Going Dark

PART 1

THIS BIRD HAS FLOWN

CHAPTER ONE

JOSH

The plane bucked with unexpected turbulence on its final descent, sending Josh’s stomach into his chest and causing him to grip the armrests so tightly his knuckles turned white. He’d finally dozed off while watching the in-flight movie when he’d been jolted awake by the sudden drop. Instinctively, he reached out to the seat next to him, only to find it empty. Of course, he’d forgotten. Amelia hadn’t boarded with him.

Gray clouds whizzed past Josh’s window, so thick he couldn’t even see the wing tip’s blinking light. The ground below was still shrouded in darkness, and he couldn’t see the city lights either. It was sometime past ten, and the sun had set, but his circadian rhythm was off. He’d been in Europe with his girlfriend Amelia for the past two weeks, and his body tried to tell him that it was sometime in the early morning so he couldn’t sleep. Besides, he’d never been an easy flier. The turbulence didn’t help. The midflight meal of an open-faced sandwich and tiramisu was starting to rebel in his stomach. He squeezed the armrests as the plane dipped again, making the cut on his palm sting. The pain helped distract from the nausea roiling in his gut every time the plane shimmied and shook.

The cut on his hand was fresh and surprisingly deep. He’d had to change the gauze during the flight but it had already soaked through. He regretted not going to the hospital to get stitches, but it was too late now. Whenever the cut stung, it reminded him of Amelia.

Every time he rested his phone in his palm to check for a text or picked up his bag to scroll through photos on his DSLR to look at her face, he recalled that the trip was over and she wasn’t there.

Movement across the aisle caught his eye. The pretty woman in 13F crossed herself with one hand while clutching her armrest with the other. She noticed him looking and smiled, the kind of smile that was nervous and a little embarrassed. Josh smiled back at the woman because it was the polite thing to do. She couldn’t have been much older than he was at nineteen, and guys who looked like him were used to pretty women smiling his way. Still, he wasn’t interested in taking advantage of the fact that his girlfriend had abandoned him in Rome.

He couldn’t believe Amelia had actually not shown, especially when she’d been the one who bought the tickets, booked their hotels, arranged their itinerary. Tickets to Europe weren’t cheap, especially since they were both college students.

Thoughts swirled in Josh’s gut, as sickening as turbulence. Were they really done? Was that it? Months of dating, over like that? He didn’t even know what he’d done wrong. It had been the perfect vacation, a literal dream come true with his dream girl. And now, all he had was an empty seat next to him.

It had been a miserable ten hours without Amelia.

At the Leonardo da Vinci International Airport in Rome, he’d gotten in line to check in, head on a swivel, expecting to see her rushing up behind him. While he stood in line, he held his phone tightly, waiting for something, anything—even a breakup voice mail. But nothing came.

When it was his turn at the check-in counter, the attendant took his boarding pass. He glanced around the concourse, hoping to see Amelia’s blond ponytail swinging behind her. She was obviously still mad at him, but she had time to board. He hadn’t worried, even then.

The attendant loaded his luggage onto the conveyor belt and it disappeared through the leather flaps into the bowels of the airport. To think, Amelia had packed his suitcase for him while he checked them out of the hotel. She’d tucked all of his souvenirs and clothes away, expertly folding everything with the skill of a veteran traveler so it all fit like Tetris pieces.

Josh sat in a row of chairs near the Four Winds counter, keeping an eye on the queue for Amelia. He waited. And waited. And waited. He passed the time by buying a small, personal-sized bottle of red wine from a vending machine, a novelty for an American visiting Rome for the first time. He downed the whole bottle before he realized it was gone. The wine was supposed to calm his nerves, but it only made his stomach full of acid and turned his tongue purple. The clock inched closer to departure time. Josh couldn’t wait for Amelia any longer.

He went through security with no problem and bought an overpriced cappuccino at an espresso cart. He wanted to get one last taste of an authentic Italian coffee before returning to the real world. Amelia had been the one to introduce him to espresso.

"Ess-presso, Josh. If you say ex-presso, I think an Italian person is legally allowed to kill you," Amelia had said on their flight over, her eyes alight with teasing.

He drank his cappuccino as he mindlessly scrolled through his phone, cycling through Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, over and over again, hoping to find any distraction, before inevitably opening his text conversation with Amelia only to close it again. An apology from her would have been nice, especially after all the things she’d screamed at him.

While he was in line to board, he got a text, but it was from his roommate Derek in California.

Boarding? Derek was never one to type out a paragraph in a text if one word could work, but he was loath to use emojis, a firm stance that Josh could appreciate.

Yeah. Almost to my seat.

Get me anything?

Josh grinned and texted back, Absolutely nothing. Derek would know he was lying.

Josh had bought him two pairs of socks: one pair featuring the Vitruvian man and another with the pope’s face on them.

Asshole, texted Derek. Fly safe.

They’d been best friends since they’d met freshman year at San Diego State. Like Josh, he was an artist, specifically a painter, though his major was in finance. Derek and his girlfriend Tori were made for each other, and probably headed for the whole kids and white picket fence life.

Before, Josh could have imagined a similar future with Amelia. She was special, someone worth holding on to, keeping close. Now, all he had left were photographs on a camera and an empty seat beside him.

All his past relationships had been intense. He loved with his whole heart, but what he had with Amelia was different. She was everything.

A flight attendant made Josh switch off his phone for departure. Still no text from Amelia. Where was she? The engines had roared to life, and the plane vibrated beneath his shoes. Rome fell away as the plane took off and the seat next to him stayed empty. The acid from the cappuccino and the bottle of wine sat high in his stomach, but it was nothing compared to the anxiety swirling in his gut.

It hadn’t really set in, not until he was well over the Atlantic and they turned off the lights in the cabin for everyone to sleep. Were they over?

Unable to help himself, Josh purchased in-flight Wi-Fi. Amelia hadn’t posted on her social media, which was unusual for someone like Amelia Ashley, rising Instagram model and travel writer. No sad Insta stories about breaking up with her boyfriend while gazing at the Trevi Fountain, or some Roman ruin. She was an enigma in so many ways, even if her whole life was online. The Wi-Fi charges were starting to rack up, so Josh switched off his phone. There would be plenty of time to talk to Amelia later.

The selection of movies on the transatlantic flight was lackluster, but Josh picked one so he could at least get comfortable enough to try to get some sleep. He’d even popped a Xanax to help him get settled. Waiting for the pill to kick in, he scrolled his camera, only half-watching the movie, staring at the photos he’d taken of their trip.

Amelia was so beautiful. He could stare at her face all day.

It had started off like a perfect Roman Holiday, just like the movie with Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck. One picture of her posing in front of the large windows overlooking the tarmac at the airport when they first arrived, another of her looking over her shoulder in front of the Colosseum, another of her grinning over her wineglass at a small restaurant where he’d had the best ravioli of his life, her high cheekbones illuminated softly in the candlelight.

The plane landed, tires thumping heavily on the tarmac at the San Diego International Airport. As it taxied up to the gate, Josh texted Derek that he’d landed and that he’d be home soon, but he didn’t expect a response. It was Friday night and he knew Derek was probably busy with Tori, letting off some steam before fall semester of their sophomore year started. Tori had become Josh and Derek’s pseudo-roommate because she stayed over all the time, but she didn’t pay rent. Josh didn’t mind though; it kept Derek happy and occupied and Josh enjoyed the apartment to himself when they were out most weekends.

Tori had been the one who’d introduced him and Amelia. He could still remember that feeling when he first saw her several months ago, as if she’d drawn him toward her by an invisible string around his neck. Tori had invited her to his birthday party, and the moment he saw Amelia, he knew she was the one. His last relationship had ended terribly, but Amelia made him realize he could love again.

Tori loved playing matchmaker. Of course, she’d been right. Amelia was perfect—everyone said so. Everyone loved her, but the best part was that Amelia loved him. His heart ached to hear her say it again.

The line of passengers moved down the aisle and Josh slipped on his Dodgers’ cap and triple-checked that he had his camera, his phone, his passport, and wallet all in his carry-on. He stayed for an extra minute to help a couple of elderly women get their bags down from the overhead bin. Their smiles were big, and their laughter girlish as he handed them their bags.

Oh, thank you, young man! one of the women said. Her glasses made her eyes look gigantic. Chivalry still exists in this day and age. See, Flo? What a gentleman.

It’s no trouble at all, ma’am, he said, with a wink.

The women giggled. He left, feeling better about finally being home.

At baggage claim, Josh stood at the carousel, waiting, as the final suitcase was picked up and carried off. He heaved a huge sigh.

His bag had not made the flight.

He went to the customer service area, where he joined a long line of annoyed travelers. Still no text from Amelia. He filled out the lost baggage form, circling what his bag looked like from a huge catalog of pictures. It used to be his father’s. It was an old-fashioned leather suitcase, covered in stickers, with a gold handle and clasps that always made him feel like an adventurer from the movies whenever he opened it. This was the first time he’d ever lost his bag on a flight, but, then again, he was aware that this kind of thing happened all the time. But the acid from his stomach had returned. He’d packed almost his entire wardrobe in that suitcase. What was he supposed to wear for the first week of class?

The night was warm and welcoming as Josh stepped out to the line of taxis ready to whisk travelers wherever they needed to go. It was hot but dry. California heat was different from the Roman kind. Rome’s felt older somehow, even though he knew it wasn’t really. It was thicker. Amelia had joked that she could eat the air like cotton candy when they first stepped outside after arriving.

Josh hailed a cab and got in, feeling adrift without his suitcase. He checked his phone again. Still not a word from Amelia. The last thing in their text conversation was one she’d sent before their trip:

Hotel Artemide

Via Nazionale, 22, 00184

It was the address of their hotel in Rome, in case one of them got lost. They could just hold up their phone to anyone who could help. She was always prepared that way, always thinking ahead. He liked that a lot about her.

He missed her. He wished things had gone differently, that he’d had her at his side on the trip home, falling asleep on his shoulder. That would have been a nice punctuation mark on the story of their trip. The vacation had been so much fun until it wasn’t . . .

Josh sighed. His pride told him not to, but he knew he should.

He started to type to tell her that he’d landed in California, but after a moment’s pause, he deleted his message, shoved his phone in his jacket pocket, and rested his head on the window. The glass felt cool on his forehead. When she was ready, Amelia would reach out to him. He knew there was no talking to her when she was angry, and by the looks of it, she was beyond reasoning with.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, as they said. And Josh was smart enough to know that him talking to her before she was ready was a recipe for disaster.

When the cab dropped him off at his apartment, a two-story complex of which he and Derek rented the bottom floor, he was semi-relieved he didn’t have to haul his huge suitcase inside. He was too tired to do much besides open the door and flick on the light. Derek’s cat, Munch, waddled over to greet him.

Immediately, Josh’s mood brightened. Hey there, buddy-boy. Miss me? He kneeled down and scratched Munch behind his black-and-white ears. Josh and Derek had rescued him from a shelter when they got their apartment. He was old and the shelter was ready to put him down, and their lease technically didn’t allow pets, but Derek convinced the landlord to let them keep him. I bet I missed you more, Josh said. Even though he was Derek’s cat, Josh was attached to him.

Besides Munch, the apartment was empty. Derek and Tori were probably at her place a block north, so Josh went to bed. He dumped his carry-on near his bedroom door and flopped backward onto his mattress, barely doing more than taking off his pants and shirt, shedding the gross international travel feeling. With Munch already asleep at his feet, Josh lay in the dark, staring at his phone, chewing on all the things he wanted to say to Amelia, before finally typing:

Miss you.

He paused his thumb over the SEND button, then finally hit SEND before he could talk himself out of it. Sent: 11:07 PM.

He didn’t expect an immediate response, but he wanted to see those dots appear to show she was typing, to show that she was thinking about him. He fell asleep never getting any answer back.

His text went unread.

CHAPTER TWO

JOSH

What do you mean she didn’t come home with you?

Tori’s spoon hovered over her Cheerios as she stared at Josh like he’d grown a second head.

Josh had woken up that morning to find Derek and Tori had come home sometime during the night while he was asleep. He hadn’t even heard them come in. Jet lag had knocked him out. Based on the smeared makeup Tori had around her eyes as they ate cold cereal at the breakfast bar, spanning the length of the kitchen, she and Derek had gone out to a club last night. Derek, still hungover, had his head buried in his arms, slumped over the counter. He lifted his head though when Josh said Amelia missed the flight.

She didn’t show up at the airport? he asked.

No, Josh said. He stirred his cereal, drowning the marshmallow charms and letting them bob back to the surface. I waited for her but—

What happened exactly? Tori asked. She and Amelia had been friends since before Amelia had started dating Josh in February. She was practically the polar opposite of Amelia in looks—dark-haired, dark-eyed, dark-skinned—but like Amelia she was gorgeous. No wonder Derek was head over heels for her. She and Derek already acted like they were a married couple. Josh had been their third wheel until Amelia. Tori had liked Amelia immediately—everyone did when they met her. She was a magnet.

Josh cleared his throat. Right before our flight, we got into an argument. We were at a cafe, eating before we needed to be at the airport, and . . . she blew up at me.

Did you say something? Did you do something? People don’t just blow up . . . Tori crossed her arms and looked skeptical.

I don’t know. I mentioned something about our next vacation. Maybe Iceland to see some volcanos. And she freaked out. I swear, I have no idea what happened. It took me totally by surprise. She flew off the handle and stormed off. Took her bags and left. We’d already packed for the flight and everything. And she just . . . He gestured with his spoon.

For real? Derek asked. Where did she go?

Josh scooped a spoonful of cereal in his mouth and shrugged. I have no idea. I texted her last night but she didn’t answer. Do you think she dumped me?

Josh, what is wrong with you? Tori’s voice had taken on an edge of accusation. You left your girlfriend in a foreign country?

Derek had lifted himself up from the counter. Bro, that’s kind of messed up.

Josh balked. They made it sound like he’d dropped her off on the side of the road and sped off into the sunset, leaving her in the dust. He was starting to feel like he was on his heels, defending himself from . . . he didn’t even know what. It wasn’t like he’d meant to leave without her. She knew when our flight was leaving, she was the one who booked the tickets in the first place! I waited for her at the airport forever. I had to go or I would have missed my flight! Look, I thought that’s what she needed. To blow off some steam. Alone. She did it all the time.

What do you mean all the time?

Josh hadn’t used the right words. She went off on her own a lot. She had friends in the city too. You know how she likes walking alone. It wasn’t so weird to me.

Dating Amelia had been an adventure on its own. When they weren’t going out to dinner, or to the movies, or studying at home, she would take him on real-life expeditions, called geocaching. With some coordinates and a good pair of hiking boots, all she needed was her phone and her GPS, traipsing through the wilderness like an adventuring tomb raider in search of hidden treasure in empty fields or at the beach, caches left behind by fellow enthusiasts. She loved puzzles of every kind. It made for great content on her blog.

Josh wasn’t the outdoor type and didn’t find it as much fun as Amelia did. She often went by herself.

Tori dropped her spoon into her bowl and scrutinized Josh, mumbling something like Can’t believe you.

Derek dragged his hand down his face and propped his head up with his hand. You didn’t try to stop her? he asked.

No, said Josh. Like I said, she was furious. I figured she needed some space. Me talking to her wouldn’t help.

What did you do to her? The suspicion in Tori’s eyes wasn’t lost on Josh.

What? Nothing! I swear! I didn’t do anything.

Yeah, sure.

Josh sighed. This was not how he had expected his return home would go. Okay, he said, bracketing the air with his hands. We ate together. We talked. Everything was normal. We had a few glasses of wine, then she flipped out. It all happened so fast, I barely even knew what was going on. But she was the one who started it. Why am I the bad guy here?

Did you say anything else?

Josh’s face felt warm. It was all a blur. I don’t really remember. Like I said, we had a few drinks. He wondered if she could tell he was holding back.

Tori dipped her head toward him. What happened to your hand?

All eyes moved to the bandage on Josh’s right hand. He flexed it. I cut it. I was picking up a broken wineglass.

Josh, Derek groaned. I know you, man. I know you were trying to be nice and give her space, but come on. At least check up on her.

She didn’t answer my text.

Call her.

The time on Josh’s phone when he tapped the screen said it was just past eight in the morning, so it would be five in the afternoon in Rome. Derek was right. He needed to call her.

Derek and Tori exchanged glances with each other while Josh waited for the first ring. It never came. It went straight to voice mail.

Amelia’s chipper recorded voice sounded tinny against his ear. He could almost picture her when she recorded the message, imagining her scrunching up her nose and sticking out her tongue whenever she was being silly. Hi! This is Amelia’s phone. Amelia’s busy right now. Leave a message or text like a normal person.

Josh waited for the beep. His heart had lodged itself in his throat and he sounded like he was talking through a bubble. Hey, it’s Josh. I’m . . . I’m sorry about everything. Please call me. Please. Okay. Bye. He always sounded stupid on phone calls and he cringed when he hung up.

No answer? Derek asked.

Tori pushed away from the counter. She’s probably still pissed at you. I’ll call her. Tori grabbed her phone from where it was charging on the dock and flipped her braids over her shoulder as she dialed Amelia’s number. She too got a voice mail. Josh could hear Amelia’s recorded voice from where he sat, but she didn’t leave a message. I’m texting her. We’ll see what’s up.

I’m sure she’s okay. She could be on a flight right now, and her phone is off, Derek