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Control Freak: My Epic Adventure Making Video Games
The designer of Unreal and Gears of War offers an eye-opening personal account of the video game industry as it grew from niche hobby to hundred-billion-dollar enterprise.Video games are dominating the planet. In 2020, they brought in $180 billion dollars globally—nearly $34 billion in the United States alone. So who are the brilliant designers who create these stunning virtual worlds? Cliff Bleszinski—or CliffyB as he is known to gamers—is one of the few who’ve reached mythical, rock star status. In Control Freak, he gives an unvarnished, all-access tour of the business. Toiling away in his bedroom, Bleszinski created and shipped his first game before graduating high school, and at just seventeen joined a fledgling company called Epic Games. He describes the grueling hours, obscene amounts of Mountain Dew and obsessive focus necessary to achieve his singular creative visions. He details Epic’s rise to industry leader, thanks largely to his work on bestselling franchises Unreal and Gears of War (and, later, his input on a little game called Fortnite), as well as his own awkward ascent from shy, acne-riddled introvert to sports car-driving celebrity rubbing shoulders with Bill Gates. As he writes, “No one is weirder than a nerd with money.” While the book is laced with such self-deprecating humor, Bleszinski also bluntly addresses the challenges that have long-faced the gaming community, including sexism and a lack of representation among both designers and the characters they create. Control Freak is a hilarious, thoughtful, and inspiring memoir. Even if you don’t play games, you’ll walk away from this book recognizing them as a true art form and appreciating the genius of their creators.
319 pages, Kindle Edition
Published November 1, 2022
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 50 reviews
May 13, 2024
This memoir is curious, although not in a good way. The author wanted it to be a tell-all, but also wanted to come out looking good, which is a difficult combination. Human beings are flawed, and Bleszinski in particular just so happens to be kind of an asshole. It doesn't help that he frames his journey within the context of Campbell's Hero's Journey, which brings progressively more secondhand embarrassment the more the book progresses. This is relevant because about half (or more) of the book concerns his personal relationships and thoughts, rather than game development.
The result is a narrative that would have been mostly fine if presented as-is, but comes off as cynical and pompous instead. This is particularly notable in how the author treated the women in his life in dismal ways before meeting his (perfect, flawless) wife, while at the same time attempting to present himself as some sort of woke feminist that played an important role in fostering diversity in the industry. He hates GamerGate; that is what led to the downfall of his country, the author bafflingly states at one point. But his own deplorable behavior is excusable, of course... it always is.
Too much focus on his personal life and too little on the gritty details of his career make for what amounts to a boring read when taken as a whole. Even then, in spite of all of the self-promotion, it's transparent what the author was: someone who was in the right place, at the right time, and especially with the right people. In spite of how much he tries to convince the reader that Gears of War redefined gaming as a medium, this never progresses beyond a desperate attempt to sell that pitch, instead of actually explaining why that is. We hear more than once about how Gears is taught in college... what? How? Where? Whatever it is they are supposedly teaching is certainly not within this book.
After flirting with success, becoming rich and marrying the perfect woman, the author has to flirt with reality: as soon as he stepped out of the right place with the right people, his career tanked and he couldn't produce another notable game, even with getting completely favorable terms in subsequent deals. We don't even get to understand why these games were failures, as in spite of Bleszinski being the studio founder and director, somehow the fault lies with others, especially with "the market".
Can't say this is a great read. Passable at best. Whatever good content is in there, and there is some, gets drowned in irrelevance.
The result is a narrative that would have been mostly fine if presented as-is, but comes off as cynical and pompous instead. This is particularly notable in how the author treated the women in his life in dismal ways before meeting his (perfect, flawless) wife, while at the same time attempting to present himself as some sort of woke feminist that played an important role in fostering diversity in the industry. He hates GamerGate; that is what led to the downfall of his country, the author bafflingly states at one point. But his own deplorable behavior is excusable, of course... it always is.
Too much focus on his personal life and too little on the gritty details of his career make for what amounts to a boring read when taken as a whole. Even then, in spite of all of the self-promotion, it's transparent what the author was: someone who was in the right place, at the right time, and especially with the right people. In spite of how much he tries to convince the reader that Gears of War redefined gaming as a medium, this never progresses beyond a desperate attempt to sell that pitch, instead of actually explaining why that is. We hear more than once about how Gears is taught in college... what? How? Where? Whatever it is they are supposedly teaching is certainly not within this book.
After flirting with success, becoming rich and marrying the perfect woman, the author has to flirt with reality: as soon as he stepped out of the right place with the right people, his career tanked and he couldn't produce another notable game, even with getting completely favorable terms in subsequent deals. We don't even get to understand why these games were failures, as in spite of Bleszinski being the studio founder and director, somehow the fault lies with others, especially with "the market".
Can't say this is a great read. Passable at best. Whatever good content is in there, and there is some, gets drowned in irrelevance.
April 24, 2024
An ego-driven autobio that has some interesting tidbits about game design and the activities (team roles, creative process, technological progress) that lead to gaming behemoths like UE/Epic. Ultimately, a bit too self-indulgent, (unsurprisingly?) flippant about human relationships, and written in a juvenile timbre.
Read
June 14, 2023Oh boy, I love hearing stories of how games are developed! Hopefully there won't be multiple references to the narrators pornographic proclivities!
July 7, 2023
An excellent first hand account of an industry legend.
This book was a lot more raw and emotional than I was expecting. Cliffy Bs life and traumas are on full display here and learning more about his experiences gives additional context to his existing works and heightens them in many ways.
We get an unfiltered look behind the curtain of Cliffy starting out and working for Epic and so on, a perspective that only a few can honestly portray.
From shareware to the shutting down of Boss Key. Cliffy tells all in an extremely approachable, somehow relatable way. It's a pure read which I devoured. GG.
This book was a lot more raw and emotional than I was expecting. Cliffy Bs life and traumas are on full display here and learning more about his experiences gives additional context to his existing works and heightens them in many ways.
We get an unfiltered look behind the curtain of Cliffy starting out and working for Epic and so on, a perspective that only a few can honestly portray.
From shareware to the shutting down of Boss Key. Cliffy tells all in an extremely approachable, somehow relatable way. It's a pure read which I devoured. GG.
December 7, 2022
I had a rough idea of who the man Cliff Bleszinski was thanks to countless interviews online, but I wasn't expecting just how intimate this autobiography would be. It feels like Cliffy B leaves nothing off the table and takes the reader through it all. The highs, lows and uncomfortable moments of vulnerability.
I wasn't expecting some of what he poured out on the page, but soon as I started this one, I couldn't stop. Sometimes you forget the human element behind the art, and that we all go through our dark times.
There is also a decent peak behind the curtain when it comes to game development also. That and the creation of one of my all-time favourite video game franchises, Gears of War. Cliffy's games influenced a generation of gamers, and I'm one of them. Thanks for the memories Cliffy, and thanks for your story.
I wasn't expecting some of what he poured out on the page, but soon as I started this one, I couldn't stop. Sometimes you forget the human element behind the art, and that we all go through our dark times.
There is also a decent peak behind the curtain when it comes to game development also. That and the creation of one of my all-time favourite video game franchises, Gears of War. Cliffy's games influenced a generation of gamers, and I'm one of them. Thanks for the memories Cliffy, and thanks for your story.
January 11, 2023
Are all game millionaires the worst? Interesting first half, horrendously wanky second half.
October 29, 2023
Det var interessant å lese om en person som ikke er et teknisk geni innen koding av spill, men heller en idé-fyr hvor mye av suksessen hans er på grunn av at han har hatt smarte folk rundt seg. Det gjorde at Gears of War ble en suksess, mens Lawbreakers døde dagen det kom ut.
Det er flere fine øyeblikk her hvor man følger ideer fra unnfangelse og til ferdig implementering. (reload-mekanikk, sammensetning av team, tredjeperson) Jeg liker alltid å høre balansen man må treffe når man lager spill på en skala som Gears of War, hvor deler av spillet bestemmes av hvilken teknologi de har lyst til å vise frem på den nye grafikk-motoren sin. Slike begrensninger skaper ofte kreativitet.
Det gir meg en glede å lese om folk som følger skapergleden og ønsker å bygge noe. I de siste kapitlene er det veldig interessant å være med på innsiden når han danner et eget firma som ender opp med å lage et spill som flopper totalt. For meg viser det at når man skal realisere et prosjekt i så stor skala må man omgi seg med folk som tør å utfordre ideene dine.
Det er flere fine øyeblikk her hvor man følger ideer fra unnfangelse og til ferdig implementering. (reload-mekanikk, sammensetning av team, tredjeperson) Jeg liker alltid å høre balansen man må treffe når man lager spill på en skala som Gears of War, hvor deler av spillet bestemmes av hvilken teknologi de har lyst til å vise frem på den nye grafikk-motoren sin. Slike begrensninger skaper ofte kreativitet.
Det gir meg en glede å lese om folk som følger skapergleden og ønsker å bygge noe. I de siste kapitlene er det veldig interessant å være med på innsiden når han danner et eget firma som ender opp med å lage et spill som flopper totalt. For meg viser det at når man skal realisere et prosjekt i så stor skala må man omgi seg med folk som tør å utfordre ideene dine.
September 27, 2024
I loved this book. Is it oversharing...yes. But that made the book even better. He wanted to tell you what he was doing/thinking as detailed as possible during that time in his life, playing and making video games, which I appreciated. I'm thankful to him for creating Jazz Jackrabbit, Unreal Tournament and Gears!
January 16, 2023
CliffyB has been involved in the development of several world-renowned games. His passion is gaming and he turned it into his career and life. In this book he writes a very personal and vulnerable account of that career. At the end you will be routing for whatever his next step is to be a success.
July 12, 2023
It's often a bit sloppily written, but CliffyB's memoir is still entertaining. If you're a sucker for game dev stories like I am, you'll probably enjoy it. At the very least, it feels like it's written authentically in Cliff's own voice, rough edges be damned.
January 21, 2024
Four stars if you are a fan of Gears of War. Probably 0 zero stars for anyone else.
March 22, 2023
Lots of great insider stories.
March 24, 2023
he uh doesn’t sound like a cool person that he definitely believes he is
February 2, 2024
“The moment you chase trends is the moment you start to lose your originality, the things that make you different from everyone else.”
Rating: 5/5
“He did, too. He listened patiently when I, at a mere six years old, came home from my friend Mike Melvin’s house gushing about the new high-tech gadget he had in his basement, an Atari 2600. “We played Space Invaders,” I said. “On the TV!” I fired at alien soldiers, I explained. I nailed the pink UFO. I defended the Earth. My father smiled at the way I was unable to contain my enthusiasm. For him, it was an atta boy moment straight out of Happy Days or Family Ties...I took it seriously. As Nintendo’s reign continued, the graphics got better, the games grew more complex, and my ability became sharper and more sophisticated. I went from simple Mario Bros. jumping on a block to Contra, a side-scroller that had these two buff dudes with crazy sci-fi guns fighting aliens, to 3-D Battles of WorldRunner, where you just run and jump over chasms and goofy enemies in what was Nintendo’s take on Sega’s arcade hit Space Harrier. Then Nintendo hits its stride with Zelda.
I topped it off with weekly visits to the public library and never left without a stack of books, including every title I could find about computers. I wanted to know everything about PCs. I was obsessed with RAM and ROM and cathode-ray tubes and how it all worked. One day I used a black Magic Marker to draw knobs and lights on my brother’s aging 8-track tape machine to make it seem more computer-like. I pretended to code.”
“But for me, it was a pivotal event, the instance when the switch flipped in my brain. I went from a kid who had sat passively in front of the TV, watching shows like H.R. Pufnstuf, ThunderCats, The Muppets, and Charlie Brown specials, to being able to move the images on the TV screen. I could move the images on the TV! Suddenly, I was in control. And I liked it. I was a budding little control freak.”
“I wanted more. I wanted to make everything do what I wanted it to do. It was mastery of the idiot box. It was phase one of that glorious addiction of controlling the screen that would eventually lead me to making video games.”
“Still, I think kids growing up in today’s hyper-connected world have it tougher than I did. At least the bullying didn’t follow me onto Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok. And in some way, those assholes on the bus motivated me. As Frank Sinatra once said, “There’s no better revenge than massive success.”
“In fall 1993, I enrolled at Cal Poly Pomona, where Tyler was already studying journalism. I signed up for computer science classes and discovered how woefully unprepared and behind I was compared to my classmates. They had lived and breathed math and programming in high school. I had done drama. Our big assignment was to create our own operating system. I had taught myself to code in simple Visual Basic, but creating an operating system required extensive knowledge of C++ or an even more hard-core programming language, Assembly, and that was way out of my league. It depressed the hell out of me...I could have gone to the library and tried to catch up, but I believe you go where you need to be, not where you should be, and for me that was the campus arcade.”
“But I saw myself following in the footsteps of John Romero, the successful, flashy rock-star game designer. I wanted that so fucking badly.”
“It seemed possible. In 1995, DOOM was the most popular software downloaded on PCs. Microsoft Windows was second. Video games were blowing up without much notice by the mainstream entertainment media, which was focused on the O. J. Simpson trial, crazy-ass white people doing the Macarena, and Brad Pitt’s long blond locks. I bought Spawn action figures and arranged them on my desk.”
“Rocking high-top Chuck Taylors with Sonic the Hedgehog lace clips, I recruited more DOOM modders to make more environments. Our mantra was, simply, more. In Waterloo, James and his team conjured up a menagerie of bloodthirsty enemies, including tentacled monsters; flesh-eating, acid-spitting, lizard-like amphibians that we named Slith; and the reptile-like baddies who were the smartest, most ruthless, powerful fighters of all, the Skaarj. My spelling of these creatures (pronounced “Scar”) irked some of my more logical, left-brained colleagues.”
“If you think of Quake as a car, it’s like a really good base model that runs really fast,” I said. “With Unreal, we’re hoping to give you air-conditioning, power brakes, power steering, and a real sense of style that’s lacking in some of those other games.”
“By year’s end, Unreal would rack up a pile of accolades, including the Editor’s Choice Award from Next Generation magazine and a listing among the Top 50 Games of All Time from PC Gamer. But the thing that meant the most to me had nothing to do with rankings or awards. It took place the day after I flew home from Waterloo. Marcy and I drove to the mall for a celebratory dinner at the Rainforest Cafe. Afterward, we walked to the electronics store to see the new games, as we had done for years, and there in the window, as I had always dreamed, was a large, beautiful, full-color standee for Unreal.
“There it is,” I said. “My game.”
“You want to be smart enough to know who the smartest guy in the meeting really is.”
He taught me one of the hardest and truest lessons of management: hire talented people and get the hell out of the way.”
“We were the Little Engine of game makers; we didn’t know what we couldn’t do. Anything was possible. “Epic is in the business of pulling miracles out of its ass,” Lee once observed. It was true.”
“I was searching for trademarks one day and the phrase “gears of war” popped into my head, and I immediately knew that this would be the title of our new game: Gears of War.
Not only that, as soon as I said it, the subtitle or tagline rolled off my tongue as if it had been sitting there my entire life, waiting for me to say it: Gears of War—lubricated by the blood of soldiers.
It worked. It just worked.”
“Some apparently couldn’t. While on my way to an interview with G4, a young woman grabbed my arm and said, “Hey, I have a Gears tattoo.” Intrigued, I stopped. She pulled up her shirt and pointed to a spot on her rib cage where there was, indeed, a tattoo of the Gears logo, the Crimson Omen. I’d seen that before; but she’d gone further. Beneath it, in a clear script, was part of the Coalition oath: “Steadfast, I shall hold my place in the machine and acknowledge my place in the Coalition. I am a Gear.”
“That’s crazy,” I said. “Very cool.”
“I love Gears of War,” she said. “And I love you.”
“He nodded. “We face trials and challenges in our life. Our lives are a quest to learn things and hopefully make something of ourselves that we can share with others. All of us—you and me—we are on our own hero’s journey. That’s Campbell.”
“I’ll get the book,” I said.”
“All of us already had our own magic number that corresponded to a percentage of whatever went into the bonus pool, so I quickly did the math. After taxes, I wasn’t going to be a millionaire, not yet, but I would be able to pay off my mortgages and have a tidy six-figure sum left, and the game was still selling! So this is it, this is happening, I thought. I knew how it felt when life changed suddenly in a tragic way. But this, I told myself, this is what it feels like when life changes in an incredible way.”
“I closed my eyes, savoring the moment, and when I opened them again, I picked up my champagne and joined in the toast. It was Biggie Smalls time: “Condo paid for (uh-huh), no car payment (uh-huh)…”
“He was right. It was the legendary Nintendo game designer—my childhood hero! How had I not noticed? Before I could digest my proximity to this godlike figure, I was onstage accepting the Game of the Year award for Gears. It was a career-defining moment, but rather than bask in the spotlight, I paid my respects to the legend. “Shigeru Miyamoto, you, sir, are the reason I got into this business and you’re the reason I do what I do. Thank you.” The packed ballroom erupted in applause. They knew his contributions, and most probably felt the way I did. Miyamoto nodded his appreciation. I was thrilled. Senpai had noticed me. It was as if my own father were there, saying he was proud of me.”
The final touch was a doormat with a quote printed on it from an Apple computer commercial: “Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers…” Every day we would walk into the office and be reminded that’s who we were.”
“To cheer me up, Kojima-san invited me to visit his studio and have my likeness scanned for his upcoming Death Stranding game. I turned him down. I wasn’t in the mood to be visible, I said. I felt like an ugly failure inside and out. He put his drink down and looked straight at me without speaking until it was almost uncomfortable...What matters is that you did it,” he said. “You left the comfort of Epic, got funding, started your very own studio, and shipped a game. Very few people can say that. I haven’t even shipped my game with my new studio.”
He refilled my sake glass.
“You did it. You took the risk of a true artist.”
“Fuck you, kids on the school bus in middle school. Nintendo Boy won!”
Rating: 5/5
“He did, too. He listened patiently when I, at a mere six years old, came home from my friend Mike Melvin’s house gushing about the new high-tech gadget he had in his basement, an Atari 2600. “We played Space Invaders,” I said. “On the TV!” I fired at alien soldiers, I explained. I nailed the pink UFO. I defended the Earth. My father smiled at the way I was unable to contain my enthusiasm. For him, it was an atta boy moment straight out of Happy Days or Family Ties...I took it seriously. As Nintendo’s reign continued, the graphics got better, the games grew more complex, and my ability became sharper and more sophisticated. I went from simple Mario Bros. jumping on a block to Contra, a side-scroller that had these two buff dudes with crazy sci-fi guns fighting aliens, to 3-D Battles of WorldRunner, where you just run and jump over chasms and goofy enemies in what was Nintendo’s take on Sega’s arcade hit Space Harrier. Then Nintendo hits its stride with Zelda.
I topped it off with weekly visits to the public library and never left without a stack of books, including every title I could find about computers. I wanted to know everything about PCs. I was obsessed with RAM and ROM and cathode-ray tubes and how it all worked. One day I used a black Magic Marker to draw knobs and lights on my brother’s aging 8-track tape machine to make it seem more computer-like. I pretended to code.”
“But for me, it was a pivotal event, the instance when the switch flipped in my brain. I went from a kid who had sat passively in front of the TV, watching shows like H.R. Pufnstuf, ThunderCats, The Muppets, and Charlie Brown specials, to being able to move the images on the TV screen. I could move the images on the TV! Suddenly, I was in control. And I liked it. I was a budding little control freak.”
“I wanted more. I wanted to make everything do what I wanted it to do. It was mastery of the idiot box. It was phase one of that glorious addiction of controlling the screen that would eventually lead me to making video games.”
“Still, I think kids growing up in today’s hyper-connected world have it tougher than I did. At least the bullying didn’t follow me onto Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok. And in some way, those assholes on the bus motivated me. As Frank Sinatra once said, “There’s no better revenge than massive success.”
“In fall 1993, I enrolled at Cal Poly Pomona, where Tyler was already studying journalism. I signed up for computer science classes and discovered how woefully unprepared and behind I was compared to my classmates. They had lived and breathed math and programming in high school. I had done drama. Our big assignment was to create our own operating system. I had taught myself to code in simple Visual Basic, but creating an operating system required extensive knowledge of C++ or an even more hard-core programming language, Assembly, and that was way out of my league. It depressed the hell out of me...I could have gone to the library and tried to catch up, but I believe you go where you need to be, not where you should be, and for me that was the campus arcade.”
“But I saw myself following in the footsteps of John Romero, the successful, flashy rock-star game designer. I wanted that so fucking badly.”
“It seemed possible. In 1995, DOOM was the most popular software downloaded on PCs. Microsoft Windows was second. Video games were blowing up without much notice by the mainstream entertainment media, which was focused on the O. J. Simpson trial, crazy-ass white people doing the Macarena, and Brad Pitt’s long blond locks. I bought Spawn action figures and arranged them on my desk.”
“Rocking high-top Chuck Taylors with Sonic the Hedgehog lace clips, I recruited more DOOM modders to make more environments. Our mantra was, simply, more. In Waterloo, James and his team conjured up a menagerie of bloodthirsty enemies, including tentacled monsters; flesh-eating, acid-spitting, lizard-like amphibians that we named Slith; and the reptile-like baddies who were the smartest, most ruthless, powerful fighters of all, the Skaarj. My spelling of these creatures (pronounced “Scar”) irked some of my more logical, left-brained colleagues.”
“If you think of Quake as a car, it’s like a really good base model that runs really fast,” I said. “With Unreal, we’re hoping to give you air-conditioning, power brakes, power steering, and a real sense of style that’s lacking in some of those other games.”
“By year’s end, Unreal would rack up a pile of accolades, including the Editor’s Choice Award from Next Generation magazine and a listing among the Top 50 Games of All Time from PC Gamer. But the thing that meant the most to me had nothing to do with rankings or awards. It took place the day after I flew home from Waterloo. Marcy and I drove to the mall for a celebratory dinner at the Rainforest Cafe. Afterward, we walked to the electronics store to see the new games, as we had done for years, and there in the window, as I had always dreamed, was a large, beautiful, full-color standee for Unreal.
“There it is,” I said. “My game.”
“You want to be smart enough to know who the smartest guy in the meeting really is.”
He taught me one of the hardest and truest lessons of management: hire talented people and get the hell out of the way.”
“We were the Little Engine of game makers; we didn’t know what we couldn’t do. Anything was possible. “Epic is in the business of pulling miracles out of its ass,” Lee once observed. It was true.”
“I was searching for trademarks one day and the phrase “gears of war” popped into my head, and I immediately knew that this would be the title of our new game: Gears of War.
Not only that, as soon as I said it, the subtitle or tagline rolled off my tongue as if it had been sitting there my entire life, waiting for me to say it: Gears of War—lubricated by the blood of soldiers.
It worked. It just worked.”
“Some apparently couldn’t. While on my way to an interview with G4, a young woman grabbed my arm and said, “Hey, I have a Gears tattoo.” Intrigued, I stopped. She pulled up her shirt and pointed to a spot on her rib cage where there was, indeed, a tattoo of the Gears logo, the Crimson Omen. I’d seen that before; but she’d gone further. Beneath it, in a clear script, was part of the Coalition oath: “Steadfast, I shall hold my place in the machine and acknowledge my place in the Coalition. I am a Gear.”
“That’s crazy,” I said. “Very cool.”
“I love Gears of War,” she said. “And I love you.”
“He nodded. “We face trials and challenges in our life. Our lives are a quest to learn things and hopefully make something of ourselves that we can share with others. All of us—you and me—we are on our own hero’s journey. That’s Campbell.”
“I’ll get the book,” I said.”
“All of us already had our own magic number that corresponded to a percentage of whatever went into the bonus pool, so I quickly did the math. After taxes, I wasn’t going to be a millionaire, not yet, but I would be able to pay off my mortgages and have a tidy six-figure sum left, and the game was still selling! So this is it, this is happening, I thought. I knew how it felt when life changed suddenly in a tragic way. But this, I told myself, this is what it feels like when life changes in an incredible way.”
“I closed my eyes, savoring the moment, and when I opened them again, I picked up my champagne and joined in the toast. It was Biggie Smalls time: “Condo paid for (uh-huh), no car payment (uh-huh)…”
“He was right. It was the legendary Nintendo game designer—my childhood hero! How had I not noticed? Before I could digest my proximity to this godlike figure, I was onstage accepting the Game of the Year award for Gears. It was a career-defining moment, but rather than bask in the spotlight, I paid my respects to the legend. “Shigeru Miyamoto, you, sir, are the reason I got into this business and you’re the reason I do what I do. Thank you.” The packed ballroom erupted in applause. They knew his contributions, and most probably felt the way I did. Miyamoto nodded his appreciation. I was thrilled. Senpai had noticed me. It was as if my own father were there, saying he was proud of me.”
The final touch was a doormat with a quote printed on it from an Apple computer commercial: “Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers…” Every day we would walk into the office and be reminded that’s who we were.”
“To cheer me up, Kojima-san invited me to visit his studio and have my likeness scanned for his upcoming Death Stranding game. I turned him down. I wasn’t in the mood to be visible, I said. I felt like an ugly failure inside and out. He put his drink down and looked straight at me without speaking until it was almost uncomfortable...What matters is that you did it,” he said. “You left the comfort of Epic, got funding, started your very own studio, and shipped a game. Very few people can say that. I haven’t even shipped my game with my new studio.”
He refilled my sake glass.
“You did it. You took the risk of a true artist.”
“Fuck you, kids on the school bus in middle school. Nintendo Boy won!”
November 6, 2022
More reviews (and no fluff) on the blog http://surrealtalvi.wordpress.com/
The writing is easy to follow and this is a fairly quick read. Although the author is frank about things that happened in his personal life, there really isn't anything new or interesting here. So many of the quotes and perspectives in the book feel aped directly from interviews - making for an underwhelming and frustrating time. Honestly, it felt like he went to YouTube and looked up interviews in order to write the book. As well, this reads like so many rock biographies: a man-child navigating a narrow and constricted life while partying far too much. This isn't a deep person and there's not a lot of insight about the industry or his life.The book is laid out chronologically and told in an affable and approachable manner. We learn about childhood trauma, death of a parent, and a 1980s and 1990s in which the computer gaming world would go from garages and basements to big business. The author's obsession with playing games was his calling card to going on the other side of the screen and start making his own. Cue dropping out of school and arresting emotional and psychological development to the level of a 15 year old. This is how he approached his relationships and his life. It's a lot of swimming in the shallow end, posturing and 'faking it until you make it' that earned him a reputation as a media junkie marshmallow. He was an easy target to mock.
I was particularly interested to read what he had to say about the failure of the game Lawbreakers - I was one of the people who played the beta and then never bothered with it again after two frustrating tries. There have been many videos about the failure (he notes them himself) but never actually gives us an analysis of what he feels went wrong (though admittedly I doubt he has the capacity of deep insightful thought to do so, judging from what I read). A lot of the points he listed felt moot considering the success of a similar type of game in Apex Legends, which debuted a bit later.
In the end, he comes off more likable here than in his interviews. That male bravado of the eternal 15 year old who loves blood and exploding guts FPS games is somewhat less offensive and sad when fleshed out in print - but you probably won't have to worry about liking him more regardless. I wish there had been depth here and even better reflection of the past - Keith Richards or Pete Townsend he isn't and I'd liken him more to an aging guitarist from a 1980s hair band: doing a lot of "yeah man!" while walking around his midlife world in confusion. But hey, as he mentioned several times, he has two Lamborginis, so maybe it isn't a bad life at all.
April 12, 2024
Cliff is pretty awful towards women in terms of sexualizing his coworkers and cheating on multiple girlfriends. He broke up with a girl because she wanted to get an education, which just leaves an ick while I'm reading. And he never really took accountability in the book, blaming women for a lot of his faults.
I think the story of how Unreal came to be was good and how some game design theories were decided. It's also well written, but that's it.
I think the story of how Unreal came to be was good and how some game design theories were decided. It's also well written, but that's it.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 16, 2023
I loved the history of Epic and how Cliffy came up in the industry but the overall tone threw me off of my enjoyment. Though Cliffy repeatedly talks about the personal growth he had over his career, the actions and events say otherwise. This is more a memoir that tells you the author has grown as a person rather than shows you.
The book is well written and there is no doubt that Cliffy shares the good, bad and ugly from his life and career but, aside from the horrific childhood trauma he experienced, the narrative moves too quickly through the impactful events rather than digging into them to find catharsis.
2 stars for the narrative with an added star for the honesty Cliffy shows.
The book is well written and there is no doubt that Cliffy shares the good, bad and ugly from his life and career but, aside from the horrific childhood trauma he experienced, the narrative moves too quickly through the impactful events rather than digging into them to find catharsis.
2 stars for the narrative with an added star for the honesty Cliffy shows.
October 5, 2023
I think Cliff is a bit too “normal” for me, a regular dude open about being horny a lot, but I appreciate his openness with his emotions and some truly intense traumas. They needed a fact checker here because I noted some serious misremembered anachronisms. Overall I think he’s a good egg who maybe got figureheaded more than he maybe should have been and as a result the book ends on the downfall of his most recent venture. Didn’t seem like a great place to end a book like this but I suppose he can always write another.
August 4, 2023
It’s pretty good.
It is pretty good but not great like Romero’s book. It loses a star because he couldn’t help himself and spouts off “orange man bad” and related silliness in spots. It is few and far between, but quite smug and cringey when it occurs. If you were at all into Unreal and UT back in the day though, his book is worth the money.
It is pretty good but not great like Romero’s book. It loses a star because he couldn’t help himself and spouts off “orange man bad” and related silliness in spots. It is few and far between, but quite smug and cringey when it occurs. If you were at all into Unreal and UT back in the day though, his book is worth the money.
June 6, 2023
I play video games on occasion. In my formative years, I was a huge Nintendo fan. Now I focus on Role Playing Games or Turn Based Strategy games. I am not a gamer in any sense of the word, but I have heard of Jazz Jackrabbit, Unreal, Fortnite, and Gears of War. Cliff "Cliffyb" Bleszinski made those games and now wrote a book describing his experiences. The book focuses on his time at Epic Games studio. The book is friendly to newbies because it contains a glossary of gamer terms at the beginning.
Control Freak starts at the climax; all good memoirs should. Bleszinski discusses the time he went on stage at E3, the Gaming Expo, to demonstrate Gears of War in front of a live audience. Somehow he got to meet Bill Gates and his security detail. I think Gears of War was a game for the Microsoft XBOX, so maybe that's why Gates was there. The shiny veneer disguised a man barely holding it together. Bleszinski went through a divorce, couldn't sleep, and was in shambles. Everything hinged on whether Gears of War was a success.
Cliff Bleszinski was the youngest in a family of five boys. He makes a passing mention of Atari, so he had the 2600. When the Apple IIc came out, he wrote code for it. When Nintendo released the NES, Bleszinski had to have one. Pre-internet, all the secrets, and tricks came from your friends or magazines. Bleszinski was the friend that knew those secrets. He found them himself and passed them on.
Bleszinski structures the memoir like a video game by calling the chapters levels. He clearly describes the events that made him who he is today. I empathize with Bleszinski since I am a nerd. Along the way, we see his take on women in video games and how his perspective changes. I don't mean his stance on characters like Samus Aran from Metroid or Lara Croft from Tomb Raider; I mean female game developers.
Furthermore, we get his perspective on the Columbine Massacre. I remember it happening, but I was a bit young to take in the full gravity of the situation. Sadly, so many school shootings occurred in the United States during my lifetime. I had to look up the date of when Columbine happened. April 20, 1999, I was a 13-year-old kid who enjoyed video games. I thought it was terrible that the media focused on the video game aspect of the shooters rather than anything else they could have looked into.
I enjoyed the memoir. If you play video games or are a fan of them, this book provides a unique perspective of a man in the industry. There are parts I disliked, but the positives outweigh them. To be more specific, some of the swearing gets to me. I am not a Puritan or opposed to swearing by any stretch, but it is odd to see so many F-Bombs. On the other hand, the swearing adds a personal element. Thanks for reading my review, and see you next time.
Control Freak starts at the climax; all good memoirs should. Bleszinski discusses the time he went on stage at E3, the Gaming Expo, to demonstrate Gears of War in front of a live audience. Somehow he got to meet Bill Gates and his security detail. I think Gears of War was a game for the Microsoft XBOX, so maybe that's why Gates was there. The shiny veneer disguised a man barely holding it together. Bleszinski went through a divorce, couldn't sleep, and was in shambles. Everything hinged on whether Gears of War was a success.
Cliff Bleszinski was the youngest in a family of five boys. He makes a passing mention of Atari, so he had the 2600. When the Apple IIc came out, he wrote code for it. When Nintendo released the NES, Bleszinski had to have one. Pre-internet, all the secrets, and tricks came from your friends or magazines. Bleszinski was the friend that knew those secrets. He found them himself and passed them on.
Bleszinski structures the memoir like a video game by calling the chapters levels. He clearly describes the events that made him who he is today. I empathize with Bleszinski since I am a nerd. Along the way, we see his take on women in video games and how his perspective changes. I don't mean his stance on characters like Samus Aran from Metroid or Lara Croft from Tomb Raider; I mean female game developers.
Furthermore, we get his perspective on the Columbine Massacre. I remember it happening, but I was a bit young to take in the full gravity of the situation. Sadly, so many school shootings occurred in the United States during my lifetime. I had to look up the date of when Columbine happened. April 20, 1999, I was a 13-year-old kid who enjoyed video games. I thought it was terrible that the media focused on the video game aspect of the shooters rather than anything else they could have looked into.
I enjoyed the memoir. If you play video games or are a fan of them, this book provides a unique perspective of a man in the industry. There are parts I disliked, but the positives outweigh them. To be more specific, some of the swearing gets to me. I am not a Puritan or opposed to swearing by any stretch, but it is odd to see so many F-Bombs. On the other hand, the swearing adds a personal element. Thanks for reading my review, and see you next time.
March 13, 2023
I would read Masters of Doom first. This feels like a DLC for fans of that book, which is a more comprehensive and engaging read about the 90s video game development scene.
The writing here is OK, its concise and well-paced but feels like a trite uninspired college application essay at times, which is true to form. Cliff feels like a teenager throughout the memoir, consistently expressing exaggerated hyperbolic emotions and skipping through topic after topic, life event after life event with at most a cliché level of depth. At point, in a few sentences he discusses a failing relationship, then his struggles with sleep and working too much and then imposter syndrome. True, they may all be related but should be introduced and discussed separately, not in one constant stream.
If you are a fan of Gears of War then read this because it provides some novel insight into its development and evolution, otherwise there isn't much new to gain compared to reading Masters of Doom.
The writing here is OK, its concise and well-paced but feels like a trite uninspired college application essay at times, which is true to form. Cliff feels like a teenager throughout the memoir, consistently expressing exaggerated hyperbolic emotions and skipping through topic after topic, life event after life event with at most a cliché level of depth. At point, in a few sentences he discusses a failing relationship, then his struggles with sleep and working too much and then imposter syndrome. True, they may all be related but should be introduced and discussed separately, not in one constant stream.
If you are a fan of Gears of War then read this because it provides some novel insight into its development and evolution, otherwise there isn't much new to gain compared to reading Masters of Doom.
October 3, 2023
Very much enjoyed this book. Aside from giving me a perspective inside the gaming industry, from early times up until near-present, the book also offers a trip down memory lane of some of my favorite games of all time.
I loved the insider details on games that CliffyB worked on, and wish the book had more of that. For example, I enjoyed learning that Gears of War encouraged users to use the wall-cover system by increasing accuracy of enemy AI when your character was NOT attached to a wall. And I loved learning about the origin of the name "Gears of War", or the crimson omen logo, or the story behind Marcus Fenix's facial scars. Or the fact that Fortnite was originally slated to be the next Plants vs Zombies style game before PUBG showed the world what style of game people wanted to play next.
Highly recommend this book to Gears of War lovers, video game enthusiasts, and people wanting to learn about the highs and lows of being a game developer.
I loved the insider details on games that CliffyB worked on, and wish the book had more of that. For example, I enjoyed learning that Gears of War encouraged users to use the wall-cover system by increasing accuracy of enemy AI when your character was NOT attached to a wall. And I loved learning about the origin of the name "Gears of War", or the crimson omen logo, or the story behind Marcus Fenix's facial scars. Or the fact that Fortnite was originally slated to be the next Plants vs Zombies style game before PUBG showed the world what style of game people wanted to play next.
Highly recommend this book to Gears of War lovers, video game enthusiasts, and people wanting to learn about the highs and lows of being a game developer.
December 4, 2023
Insightful look into the making of an Epic empire (had to do it) and of the games they made along the way. The anecdotes and firsthand experience of developing these games and the chaotic/turbulent environment in which they were created really makes me appreciate them even more, and gives a rare glimpse into a world that I oftentimes wondered at when playing them originally.
CliffyB holds no punches in this deeply personal (at times) autobiography that is well worth your time, if you've ever been a fan of the games out out by Epic before Fortnite hit the stage and monopolized the conversation. I only wish he went into more depth with some of the day-to-day on some of these projects, but I realize that would balloon the length of the book.
4/5, would recommend that others chainsaw this book in the face, too :D
CliffyB holds no punches in this deeply personal (at times) autobiography that is well worth your time, if you've ever been a fan of the games out out by Epic before Fortnite hit the stage and monopolized the conversation. I only wish he went into more depth with some of the day-to-day on some of these projects, but I realize that would balloon the length of the book.
4/5, would recommend that others chainsaw this book in the face, too :D
November 9, 2022
I liked this book a lot - I had no idea what Bleszinski had done for the gaming industry, and it was fascinating to see how the sausage is made, so to speak. I enjoyed the writing and storytelling. Bleszinski is really vulnerable, and he shares very personal parts of his life. Some of the humor was a little off-color--I didn't like the line about his mom "farting out" kids. Some readers may be sensitive to this. As a person who gave birth twice, I can attest that it is not like farting, LOL. Overall, though, a good read that kept me turning the pages.
March 1, 2024
While I haven’t played through all of the video games that Cliff Bleszinski created, I do have some fond memories playing Gears of War 2 via couch co-op and remember downloading Jazz Jackrabbit as a kid. That said, even if you haven’t played any of Cliff’s games, I believe it would still be an enjoyable read.
Like most quality autobiographies, there are equal parts self aggrandizing and introspection. I would have liked a bit more about the day to day of game development but enjoyed the broad strokes.
Like most quality autobiographies, there are equal parts self aggrandizing and introspection. I would have liked a bit more about the day to day of game development but enjoyed the broad strokes.
November 30, 2022
I really liked it. Played gears of war when I was younger but didn’t know much about Cliff b. It’s an honest, incredibly interesting book, that manages to be so interesting and honest without putting other people down. I like how he portrays his greatest successes and failures. Boss key may have not succeeded in the end but he should be proud of the ambition and effort he put in. A successful life isn’t full of just success. Good for him. Thanks for writing and sharing this
December 31, 2022
CliffyB was my hero growing up playing UT99. My first sense of belonging, my first community, tattoo etc. Honest and vulnerable on his writing. Love the guy still, however it pained me when he spoke briefly and ever so casually about removing the gamemode assault from ut99. I'd always held on to hope that it was a tumultuous decision but it seems it wasn't which made me sad. Anyway, CliffyB - you're the man. Sad to see BossKey fail. Hero, always.
September 24, 2023
Inside and outside look at the games industry. First 100 pages are excellent. Then dips. Then rebounds for the last 20 pages. A key to a good autobiography is if the writer puts something in there that makes him look bad and I can assure you that happens. The business side of the book is okay. I feel it's an honest portrait and there are harrowing scenes in the book. Glad this is out there.
January 23, 2024
This book gave me a new found respect for someone who I was very critical of in recent years. He still makes me cringe sometimes, and I don't agree with everything he says, but he's an excellent storyteller. This book should be interesting for anyone who grew up enjoying not only the Gears of War games, but also that era of gaming culture that surrounded it.
December 28, 2022
Great book filled with great stories from Cliffy's life and the games industry.
Written in a very open and honest way with some very tough things in there!
Writing a book like this takes a lot of courage, self reflection and Im sure doing so changes you as a person.
Written in a very open and honest way with some very tough things in there!
Writing a book like this takes a lot of courage, self reflection and Im sure doing so changes you as a person.
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