Gena Showalter > Quotes

“I don't hate you.. I just don't like that you exist”
― Gena Showalter, Seduce the Darkness

“What makes big boobs and perkiness so attractive to boys? I mean, really. Two round, mounds of fat and a fake smile. Yeah, winning attributes.”
― Gena Showalter, Oh My Goth

“Ten Things You Shouldn't Say on a Date.
1. You're wearing that?
2. Something smells funny.
3. Where's the Tylenol?
4. And to think, I first wanted to date your brother.
5. I have a confession to make…
6. My dad has a suit just like that.
7. That man is hot. Look at him.
8. My ex, may he rot in hell forever…
9. You're going to order that? Seriously?
10. You're how old?”
― Gena Showalter, Animal Instincts

“To answer your question, you want me because I'm made of awesome.”
― Gena Showalter, Heart of Darkness

“You are mine, woman, and I am yours. Until you, my life was desolate. I existed, but I didn't truly live. Now I live, even in my death.”
― Gena Showalter, The Darkest Night

“Sometimes what we want isn't what we need.”
― Gena Showalter, The Darkest Night

“He had a bleeding cut on his leg and he smelled like shit.
Her nose wrinkled. "Step in something?" she asked innocently.
"That I did not mind." He took a menacing step toward her. "What I did mind was being hit by a cab, then landing on the lap of a naked man. With an erection, Anya. He had an erection.”
― Gena Showalter, The Darkest Kiss

“People are the most difficult thing in the world to change”
― Gena Showalter, Oh My Goth

“There’s a really stupid saying: When life hands you a lemon, make lemonade. Well, I have a better saying: When life hands you a lemon, shove that lemon up its stupid butt.”
― Gena Showalter, Oh My Goth

“...the devil on my right shoulder must have brutally strangled the angel on my left...”
― Gena Showalter, Playing with Fire

“I tried to tell you. You said you didn't care, remember?"
A muscle ticked below his eye. "You should have told me anyway."
"While you had barbells within your reach? Please. I'm Disease, not Stupid.”
― Gena Showalter, The Darkest Night

“I'm William, but you can call me Sexy. Everyone does.”
― Gena Showalter, The Darkest Kiss

“Don't look now, but that's my ex over there."
Surely I'm not the only one who takes "don't look now" as "there's no better time than now." I looked.
"Bad, Ali!" Another slap to my arm. "Bad, bad, bad Ali! Have you no self control?”
― Gena Showalter, Alice in Zombieland

“Once I learned, I went online and ordered every romance novel I could find. They're fairy tales for grown-ups.”
― Gena Showalter, The Darkest Night

“I’m not a bad person. I haven’t killed anyone. I (rarely) lie. I don’t kick little puppies. So why do people look at me as if the world would be a better place without me?”
― Gena Showalter, Oh My Goth

“That's because I'm made of awesome."

"And dipped in awesome."

"And sprinkled with awesome."

"Gods, I love the taste of awesome.”
― Gena Showalter, The Darkest Surrender

“Paris answered for him. "Last time he spread the flashing love, Reyes threw up all over his shirt. I never laughed so hard in my life. Lucien, though, has no sense of humor and vowed never to take us again."
"I'm surprised you didn't mention the part where you fainted," Lucien said wryly.
Strider chortled. "Oh, man. You fainted? What a baby!"
"Hey," Paris said, frowning at Lucien. "I told you I hit my head midflash."

Lucien”
― Gena Showalter, The Darkest Kiss

“You keep running and one day when you stop running your going to fall, and I'm going to be there to catch you.”
― Gena Showalter

“Demon?” Gwen gasped out. Her back jerked ramrod-straight, and her face leeched of
color. “Did you just say demon?”

Oh, uh…did I say that?” Strider once again glanced around the plane helplessly. “No, no.
I think I said seaman.”
― Gena Showalter, The Darkest Whisper

“He ignored me, thank God, saying to Kat, "Let go of Frosty's leash. You're choking the life out of him."
Kat's eyes narrowed to tiny slits, a sure sign of her aggression. "He deserves to choke. He didn't keep little frosty in his pants this summer." the words snapped like a whip.
"He did." Cole snapped back with unwavering confidence.
"Not."
"Did."
"Not!"
"Did,"
"Not, not, not!" she shouted with a stomp of her foot.
"What are we five?" Cole said.
"Six.”
― Gena Showalter, Alice in Zombieland

“He’s a love-’em-and-leave-’em kind of guy. And though he’s not a Lord, he does have a curse hanging over his head. I have the book to prove it.”
William growled low in his throat. “Anya! Must you share my secrets with everyone?” He flattened his palms on the arms of his chair. “Fine. If you can spill, I can, too. Anya’s the reason the Titanic sank. She was playing chicken with the icebergs.”
Scowling, Anya anchored her hands on her hips. “William had a bronze made of his penis and placed it on his mantel.”
― Gena Showalter, The Darkest Whisper

“Knock him out, Paris!'

'Sure. Want me to spew diamonds from my ass while I’m at it?”
― Gena Showalter, The Darkest Night

“Yeah, okay. You're right. I was having dinner with Zombie Carl the other night. You know, steak, rare, and a bottle of vintage type A. He told me all his secrets, but too bad for you I promised him I wouldn't tell. In exchange I asked him to gather his best undead buddies and stalk me through my friend's yard. And oh, yeah, it was totally fine if they wanted to use me as an all-night-dinner buffet, because having organs is SO last year.”
― Gena Showalter, Alice in Zombieland

“Giving up is the only sure way to fail.”
― Gena Showalter

“Roses are red, violets are blue, I have five fingers, the middle one is for you.”
― Gena Showalter, The Queen of Zombie Hearts

“Yes, men are pigs. Except your brother, of course. He's actually a decent human being. Almost a woman.

-Jillian's mother”
― Gena Showalter, Catch a Mate

“Apparently, dancing for him and throwing herself at him weren't enough. Apparently, she had to nearly commit murder to arouse him enough to attack her.”
― Gena Showalter, The Darkest Kiss

“What's this about?"
"Finally. Interest," was the only response.
"If this is one of your tricks..." Like the time Torin had ordered hundreds of blow-up dolls and placed them throughout the fortress, all because Paris had foolishly complained about the lack of female companionship in town. The plastic "ladies" had stared our from every corner, their wide eyes and let-me-suck-you mouths taunting everyone who passed them.
Things like that happened when Torin was bored.”
― Gena Showalter, The Darkest Night

“There was a dragon who had a long-standing obsession with a queen's breasts," she said, growing breathless. "The dragon knew the penalty to touch her would mean death, yet he revealed his secret desire to the king's chief doctor. This man promised he could arrange for the dragon to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him one thousand gold coins." She spread her soapy hands over his nipples, then down his arms. "Though he didn't have the money, the dragon readily agreed to the scheme."

Grace," Darius moaned, his erection straining against her stomach.

She hid her smile, loving that she had this much power over such a strong man. That she, Grace Carlyle, made him ache with longing. "The next day the physician made a batch of itching powder and poured some into the queen's bra… uh, you might call it a brassiere… while she bathed. After she dressed, she began itching and itching and itching. The physician was summoned to the Royal Chambers, and he informed the king and queen that only a special saliva, if applied for several hours, would cure this type of itch. And only a dragon possessed this special saliva." Out of breath, she paused.

Continue," Darius said. His arms wound around her so tightly she could barely breathe. His skin blazed hot against hers, hotter than even the steamy water.

Are you sure?"

Continue." Taut lines bracketed his mouth.

Well, the king summoned the dragon. Meanwhile, the physician slipped him the antidote for the itching powder, which the dragon put into his mouth, and for the next few hours, the dragon worked passionately on the queen's breasts.

Anyway," she said, reaching around him and lathering the muscled mounds of his butt, "the queen's itching was eventually relieved, and the dragon left satisfied and touted as a hero."

This does not sound like a joke," Darius said.

I'm getting to the punch line. Hang on. When the physician demanded his payment, the now satisfied dragon refused. He knew that the physician could never report what really happened to the king. So the next day, the physician slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the king's loincloth. And the king immediately summoned the dragon."
-Heart of the Dragon”
― Gena Showalter

“There are times I wish I were invisible. Which is silly, since I do everything I can to stand out.”
― Gena Showalter, Oh My Goth