- Mrs. Elvira Hawkley: The last man I had stayed for several years. He'll tell you I was most accommodating. In fact, I still get letters from him. He's on an island somewhere in the Pacific. I think they call it Alcatraz.
- Oliver: Yonder she lies, Stanley. The good old USA!
- Stan: Gee, I'm glad to be back.
- Ocean Liner Passenger: I'll bet you are. What did the Japs do when they took you prisoner?
- Oliver: It was most humiliating. They forced us to prepare dinner. My masterpiece: Steak à la Oliver.
- Ocean Liner Passenger: Gee, that was tough.
- Oliver: Tough? My masterpiece? I beg your pardon!
- Stan: After they finished eating it, they told us to please go on home.
- Oliver: Yes, it seems that they preferred some dish of their own. I think they called it: Hara-Kiri.
- Mrs. Elvira Hawkley: I thought a little spot of this might refresh you before taking up your new duties. It's Chateauneuf 1924.
- Stan: Gee, that's pretty old. Haven't you got anything new?
- French Restaurateur: [scolding in French] ... Un Bifteck à la Olivier! Allez!
- Stan: What'd he say?
- Oliver: You heard what he said.
- Stan: I heard what he said but I didn't hear what he meant.
- Oliver: He simply said that he accepts our resignation.
- Prince Saul: Your majesty truly has great feeling for the common people.
- King Christopher: God must have loved the common people; because, he made so many of them.
- Prince Saul: An interesting; but, unsettling doctrine.
- King Christopher: Oh, it's not my doctrine. It's Abraham Lincoln's.
- Mrs. Elvira Hawkley: Don't forget the caviar. I usually keep a large supply on hand; but, that would be hoarding. I don't believe in hoarding. Do you, Oliver? Neither does Stanley, does he? And, Oliver, I want you to get me the biggest, finest sirloin steak you can find! Here. Here are the ration points I've been hoarding. I mean, I've been saving them, for weeks. They're the red points, you see. Pretty, aren't they?
- Boy's Football Team Captain: Get away, pantywaist! This gang'd bust ya in half.
- Boy's Football Team Captain: It'll give us three minutes more to try for a touchdown, won't it? If we don't let him play, we're licked right now.
- Boy's Football Team Captain: Let's fool 'em. We'll give the ball to pantywaist, here, off left tackle. You think you could do it, kid?
- King Christopher: You bet!
- King Christopher: You're awfully kind.
- Oliver: Well, we just like to see kids have fun.
- Stan: Yeah, we think kids are nice.
- King Christopher: And I think you're swell!
- Oliver: Well, here's another nice mess you've gotten me into. I've got to fix a steak dinner and I haven't got any meat!
- Oliver: Stanley, we've got to uphold the rights of human beings. That beautiful sirloin steak is enough for at least four people.
- Stan: And he's hoarding it.
- Oliver: Mrs. Hawkley needs it more than that lion. We'll do it!
- Stan: You're right, Ollie. Ladies first, I always say.
- Oliver: Stanley, get the meat.
- Stan: You mean - me get the meat?
- Oliver: Of course! Reach in and take it! Well, there's nothing to it. All you have to do is look the lion straight in the eye. Lions are afraid of that. I - I read that in a book.
- Stan: But, did the lion read the book?
- Oliver: No. Don't annoy me with trifles. Hurry!
- Stan: Are you sure he'll be frightened?
- Oliver: One look at you and he'll be terrified! - - - Did you look him in the eye?
- Stan: Yeah, but, something must have gone wrong. I got frightened.
- Oliver: Oh, I can't depend upon you to do anything!
- Oliver: Now, I've got to think of another idea.
- Stan: What are you going to do now?
- Oliver: I'm going to tickle him. That'll attract him away from the steak. Then, you snatch it.
- Stan: Suppose he's not ticklish?
- Oliver: All lion's are ticklish! Gootchi-gootchi-gootchi-gootchi!
- Stan: Why don't you try and find his funny bone?
- Oliver: Gootchi-gootchi-gootchi! Gootchi! Gootchi-gootchi! See, he's laughing! Gootchi-gootchi-gootchi-gootchi-goo!
- Stan: Don't look like a laugh to me.
- Mrs. Elvira Hawkley: I'm sure that you'll see that everything is served nicely. Won't you?
- Oliver: You can trust me, Madame. Everything will go like greasy lightening.
- Stan: [after answering the door] There's a guy by the name of Mr. Ronetz. He wants to talk to a Mr. Highness.
- Prince Saul: Oh, that's my Secretary. Would you pardon me a moment?
- Mrs. Elvira Hawkley: Oh, certainly.
- King Christopher: You know, Mr. Stanley, Mr. Oliver, this has been the happiest day of my life!
- Oliver: Look, Chris, you don't have to say Mr. to us.
- Stan: Of course not. Just call us Stan and Ollie.
- Oliver: After all, we're pals.
- Stan: Chris, you ain't a King?
- King Christopher: I - I should have told you.
- Oliver: Your Majesty.
- [bows]
- Stan: Your Majesty.
- [curtsies]
- Prince Saul: His Majesty will be pleased to grant you an audience at a later time.
- Stan: Oh, sure, Chris.
- Oliver: Thank you, your Majesty.
- Stan: Mr. King, Chris.
- Mrs. Elvira Hawkley: There you are, Stanley. Oh, you pixie, you. After all this - excitement, I'm sure you'll be glad to come back and work at our little house, won't you?
- Stan: No, ma'am.
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