- Henry Dimsdale: Hey, Marty! What are you doin' here at this hour? Your wife left you.
- Marty: Nothing like that. This is BAD news.
- Police Sgt. Jasper Lynch: [treed to the top of the refrigerator by the family dog] I wanted THIS kind of action, I'd have been a mailman.
- [Uttering a line harkening back to Phyllis and Bob's previous movie together]
- Golda: Boy, have YOU got a wrong number.
- Henry Dimsdale: [finding $10,000] Poor guy who lost this doesn't get it back, he'll empty his swimming pool and dive in.
- Henry Dimsdale: Honey, we're talking about $10.000. Nobody can afford to lose that kind of money unless they have long hair and play a guitar.
- [Henry answers the front door while holding his engagement ring for Ellie]
- Golda: Oh, Henry, you shouldn't have!
- Henry Dimsdale: I didn't.
- Golda: I know, but I love to watch a coward squirm.
- Henry Dimsdale: But, Marty, you believe me, don't ya?
- Marty: Of course. You're not bright enough to steal fifty thousand dollars.
- Henry Dimsdale: FIFTY thousand dollars?
- Henry Dimsdale: [to himself] All I have to do now is figure out what I have to do now.
- Golda: [butting in] Get out of town.
- Henry Dimsdale: Hey, how do you know what happened?
- Golda: I've got wall-to-wall ears.
- Henry Dimsdale: This house is a bargain for a family like ours. It's cheaper than bail. And, besides, we gotta figure a place to hide out until I can get my name cleared, if you can clear "mud."
- Ellie Barton: But I want to be with you.
- Henry Dimsdale: Yeah, but they wouldn't put me in a women's prison.
- Henry Dimsdale: [driving] Hey, I'll cut over and go up the on-ramp.
- Ellie Barton: The freeway? Won't it be easy to recognize us?
- Henry Dimsdale: Not up there. Everybody drives like a fugitive.
- Police Sgt. Jasper Lynch: [to Golda] No, no, you're not going! You've let go a gopher on the lawn of justice for the last time!
- Henry Dimsdale: [to Golda] Listen, I don't mind you having a little snack, but with your appetite I have to keep counting the kids around here.
- Golda: You know, there's something sick about being so honest.
- Henry Dimsdale: You think I'm happy about it? But I gotta think about the kids. I got to set an example for 'em to follow.
- Golda: Some example! They'll grow up and try to become idiots.
- Henry Dimsdale: Well, hello, Honey. Hey, how about puttin' down your pencil and putting on some lipstick? I'm taking you out to dinner tonight to someplace special where you don't have to order the special.
- Police Sgt. Jasper Lynch: [as Golda gyrates around the kitchen] Hey, what're you doing?
- Golda: I'm dancing. Oh, that music turns me on!
- Police Sgt. Jasper Lynch: Really? I thought you had a cold button somewhere.
- Police Sgt. Jasper Lynch: [thinking Golda has been sneaking around with his boss] How long has this been going on?
- Golda: About thirty seconds. I knew you'd find out, sooner or later.
- Golda: [at police headquarters] What kind of a third degree is THIS? Here I was, looking forward to something, and what do I get? No light in my eyes. All the water I want. No rubber hose. You haven't even hit me with a folded newspaper. Talk about police brutality!
- Police Sgt. Jasper Lynch: Lieutenant, we'll never get her to talk if she won't stop talking.
- Monica: Where you going?
- Mr. Pomeroy: Back to my wife. I can't stand her but at least she's loyal.
- Monica: Hm! You just can't trust a married man.
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