A nameless blonde woman, under the orders of a mysterious crime boss, systematically disposes of targets he selects. The police have no idea of her existence, and blame some other poor low-rent criminal instead. It's up to him and two weirdly-accented coppers (Puerto Rican?) to discover the truth behind the lies. But with danger lurking on every turn, and even Santa Claus (or at least a guy who resembles Jolly Old Nick to a tee) on their back? Do they have a chance? Who thought this was worth filming anyway?!
Well, you have to feel the poor soul who was the director of this low budget tosh. Not only did he probably receive a pauper's salary in exchange for forever having his name associated with it, he was also forced to shoot on some of the most dirty, boring streets ever seen in a motion picture. Everything in the background is boarded up, and there are no extras in sight. No cash left over for any extraneous life signs? How realistic... NOT. What did the guys do between takes, count rat carcasses? Still, at least he got to see Linda Elder (Her name is appropriate, she ain't no spring chicken) strip off for a shower in a the customary Gratuious Nude Scene. I must admit though, that my eyes weren't so much savouring the beauty as wondering why so many 80's chicks have visible tan-lines when they disrobe. Didn't they know how to use a tanning booth?
The plot is pretty hard to follow as we flip between the perspectives of the law officials and their lovelives, the top dogs in the crime world while they plan who to bump off or betray next, and the silent female assassin as she pursues her targets Terminator-like before putting a bullet between their eyes. The excitement level never reaches higher than lukewarm though, as cheap effects and bargain basement staging put an end to any real chance of suspense. One curiosity is: why is it called BIRDS OF PREY? If they are referring to the hitwoman, then shouldn't they drop the plural? After all, there is only one of her. Unless they cut the other individual from the film. It did seem pretty short I guess. Something to save for the deleted scenes on the DVD? Nope, I don't see something this lacklustre being re-released somehow...
Are you astounded by that though? I mean, this movie has no comments at all on IMDb (apart from my soon-to-be-published one THANKS MODS) and considering how many other obscure movies have at least one, this is quite an achievement. Oh, well at least it's broken its duck now. HURRAY!! If any old crew members want to celebrate with me, do get in touch. After all, it's not like you have anything better to do with your time. You can PM me by clicking on my username. I would also be interested in what you thought when you saw the final fruits of your labours. Do I hear a collective scream?! Nah, probably just my imagination... ;) 2/10
