The Girlfriend Bucket List

Preface

If you love someone , set them free. If they love you, they will find their way back to you. In my case it was again, and again, and again. I would have never guessed such a thing was possible, but I’m sure this all sounds a bit off since it’s kind of out of context. Well, let me help you put things into perspective by telling you a story. This story is about me, and someone I loved with all my heart. Like most stories about love, it started when I met a girl, no, a beautiful woman who I thought was smart, amazing, and felt perfect in so many ways. Before I get into all that, you might be asking who is this floating pendulum of a voice I'm listening to. My name is John Wodsworth, and I am simply a dipshit. I should have seen it coming... Sorry, I’m getting off topic.

As a young man in my twenties I got very lucky. I created an app that recorded all the information these algorithms gather from social media, and general online activity. This info could then be used to prove your identity if it was ever stolen. If you take all the information algorithms are gathering, it's simply just trying to create an A.I. version of you so it can predict the kind of things you would want to buy so it can target you with ads for things you didn't even know you wanted yet. This same A.I. knows your behaviors pretty accurately, so it could be used to prove who you are, or cut someone off who is pretending to be you because they didn’t match your algorithm behaviors. I sold this app, and it was swept under the rug, but it did make me a decent amount of money.

I grew up in Phoenix Arizona. I hated the heat there as much as I hated dealing with people from there. I was sick of the state and wanted something new. A change of pace, new people, and someplace away from everyone who was trying to get money out of me. So, I took the money I made and found a nice house in the Cincinnati Ohio area. Houses in the area were very affordable, and had lots of land around them so your nearest neighbor felt like they lived a block away. Between the bored police officers and the photo cops, the most excitement you really got was when you got a surprise speeding ticket for driving on a back road, when you were lucky to see another car every ten minutes.

My plan was to live my life and work on my next app in peace. I didn't have to go out much, because everything can be delivered nowadays. It was perfect. I was happy and wanted nothing really. Every once in a while I would have to go into town for something, because I didn't want to wait for it to ship to my house. There are still some things in life that they can't send to your front door, and some things I hope they never do, but those are thoughts for another time. 

I can’t clearly remember what brought me into town that day. I think it was something to do with the tank on the back of the toilet. The house I purchased had some really old toilets that felt like they broke at least once a month. How quickly does that little metal chain in the toilet tank rust, because those broke on me all the time. The toilet antics brought me to the hardware store many times to get needed parts to frankenstein the toilets back together.

I remember stepping out of the hardware store, looking across the street to see a little bakery that was getting some decorations set up for Halloween. It reminded me of being a kid, when we could actually play outside and not have to worry about people being over sensitive about kids being kids. I used to go trick or treating until midnight with a pillow case, and come back home with that thing two thirds of the way full. Lost in my memories staring at the colors, I was brought back to reality when I noticed a beautiful woman painting spooky trees on the store's windows. That's all It took, and I was done for. Seeing her was enough for my heart to race, and in front of that little bakery is where our story truly begins. That bakery is also where this story ends. Many parts of me were brought to life in front of that store, but many more parts of me died in front of it as well. Before I get off topic again, let's get into how it all started. 

Chapter One, Stars Align.

She was so damn beautiful . Her beauty made me feel like I had witnessed a goddess descend to earth. She was wearing paint stained gray sweats, her hair pulled back with just a plain old rubber band. The trees she was painting on the bakery windows for the Halloween season looked spooky in a kid friendly kind of way. The smell of cinnamon rolls wafted through the front door of the bakery out a crossed the sidewalk, making it even harder to resist coming closer. I walked right up to the front of that bakery knowing exactly what I wanted to say to her. I took a deep breath to get ready to talk, and a damn fly flew into my mouth as I inhaled, making me choke, scaring the crap out of her. She turned around and stared at me for a bit as I struggled to compose myself.

Are you ok? She said, sounding rather concerned for my well being. 

After about ten minutes of trying to get that damn fly out of my mouth I manage to spit it out. Yeah... I’m sure that looked really sexy. Looking up at her with watery eyes I finally managed to speak.

I’m, I’m good. Just needed a sec, had a huge fly try to fly down my mouth hole. The flies must also like the smell of the bakery, not that the bakery is full of flies, or is a dirty place. Just saying the fly has good taste, not saying the fly tasted good just that... I’m going to shut up now. I said all of that feeling like a complete idiot.

All she did was stay quiet. I was sure I had ruined my chance with my mental mouth vomiting pure concentrated stupid into her ears. Part of me felt stupid for even trying to talk to her. Normally the thought of talking to a beautiful woman would have been enough to make me so nervous, I wouldn't have bothered with attempting to even try, but for whatever reason that day I didn't feel nervous at all. I chose to be confident, and that didn't happen often. I mean I used to get anxiety from calling my bank when the bank’s website was down. 

I’m sorry, I was thrown off by the whole fly thing. My name is John, and I’m new here. I just saw your painting and got excited, Halloween is my favorite holiday. I managed to at least say that without sounding like a complete ass clown. 

I absolutely love Halloween, now I have to test you. If you like Halloween you like scary movies right? She said while tilting her hip to the side. I thought it was her showing a little sas, but I really didn't talk to girls much, so truthfully I was guessing.

Well actually, I’m a huge horror nerd, but I could use some hobbies. That was my attempt at playful banter. I was pretty sure at the time she was thinking that I was the kind of guy that whacked off to better homes and gardens for the adrenaline rush.

Ok. Prove it, she said with such a stern tone to her voice.

Umm, how? What can I do to prove it to you? I remember thinking to myself, all she is going to do is ask me questions about children's Halloween movies. The kind of questions that would make you hate every tattoo of a smiling skeleton in a pinstripe suit that you would ever lay eyes on.

What is a nickname for New Line Cinema? She said it like she thought I was full of shit.

The house that Freddy Krueger built. I was surprised she asked such a question, but I was also excited because such a question ment she knew a thing or two about horror.

Holly shit, you're not just some poser. What serial killer was Leatherface loosely based on?

That's easy, Ed Gein. I have never met a girl before that knew much about horror. She kind of blew my mind with the fact she was truly into horror.

Well there’s the problem, but you're in luck because I’m a woman that's into horror, and I hope you are a man that’s into getting some coffee with me.

I guess that's the issue, because most women that say they're into... Wait. Did you just ask me out on a coffee date? I never had a woman in my life ask me out before. This was some new territory for me. Like Idnina Jones couldn't find me a map if he tried, new kind of territory.

Smooth sleuthing their Sherlock. Yes, I asked you out, but before I say anything else, my name is Becky. She said as she stuck out her hand to shake mine.

I took her hand, and my body started shaking as I looked her dead in the eyes. Like a deer staring into headlights, I kept shaking her hand as my mind ran through a lifetime's worth of possibilities. Marriage, kids, retirement vacations, I thought about it all in mere seconds. I just couldn’t believe that such a beautiful woman would be into horror movies, let alone me.

John? Earth to John. I’m going to need that hand back if we are going to go get coffee any time soon. She said with a kind of grin that made me think she was trying to be cute, and sarcastic at the same time.

You mean you want to get coffee right now? Like right now, right now? I remember thinking no freaking way she wants to go right now.

Yeah John. We are right outside a bakery and they have coffee, so we can go right now if you have the time. Of course I had the fucking time, I do computer shit!

I would love to go right now, to this bakery that has coffee, right here in arms reach. I said while pulling open the door. Again, that was an attempt of mine to be cute.

We sat in that little bakery for hours talking over the same cup of coffee not even noticing that it had gone cold. We talked about all the old Hammer horror films, how all the old horror movies are getting mass reboots because no one could write anything new any more, and that we just had to suffer through them. We talked about how she was really into true crime and paranormal T.V. shows. We talked about how she loved animals that are so ugly they become cute again somehow.

I went home that night feeling like I had won the lottery. Every thought I had just kept coming back to Becky. I layed in my bed just wondering about all the answers to all the many questions I could ever ask about her. I wanted to get to know her more. Her personality was winning me over with little effort. She was so sure of herself