that there were some ‘things to work through’, stuff like that.

What does that even mean? Kevin asked. Her rubbed his face with both hands. He didn’t like being in the position he found himself in.

Haven’t got a freaking clue, man.

Maybe it’s something personal. Woman stuff, maybe?

That would be a best-case scenario, actually.

"So, what is the deal? She gone for good, she coming back, or what?

I don’t know. Aaron insisted. I’ve told you she’s been distant for a while, since Christmas really. She didn’t say she wanted to break up, just that she had stuff to work through. Kevin tensed. Christmas? That long? he asked nervously. She’s seemed the same to me.

Like you would notice.

Okay, then. Kevin ran a hand through his hair with a sigh.

There’s nothing you can do then except let her work through her own crap. You never know what’s going on in a chick’s head, man.

You do realize this isn’t helping?

I know. I told you I’m bad at this stuff. Kevin stepped in front of the toilet and began to urinate. Why don’t we go out tonight?

I can’t. I need to study.

I can’t. I need to study, Kevin mocked in a girly voice. He finished peeing and flushed. In his regular voice he continued,

"C’mon. A few beers at Chubby’s, play some pool or something.

Maybe find someone to help you feel better?"

She’s barely off campus and you want me hooking up with some drunk skank? Aaron asked, the irritation evident in his voice. And nobody said it was over. She just needed some space.

Okay then, whatever you say, just a few beers. Hang out. I don’t know. Kevin awaited a reply, but none came from behind the shower curtain. "You know you’re not going to be able to study at all anyway.

Probably mope around here all night, jack off to a picture of her, and cry yourself to sleep."

Screw you, asshole.

Okay then. At least a few beers might help you sleep better. Inside the shower, the water went off, and a hand reached out for a towel. That might not be a bad idea. The last thing I want to do right now is study.

Aaron stepped out of the shower and wrapped the towel around his waist. He looked at his best friend, smiled, and shook his head.

Thanks, man, even if you are an ass.

What? Was I wrong? Kevin asked.

Probably not, Aaron admitted. Thanks anyway.

For what?

I don’t know. Just being there all these years.

Wow, estrogen much? Kevin laughed. Is this night going to turn into a Lifetime movie?

You gotta always be jerk?

Kevin held up an invisible microphone. Tonight, on a very special episode of ‘College Life’, will Aaron finally get his period like all the other girls?

You really are an asshole. Do you know that? Aaron pushed his friend playfully.

Oh. PG thirteen already. I like where this is going.

Do me a favor? No matter what happens, please don’t let me get drunk and call Eve. Nobody wants a drunk crying in their ear at two in the morning.

I can’t make any promises, but I do willingly accept the assignment, General. Kevin snapped to attention and saluted his friend. Look, don’t drive yourself crazy trying to figure this crap out, man. Just let it be. Go home, relax and try to forget about it.

That’s easy for you to say.

Maybe so, but if you stress over this and pick at it, it will only make it worse. Maybe you don’t wanna know what it is. Maybe it’s nothing. There’s really no way to find out anyway.

I guess, Aaron sighed.

One word of advice, let it go.

That’s three words, genius.

Not the way I say it, Kevin said with a grin. Letitgo. TWO

The anonymity of the interstate gave Evelyn time to think, but that wasn’t what she wanted to do. It was the reason she’d given Aaron. It was the reason she wasn’t spending a leisurely