Woodworm

1

I walked in and the house pounced on me. It’s always the same with this filthy pile of bricks, it leaps on whoever comes through the door and twists their guts till they can’t even breathe. My mother used to say this house makes your teeth fall out and your insides shrivel up, but my mother left a long time ago and I don’t remember her. I only know she said those things because my grandma told me, though she shouldn’t have bothered. It’s not exactly news. In here, you lose your teeth, your hair, the meat from your bones and if you’re not careful you’ll end up dragging yourself around on all fours, or else permanently bedbound.

I left my backpack on the wooden chest and opened the living-room door. My grandma wasn’t there. She wasn’t in the pantry or under the kitchen table either, so I decided to try upstairs. I checked the dresser drawers and inside the wardrobe but there was still no sign, damn her. Then I saw the tips of some shoes poking out from under one of the beds. I wouldn’t normally have lifted the edge of the quilt—you don’t disturb what’s under the bed—but my grandma’s shoes are unmistakable. The patent leather’s so shiny you can see your reflection in it from the other side of the room. When I lifted the quilt, she was staring at the slats under the mattress. A neighbor who once saw her climb out of the wooden chest by the front door told the journalists the old woman had dementia, but what would she know, that shit-stirring bitch with her fat-fryer hair. It wasn’t dementia.

I hauled the old woman out, sat her on the bed and shook her by the shoulders. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t, and this time it didn’t. When it doesn’t work you’re better off waiting for her to come around. I dragged her into the hallway, opened the door leading up to the attic, shoved her through and closed it behind her, turning the key. All the doors in this house can be locked from the outside. It’s a family tradition, like the stupid stuff people get up to at Christmas. We have a lot of traditions, including locking each other away, but we don’t eat lamb because lambs have never done us any harm and it feels rude to eat them.

I went down to fetch my backpack then walked back upstairs. Aside from the stairway going up to the attic, the only space on the first floor is a bedroom I share with the old woman. I put the backpack on my bed, the smaller of the two. It used to be my mother’s and before that my grandma’s. In this house you don’t inherit money or gold rings or monogrammed sheet sets; beds and bad blood are all the dead pass down. Rage and a place to lay your head, that’s the most you’ll be left around here. I didn’t even get my grandma’s hair. It’s still as strong as rope, a real sight to behold when she lets it loose, and yet here I am with four greasy strands that start sticking to my scalp two hours after I’ve washed them.

I like my bed because there are guardian- angel prayer cards Scotch taped all over the headboard. Sometimes the tape gets old and yellow and starts peeling, but then I just bite off a fresh strip and replace it. My favorite card is one where the angel is watching over two children about to fall down a ravine. The children are beaming like a pair of idiots, as if they were playing in their own backyard and not on the edge of a cliff. They’re old enough to know better, but that clearly hasn’t stopped them. When I wake up in the morning I often check to see if the children have fallen yet. There’s also a card with a baby about to set a house on fire, another where some twins are trying to stick their fingers in an outlet, and another where a girl’s about to chop off one of hers with a carving knife. They’re all grinning away like psychopaths with round, rosy cheeks. The old woman put the cards up when my mother was born so the angels would protect her, and every night before going to sleep the two of them used to kneel beside the bed with their palms pressed together and say their special prayer of four corners to my bed and four angels round my head. But one day the old girl saw angels for real and it turned out that whoever drew those pictures obviously hadn’t seen any themselves, because angels don’t have blonde curls or beautiful faces. They’re more like giant insects, like praying mantises. And so my grandma abandoned her prayers, because who wants four mantises with hundreds of eyes and pincers for mouths showing up at their daughter’s bedside? We only pray to them now out of fear they might land on the roof and slide their antennae and spindly legs down the chimney. Sometimes we hear a noise in the attic, go up to see what’s going on, and find their eyes peering through the gaps in the roof tiles. Then we say a Hail Mary to scare them away.

I took my clothes out of the backpack and laid them on the bed. Four T-shirts, two pairs of leggings, five pairs of underwear, five pairs of socks and the black pants and floral blouse I wore when I went to see the judge. It was the same outfit I wore for job interviews, when I also wanted to give an impression of innocence, virtue and a pretty much total willingness to be brutally exploited. Playing the innocent worked on the judge, but not on the employers. They could probably see the anger in my face because my jaw stayed clenched when I smiled. The only job I’d been able to get was looking after the Jarabos’ son, since they didn’t care about the blouse or the bad blood. My family had always bowed to theirs and it always would, whatever I wore and however much I resented them.

Now the blouse is too faded to wear, but that doesn’t matter because I’m not about to have any more interviews. No one’s going to employ me now, not after what happened. So I’ve been spared having to clock in somewhere each day and grit my teeth to hold down the bile, but even so, the old woman says I’ll have to learn to do something. She says it because she doesn’t want me hanging around the house all day, but she’s also right: if I spend too much time twiddling my thumbs, the jitters and rot set in. One job I know I’d like is dog walking, but who’s going to pay me for that? Around here people keep their dogs shut up in pens and those mutts are lucky if someone occasionally tosses a crust of stale bread over the gate.

Anyway. After I unpacked my clothes I took off my T-shirt and changed into a clean one. I’d like to say it was pretty but that would be a lie and I want to tell you things exactly as they happened, and the truth is that both tops were equally ugly and ratty and stretched, but at least the second one didn’t reek of the crappy old buses we have around here, with seats that smell like a locker room. I put the clothes away in the bottom drawer of the dresser but I knew there was no point. I’d have to look for them the next day in the kitchen cupboard or on the pantry shelves or in the wooden chest in the hallway. It’s always the same: you can’t trust anything in this house, especially not the wardrobes or the walls. The cupboards a bit more, but not really.

I heard a thud and realized the old girl was banging on the door with her forehead. She must have been coming to, so it was best to wake her before she got near the attic window. This wouldn’t be the first time she fell or jumped, and either could leave her crippled or dumb. I went back and opened the door. This time I shook her harder until she fully snapped out of it and said Oh, hello dear, I didn’t hear you come in. I told her I’d gotten back half an hour ago but she’d been gone all that time. When the saints take you they take you, she said, and I watched her walk through the open door and down the stairs. The steps creaked as if they were about to give way, though the old woman can’t be more than 100 pounds. The body you see is actually all skin, empty peel with no flesh inside. When I followed her down, the steps didn’t make a sound. They can’t be trusted either.

The old woman was bustling about in the kitchen, doing twenty things at once. It was almost two o’clock but I wasn’t hungry. Back then I was never hungry, I’d just mope around like a sick dog off my food. She put two bowls on the table and brought over the saucepan. There was no need to ask what was for lunch because the menu’s always the same in this house. I’m used to it because I’ve never known any different, but people find it weird which is why I mention it. The old woman’s cooking basically involves bringing a saucepan of water to the boil and throwing in whatever’s around, normally vegetables from the garden or stuff she finds in the woods, sometimes a handful of chickpeas or beans bought from the trucks that come through the village. The pan bubbles away for hours, then gets reheated again each day as the old woman goes on adding whatever she likes, and as we eat our way through it she tops up the water and chucks in whatever’s on hand and only when the slop’s about to go rancid does she wash out the pan and start again. My mother hated this meal, but that doesn’t matter because, like I said, my mother left ages ago. I don’t love it either but I keep my mouth shut. I’m not about to cook anything else.

I dropped a few bits of bread into the stew as usual