Upstander

1

[gravel]

Plink, tick, tick. It was raining in Mary O’Malley’s dream. Soft water splashing rhythmically somewhere. Or summer rain tapping against glass.

No, not rain. Handfuls of gravel tossed against her second-story bedroom window. Dragged from her dreams, Mary reached for her phone on the floor beside her bed. The time read 3:27.

She rolled over, rubbed her eyes in the darkness.

Down below, Jonny tossed another handful of small stones scooped from the driveway. They tapped like buckshot against the aluminum siding. For a star athlete—correction: a former star—his aim wasn’t what it used to be. High as a kite in the dark of night. Locked out again.

Mary went to the window, looked out, and there he was down below, back arched, hands on his hips, looking up. And it was raining, as a matter of fact, a soft August drizzle. From Mary’s vantage point, her older brother, her only brother, looked like a lost boy. Small and soaked and, in this case, shirtless and razor-thin. Why isn’t he wearing a shirt? All ribs and pointy elbows, he smiled goofily, performed a daffy, loose-limbed shuffle, and acted out a nearly incomprehensible pantomime. Mary knew what he wanted. She could lip-read as he mouthed his request: Let me in. Didn’t apologize, didn’t ask. Maybe he thought he was cute. He probably wasn’t thinking much at all. The old charmer had attempted to enlist Mary as his co-conspirator. Well, that ship has sailed, dear brother. Now you’re just annoying.

Fed up, her mother had taken to bolting the front door, a desperate move that didn’t quite make sense to Mary. Her mother’s boyfriend, mild Ernesto, didn’t get involved in Jonny’s antics, kept a place two towns away. He might have been here that night or maybe not. But Mary couldn’t leave Jonny out there, and never would. It was the same old dance. The small, fractured family all playing a game of pretend.

Careful not to wake their mother, Mary tiptoed downstairs, slipped back the lock, and opened the door. Jonny swayed a moment, then reached out to steady himself against the doorjamb. His head lolled gently, his eyes unfocused, his skin pale gray in the lambent light, and he offered Mary a two-fingered salute. You’re a lifesaver, he said before he stepped dreamily into the house. A cherry, berry, raspberry, snazzleberry… He dropped the thought as he reached the stairway landing, caught himself with a grip on the railing, and began the great ascent. The effort required more focus than he was able to muster. Mary walked behind her brother, her outstretched hand shadowing his movements, ready should he fall. Jonny clomped and lurched and climbed bent forward at the waist, murmuring almost inaudibly, leaning heavily on the railing, giggling softly, sometimes pausing for long moments before taking the next step. Mary followed her brother down the hall and stopped at the threshold of his room. Jonny had already forgotten her, stumbled through, pushed the door half closed, left her behind.

They would not speak of this, ever.

On her way back to her room, Mary noticed the light leaking from beneath the door of her mother’s bedroom. She was up, had undoubtedly heard it all. Probably had been sitting up on the edge of her bed, brain blazing with worry. Mary climbed into bed, reached for her phone, sent her mother a text: He’s home.

Her mother had replied instantly: k.

Minutes passed. Mary rolled, flipped her pillow, strained to hear sounds in the silence of the house. What she wanted to hear was beyond her capacity, the sound of air pushed past lips, the liquid thrum and swoosh of a heart pumping in a room down the hall of this house of secrets. So Mary rose and went to her brother’s room. She pushed open the bedroom door. It was too dark to see, so she flicked on a closet light, opened that door a few inches, the weak light spilling across the carpet. Jonny was sprawled on top of his bed, designer sneakers still on his feet. He hadn’t bothered to crawl under the covers. Dead to the world. Zonked, stoned, high, toasted, wasted, whatever. She approached him, bent down, and listened: ah, he’s alive. Mary felt an urge to kiss him on the cheek. She brushed damp hair from his face. One arm, his right, was extended out and hung off the bed. She untied his shoes, rolled the socks off his feet. She found an afghan in a sailor’s trunk at the foot of the bed and pulled it over her brother’s bruised and ravaged body. His jeans were slung low, beltless, half falling off his narrow hips.

When did all this happen? When did she become the caregiver and her nineteen-year-old brother the hapless, helpless, damaged child? Mary yawned. A sad story, years in the making. It had been happening long before Mary realized it. Jonny in trouble at school, injury, pills, depression, rehab, relapse, promises and broken promises, tears and accusations and more drugs. Always more drugs. Where was it going to end?

Oh, how she hated and loved him so.

Mary drifted back to bed, and soon merciful sleep shut her eyes. Good thing it was summer. She could sleep in as late as she liked, dead to the world.

2

[triangle]

The searing August sun streaked through Mary’s bedroom window, bringing the room to a low simmer. Mary felt muzzy, the sharp edge of a headache pressing behind her eyes. The air-conditioning had never worked right in the upstairs part of the house, and she’d forgotten to pull the shade. So hot and stuffy and gross. These were the days Mary was grateful for her budding friendship with Alexis Brown and Chrissie Saraynan. It had been the summer of lounging by Chrissie’s pool, wearing cute bikinis, eating carrot sticks and chips, relaxing in the sun. And if just sitting around ever got boring for Mary, if the conversation ever felt tedious, she’d simply lower herself into the water by the side of the pool. What else were you going to do in the hazy days of global warming? If the planet’s going to cook, if we’re all gonna burn anyway—might as well get a killer tan.

Chrissie had one of the nicest houses in town, three stories with two white columns. The backyard was deep, with a grassy area fenced off for the dogs—they owned two huge Irish wolfhounds, Ani and Aram—backed by a large area for the pool, bluestone patio, and curtained pool house, complete with bathroom, outdoor shower, and full-size refrigerator. Once the girls settled back there, they never needed to enter the main house, which Mary guessed was probably the idea. So in sequence: sidewalk, house, dogs, pool. Beyond the pool there was a six-foot stockade fence that separated private property from the playing fields of the local elementary school. Yeah, Chrissie’s family had money.

Chrissie and Alexis came conjoined as a perfect pair, so it had been a surprise for Mary to find herself invited into their inner circle. Thanks to Mary, the third point on the plane, the girls now formed a triangle. Mary knew from math that there were different types of triangles: isosceles, equilateral, scalene, obtuse, others. It had to do with distances and angles, where the points sat on the plane in relation to one another. In a perfect triangle, there would be three congruent sides with three angles of sixty degrees each. Human triangles were never, ever perfect. Mary’s relationship with Alexis and Chrissie, she decided, formed an acute triangle. Their points were close together, tightly connected by a short line, whereas Mary’s point floated off into space like a flickering star. This didn’t bother Mary in the slightest. The reality simply matched the way she felt inside. Alone and shining in the distance.

Throughout elementary school, Chrissie had been unremarkable. Generally unnoticed. Well-dressed and wealthy with nice stuff but never, at least to Mary’s mind, particularly interesting. She’d been gangly and awkward, arms and elbows jutting out at pointy angles. Nobody ever looked twice. Until, suddenly, in the autumn of sixth grade, they did. Boys and girls both. And it was widely agreed that Chrissie Saraynan had blossomed into a rare flower. Her eyes were dark and heavy-lidded, only ever half-open, giving off a sleepy expression, as if she’d just woken up or was about to doze off. If anyone asked, Chrissie would say with startling certainty that she planned on becoming an actress after getting a nose job and dropping out of college. No one doubted it would come true.

Alexis had come from a different elementary school, so her history was less known to Mary. Where Chrissie could be aloof, almost regal, Alexis was the girl everyone wanted to be. Athletic, smart, confident, and pretty in a non-boring way. Alexis had, it must be said, the most amazing mouth. It was a little too big for her face, too wide, too full, giving her an almost alien quality. But also, undeniably, it was a mouth made for kissing. Sensuous, soft. Judging herself against Alexis, Mary hated her own thin upper lip and felt like the dullest dishwater in the world.

On this particular afternoon, a fourth girl, Chantel Williams, was also present, altering the group’s geometric shape. Mary wondered whether it turned this afternoon’s group into a trapezoid. A rhombus? Certainly not a parallelogram, with equal parts. Or maybe that was it: Chantel and Mary were the equal, short, slanted lines. Supporting players. In any event, that might be how the trouble between them started. Bad math. The numbers weren’t right. Chantel was dark-skinned and solidly built, though people often stressed the point, when Chantel was not in earshot, of saying how pretty she could be if only.

If only she’d figured out what do with her hair.

Or lost ten pounds. Okay, fifteen.

And got some new clothes. Something less last year.

Or just tried harder.

Because, again, she had such a pretty face!

Great eyebrows! Amazing eyebrows!

If only.

3

[interlopers]

Chantel had the idea that they should play something, not just sit around, so she brought along a game of Whoonu. Despite Chantel’s enthusiasm, and the fact that Whoonu was actually a decent game in Mary’s (unspoken) opinion, Alexis wasn’t much interested. She had veto power, able to alter a day’s plans with a stifled yawn. After some desultory discussion, they decided on Monopoly. As far as Mary could tell, Monopoly was the default game after everyone had run out of actual good ideas. The compromise that nobody wanted. So they got out the board and started the game. Everyone understood that they’d never finish and nobody cared who won anyway. It was just something to do until something better came along.

This feels so BC—Before Computers, Alexis groaned, giving the die a half-hearted roll.

Park Place! Want to buy it? Chantel, the banker, offered.

I suppose I should, Alexis said, counting out the hundreds. She picked up her phone, tapped a few times, smiled, and showed it to Chrissie.

Oh God, what a dork! Chrissie laughed.

Mary observed it all with mild irritation, still tired from her interrupted sleep the night before. Let’s take a break from the game, she suggested. Anybody want some chips? They’re onion ranch.

At that moment Mary noticed three heads peering over the fence. Three boys, wide-eyed and grinning like hyenas. Hey! she shouted sharply, pointing in the direction of their peeping