Location via proxy:   [ UP ]  
[Report a bug]   [Manage cookies]                
Witchery (1989)
WITCHERY LINDA BLAIR.....OH I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
31 May 2004
Dear Lord, I wrote a brief synopsis but I guess most of it got edited out. I have got to give it another try. Let me start out by saying. Have you every wanted to rent a horror movie so badly because it was so awful, you knew it would make you laugh your head off?, Well my friends, this is the movie. Don't get me wrong, I Love Linda Blair but this film is a riot from hell. As I stated in my previous notation, Annie Ross who plays Linda's Mother "Rose" in the film actually makes the film hilarious. She is convinced that this abandoned Motel out on an island is going to really be an investment, when they all arrive to view the place, Annie Ross says, "This place is a wreck!, it's going to take a G-damn fortune to fix it up".

The driver of the boat that has to take the prospective buyers out to the Motel, says, "You had better be ready here before sundown or I am leaving". Annie says, "Hard Nose Bastard". Her husband in the film is a flirt from the work go, he makes pass after pass at the real estate sales person "Linda", who really is hot but she wouldn't give him the time of day, just tease the hell out of him. If you really want to see a horror movie that was done so poorly, please rent this one. I watched it over and over again because I needed a good laugh, and I get one every time I rent this film.

Linda Blair plays a pregnant lady in the film and goes up to the rest room and sits on the side of the bathtub and begins to open up a bottle of pills, can't get the top off the pills and drops them into this bathtub filled with black water. Something unknown grabs her hand and pulls her through the drain (can you believe it), and she finds herself underground watching some kind of Satanic ritual, passes out and then miraculously wakes up on the floor of the bathroom on her back saying, "My Baby, my Baby". What was that all about?, I sure can't figure it out. Back to "Rose", she is disgusted to the point of no return and says to Linda Blair, "Jane, give me one of your pills", Linda can't find them and believes they must have dropped on the bathroom floor", so Rose says, "WELL THEN, They must still be there"!!!! duh duh. Needless today, each member starts to disappear and of course Rose goes first, after they underground Satanic people tie her lips together, they hang her upside down in the fireplace.

The remainder of the family,(unbeknownst to them, supposedly,), decide they are cold and want to build a fire. Rose gets microwaved to a crisp, because get this, eventually they start to smell a funny smell coming from the fireplace and then within seconds Rose's body drops almost all the way down in plain view, and when the family realizes it's Rose, all they say is, "Oh, we've got to get out of here". Can you believe it? Gosh what a gas. Rose is supposed to be Linda Blair's' Mother but Linda calls her "Rose" throughout the entire film. There are so many mistakes on this film you would laugh your rear off just counting the mistakes. I would guess that It may have cost the producers about 5,000 dollars to make the film and I would guess it made about 2,000 dollars. That's about 100.00 dollars for each actor. Oh man, I've got to go because I am laughing so hard right now, I can barely type. Go get this film, you've just got to. And if you like Linda Blair, there are about eight or nine movie of this same quality, let me know I'll email you the titles. One is called Grotesque. You've have to get this movie at a movie place that specializes in dull old crap. I'll tell you another film, that it about 10 times funnier than Witchery, "A Woman Obsessed", now this film you will totally pass out laughing at this one, it puts Witchery to shame. I love ya Linda, but ya got to make better choices.
4 out of 9 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Recently Viewed