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    Martians
    Martians
    Martians
    Ebook173 pages1 hour

    Martians

    By Sivan Shriki

    ()

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    About this ebook

    "Martians" uses gross, sometimes graphic humor that will appeal to fans of Mel Brooks, "Airplane!", and Monty Python. This book strives to make a comedy screenplay feel more like a novel, and intends to make readers laugh. This character-driven novel revolves around messed up people geting into trouble and trying to solve their problems.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherBookBaby
    Release dateSep 26, 2022
    ISBN9781667866680
    Martians

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      Book preview

      Martians - Sivan Shriki

      A picture containing black, darkness Description automatically generated

      All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

      ISBN: 9781667866680

      -Table of Contents-

      Mark Green: Cia Agent, Adventures and Strictly Stories

      Family Matters

      The Space Story

      Author’s Photo:

      A person wearing glasses Description automatically generated with medium confidence

      FORWARD:

      This story is not intended for children, it is a fun and silly story that I came up with one day on my Typewriter while dreaming about being a CIA Agent. Just a fantasy that I imagined up and wanted to become real. I believed everything about it from the feeling of the uniform to the emotions I imagined feeling, or even what it would be like to smoke a cigarette in the 1960’s. I don’t know what caused me to write this story, maybe it was how much fun Archer made being a secret spy seem, or what.

      I’ve written many things, you know? Comedy songs, scripts, whatever.  Many stories and this is one I finally believe in.

      My name is Sivan Shriki, A Jewish boy out of Seattle and I wrote this story to express how nervous I get, and how much of a screw up I am. Life is tough, and most of us are in pain and struggle to stay alive. I hope this story makes things easier and makes you feel good/better about yourself. The intent is to make you laugh and amuse you, all for the better. I believe in the animating principle: Show don’t tell and instead of introducing my story I’ll just jump on in: Please enjoy the Tale of Mark Green the Retarded CIA Agent

      "MARK GREEN:

      C.I.A. AGENT,

      ADVENTURES, AND STRICTLY STORIES"

      BY:

      SIVAN SHRIKI

      TABLE OF CONTENTS:

      Part 1:

      THE ADVENTURES OF MARK GREEN: THE RETARDED CIA AGENT

      Part 2:

      MARK GREEN IS A CIA AGENT

      DON’T GO TO THE STRIP CLUB UNLESS YOU’RE ME:

      THE Family Dinner

      Part 3:

      PART 1:

      THE RETARDED ADVENTURES OF MARK GREEN: THE CIA AGENT

      12-18-21

      The agents at the CIA are known for killing people who make them jealous and their super-secret missions. Here’s what we know so far about our main character: His name is Mark Green, he’s a CIA Agent and he’s fucking retarded.

      During Halloween every year he goes trick or treating and hunts down boobies and panties at Nordstrom- that’s what makes him so great; Mark’s also unlikable, he’s dangerous, and doesn’t care about anything.

      He’s the best agent there is if the rest were dying, in a coma, or drunk and high altogether. But even then, they’re better at their jobs as agents than Mark is because he’s a complete fucking dumbass. But Mark still manages to be the braver one to complete the more dangerous missions without dying.

      He has nothing to lose, when he hunts down the wanted criminal(s), he shoots everybody that isn’t him, and burns down their mansions.

      During track races when the ‘referee’ guy pulls out his gun, Mark does too. He thinks that’s his queue to pull his out and start firing, The crowd screams:

      He has a gun! And of course, everyone gets off the bleachers and runs away screaming:

      Eeeeh! Aaaah! Eeeeh! (again) Mark doesn’t know any better and he explains to the Police that:

      I thought he was a threat. I mean what else can I say?

      The same thing goes for the 4th of July fireworks. Mark pulls out sticks of dynamite then lights them and hands them over to the guys who light the fireworks for the show.

      Look I made fireworks, just watch. Their eyes get bigger and wider like Coyote from the Looney Tunes. As they watch the fuse burn down, they stare at the stick of dynamite exploding.

      He wears a leather jacket and an overcoat over it, he wears converse sneakers, jeans, big thick reading glasses, has a bowl haircut, and a t-shirt with a long tie on it. He has a belt buckle around his waist and on it, are his badge and gun.

      Other times he wears dress shoes instead of sneakers, and a button-down shirt rather than a t-shirt (all depends on the day). Also depends how he feels when he gets dressed after opening his closet.

      Mark Green would make a really bad MK-ULTRA patient, because he repeats the hypnotic dialogue back, but injects himself with sugar powder, gets drunk on pickle juice, and masturbates to the hypnosis- brainwashing. The scientists have to watch him because it stimulates his brain- function and furthers the experiment.

      It also furthers future CIA experiments and projects which bring in money for gadgets and exciting, dangerous, new missions. Mark is a permanent retard now, from this point going forward.

      One day Mark sneaks into an office room where the other popular co-workers are snorting Cocaine and having sex with each other. Mark watches the Perpetrator play with a toy he likes, and eat the candy he wants, so he follows after him. Mark follows the Perp onto a bus and follows him until he gets off at the very last stop. They both get off the bus and Mark walks behind him into a Strip Club.

      At the club, Mark bothers the strippers, he gives them wedgies, makes annoying noises, squirts water at them out of his mouth and pees on the floor. He grabs the toy and candy out of his pockets, doesn’t have any fun, breaks them, and then he throws them away. The perp uses a stick to help himself walk around and while he gets a lap dance in one of the back rooms, Mark steals it and plays with it. He sharpens it with a butterknife (the waitresses gave him to eat with - he whacks it against the wall a couple times and pieces of wood chip off and fly across the room and land in people’s drinks - he isn’t paying much attention. Somebody walks towards him, and he hits them in the face with the stick and it breaks. 

      He puts the stick back together with superglue, nails, and staples. He returns the stick to the perp’s jacket. When the perp is on his way out it snaps, and he falls on it and bleeds out. People are shocked- Mark makes a run for it. Mark steals napkins and shot glasses then runs away.

      He has dinner at his parents’ dining table with his whole family. His father sends his middle-aged brother up to his room and they get into the car and go for a family vacation together in the middle of the night. Mark gets home late, takes his shoes off at the door then goes into the living room and falls asleep.

      For Thanksgiving dinner, he invites a hooker over to his apartment for Thanksgiving dinner and she brings her cat with her. Afterwards, he throws her cat out the back window, and pushes her out the front door. She hits her head and passes out, but he gives her a free turkey- so it’s all good. He opens the door to get the newspaper, checks the mail and kicks the cat after he sees the scratch marks it made on the door.

      Before work, Mark leans against the brick wall of the CIA building with his leather jacket and sunglasses on while he smokes a cigarette and whistles a tune. Before work he notices a Gay Gardener gardening a garden with his watering can. He’s effeminate, and pathetic- he is also an easy target. He investigates the Mysterious Mystery. This is the Gardener’s first week working and the previous one suddenly died of exhaustion and boredom, and Mark wants to know why – since he was an innocent Mexican who died doing his job.

      He mistakes the Mexican Gardener for an undercover agent, so he pulls out his gun and starts firing bullets towards him and sees him running away. He gets in his car and comes up with a plan to catch the Mexican Double Agent. He chases after him with his car then throws his spare knives at him when the perp runs down a narrow alleyway. The Mexican falls over and dies after being run over by a car and gets turned into a pancake. Mark feels accomplished and confident, so he pees on him then runs over him with his car.

      Mark is in the middle of a mission and his objective is to catch the bad guy and he chases after him on his bike in the desert:

      He’s on a walkie-talkie speaking to his boss while he chases after a political drug-dealer

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