Your Husband Is Not Your Enemy: One Wife's Spiritual Journey

Dedication

I dedicate this book to my two sons, Shane and Jason.

They overcame the dysfunction they experienced in our home while growing up.

God has helped them in so many ways.

They are becoming the men God has envisioned them to be.

May their days ahead be filled with joy and satisfaction.

My love for them is greater than they realize.

Their dad would be proud to call them his sons!

Acknowledgments

Thank you, Lorraine Bossé-Smith, for your masterful undertaking of editing this book. You’re an excellent teacher. I’m learning how to turn passive phrases into active ones. Thank you for being a special friend and giving me the confidence to write, even when the task seemed so daunting.

Carol Wagstaff Groen, you were the one who narrowed down my audience to write a book for wives who, like me, have had unfaithful husbands and desired help in navigating very difficult situations. I’ve watched you minister to others and hope I emulate the genuine love you so beautifully demonstrate. Thank you.

To the board of ReStory Ministries goes my deep appreciation for the many years we met together and did our best to follow God’s plan to help churches, pastors, and ministry leaders become instruments of truth, healing, and hope. Your outstanding leadership skills and words of encouragement have brought about amazing results with joy—the cherry on top!

To my wonderful husband, Vern: Thank you for loving me so well, for allowing me extra time at my computer when you would have rather be doing something together. Reading the whole manuscript and sharing ideas about it surpassed my expectations. How grateful I am for your patience, total support, and traveling with me to ministry gatherings. I’m forever grateful.

To my Lord and Savior goes the utmost thanks for guiding me day-by-day over many years of highs and lows. You loved Don beyond what I was capable of and taught me lessons that have changed my life. I’ve felt Your empowering these days as I’ve written. So much came effortlessly, and I’ve sensed Your smile of approval.

I look forward to seeing You face-to-face one day!

Ginger Stahl

Foreword

Ginger Stahl is the most grace-fueled person I know. She is steady, unfading, and hopeful. I’ve watched her in action over the years with people, especially those struggling with personal difficulties and deep vulnerabilities. Because she has experienced them, too, she approaches people with kindness, honesty, and generosity. Ginger’s tact and wisdom have been forged¹ in the crucible of the unexpected, where, much like a blacksmith, God takes our hardships and fashions a sharp, steely character, enabling us to win battles that might otherwise derail us.

When Ginger was newly married and began a life in ministry with Don, her pastor husband, she had no idea of the rabbit trail God would allow her to transverse. Her life and her marriage went off script when she discovered that her husband was engaging in secret affairs with men. Her family’s quiet life and expectations shattered, and she turned to God, who had been preparing her all along. As you read her story, you might recognize some of your own and be able to apply the insights and wisdom she gained. Ginger is a bit of a forerunner because before anybody was talking about the problems and challenges of same-sex attraction in the Church, she was dealing with them in her own marriage.

I met Ginger years ago through a national conference held by a parachurch ministry that worked to address homosexuality and gender identity. At the time, one of the only places to go to get biblical guidance and clarity on this rarely discussed subject was Exodus International;² many Christians attended the yearly event for support and encouragement. Ginger, by then a licensed minister with the Assemblies of God, had begun an interest group for spouses impacted by their husband’s same-sex attraction. I was impressed and gratified then to see how women dealing with these difficult issues were able to find understanding and relief.

And I value Ginger’s story because of my own story. My first marriage was impacted by adultery, although it wasn’t about same-sex attraction. But as God would have it, I met and fell in love with a man who left homosexuality and was transformed by His relationship with Christ. We’ve shared a ministry partnership to individuals, parents, and family members who are affected by LGBTQ issues for over thirty years. My own ministry, WifeBoat, is designed to assist wives as they journey through these same challenges.³

Ginger’s work has grown into a broader vision, and years later, together with a group of other Assemblies of God ministers and constituents, she co-founded what is now ReStory Ministries.⁴ It has been well received and endorsed by the Assemblies of God as a go-to resource for equipping and educating attendees and leaders on LGBTQ issues and the Church.

Why I Love This Book

There are three reasons why I believe this book will become a go-to resource as well. First, it tells a story of redemption. Second, it breathes the Scripture. Third, it demonstrates hope. Let me comment on all three.

First, it tells the story of redemption. This book not only tells the story of how God worked in Ginger’s life; it tells the story of a prodigal who came home. The pain and confusion of Ginger’s betrayal was redeemed into increased confidence in God and a grounded, resilient love toward her husband. Not the love that enables, but the love that hopes all things. Not rejoicing in evil, but rejoicing in the truth.⁵ Don was not an enemy but a person God wanted to restore back to himself and to his family.

Second, the book is woven throughout with the Scripture, which contains all we need for life and godliness.⁶ Although I recognize the role of good psychology informed by good theology, there is no substitute for the wisdom downloaded into the heart and mind through the Word of God and by the Holy Spirit. Ginger shares how the deep and practical questions she had for God were answered as He spoke through His Word and by His Holy Spirit, resulting in increased faith and confidence that He truly was at work. Throughout this book, you will find yourself believing that despite the enormity of any situation, God is able and willing to work on your behalf.⁷

Third, it demonstrates hope. Hope is not wishful thinking; it is expectant confidence. Often, we wish for what is unattainable and stop there in unbelief, feeling that things are so bad that change or healing is not possible, not even with God! But expectant confidence is a demonstration of faith in the credibility of God and His promises, and as Romans 1:5 tells us, this faith results in obedience.⁸ So even as Ginger believed what God had promised for her husband, she was willing to wrestle, labor, and strive ⁹ to face what God revealed about her own heart. Our hope is not only for the salvation and healing of our loved ones. It is also for wholeness and healing for ourselves. God’s faithfulness throughout Ginger’s story inspires us to continue in expectant confidence that His intentions are for a hope and a future as well.¹⁰

Conclusion

The test of sur-thrival is not in the amount of revenge extracted in response to a betrayal but in the abundance of love, mercy, and truthful living extended toward those who have wounded us. God enables us with His grace to do what is counterintuitive—when we want to lash out or feel entitled to respond in the wrong ways, God enables us to forgive, to be patient in well-doing, and to humbly place our pride in His hands. Jesus Christ endured the pain of the cross, not despising it but looking forward to the joy that would be the outcome of His suffering—the salvation and healing of those He loves. As Ginger encourages us all to this same counterintuitive faith and to look at the enemy differently, she invites us into the same journey, pointing the way to sur-thrival, with peace, joy, and renewed purpose.

I hope you’ll make that journey, too.

– Renee Dallas

WifeBoat ministry and

communications director at

CloudFire Ministries with Joe Dallas

1. "Why Character Design Is Like Blacksmithing" blog post byanime cartoonist Patrick Meikle, medium.com

2. Exodus International has closed. For further info on ministry in this area, please see Restored Hope Network. www.RestoredHopeNetwork.org

3. www.JoeDallas.com contains links to CloudFire Ministries and the WifeBoat Ministry

4. www.ReStoryMinistries.org

5. 1 Corinthians 13:6-7

6. 2 Peter 1:3-4

7. 2 Corinthians 9:8

8. Romans 1:5

9. 1 Timothy 4:10

10. Jeremiah 29:11

Editor’s Comments

I have known Ginger Stahl for almost nine years. We were introduced by her second husband, Corkie, in Phoenix, Arizona. Through lunches and times together over the years, I learned about her testimony and incredible faith. She had my utmost respect for walking through the fire and coming out the other side.

When she said she felt led to put her story in a book, I encouraged her and kept after her. You can thank me later for pestering her! As an author of nine published books myself, I know when God wants His message written for His people, and this one is powerful.

Ginger entrusted me to review her manuscript and offer my editing advice. I originally declined her request to write a foreword for the book, as I didn’t feel qualified since I had no experience with the same-sex-attracted component of her marriage to her first husband, Don. However, after reading her manuscript, my spirit was prompted and urged to write something for her book.

Ladies, this book is for every one of us! Ginger’s personal experience is profound, and we know others are struggling with the same circumstances, thus her legacy of ReStory Ministries. What makes this book relevant to all of us is her faith and complete trust in God.

Have you read the book by Chris Fabry or seen the movie The War Room, which came out in 2015? If you have, you will find this book just as stirring, inspirational, uplifting, and convicting! If you are unfamiliar with The War Room, you will want to read the book or watch the movie or both, especially after completing Ginger’s book.

Ginger walks that fine line of sharing her story while imparting wisdom and faith-based counsel to her readers. Her heart is truly to help other women who are in difficult marriages. Let’s be honest: what marriage isn’t challenging? All marriages are tough, and only those who work hard at their marriage will succeed.

It is ironic how life can get in the way of the very thing that should be of the utmost importance to us: our marriages. Yet, days turn into weeks, and weeks turn into months. Before we know it, we haven’t made a meaningful investment in our marriage in years. Then, we wonder why it is unraveling and falling apart.

Men and women are created so differently, making their relationships turbulent by nature. When sin is added to the mix, our marriages do not stand a chance unless we put all our faith and trust in God. The words are easy to type, but putting them into action requires commitment, dedication, intention, and a lot of prayer.

Ginger walks us through her life, and I greatly appreciate her honesty. She acknowledges all marriages have unique circumstances, and she makes no judgment upon the choices you make. She simply encourages each of us to listen to God. She bears the good, the bad, and the ugly. Her intent is to show God through it all, and she achieves it. You cannot learn about her life without gaining greater insight into God and His love for you.

Before you throw in the towel, please read this book! If you know a girlfriend on the brink of divorce, get her a copy of the book. Perhaps you will feel led to start a small group. We need each other on this journey of life, and the world is getting wackier every day. What is wrong is being celebrated in our culture, and what is right is being oppressed. Don’t listen to the lies. Know God has great plans for you and your