Fire Maidens OF Outer Space

FIRE MAIDENS FROM OUTER SPACE concerns the British / US "Expedition 13" to an apparent thirteenth moon of Jupiter. Once the stock footage V-2 rocket takes off, the adventure begins.

After a meteor shower, the crew zips right along, having plenty of time for shaving and smoking cigarettes, before arriving in the vicinity of Jupiter. The whole trip seems to have taken about fifteen minutes (Earth time). Untold horrors await as they land on the mysterious satellite.

But first, more cigarettes, please!

Thankfully, this orb is exactly like Earth, complete with grassy plains and trees! Can the titular maidens be far off? Nope. Ugly mutants too! The order of the day: Shoot first, and let lust be your guide.

Meanwhile, back on Earth, "ground control" sits around in what looks like a public restroom with a desk in it.

FIRE MAIDENS is an utterly absurd, sci-fi cheeeze-log from those fabulous fifties. As expected, it's all about the beautiful maidens, who just happen to be serving wenches, as well as synchronized dancers! Alas, the rest of this film is so criminally dull, as to cause our souls to wither and die.

Bring on the mutants! Kill the boring earthlings! Kill! Kill! Then, have a cigarette...