Dialed In: Do Your Best When It Matters Most

Praise for Dialed In

Anytime you enter the eye of the storm you need a guiding light, and with this book Dana gives us an inspiring and innovative path forward.

Billie Jean King, social justice and sports icon

I have tried to bust myths for a long time, and I have had the privilege of psychoanalytic therapy to really uncover the unconscious imprints that drive all of us. There are external things that can help though, and this book is one. It’s about motivation, not self-flagellation. Dr. Dana’s guidance and suggestions are laid out in a way that all will understand and can apply. A very important tool!

Jamie Lee Curtis, Academy Award–winning actor and New York Times bestselling author

"With Dialed In, Dr. Dana takes the guesswork out of the best practices required for continued individual delivery of high performance. She articulates a simplified, specific, and functional framework with applications for all aspects of life. This is a great read and an excellent resource!"

Andrew Jay Feustel, Ph.D., NASA astronaut (ret.)

When I needed to be calm, clear, and focused, Dr. Dana Sinclair was a difference-maker.

Don Mattingly, baseball legend

Winning, in any sector, means you need to show up when it matters most. Dr. Dana’s work with the Dodgers helped us do that, and her new book will assist everyone to get to their best.

Mark Walter, controlling owner, LA Dodgers; Chelsea FC general partner

"Talent gets you in the game, but a distracted mind kicks you out. Dialed In dispenses with the typical platitudes and reveals the specific behaviors that separate great performers from the rest."

Daniel H. Pink, #1 New York Times bestselling author of The Power of Regret and Drive

Dr. Sinclair is one of the world’s greatest people, first and foremost. That makes her talent and knowledge for helping athletes get the best out of themselves more extraordinary. She is down to earth, she is relatable, and she will always be one of my favorite people! Thank you for being great, Doc!

Kyle Lowry, NBA champion point guard

Dr. Dana Sinclair has a passion for teaching and helping people become the best versions of themselves: quality colleagues or teammates who assume responsibility for their own performance.

Scott McCain, chairman of McCain Foods

Dr. Dana Sinclair put everyone at ease and worked with the team to get us to the next level. Her approach is excellent!

Nick Nurse, NBA champion head coach

She saved my life. If it wasn’t for Dr. Dana Sinclair, I would have lost my mind in some of the situations I faced. When she was our team psychologist in Anaheim, her calm and direct approach really helped stabilize and smooth out some of our performance issues.

Bruce Boudreau, Jack Adams Award–winning NHL coach

In motorsports, we are always looking for an edge on the competition. Working with Dr. Dana opened my eyes to the difference that proper mental preparation makes. Her relatable approach made a noticeable difference in both driver and team performance in the pit stop environment of every race.

Scott Harner, team manager, Andretti Autosport

Dr. Dana Sinclair and I have crossed paths numerous times over the years, usually in NHL rinks across North America. Her book gave me a real insight into exactly how she helps people—from professional athletes to business executives and everyone in between—perform at their best. And each chapter provides tools and strategies we can all use in our everyday lives to be the best versions of ourselves. I guarantee you will learn something!

Christine Simpson, NHL broadcaster and Sportsnet reporter

Dr. Dana Sinclair has deep insight on mental performance and the ways character matters even more than talent. She has been invaluable to me personally and in our Baseball Operations Department.

De Jon Watson, director of player development for the Washington Nationals

I’ve had the great fortune of knowing Dana for many years. On top of her professional acumen and expertise in her field and at her craft, she is a phenomenal human being. Her approach is kind, positive, and affective. With years of experience and impact, she’s an asset to whomever she touches. This book is reflective of all these things.

Stacey Dales, NFL Network national correspondent

It can be challenging to find a resource that successfully weaves great depth of experience with pragmatic, real-world application, but Dr. Sinclair nails it. Her experience in the worlds of business, sports, entertainment, and entrepreneurship is as valuable as her relatability and common sense. This is a not-to-be-missed, can’t fail resource for anyone serious about achieving and enjoying success.

Megan Buckley, chief operating officer, Hy’s of Canada Restaurant Group

"As a longtime general manager of the Los Angeles Dodgers, I needed difference-makers to set us apart from the competition: we needed to turn the average player to good, good to great, and great to iconic. As you will read in Dialed In, that is Dana Sinclair’s specialty. You will learn the methods necessary to become a difference-maker, to be at your best consistently, and to exceed in a mindful way."

Ned Colletti, former MLB executive

Dr. Dana Sinclair worked with us as individual players, which really helped us get the most out of ourselves and contribute our best to the team.

Hampus Lindholm, NHL defenseman

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To James Sleeth, you have always been my very best friend and are still absolutely stellar. I love my life with you.

And to our very lovely daughters, Hunter Sinclair Sleeth and Morgan Sinclair Sleeth, stay your forthright, funny, and sassy selves.

Foreword

A little over thirteen years ago, I did what I always do when traveling alone: go to the gate, sit down, and find a best friend. I find someone whose presence calms me. We chat, talk about their favorite ice cream, whatever. I do this so that when I am feeling anxious or scared, or if it’s a bumpy flight, I can look at my new best friend and if they look calm, I am calm. This soothes me tremendously, although I am sure there have been a few people thinking, Who is this strange lady looking at me?

On this particular flight to Toronto, I saw this lovely woman in a cream trench coat with beautiful chestnut hair and a huge welcoming smile. I’d found my person for this flight. Little did I know my new best friend would also be my seatmate. Her name was Dr. Dana Sinclair.

I am usually an anxious flier but on this flight I was also recovering from the birth of my third child and had a pretty bad case of postpartum depression. I was going back to work soon too, so I was very anxious.

Aside from her work in performance coaching, Dr. Dana also did reproductive mental health therapy. She had no idea that her flight home would become a five-hour therapy session. In the way that only she can, Dr. Dana immediately calmed me. She gave me tools to breathe and self-soothe—tools that would give my body and my mind a chance to heal.

Our flight (and session) came to an end, but it was the beginning of a trusted friendship I deeply value. And it was the beginning of countless sessions, from baby blues to my fear of driving on highways. Each time we speak, Dr. Dana knows what to say and how to listen. She knows how to talk to people to bring out their best. And while she doesn’t disregard the mushy stuff, she teaches how to put that stuff in its place so it doesn’t interfere with putting in the effort to be better the next time. Whether you’re an actor like me, an athlete, a doctor, a race car driver, a hedge fund manager, or anything else, Dr. Dana will show you how to enhance your performance.

In this book, you’ll first discover why some of the advice you’ve heard all your life is actually not helpful. How many times has a well-meaning teacher or parent said, Just work harder! as if that’s all it takes? But don’t worry, because Dr. Dana delivers real answers. You’ll discover why staying calm, clear, and focused beats out natural talent in the long run, why you don’t need confidence to succeed (though it’s nice to have), how fear can manifest in surprising ways to derail performances, and why no one can give you motivation. And those are just some of the secrets to success you’ll find here.

With all of that wisdom in mind, Dr. Dana then takes you through her three-step process for making your own performance plans, whether you’re facing a daunting downhill slope or a tense boardroom. You’ll learn the four key skills that you can practice as you read. And there are five revealing examples of different kinds of performers all going through the process with you. I find my new best friends in the airport terminal before a flight, but everyone you’ll ever need is right here.

I have used Dr. Dana’s tools in every audition, every role I take on. And I have used her tools to enhance my performance as a mother, too. That third baby I had just given birth to when I met my new BFF is now a high-achieving elite soccer player. So, guess who Dr. Dana’s new client is? I know Dr. Dana will help her enhance her soccer performance, and she’ll be all the better in other parts of her life, too.

I just adore Dr. D!

Alicia Coppola

Actor, writer, director, filmmaker

Los Angeles, 2023

Introduction

Step into My Office

We all want results. We all want to be good at what we do. But getting the most out of ourselves isn’t always easy.

"I know you are a psychologist and work with a lot of athletes and businesspeople, but what do you actually do? This is the question I am most often asked. A close second is, Why would anyone want to talk to you, are they head cases?" I’ve learned that this usually means the person asking would like to chat about their own pressure moments.

My job is unique and specialized. It is under the radar for many and so I explain myself often. As a performance psychologist my role is to help people use their heads to be better at what they do. I talk about concepts and strategies that allow people to manage their emotions in the moment when they have to go live and want to execute well. I show people how they can learn to approach performance situations more calmly and with more clarity so they can get better results, even if they feel challenged or pressured by the task.

As a licensed psychologist specializing in performance, over the last twenty years I have worked with professional athletes and teams in the NFL, MLB, NBA, WNBA, NHL, MLS, IndyCar, WTA, PGA, and the Olympics. I also work with surgeons, students, executives, parents, coaches, and performance artists—actors, musicians, and more. I love working with anyone who wants to try to be better. Essentially, I help people focus so they can avoid errors, improve their skills, and get results. We keep it simple. We keep it fun. That’s it.

Even these high-level performers can struggle under pressure. They get tense and nervous, they lose confidence, second-guess, and make mistakes. We are all capable of letting our mental approach undermine our abilities. But the good news? We are also capable of harnessing it to make it work for us in powerful ways.

Most of my time with clients is happily spent tackling performance issues and talking about practical solutions for getting results. Whoever they are and whatever they do, I hear the same concerns about performance. People want to talk about confidence, focus, fear, tension, and preparation. To become better, you need to know why you are great some days and not others. Do you know what you actually do right on those days when you feel as though you are performing effortlessly? Do you know what situations or thoughts undermine your ability to perform?

Research, experience, and common sense tell us there is a big mental component to performing well. You know you will perform better if you stay calm and focused, if you can minimize self-doubts and distractions. Learning to control your emotions under pressure—that is, when the moment is truly significant—will allow your talent and skill to show up and work for you.

In my practice, we focus on straight-up performance enhancement work—tools to help you right away. But general life events do pop up and are brought into the broader discussion. Relatively mild mental health concerns sometimes demand attention as symptoms associated with anxiety, depression, attention deficit disorder, phobias, and the like can interfere (often only in limited ways) with an individual’s ability to cope and perform at their best. We then work to remove or at least mitigate these obstacles so that person can get back to their previous level of performance. Unfortunately, serious mental health conditions can also arise—they do not discriminate and can affect anyone, anytime. But it’s not why people come to see me and it’s not the focus of this book.

In the world of mental health and emotional wellness, the areas of psychology, psychiatry, counseling, and psychotherapy can all seem to meld into a confusing bucket of similar proficiencies and zones of practice (though they are distinct). Although understanding is growing and attitudes are shifting in a big way, many people still hear the word psychology and immediately think illness and problems rather than satisfaction and results. My clients are looking for the latter and that is what this book is about.

Where does this work happen? I do meet people in my downtown office, but more often there is no calm room with comfortable seats and bright sunlight. Instead, it’s the sidelines at games and during practices, in locker rooms, offices, hotel lobbies, planes, buses, gyms, at meals or dinner parties—anywhere. It’s about finding a little time and space, even in chaos, to manage a distracted mind or tweak an already confident outlook.

How does it work? We talk, I listen (a lot). I assess and ask questions (also a lot) to find out how that person naturally thinks, feels, and behaves, not only in relaxed situations but in tough, distracting ones as well. Once we both understand how that person works—what is helpful and what hinders—it is so much easier to dial in on which behaviors and patterns need to be supported and which need to be suppressed.

My clients and I have talked about all aspects of performance, about how to think (and how not to think) when they want to perform at their best. They all come to understand that the core of performance is emotional control, being able to shift attention, in the moment, from distraction to action.

For instance, a neurosurgeon was curious if performance psychology could help him be better than he felt he currently was. There was nothing wrong with his work, but he wondered if there was anything about himself, his skills, or his style in the operating room that he could further refine.

I meet with high school and university students to show them how to stay calm and effective during an exam rather than waste precious time catastrophizing about blowing it before they have even started to work on it.

I have met with a financial advisor who was trying to deal with his highly critical, confrontational, and controlling boss. This is somewhat of a hot zone in my practice as I help people from all sorts of job areas try to navigate lousy bosses, difficult coaches, or overbearing parents.

What about setbacks, such as illness or injury? Health challenges can topple one’s sense of identity, and prolonged recoveries can crush confidence. One of my young clients used some of the ideas and strategies found in this book to manage her tension and attitude through her (successful, thank goodness) chemotherapy treatments. An Olympic skier used the same strategies after a horrific crash that nearly killed him. He returned to the international race circuit with great success. Was he ever tough. He still is.

They can be seasoned professionals or aspiring teenagers, at the top of their game or struggling to feel good enough to belong, but they all want results. Often they are successful people and doing just fine in life, thank you very much, but are looking for a boost to take them to their best. They know their mental approach is key to inspired performance, and if they get more out of themselves in the challenging moments, they will feel more satisfied with their efforts. This satisfaction or sense of accomplishment means they have executed closer to their upper limits, which almost always means better results. And it feels wonderful.

Individuals, teams, and organizations are all part of my consulting practice, so I may be contacted by a specific person looking to meet or by someone on their behalf, such as coaches, presidents, managers, agents, parents, spouses, administrators, employers, or colleagues. I’m sometimes referred by health workers, too, such as physiotherapists, doctors, directors of sport science, trainers, etc. In addition to meeting clients in my office, I often travel for multiple teams in different leagues and consult with other organizations, some on a regular basis, others intermittently when needs arise.

For instance, the last time I signed with an NFL team, it was the head coach who requested performance psychology services for his players. He had a great approach and introduced me to the auditorium of players and staff during a morning meeting, allowing me time to talk to the group. This opening gave me a chance to quickly lay out my version of what I do and why it may be of interest to (hopefully) many of them. Typically, as with other teams, I would fly in every week or two during the season for a few days and meet with some individuals more formally in a boardroom, check in with others on the sidelines during practice or on game day, or end up going over game plans in the meal room sitting between the waffle maker and the kombucha machine—wherever it worked for the player.

Other organizations aren’t so accommodating. Management may hire me and then point in the general direction of the locker room and say, Go fix something or someone, and good luck. Once, I arrived for my every-two-weeks scheduled visit with an NHL team the day after the head coach was fired. The new coach was getting set up in his office and I went to meet him to ask what he had in mind for me for the next half of the season. His response? Well, I don’t know, I now have to go ask all the guys if they want a f-cking woman around.

While certainly meant to denigrate, I felt his bluster was more about him being tense in his new setting than an indication of who he really was as a person. I told him to please ask the players and let me know his decision before I had to leave in a few days to go visit another client. After that rough start it all worked out. Even though this guy didn’t think anyone would want anything to do with psychology, he came to see the strategies as simple, repeatable, and reliable. He even ended up using them himself. He found that trying to be better could only help, whether it was players working on their own performance needs or him preparing to be his best behind the bench. He even tried new ways to smooth his relationship with a prickly front office. In fact, working with this coach turned out to be one of my most enjoyable jobs in professional sport and we are still great friends.

I may do the occasional group presentation with a team’s rookie class or present on a panel at a medical conference to give an overview of the process I use with clients, but the best work gets done one-on-one. In my experience, whatever your profession or the performance, nobody wants to listen too long to what other people do—they want to talk about themselves and learn what will work for them. People often need solutions in a hurry, and I am always struck by how much can be accomplished quickly, on the spot, even in stressful moments. This book is designed to bring these succinct, deliverable solutions to your pressure moments—when you need them most.

My approach with every client is to encourage an independent, self-determined performer, one who can learn to coach themselves to properly execute under pressure. To get past that limiting thought or annoying worry in the moment. No one needs to be dependent on a psychologist to coach them through their performances twenty-four-seven. You need to be able to deal with the unexpected, with any emotional overload, on your own. After all, you are the one who has to take that exam or deal with that critical boss.

Remember, your talent doesn’t derail your performance; not accessing your talent in the moment diminishes your performance. Good performances, and even those that are just fine, happen when your mental approach is clear, or at least not getting in your way. Whatever your talent level (even if you wish it were higher), you will be your best if you can manage your mind through some of the tougher stuff that pressure will throw at you.

We all want to gain satisfaction and confidence, but the ability to fight through mental noise when you feel unsure is surprisingly overlooked in conversations about leading a happier and more satisfying life. Being good at your job, being open and sensitive to your child’s feelings, doing well in an interview, on a Zoom call, or on