After the Oracle

Deep Vellum Publishing

3000 Commerce St., Dallas, Texas 75226

deepvellum.org • @deepvellum

Deep Vellum is a 501c3 nonprofit literary arts organization founded in 2013 with the mission to bring the world into conversation through literature.

Copyright © 2021 by Shane Anderson

ISBNs: 978-1-64605-146-5 (paperback) | 978-1-64605-147-2 (ebook)

library of congress cataloging-in-publication data:

Names: Anderson, Shane, author.

Title: After the oracle; or, How the Golden State Warriors’ four core

values can change your life like they changed mine / Shane Anderson.

Other titles: After the oracle

Description: Dallas, Texas : Deep Vellum Publishing, 2021.

Identifiers: LCCN 2021019907 (print) | LCCN 2021019908 (ebook) | ISBN

9781646051465 (hardback) | ISBN 9781646051472 (ebook)

Subjects: LCSH: Self-actualization (Psychology) | Joy. | Mindfulness

(Psychology) | Compassion. | Competition. | Coaching (Athletics)

Classification: LCC BF637.S4 A6114 2021 (print) | LCC BF637.S4 (ebook) |

DDC 158.1--dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021019907

LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021019908

Cover Design by Vytautas Volbekas

Interior Layout and Typesetting by KGT

printed in the united states of america

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means––electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any other––except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher. This book is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. While best efforts have been used in preparing this book, the authors and publisher assume no liabilities of any kind with respect to the accuracy of scientific and historic information or completeness of the contents. Neither the author nor the publisher shall be held liable or responsible to any person or entity with respect to any loss or incidental or consequential damages caused, or alleged to have been cause, directly or indirectly, by the information contained herein.

For Melanie—and for Kian,

who came after

One does not need to imagine that lemon; one needs to discover it.

—Jack Spicer, poet

You can speak about spirit, or you can live it.

—Jürgen Klopp, coach

CONTENTS

Beginning, Again

On Three Very Bad Days That Would Turn into Three Very Bad Years and Beyond, April 14–16, 2010

Joy

On Family, Homelessness, Luck, and the Greatness of Stephen Curry, June 23, 2016

Beginning, Again

On Oracles and Self-Help

Mindfulness

On Work, Cigarettes, Preppers, and Being in the Zone with Klay Thompson, November 13, 2017

Beginning, Again

On the Golden State Warriors and the Secret of Basketball, July 2010–July 2019

Compassion

On Friendship, the Ghost Ship Fire, Rave Culture, and the Heated Draymond Green, February 9, 2018

Beginning, Again

On Why Basketball Matters (with Kevin Durant), Holy Grounds, Aesthetics, and Spectatorship, April 14, 2018

Competition

On Finding a Home and Learning from Others, September 25, 2018

A New Hope

On the End of An Era, Off the Record with Andre Iguodala, March 18–April 15, 2020

Beginning, Again

on three very bad days that would turn into

three very bad years and beyond

April 14–16, 2010 and beyond

That’s it, I thought. We’ve lost. I pushed my office chair away from my desk in frustration. Then rolled backwards with my hands on top of my head and groaned. My chair hit my bed and I spun around to look at the alarm clock on the dilapidated Art Deco nightstand I had found on the street last week. Scheiße, I said. It was almost 6:00 am here in Berlin. Way past an even indecent hour to go to bed but also too early to fall asleep; I had to see whether my favorite basketball team, the Golden State Warriors, were really going to lose this final game of the 2009–10 regular season.

Our odds looked awful even though we were technically winning, 108–104. The Warriors’ Devean George had just fouled out with 4:47 left in the final quarter and there were no healthy players on the bench to replace him. I didn’t know what would happen but guessed we would be forced to forfeit. I cursed under my breath, this time in English, and a smirk emerged on my lips. It figures. We always lost. It was our destiny. With but a few notable exceptions, the Warriors had been an awful team since long before I devoted myself to them in elementary school in the late 1980s. And this year hadn’t been any different. We had already lost 56 of the 81 games we had played, often very badly. Tonight’s inevitable loss really stung, though. We had actually had a chance against the Portland Trail Blazers, a team headed to the playoffs—unlike us, who were headed to the NBA draft lottery like all the other bottom feeders.

I pinched the bridge of my nose and adjusted my glasses. Come on, I thought, who knows? Still seated and crab walking back to the computer screen, I listened to the Warriors’ broadcasters detail some NBA legalese that would allow George to stay in the game. The camera cut to Don Nelson, the Warriors’ head coach, who was arguing with the referees, pleading for the game to continue. I watched him raise his eyebrows and shake his head then looked out the window of my studio apartment. The sky was already bright and blue and the horse chestnut in the courtyard was in bloom. I did a quick mental calculation. If it was 6:00 am here, it was 9:00 pm in Portland, Oregon, where the game was being played. And if it was April 14, 2010, on the West Coast, then tomorrow here would be the 16th, my birthday, which I dreaded. It would be my second birthday alone and the fifth one in this foreign country I now called home.

I started feeling anxious. Like I needed to smoke. I walked into the kitchenette, opened the window, lit a cigarette. While I watched my breath dissolve over the quiet courtyard, I thought about Portland, the city my sister lived in, and about my sister, whom I hadn’t spoken to in years. The last time we connected was when she was living in Alaska, working on a fishing boat. I had heard she was now studying fish management at a community college in Oregon, since when I didn’t know. I wondered whether I should check in with her or if she would write for my birthday. I knew she wouldn’t. Everyone was still mad at me for what had happened. And I didn’t want to have anything to do with any of them, either. Not after everything that had happened before. I inhaled some more smoke, then exhaled and turned my thoughts to what just happened on the court.

The Warriors had started the game with only six players healthy enough to play: the five starters (Stephen Curry, Monta Ellis, Chris Hunter, Anthony Tolliver, and Reggie Williams) and George, who would only come off the bench in case of emergency. Unfortunately, the Warriors had to cash out that insurance policy pretty fast. Hunter injured himself in the first quarter, and the rest of the Warriors, now down to the absolute minimum of players, would have to play a perfect game for its remainder. No fouling out, no injuries, no ejections. And they did, coming back from a ten-point deficit and demonstrating heart and grit. But now George had to exit and there was no way we could win with only four players on the court.

I closed the kitchenette window, walked back to my desk, and saw Hunter hobbling to the scorers’ table.

What’s going on? They’re not going to make him play with a bum leg, are they?

They were.

The game started again. And Hunter blocked a shot on the first possession. I started rooting for my team, I could feel the positive effects it was having, the hope that was blossoming. But then the Warriors missed their next shot and Hunter fouled a Blazer on the next defensive possession. An and-1 that was even worse since he also reinjured his leg. He hobbled back off the court and we were back at the beginning.

Now what?

Timeout, Golden State.

I looked out at the blossoms again, at the tree that would produce horse chestnut seeds, poisonous if eaten. I thought about buying curtains, also to sleep better in the daytime. In the background I could hear the Blazers’ home crowd turning from impatient to apoplectic. Their boos were becoming architectural in dimension, towering over the Warriors’ broadcasters. Worried about waking my neighbors, I muted the feed I was illegally streaming then watched Nelson yell what I guessed were obscenities at the referees in silence. I watched hundreds of fans stand up and threaten him, incensed about this ridiculous ending, which was also frustrating me. I was tired. I opened another browser tab to look for curtains at IKEA, too expensive, then eBay, too ugly. I considered going to bed but grabbed a beer from the half-sized fridge instead. When I came back to my desk and clicked on the game’s tab, I saw Ronny Turiaf walking onto the court. I unmuted the computer. The Warriors’ broadcasters reminded the viewers that Turiaf was injured but that he had suited up because of some arcane NBA regulation—a team needs at least eight players in uniform to compete—and now would have to play. I thought it was cruel of the referees to not back down from the stringency of the law, but I didn’t expect anything less.

The game started again.

Then stopped again.

Turiaf immediately committed an offensive foul and feigned a new injury.

He left the game and the referees made Anthony Morrow check in.

Morrow, the other inactive active Warrior player, performed the same charade.

The game started, then stopped, when Morrow hurt himself as Ellis casually fouled a Blazer on the next possession.

What’s going on? I thought.

Why are we doing this?

It seemed like some mad-hat endgame strategy where we were willing to give up all of our pieces, but I wasn’t sure what it was for.

Now we were down 108–109 with 3:38 left to play and only four Warriors still on the court.

The broadcast cut to a commercial break in this never-ending game.

I took a sip of beer; an SUV advertisement aired in the background. I opened another tab and looked at the league standings on nba.com. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. It would actually be better to lose. A loss tonight would mean falling in the standings and falling in the standings would mean that our record would be worse than the Kings, and that would mean we would be projected to draft DeMarcus Cousins, a center from Kentucky who could provide inside scoring and strength and finesse like we hadn’t seen from a center since the 1980s, and that would mean we might actually stop losing all the time, it would mean we would change our destiny. I started praying for the Warriors to lose. Please, just think about the future.

The broadcast came back and I clicked on the tab.

George was now walking to the scorers’ table, but we would be assessed a technical foul so that he could re-enter. A small price to pay to be able to finish the game.

We were still down 108–109 with 3:38 left in regulation.

The game started again.

And that’s when the magic began.

The Blazers’ Patty Mills made the technical free throw, 108-110, then missed his next two shots from the line for the foul Ellis had committed against him ages ago, when Morrow was on the court. George grabbed the rebound from the second miss and passed the ball to Curry. Curry brought the ball up the court and sunk a jumper from the baseline. It was all tied up 110-110 with 3:19 to go. The game started picking up its pace. Blazers forward Nicolas Batum missed a three and Curry rebounded, sticking in his own pull-up three from the wing, 113-110, 2:46 left in regulation. I retracted my hopes of losing and started rooting for my team. The Blazers missed another shot, then Curry hit a guarded step-back jumper from the elbow. It seemed like the Blazers had gone cold during that endless debate over the rulebook. The game went back and forth, points were scored. Then the Blazers fouled Curry, who made two free throws, and then they fouled Anthony Tolliver, who made two more. We were winning. The Blazers missed again and fouled Curry again, and again he made both of his free throws. One more foul and the game was over. Final score: 122-116.

We won.

We should have lost, but we won.

We won!

In what was now the early morning of April 15, 2010, in Berlin, the Warriors’ players were celebrating on the court like they had won the championship and I was celebrating in front of my screen. I pumped my fist and loudly yelled Yes—then remembered the neighbors. The Warriors had actually won, and Stephen Curry had just performed a miracle, scoring eleven of his now-career-high 42 points in the final minutes.

This kid is incredible, I thought. We’re so lucky to have him. The rookie Curry practically carried the exhausted team on his inexperienced back, and he seemed to be having a lot of fun doing it. What was more, he made it all seem so effortless.

Which, if I thought about it, was actually depressing.

Like most fans, I identified with my team, and had since before I could think. Raised in South Lake Tahoe, California, I was born into a family that had been Oakland sports fans since the 1960s. Raiders games were church for us in the fall and winter and we always made pilgrimages to watch the A’s play baseball in the East Bay’s pleasant summer. For two special birthdays in a row, my father even spoiled me by allowing me to ditch school so that we could go see the Warriors during the heyday of RUN TMC, that electrifying team featuring Tim Hardaway, Mitch Richmond, and Chris Mullin. You could say then that I fell into the fold of worshipping the team in Oakland, despite the Sacramento Kings being geographically closer, and I proudly sported my Warriors Starter parka to school on cold winter mornings. But now I realized that I couldn’t fully identify with this terrible team and not just because I was even further away, sitting in my apartment on the other side of the world. Unlike the Warriors, I didn’t have reserves of strength like the ones they had just demonstrated against the Trail Blazers, and, what was worse, no part of me could muster Curry’s pre-pubescent-looking swagger. I could never be as great as Stephen Curry: my life has never felt that effortless. Instead, I was a jobless recent divorcée living in a foreign country, who was tired, anxious, and distant while I failed to recover from a psychotic upbringing and major back surgery. Which is a lot to handle in a single sentence and even more when every day proves to be a struggle that you know you are going to lose, painfully and in humiliation.

So, sitting at my desk in my studio apartment in Berlin’s Neukölln district, I stopped making comparisons. I wasn’t fortunate enough to be as gifted as Curry and I wasn’t willing to put in the work to make something of whatever talents I maybe had hidden. I tried to remind myself that life is not basketball. It’s a game where the objective is to score more points than your opponent by putting a ball through a ring. Basketball, I mean. Looking at sports as a metaphor for life’s complex relations seemed to be an oversimplification of the clusterfuck called the world and it was therefore unfounded.

It would take almost a decade for me to fully believe I was wrong back then. Until I felt that basketball could provide a worthy frame to put your picture in, and that by doing so you can discover aspects that would have otherwise remained hidden. But I’m getting ahead of myself. And by getting ahead of myself, I am letting you know that we’re going to get to a place after 250-some-odd pages in this story—about me and other people and the Golden State Warriors and homelessness and a number of other things—where the game will not feel arbitrary to living and where we will realize that we’re all in this together.

This is a sentiment that would have felt totally corny if not a deliberate distortion or injustice to me in 2010. Which brings us back to the beginning.

* * *

At home in the early morning, I segued from the basketball game into what I did every night that turned into day. I went into my studio apartment’s kitchenette, diminutive even for its formal designation, and grabbed another beer from the half-sized fridge. I cracked it open with a lighter and put the new bottle cap on the empty bottle. Then I leaned halfway out the kitchenette’s window and smoked another cigarette. Afterward, I sat down at the oversized slab of plywood that served as my desk and closed the illegal streaming site’s window, a refresh arrow’s looping back gesture where the game’s action had been. I checked my emails.

Awaiting me was an unread message from my ex-wife’s grandfather, who had written from his home in the Black Hills of South Dakota at 11:55 CET. I had emailed him yesterday on the pretense of asking his opinion about the Japanese writer Yasunari Kawabata while casually slipping in a question about Grace, who was not answering my emails. My ex-wife’s grandfather responded with a cursory recollection of what the Japanese author had meant to him when he was stationed in Japan after the War but avoided my question about Grace, who had moved in with her grandparents after our breakup in Berlin almost two years ago.

Sitting now in the morning light, I looked out the lone window in the main room of the studio apartment and saw the horse chestnut blossoms in the courtyard. I followed my fingers to where they always went whenever I thought about Grace: the URL of the Flickr account she administrated during our time together. The internet knew where I wanted to go almost before I did; the address was predicted, then autofilled, and the page was opened. I saw the few pictures of our old apartment in Reuterkiez as well as the beginning of our immoderately documented wedding in 2008. These first few pages weren’t why I visited the account, however. For more than a month, I’d been coming here to find the exact moment when I knew we shouldn’t get married on the Ides of March, a day historically known for betrayal.

I randomly clicked on page seven at the bottom of the feed. There I discovered a handful of flash photos that Grace had snuck in the Louvre in 2007. An overexposed photo of Rembrandt’s painting of a slaughtered ox was followed by a photo of me standing in some nook of the museum, glaring out the window. With my hands on my hips and wearing the grey H&M sweater that had never fit, I was accidentally posing like the unfocused sculpture behind me, tilting its head back, grimacing. Whether the sculpture was in the throes of anguish or ecstasy was difficult to say, but I attributed my expression of discomfort to the normal level of lower back pain I experienced after walking around for a day, ever since I had a major back surgery in 2005. In the next picture, Grace looked happy.

I kept scrolling.

Further down were pictures from the Versailles gardens, close-ups of a Louis XIV-era candelabra, as well as architectural details from the Grande Mosquée de Paris, all from that same April holiday for my birthday. But this page didn’t help me find why we shouldn’t have gotten married, so I navigated to page 11. We were in Greece. I was standing on top of the Acropolis in August 2006, this time for Grace’s birthday. With my arms crossed over my chest, I was totally disgruntled about something. Then, three photos later, my arms were uncrossed, and the profile of my face was smiling at the Mediterranean. Two photos later, I was kissing Grace’s cheek while she took a primitive selfie with her SSLR on a ferry to Crete.

I took another swig of beer in my studio apartment, finished it, grabbed another one from the kitchenette, then went back to my desk. I clicked through page after page, scrolling through all the contradictory displays of emotion. I found a tentative answer to the question When would have been a good time to stop? as far back as page 14, a trip to Chamonix with our friends from California. In one of the pictures, time-stamped at 11:42 AM on January 31, 2006, I’m hugging a post that pointed toward Berlin on top of the snow-covered mountain. My eyes were a challenge. I never wanted to go home.

Just then, the garbage collectors battered