Daniel Stern: Marv
Photos
Quotes
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[Harry and Marv have arrived in New York by stowing away in a fish truck]
Harry : Here we are, Marv: New York City. The land of opportunity.
[sniffs]
Harry : Smell that?
Marv : [sniffs] Yeah.
Harry : Know what that is?
Marv : Fish!
Harry : It's freedom.
Marv : No, it's fish.
Harry : It's freedom, and it's money.
Marv : Okay, okay, it's freedom.
Harry : C'mon, let's get out of here before somebody sees us.
Marv : [to himself] And it's fish.
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Kevin McCallister : Hey. You guys give up? Have you had enough pain?
Marv : Nevah!
Harry : [Shakes head at Marv]
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Marv : [seizes a brick] SUCK BRICK KID!
[throws down to Kevin]
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[Marv stands in the doorway of the under re-construction brownhouse, in front of a big hole in the floor]
Marv : Harry, I've reached the top!
[Marv steps forward and falls through the hole to the very bottom of the house, in the basement]
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Marv : He made us hide out in the store so we could steal all the kiddies' charity money.
Harry : [Kicks Marv] Shut up, Marv! Got the right to remain silent, you know.
Marv : He's a little cranky. We just broke out of prison a few days ago.
Harry : [Kicks Marv again] Shut up, Marv! Geez.
Policeman : Get'em outta here.
Marv : Remember, if this makes the papers, we're no longer the Wet Bandits, we're the Sticky Bandits!
Harry : [Kicks Marv again] Shut up!
Marv : That's S...
Harry : [Kicks Marv again] Shut up!
Marv : ...T...
[Gets kicked again]
Marv : Ummm...
Harry : I.
Marv : ...I...
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[in the basement, looking up at the hole he fell through]
Marv : Wow! What a hole!
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Harry : [Yelling up to Kevin] Sonny.
Kevin McCallister : Yeah!
Harry : Nothing would make me happier than to kill you. Knockin' off a youngster doesn't mean a lot to me. But, since we're in a hurry, I'll make a deal with you. Throw down your camera, and we won't hurt you, you'll never hear from us again.
Kevin McCallister : You promise?
Harry : [Rubbing his chest with his finger] I cross my heart and hope to die.
Kevin McCallister : Okay.
Harry : Okay, kid. Give it to me.
[Then Kevin picks up a brick and tosses it down, hitting Marv and he collapses to the ground]
Kevin McCallister : Direct hit!
Harry : [Holds up his fingers] How many fingers am I holding up, Marv?
Marv : [Dazed] Uh, eight.
Harry : [to Kevin] Okay, kid. You wanna throw bricks, go ahead and throw another one.
[Kevin throws another brick and it hits Marv]
Harry : If you can't do any better than that kid, you're gonna lose.
Marv : Harry, no.
[Kevin throws down another brick, hitting Marv again]
Harry : You got anymore?
[to Marv]
Harry : C'mon Marv! Get up! He don't got anymore bricks. He's out of 'em.
[Marv points up and makes incoherent noises, signaling that Kevin is about to throw another brick]
Harry : What?
[Kevin throws the brick, and once again hits Marv]
Harry : That did it! Nobody throws bricks at me and gets away with it.
[to Marv]
Harry : C'mon Marv. Get up. You go this way, I'll go around back.
Marv : [Still Dazed] Harry. Harry. Harry.
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Harry : What store is going to make the most cash on Christmas Eve that nobody's gonna think to rob?
Marv : Candy stores!
Harry : Nine-year-olds rob candy stores, Marv. This is what I had in mind.
[shows him an ad for Duncan's Toy Chest]
Marv : That's brilliant, Harry. Brilliant.
Harry : Yep. There's nobody dumb enough to knock off a toy store on Christmas Eve.
Marv : Oh yes, there is.
[Points to Harry, then points to self]
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Marv : [they catch Kevin] You may have won the battle, little dude, but you lost the war.
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Marv : [looks up after falling through a huge hole in the floor] Whoa! What a hole!
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Harry : I hate pulling a job knowing that little creep is on the loose.
Marv : Yeah, but what can he do? He's a kid. Kids are helpless.
Harry : Not this kid.
Marv : Yeah, but this time he doesn't have a house full of dangerous goodies to get us with. He's in the park. He's alone. Kids are scared of the park.
Harry : Yeah. Grown men come into the park and never leave alive. Good luck, little fella.
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Marv : [stealing money from Duncan's Toy Chest] This is more money than I can even count.
Harry : I don't know why we wasted so much time robbing private homes.
Marv : [stuffing the bag with cash] The amazing thing is: we're fugitives from the law, we're up to our elbows in cash, and there's nobody that even knows about it.
[Kevin taps on the window and waves]
Harry : He's back!
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Marv : [covered in cement and comically outraged] I'm gonna murder that kid!
[Marv sneezes]
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Marv : [Kevin reaches the entrance to the park, but slips on the ice - causing his vision to spin, as Harry and Marv appear over him] My, how the tables have turned.
Harry : How do you like the ice kid?
[Harry and Marv look at each other, they both laugh and pick Kevin up]
Harry : Let's go for a little stroll in the park.
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[Marv and Harry are climbing down a rope to get to Kevin]
Marv : [sniffing] Harry? You wearin' aftershave?
Harry : That's not aftershave, that's kerosene. The rope is soaked in it!
Marv : [chuckles] WHO would want to soak a rope in kerosene?
[Kevin strikes a match]
Kevin McCallister : Merry Christmas!
Harry : [screams] GO UP!
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Harry : Yep, one quick score. We get ourselves a couple of phony passports and we hightail it to some foreign country.
Marv : Arizona?
[Harry rolls his eyes; Marv, having covered his left hand in tape with the sticky side out, swipes coins from a street Santa]
Harry : [sarcastically] That's very smart, Marv. You bust outta jail to rob fourteen cents from a Santy Claus?
Marv : Every little bit helps. Besides, now we got our new nickname. We're the Sticky Bandits!
[flexes his fingers]
Harry : [sarcastically] Real cute.
Marv : Huh?
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[Marv bumps into an attractive female pedestrian. The sticky glove he's wearing sticks to her handbag and it takes him a bit of effort to wrench it off. She stares at him for an awkward moment]
Marv : [trying to be suave] Pardonnez-moi, mon chéri.
[she gives him a good slap in the face and walks away]
Harry : Serves you right! Come on, let's go!
Marv : [touching his cheek with his sticky glove] I think she likes me.
[the glove sticks to his face and he has to rip it off]
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Harry : I've got a gun in my pocket. You open your mouth, and you'll be spittin' gum out through your forehead.
[glancing at him and Marv and seeing they're not looking, Kevin reaches out and pinches the butt of the woman in front of them; as she turns around, it happens to be the woman who slapped Marv earlier, and her eyes widen in recognition]
Marv : [trying to be suave again] Well, hello.
[she punches him in the face and he falls over]
Kevin McCallister : [indicating Harry] *He* did it!
Harry : Did what?
Kevin McCallister : [she punches Harry, too] Thanks!
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Harry : [Harry and Marv have captured Kevin outside the Plaza Hotel] We spent nine months in jail, thinking we had the worst luck in the universe. We were wrong, little buddy.
Marv : We're busted out of the clink and we're doing fine. We're going to be doing even better. Because we're not robbing houses anymore. Now we're robbing toy stores. At midnight tonight, we're hitting Duncan's Toy Chest. Five floors of cash. Then after that we get a couple of phony passports then it's off to Rio...
Harry : Marv! Marv! You want to shut up?
Marv : What's the difference? He's not going to talk to anyone. Except maybe a fish. Or the undertaker.
Harry : Let's just get him to the subway tunnel. I'll feel a lot better once we get him on ice!
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Marv : [after Harry trips one of Kevin's booby traps] Hey, you didn't lose any teeth!
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Marv : Come on. He went to the second floor.
Kevin McCallister : Hey! Why don't you guys try the stairs?
Marv : Right.
Harry : Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Don't you remember what happened last year?
Marv : No.
Harry : Watch this. Let's get him!
[as he makes footstep sounds on the stairs, Kevin throws a tied-off paint can down]
Harry : [pretending to get hit] Oh! He busted me right in my mouth, Marv! That's one.
Marv : Don't worry, Harry! I'll get him!
[he does the same thing, with Kevin throwing another paint can]
Marv : Ow! Right in the schnozz!
Harry : That's two. Come on, let's get him.
Marv : [as they run up the stairs, Kevin heaves a large pipe down] Oops.
[the force of getting hit knocks them down into the basement]
Marv : That's... three.
Harry : [Kevin cuts the pipe loose, which he sees is about to land on them] No.
Marv : That's... four.
