Boathouse

I

I don’t go out anymore, a restlessness has come over me, and I don’t go out. It was this summer that the restlessness came over me. I met Knut again, I hadn’t seen him for at least ten years. Knut and I, we were always together. A restlessness has come over me. I don’t know what it is, but the restlessness aches in my left arm, in my fingers. I don’t go out anymore. I don’t know why, but it is several months since I was last outside the door. It is this restlessness. That is why I have decided to write, I am going to write a novel. I have to do something. This restlessness is killing me. Perhaps writing will help. It was this summer the restlessness came over me. I met Knut again. He had got married, had two daughters. When we were kids Knut and I were always together. And Knut left. I called his name, but Knut just left. A restlessness has come over me. I looked at his back. I didn’t know what to say, I just saw Knut standing there, down on the road, and then he walked away down the road. I haven’t seen him since. My friend Knut, I hadn’t seen him for at least ten years, and then I saw him again this summer. Knut’s wife. A yellow rain jacket. The denim jacket. Her eyes. Knut is a music teacher, came home for the holidays. I’m more than thirty years old, and I haven’t made anything of my life. I live here, with my mother. It was this summer the restlessness came over me. I’ve never written anything before, not of my own free will, I suppose most people have, written letters, or even poems, but I’ve never written anything. It occurred to me, suddenly, that I might be able to write. I had to do something, the restlessness was too overwhelming. It occurred to me pretty suddenly that perhaps I should start writing, that was after the restlessness had come over me, I had to do something, had to keep the restlessness at bay. I’ve actually never thought about the possibility of writing. Not before this restlessness. It came over me again and again, the restlessness, especially in the evenings, they used to be the best part of the day, but now the evenings are so restless, so entirely restless. I had to find something to do, and so I decided to write. Perhaps writing will help, will keep the restlessness at bay. I don’t know. But this restlessness, which I can’t shake off, perhaps it’ll become more bearable if I write. Perhaps everything will become different. In any case the writing might keep the restlessness at bay for a few hours. I don’t know. Because this restlessness is unbearable, and that is why I’m writing this novel. I sit here. I am alone. I am here. It is this restlessness. I sit in the attic, in my house, and I write. I’m not feeling too bad, it was quite clever of me to think of writing a novel, I think it was, even if I have only just started to write. The restlessness is unbearable, that is why I should write. I sit here in the attic, have two rooms to myself, and I can hear my mother walking around downstairs. Through the floor I can hear the sounds of the television. My life is quite good really. I have my guitar. I have a stereo system, records. I have books. Not all that many books, but I still read a lot, although I mostly get the books I read from the library. I read a lot. I can hear my mother walking around down there. I live with my mother, although I’m more than thirty years old. My mother is not all that old. We get along quite well, really, have lived together all our lives. This summer I met Knut again. When we were kids, Knut and I were always together. I haven’t made much of my life. My mother. She is walking across the floor down there. My mother gets her pension every month, she buys food and she cooks, she pays the regular bills, electricity, telephone, she keeps the house neat and tidy, washes my clothes, grumbles most of the time. And I haven’t made much of my life. Perhaps that worries my mother, perhaps it doesn’t, it probably doesn’t worry her, she’s in the habit of saying that I have to get myself a job, I can’t sit up in the attic strumming a guitar, she says, but she grins when she says it, and I don’t know if I should believe what she says or not, besides, I do a few things now and then, or at least I used to, before the restlessness came over me and I decided not to go out anymore, while before, I used to go out and do the shopping for her, chop the firewood, all winter I would get the firewood, in the autumn I would help her pick berries, I fished all the fish we ate, and occasionally I would even earn a bit of money, I have done the odd job in my time, and, most of the money I earned came from playing at dances, which I used to do quite a lot. I play the guitar, and a teacher at the local high school plays the accordion. His name is Torkjell. That’s why we are called Torkjell’s Duo. It’s this restlessness, it just won’t go away. Now I don’t go out anymore. That means that I’m unable to maintain the rather modest income I used to earn. It also looks bad for the duo I used to be part of. I have said no to taking part in several playing jobs lately, and I don’t want to go to rehearsals either. Torkjell’s Duo. That is just how it is. Mostly we were playing at weddings, apart from the odd dance. Torkjell’s Duo. That is what it says on the posters, almost always written with a broad red marker. It’s this restlessness, and I have stopped going out. It has been a long time since I last went out. This summer I met Knut again, and I had not seen him for at least ten years, he was married now with two kids. Knut and I were always together. We played together, started a band together. Knut has become a music teacher. It was when I met Knut again that the restlessness came over me. Knut and I decided to start a rock band together. My friend Knut. He came home for a visit this summer. He and his wife and their two little girls. He has two daughters. I had not seen him for at least ten years. I watched Knut dance with someone he went to school with, they were in the same class. Knut has become a music teacher. This summer he came home. I met Knut this summer. That was when the restlessness came over me. I was walking down the road, was going to the library, it was a lovely summer’s afternoon. Then I see him coming around a bend in the road, then I see Knut coming. I see Knut. I see Knut coming into view, around the bend. I have not seen him for at least ten years, and now Knut comes walking toward me. First Knut is coming, and I have not seen him for such a long time, it feels like a long time, then a woman comes walking, with short thick black hair, brown eyes, she is wearing a denim jacket, and behind her two kids are skipping along the roadside. I see Knut coming and Knut thinks this is something he has been dreading, but he knew it had to happen, meeting old friends, had to happen, of course, and I still look more or less the same, Knut thinks, and then he wonders what he’s going to say to me, it’s all such a long time ago, we used to do so much together, but what’s he going to say, we probably don’t have anything in common anymore, but he has to say something, talk, this is exactly what he has been dreading, Knut thinks, but we have shared a lot, the two of us, all the dances we used to play at, the girls, and that one time, that girl, it didn’t mean anything, I became so shy afterward, nothing serious, just a misunderstanding, it was at a dance, after we had been playing, and as usual a couple of girls kept hanging around, too silly, I changed totally afterward, became shy, didn’t want to play any more, Knut thinks, and he thinks that he’s married now, I’ve never really felt comfortable around women, Knut thinks, but he’s married now, he thinks, and it’s all such a long time ago, what’s he going to say, has to say something, has been dreading this moment, knew it had to happen, still, has to spend his holidays somewhere, he has long holidays, is a teacher, can’t just stay at home either. Knut thinks that he has to get out of this somehow. He sees me coming closer. I saw Knut appearing around the bend, he’s coming closer, and I think it’s such a long time since I’ve seen him, so many years, such a long time ago, and I lift up my hand, wave at Knut, and he lifts up his hand, waves back. We both look slightly past each other, we come closer, we come to a stop, and I look at Knut, he looks at me, then he turns around, looks at the woman who comes up behind him, waits for her, she comes up alongside us, the kids are running toward us, now they stand there beside me, look up at me, and I feel that this isn’t going to be as difficult as I thought, this could work out all right, the kids will make it all alright, and I look at the girls, ask what kind of girls are they then, and I look at Knut.

What kind of girls are we, one of them says, and both girls start to giggle.

Well, as you see the family’s grown, Knut says, looks at me with grinning eyes.

Yes, you’ve been clever, I say, and Knut turns his head and says he’d like to introduce his wife, I don’t think you two have met, he says, and she slips in front of him, holds out her hand, tells me her name, but her voice is so low that I don’t catch it. I tell her that Knut and I used to spend a lot of time together when we were kids, played in a band together, and she says that Knut has told her about me, isn’t my name Baard, she says. Knut interrupts and says yes, we used to have a lot of fun together, didn’t we.

Those were the days, I say.

Yes, Knut says.

And the boathouse’s down there, I say.

Yes, we spent a lot of time there, says Knut.

Almost every day, I say.

So the boathouse is still there, says Knut.

I nod.

And it’s as unpainted and run-down as ever, Knut says.

It’ll stand there like that till it falls down, I say.

But Svein of Leite is dead, Knut says.

A few years ago now, I say.

He was a weird one, Svein was, Knut says.

Pity you didn’t make a record, Knut’s wife says.

Knut laughs, and I have to grin myself.

Well, we didn’t even get close, I say.

You used to play at local dances? his wife asks.

Yes, I say.

Not a lot, still, the band did get a few jobs, says Knut.

Can we go now? says one of the girls.

Well, it was nice to see you again, Knut says.

Nice to meet you, his wife says.

Let’s go, one of the girls says.

Yes, we’re going, Knut says.

This minute, the girl says.

All right, says Knut, and then he says that they’ll probably stay for the whole summer, I know, don’t I, that he’s become a teacher, he says, and he laughs briefly, and then he says he’s sure we’ll run into each other again, and I nod.

We could go fishing, I say.

You fish do you, he says.

The odd evening, out on the fjord.

Are you going out tonight? he asks.

I’d say so, I say.

Come on Dad, the girl says.

And then there’s a dance at the weekend, I’m playing with Torkjell.

That high school teacher?

I nod.

You still play then, Knut says.

Not very much.

Let’s go, the girl says.

Yes, we’ve got to go, his wife says, and she nods to me, I nod back, then Knut and I say see you later to each other, say that we must catch up, and then I walk down the road, I’m going to the library, and Knut and his family walk off in the other direction, and Knut thinks that of course, it’s always like that, she had to look at me in that way, and it was strange to see me again, Knut thinks, and really, I was just the same, I hadn’t changed very much at all, was almost the same, that girl, that time, the jobs we got playing with the band, it’s a long time ago, couldn’t have turned out all that differently, and now he’s married, Knut thinks, and I just live in the same old rut, live at home, play a little, it’s the way I’ve always been, Knut thinks, and he thinks that he’s