The No-Bs Self-Help Book

CHAPTER 1

INTRODUCTION

Stay away from those people who try to disparage your ambitions. Small minds will always do that, but great minds will give you a feeling that you can become great too.

— Mark Twain

Reading is the gateway skill that makes all other learning possible.

— Barack Obama

Every man has two lives, and the second starts when he realizes he has just one.

— Confucius

Learning Beyond the Classroom

The swiftest way to triple your success is to double your investment in personal development.

— Robin Sharma

HAVE you ever stopped to consider just how much time you spend in a classroom, trying to absorb information that has been taught for years before you even arrived? Let’s assume you completed the traditional education journey, from elementary school to obtaining a bachelor’s degree. Congratulations on your achievement! But, a degree can only take you so far in life, and to truly succeed, you need to develop a set of life skills.

Earning a degree with good grades indicates your ability to learn new subjects and demonstrate proficiency in them. It does not make you unique, as many others have achieved the same level of knowledge before you. To truly set yourself apart, you must acquire unique life skills that will help you thrive in any situation.

This book is not intended to discourage you from pursuing higher education. Rather, it is meant to demonstrate that you can learn much more outside of a classroom setting. Learning is a lifelong process, and if you’ve picked up this book, it’s likely because you’re looking to gain a greater understanding of personal development.

It can be challenging to navigate the vast sea of books and information present on personal development. There are countless books out there, each offering unique insights and approaches to achieving success and happiness in life. With so many choices, it can be difficult to know where to begin.

That’s where this book comes in. I’ve taken the time to filter through the vast array of available literature and compiled the best ideas from the most influential books in four key areas essential to personal growth and development. These areas include:

Money

Productivity

Communication

Health

By combining the best ideas and practices from the most influential books in these four key areas, this book provides you with a comprehensive roadmap for personal growth and development. Whether you’re looking to build wealth, improve your time management and productivity, enhance your communication skills, or overcome unhealthy habits, the insights and strategies presented in this book will help you achieve your goals.

Fear of the Unknown

People often don’t take steps to become the best version of themselves because they are afraid, have problems, or don’t know how. We fear change because it means that outcomes are unknown. Our brains are designed to find peace in knowing. When we don’t know what will happen, we make up scenarios that create worry. Emotional feelings attached to the fear of change include:

Loss.

People are afraid of change because they might lose something. They worry that they will have to give up something in exchange for the loss.

Confusion.

People fear change if they don’t know why it’s happening, so they fight it. Change makes people nervous and forces them out of their comfort zones.

Lack of competence.

People worry about change when they think they won’t be able to do what needs to be done.

Extensive work.

People are afraid of change because they think it will mean more work. Change takes time, and people will always have to come up with and try out new ideas while still doing business as usual. The stress that comes from too much work and insufficient time can make the change seem like a failure.

Lack of control.

People fear change because it makes them lose control of their roles. The bigger the change, the more they’ll feel like it’s being forced on them. No one likes feeling powerless.

When something people know ends, it’s hard for them to move on. Fear of failure also plays a role in making people afraid of change. If we don’t know how something will turn out, we might not want to try it because it could go wrong. When you try something new, you take a chance. Here are some problems you might have had when trying to change a habit that is related to the main ideas of this book:

Insufficient knowledge or understanding of financial concepts and principles.

Limited time to get things done.

Communication is overwhelming and listening is hard.

Unrealistic goals, lack of patience, or too high expectations.

Whether you’re struggling to make a career change, start a new business, or take any other major step in your life, this book will provide the guidance and support you need to push through your fears and move forward confidently.

So if you’re ready to take that first step toward a life free from the fear of the unknown, then this book is your opening shot. It’s the starting point for a journey of self-discovery and growth, and it will provide you with the tools and knowledge you need to overcome your fears and embrace the unknown. I hope you find it helpful and inspire you to take action toward achieving your dreams. So, dive into this book like a harpoon and become the captain of your destiny.

How the Rat Race is Killing Your Dreams

Stay afraid, but do it anyway. What’s important is the action. You don’t have to wait to be confident. Just do it and eventually the confidence will follow.

— Carrie Fisher

MANY people die at 25 but aren’t buried until they’re 75. Read that again and give yourself a moment to reflect on that sentence. What does it mean?

We’ve all heard the phrase rat race before. It means a pursuit that seems endless, pointless, or even self-defeating, and it’s often used to describe a 9-to-5 job or career. People who are stuck in the rat race are unhappy and just going through the motions of life. They go through the daily grind of their jobs feeling unfulfilled, unchallenged, and uninspired until they go home at the end of the day, only to start all over again the next day.

In general, there are two ways to define the rat race. One is:

It’s a way of life in which people are caught up in a fiercely competitive struggle for money or power. It’s a routine that is usually exhausting and competitive.

In this situation, it’s good to want to get rich and powerful with passion but not desperation. When you want to do something passionately, not desperately, in an intense competition struggle or exhausting routine, you will reach your goal because your beliefs will work together to make it happen sooner or later. Then, getting what you want is fun and satisfying, not a struggle in the rat race.

But if you are in a highly competitive race for money or power, trying to Keep up with the Joneses, or trying to live a life that is way beyond what you can afford, then you are stuck in the rat race and can’t get out.

And then you have the other way to describe it:

A term used to describe a frustrating and hard-to-break financial lifestyle.

It is a way of life that many people live without recognizing what it is, to the point where they will deny it strongly when asked.

This kind of rat race involves taking on a job that takes up a lot of time and saddling oneself with heavy mortgages/rents, bills, children, and other responsibilities that force the person to keep working hard at the same job. People in this rat race think that getting more money will solve their problems with money. But those who choose to be in this race spend more and more, digging themselves deeper and deeper into the same hole. They will say, I’m not interested in money. Why do they spend their lives working for nothing and always complaining about insufficient money if they aren’t?

This kind of rat race is caused by a self-created fear of being poor, a lack of options, bad spending habits, doing the same thing over and over, or an inability to adapt to the changes in the workforce that were happening at the time this definition was made. I’ll describe what a typical day in the rat race looks like.

Get Off the Wheel

Okay, so your alarm goes off at 6:30 a.m. You hit snooze. It rings again. You begin to get angry about it. But still, you hit snooze. And you keep doing this until you can’t stay in bed any longer because you have to be at your 9-to-5 job today. You go to work tired and have to spend the next eight hours of the day making everyone else richer but yourself. Your boss bought his fourth home in Florida and you probably shouldn’t have spent $9.12 on that Starbucks breakfast combo. Your demanding boss told you at 11 a.m. that you’re not good enough and should consider a new career path. And at lunch, you realize that people talk about a different person every day, and today it’s you. By 3 p.m., you’ve been in meetings for hours that haven’t gotten anywhere. And the only real difference is that you now have more work on your desk. You decide at 4 p.m. to check the time every five minutes to see if it’s already 5 p.m. You’d rather be somewhere else. But don’t forget that it’s only Monday. This is something you have to do four more times this week. And you have to do this for another 50 weeks, assuming you have two weeks off for a holiday. Everyone wants to get out of the rat race because of this.

It’s hard to say when you became part of the rat race. It just sort of went that way.

When you were in college, you probably had roommates and shared the rent for a bad apartment. You probably didn’t have a fancy car, and you probably ate ramen noodles for food. You could buy some beer or go out to dinner with friends with the money you had left over. Most people like to think back and remember those moments.

After that, you got a job and started making real money. You needed a nice car to drive and a big house to show how successful you had become. But none of the things you got did anything to improve your life. The more money you had, the more stuff you needed. Even when you got a raise or a promotion, you couldn’t get ahead because your cost of living stayed the same.

The problem with the rat race is that there is no endpoint. No one is waiting for you at the end with a medal and a cooler of Gatorade to dump on your head. The wheel just keeps spinning. And the longer you stay in this cycle of using, the more normal it feels. You don’t remember that it wasn’t always this way.

The first step you need to take to get out of the rat race is to be able to see it. When you’re just trying to keep up, it’s easy to take on a big mortgage and a pricey car payment and tell yourself that’s what will make you happy. Because it won’t, you will over time have hedonically adapted to the new fancy car or house you bought. Hedonic adaptation is an important concept to understand because it helps explain why we often struggle to find lasting happiness or satisfaction in life. It is a psychological phenomenon that refers to the human tendency to adjust to positive or negative changes in our lives and return to our baseline levels of happiness or well-being, despite the intensity or duration of the change. In other words, it is the process of becoming accustomed to new positive or negative experiences and eventually taking them for granted, thereby diminishing their initial impact on our emotions.

The good news is that you got on the wheel, which means you can get off of it. Here are the most important things you need to do to get off it:

Recognize where you are right now.

You can’t move forward in life if you don’t know where you are now and how far away you are from where you want to be. You can learn how to get out of the rat race once you realize you don’t have to stay where you are now.

Know your income and expenses.

Next, you need to track spending for more than one reason. Keeping track of your spending lets you know exactly how much you spend each month and how much money you need to make to get out of the rat race.

Get rid of things that no longer support you.

Getting out of the rat race means letting go of people, things, and situations that no longer serve you. This can be hard. To grow, you must get rid of the things holding you back. You should have ties to the people and things that help you move in your desired direction. You’ll never figure out how to get out of the rat race if you keep one foot in the things that made you comfortable in the past. To take bold steps toward the life you want, you have to let go.

Use your knowledge, the internet, and social networks to make yourself more valuable.

With the internet, social media, software, and access to information, you have many great options, whether you want to develop a professional career or start your own business. Regardless of your income model, improving your leadership and content skills can help you make yourself more valuable to a company or customers. The idea is to use what you know about topics you’re interested in and feel confident talking about to make videos, written posts, or audio content. You teach, show your expertise, and get people’s attention.

Be consistent, pay attention, and work.

You already have everything you need to work hard and live the life you want. At the end of the day, how successful you are will depend on how hard you work at it. People don’t get out of the rat race because they don’t put in the focused work every day. You’ll get out of the rat race when you want to. The life you want to live requires it.

Take one step at a time.

You probably won’t get out of the rat race in a day, a month, or a year unless you win the lottery or get a big inheritance, which you shouldn’t count on. Getting out of the rat race takes time and doing small things repeatedly. But small steps can add up to real financial freedom over time.

The Pitfall of the Traditional Education System

We don’t want to waste our lives being slaves to money, but we weren’t taught how to make money work for us. We are taught to go to college, get a steady job, and work from 9 to 5 until we retire as part of our education. Although many people find this unappealing, our brains start thinking this is the only way to make money. We feel stuck in this rat race and can’t think of other ways to make money, so we keep working harder and harder to make ends meet. Even if we get a high-paying job, we still tend to live from paycheck to paycheck because when our pay goes up, so do our bills.

The traditional education system often falls short of equipping individuals with the necessary tools and skills to navigate the challenges of adult life. While schools focus on academic learning, they tend to overlook essential life skills such as effective communication, time management, critical thinking, problem solving, financial management, and personal development. As a result, graduates are often ill-equipped to handle the demands of the workplace and daily life.

Moreover, the rapidly changing nature of the global economy means that skills that were once in demand may no longer be relevant. This makes it even more critical for individuals to continually upskill themselves and seek personal development opportunities. Learning and adapting to new situations is becoming increasingly essential in today’s rapidly changing work environment.

As the world evolves and technology advances, individuals must continuously develop new skills and learn how to adapt to new situations. It’s not just about achieving a degree or qualification, but about embracing a mindset of a lifelong learning mindset. Personal development should be taken seriously, as it helps individuals to improve their skill sets and to develop the right mindset to tackle the challenges they may encounter in life.

Schools must adapt to the changing world and emphasize equipping individuals with the necessary life skills that they will need in the future. It is equally important for individuals to take their personal development seriously and continually upskill themselves to remain relevant in the workforce. Learning and adapting to new situations is a vital tool that will serve individuals well in their personal and professional lives. But you can’t get better if you don’t take actions.

Take Actions Now

Knowledge is undoubtedly a powerful tool that can help individuals achieve great things. However, knowledge alone is not enough to bring about change and success. Action is like a gun, and what you know is like bullets. If you don’t have a gun (action), the bullets won’t do much (knowledge). But if you don’t have any bullets (knowledge), you can still hit your target by throwing the gun (action) and get a little ahead. But again, having knowledge without action is useless.

You don’t need to know everything before you start. Sometimes, the best way to learn is by doing. Action brings with it new experiences, and these experiences can teach you valuable lessons that no amount of knowledge can.

On the other hand, having too much knowledge can often lead to indecision. We spend so much time acquiring knowledge, thinking it will give us the answers we need, only to find that we are still unsure what to do. The more we know, the more we can get lost in the details, and the more indecisive we become. In contrast, taking action forces us to make decisions and learn from our mistakes.

Sometimes we spend so much time, money, and energy acquiring knowledge that we will not use, and that will leave us paralyzed from taking any action. We become afraid of making mistakes or failing, so we hesitate to take any steps. This fear of failure is one of the biggest obstacles that prevent people from taking action. But the truth is that failure is a part of the learning process. Every failure is an opportunity to learn, grow, and improve. Albert Einstein said the same,

Failure is success in progress.

Growth Mindset vs Fixed Mindset

If you can manipulate your mindset and begin viewing obstacles as opportunities, you’ll have better confidence when entering the situation.

— Lora Jets

HAVE you ever wondered why some people succeed while others don’t? Our worldview, cognitive processes, and interpretations of information shape our identities. Ultimately, it all comes down to our thinking patterns and how we apply them to navigate life’s challenges. How we perceive our intellect, abilities, and personality affects our emotions and actions, determining whether we can adopt new habits or acquire new skills. Here are some beliefs that distinguish one mindset from another:

Growth Mindset vs Fixed Mindset

Accepting challenges with open arms vs Attempting to avoid challenges

Persevere despite failure vs Giving up early

Ability & talent can be developed vs Talents and abilities are innate

Keep the focus on the process vs Concentrating on the end result

Take inspiration from others’ successes vs Afraid of others’ success

Embrace criticism vs Avoid negative feedback

Find people who challenge you vs Reinforce their self-esteem

Deeply involved in the learning process vs Run from mistakes

Individuals’ perspectives on the world typically fall into two categories: a growth mindset and a fixed mindset. The growth mindset is critical to success and can ultimately help us achieve happiness. This outlook is grounded in the belief that our personalities, intellects, and creative abilities can change over time. Living with a growth mindset involves embracing challenges and welcoming problems, while regarding failure not as a setback but as an opportunity for growth and improvement.

In contrast, the fixed mindset strives to evade failure at any cost, equating success with intelligence. With a fixed mindset, individuals believe their personalities, intellects, and skills are predetermined and unchangeable. These attitudes, which are formed early in life, significantly impact our actions and our views on success and failure in both personal and professional arenas.

In her book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, Carol Dweck delves more deeply into these two ways of thinking. Dweck’s work emphasizes the following:¹

My work bridges developmental psychology, social psychology, and personality psychology, and examines the self-conceptions (or mindsets) people use to structure the self and guide their behavior. My research looks at the origins of these mindsets, their role in motivation and self-regulation, and their impact on achievement and interpersonal processes.

The concept of motivation and its influence on human behavior has been a topic of extensive exploration in the book. The author has devoted considerable effort to examining the factors that lead to success or failure and identifying strategies to enhance achievement. Over two decades, the author has conducted research to determine whether personality and intelligence are malleable qualities that can be nurtured and developed from an early age. Based on her findings, she has formulated a theory, which is presented below:

"For twenty years, my research has shown that the view you adopt for yourself profoundly affects how you lead your life. It can determine whether you become the person you want to be and whether you accomplish the things you value. How does this happen? How can a simple belief have the power to transform your psychology and, as a result, your life?

Believing that your qualities are carved in stone — the fixed mindset — creates an urgency to repeatedly prove yourself. If you have only a certain amount of intelligence, a certain personality, and a certain moral character you’d better prove that you have a healthy dose of them. It simply wouldn’t do to look or feel deficient in these basic characteristics.

[...]

There’s another mindset in which these traits are not simply a hand you’re dealt and have to live with, always trying to convince yourself and others that you have a royal flush when you’re secretly worried it’s a pair of tens. In this mindset, the hand you’re dealt is the starting point for development. This growth mindset is based on the belief that your basic qualities are things you can cultivate through your efforts. Although people may differ in every which way — in their initial talents and aptitudes, interests, or temperaments — everyone can change and grow through application and experience."

The importance of the mindset we adopt daily cannot be overstated. Our mindset shapes our attitudes, behaviors, and ultimately, our destiny. Choosing the right mindset is a critical step toward achieving success and fulfillment in life. This is why it is crucial to be intentional about the ideas we expose ourselves to and the knowledge we acquire.

One way to cultivate a growth mindset is to commit to learning something new daily. Whether reading a book, listening to a podcast, or attending a seminar, continuous learning helps us expand our knowledge, develop new skills, and broaden our perspectives. Exposing ourselves to new ideas and experiences keeps our minds active and open to possibilities.

In this context, my book is a valuable resource for anyone looking to cultivate a growth mindset. While it may not be feasible to read the entire book in one day, it provides a wealth of information and insights that can be incorporated into daily life. Readers