- Brian: Dear Angela, I know in the past I've caused you pain and I'm sorry. And I'll always be sorry 'till the day I die. And I hate this pen I'm holding because I should be holding you. I hate this paper under my hand because it isn't you. I even hate this letter because it's not the whole truth. Because the whole truth is so much more than a letter can even say. If you want to hate me, go ahead. If you want to burn this letter, do it. You could burn the whole world down; you could tell me to go to hell. I'd go, if you wanted me to. And I'd send you a letter from there. Sincerely, Jordan Catalano
- Angela: Sometimes it seems like we're all living in some kind of prison. And the crime is how much we hate ourselves. It's good to get really dressed up once in a while. And admit the truth: that when you really look closely? People are so strange and so complicated that they're actually... beautiful. Possibly even me.
- Angela: My parents keep asking how school was. It's like saying, "How was that drive-by shooting?" You don't care how it *was*, you're lucky to get out alive.
- Angela: People are always saying you should be yourself, like yourself is this definite thing, like a toaster. Like you know what it is even. But every so often I'll have, like, a moment, where just being myself in my life right where I am is, like, enough.
- Angela: Sometimes someone says something really small and it just fits into this empty place in your heart.
- Sharon Cherski: My father almost died. And you were the only person who didn't even seem to care. People I barely knew were coming up to me all like, concerned, and you, you acted like you barely even knew me.
- Angela: I know, I know I acted like that. I just didn't know what else to do... I knew I was the last person on earth you wanted to deal with...
- Sharon Cherski: [beginning to cry] You were the *only* person I wanted to deal with!
- Angela: This life has been a test. If this had been an actual life, you would have received instructions on where to go and what to do.
- Angela: [narrating] I couldn't stop thinking about it. The, like, fact that - that people - had sex. That they just *had* it, like sex was this thing people - *had*, like a rash. Or a - a Rottweiler. Everything started to seem like, pornographic or something. Like, Mrs. Krysanowski has sex. So does Mr. Katimsky. They both have sex. They could - have sex together. Like right now.
- [groans]
- Angela: I am, like, the *sickest* person.
- Angela: The worst feeling is suddenly realizing that you don't measure up. And that, in the past, when you thought you did, you were a fool.
- Angela: Sometimes I think if my mother wasn't so good at pretending to be happy she might be better at actually being happy.
- Jordan: It's like you think you are safe or something cause you can just walk away anytime, cause you don't need her - you don't need anyone. But the thing you didn't realize is, you're wrong.
- [Jordan hands Angela the love letter she wrote about him]
- Angela: when I wrote this... I wrote this about someone else, I had... this guy, I had a boyfriend last summer and I wrote everything I... I wanted to remember... and I used your name because I wanted... I didn't want other people to know it was about him because... he died... he's dead.
- Angela: There's this dividing line between girls who have had sex, and girls who haven't. And all of a sudden you realize you're looking at each other across it.
- Rayanne Graff: "Potential slut". Now where do people get an idea like that about me?
- Enrique (Rickie) Vasquez: Research!
- Angela: What's amazing is when you can feel your life going somewhere. Like, your life just figured out how to get good. Like, that second.
- First Bathroom Girl: Wait, so what's fat-free?
- Second Bathroom Girl: When something's, like, free. Of fat.
- Third Bathroom Girl: Well, what's the difference between fat-free, and like, nonfat?
- Angela: It had become the focus of everything. It was all I could feel, all I could think about. It blotted out the rest of my face, the rest of my life. Like the zit had become... the truth about me.
- Angela: When someone compliments your parents, there's like nothing to say. It's like a stun gun to your brain.
- [From a mid-season advertisement]
- Narrator: Will Angela ever get over Jordan? Will Rayanne ever stop drinking? Will Brian ever be cool enough? Will Cousin Tino ever actually show up?
- Angela: Walking into someone else's house for the first time is like entering another country. Not that I've ever been to another country.
- Angela: Each card has its own name: The Magician; The Empress; The Fool; The Wheel of Fortune; Strength. They represent challenges and tests, twists of fate. No card is all good or all bad. Cards can be positive or negative depending on where they fall. When you read someone's future, they must think of a question. They must hold it in their mind. The cards read in sequence, each card leads to the next. We move from terror and loss to unexpected good fortune and out of darkness hope is born.
- Jordan: Hey! Um, where is... I mean, is Tino here?
- [Brian shakes head no]
- Jordan: That's uh... I mean, that's Angela's.
- Brian: Uh, shouldn't it prove she's 21?
- Jordan: So?
- Brian: So, according to this she was born yesterday.
- Jordan: Why are you here?
- Brian: I live here.
- Jordan: Is she really from France? Wait, nevermind. Just makes sure she gets that, okay?
- Brian: Sure.
- Richard Katimski: [reading to the class] "My mistress eyes are nothing like the sun. Coral is far more red than her lips' red. If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun. If hair be wires, black wires grow on her head. I have seen roses damas red and white, but no such roses see I in her cheeks. And some perfumes is there more delight than in the breath that from my mistress reeks. I love to hear her speak, yet well I know that music hath a far more pleasing sound. I grant I never saw a Goddess go. My mistress when she walks treads on the ground, and yet, by Heaven, I think my love as rare as any she belied with false compare." What kind of a girl is Shakespeare describing here? Is she the most beautiful girl?
- Brian: No.
- Richard Katimski: Is she a Goddess? Physically perfect? The kind of girl who stops traffic when she walks down the street?
- Brian: No.
- Richard Katimski: So he's not in love with her?
- Jordan: Yeah. He is.
- Richard Katimski: And why is that? Why is he in love with her? What is it about her?
- Brian: That she's not just a fantasy. She's got, like, flaws. She's real.
- Richard Katimski: Thank you.
- Angela: Don't say "hello," or anything.
- Jordan: Hello.
- Angela: I can't believe I came here. Why did you ask me to come here? Why are you like this?
- Jordan: Like what?
- Angela: Like how you are.
- Jordan: So leave.
- Angela: Admit it, first.
- Jordan: Admit what?
- Angela: That all of this happened. That you have emotions. That you can't, like, treat me one way in front of your friends and the next minute leave me some note.
- [pause]
- Angela: And by the way, I spell my name with one L.
- Jordan: Here, before I finish it.
- Rayanne: Oh no, it's cool. Have as much as you want. I'm drunk.
- Jordan: Yeah, me too. But not enough. So, Graff... who you here with?
- Rayanne: If you mean where's Angela, she didn't come. Like usual.
- Jordan: Just let me ask you something.
- Rayanne: It wasn't even my idea. To audition for the stupid play. It was Angela's. And right, like I could be Emily.
- Jordan: Emily who?
- Rayanne: The part in this stupid Our Town play. It was just wishful thinking. I could never be her. Angela could be her.
- Jordan: Oh yeah?
- Rayanne: She's exactly like Angela. You know, she's so innocent but like, doesn't know she's innocent.
- Jordan: Yeah.
- Rayanne: And she always says this stuff like, "isn't the moonlight terrible?"
- Jordan: Yeah, she's always saying innocent stuff like that.
- Rayanne: No, I meant. No, nevermind.
- Jordan: So, does she like that guy I keep seeing her talking to? Cory. Or what?
- Rayanne: You know, it's hard to say.
- Jordan: Sometimes it's like, I really think I know her. And then it will be like we're total strangers.
- Rayanne: I know.
- Jordan: Oh, I almost forgot. Here. I found it at the museum. You wrote it, right?
- Angela: Yeah. But when I wrote this, I wrote it about someone else. This guy. I had a boyfriend last summer, and I wrote everything... I wanted to remember him. I used your name because I didn't want other people to know it was about him. Because he died. He's dead.
- Jordan: Look, I didn't read it. Okay? So you don't have to, like, tell that stuff.
- Angela: You expect me to believe that?
- Jordan: I don't care what you believe.
- Angela: Well, you find a five-page letter in a museum and it starts "dear Jordan," and you expect me to believe you didn't read it?
- Jordan: Nevermind. Look, I read parts of it. Okay?
- Angela: What? You must really think I'm stupid.
- Jordan: It just didn't hold my interest, okay?
- Angela: Oh really? Why is that? I'm curious! I'd really like to know what it was that made it so incredibly boring. Just tell me! Was it too emotional? Too personal? Too many big words?
- Jordan: Shut up!
- Angela: You couldn't read it. That's it, isn't it?
- Jordan: I never told anyone before.
- Angela: Brian, look at me. That letter I told you about. Rickie said you wrote it. And I have to know because...
- Brian: Know what? There's nothing to know. Okay, what Rickie probably meant was Jordan Catalano asked me to proofread it for grammatical errors.
- Angela: You proofread a love letter? Is this, like, a game to you?
- Brian: Hardly.
- Angela: But you admit that you were involved.
- Brian: I'm not admitting anything!
- Angela: This is a joke, right? Oh God. I can't believe I fell for it. It's obviously a total lie.
- Brian: No, I meant every word. I mean, the person who wrote it meant every word. Probably.
- Angela: Brian?
- Brian: I didn't write it.
- Angela: Brian, you said...
- Brian: Forget what I said! Forget this whole conversation!
- [pause]
- Brian: You liked it, though. Right? It made you, like, happy.
- Angela: Yeah.
- Brian: Because that's probably all that matters.
- Angela: To who?
- Brian: To, you know, the person who wrote it.
- Sharon Cherski: Why were you asking me all those questions? So, you and Jordan never?
- Angela: [Narration] There's this dividing line between girls who've had sex and girls who haven't. And all of a sudden, we both realized that we were looking at each other across it.
- Sharon Cherski: Look, you're allowed to ask me things.
- Angela: What things? So did you use something?
- Sharon Cherski: Angela! Of course we did! We used condoms. You have to. Promise me you'll make him wear a condom if you decide to do it.
- Angela: Okay! Let's stop talking about it.
- [pause]
- Angela: So how did you, like, decide? I mean...
- Sharon Cherski: Look, I told Kyle I wanted to wait until I was ready. And then one night I totally was. The only strange thing is that after that, having sex was like, expected, because you can't go back. I mean, it kinda stopped mattering if I wanted to.
- Enrique (Rickie) Vasquez: [sees Jordan on the street] Hey.
- Jordan: You need a ride or something?
- Enrique (Rickie) Vasquez: Uh, sure.
- Jordan: So, where we going?
- Enrique (Rickie) Vasquez: Uh... let me think. Um...
- Jordan: Look if you need someplace to crash, I know a place.
- Enrique (Rickie) Vasquez: Thanks.
- Jordan: My old man used to knock me around, too.
- Enrique (Rickie) Vasquez: He did?
- Jordan: He hasn't done it in a couple years, though. He's too scared. The last time... I threw a chair at him.
- Enrique (Rickie) Vasquez: Well, I'm gonna light a candle for you on Christmas Eve.
- Jordan: Oh yeah? You think that changes anything?
- Enrique (Rickie) Vasquez: Uh-huh.
- Angela: They weren't the kind of kisses you could actually evaluate. They were more like... introductory kisses.
- Rayanne: So, do you know what everyone's saying?
- Jordan: What?
- Rayanne: About you and Angela. Like, you guys had sex.
- Jordan: Who?
- Rayanne: You and Angela.
- Jordan: No. Who is saying that?
- Rayanne: I don't know, people. I mean she told me the truth, of course.
- Jordan: What truth?
- Rayanne: How far you guys went, you know.
- Jordan: Well, yeah. Cause nothing happened.
- Rayanne: Right. So, like, how come it's all over school? I mean, you're not talking it up like some lowlife derelict cretin telling everyone you did her. Are you?
- [Jordan nods no and walks away]
- Rayanne: Just checking.
- Shane: Hey Graff, wanna play?
- Rayanne: Ew, shut up.
- [Approaches Jordan]
- Rayanne: You know you like her. Would it kill you to admit it? Maybe treat her halfway decent. Because, you know, she deserves it. And she's not gonna wait around for you forever.
- Shane: Man, they're like, weird. You know? Both of them.
- Angela: You will not believe the number Sharon Cherski just pulled on me.
- Enrique (Rickie) Vasquez: Uh, like what?
- Angela: Like how Rayanne supposedly did it with Jordan And how Brian Krakow supposedly has proof of it, like on video. I mean, I honestly believed she was past all this. Like, she was over her jealousy of Rayanne. But I guess she isn't, or else why would she say something like that to me?
- Enrique (Rickie) Vasquez: Because it's true.
- Angela: I read what you wrote. I would hardly believe how beautiful it was.
- Jordan: Look... I'm not. I don't want to pretend like...
- Angela: I don't want to pretend, either.
- Jordan: I'm glad you liked it, but...
- Angela: I didn't like it. I loved it. I loved it.
- Jordan: I have all these dreams where I know exactly what to say. And you tell me, you know, that you forgive me.
- Jordan: I brought your bike back. Or whoever's it is.
- Angela: So, are we supposed to say something? Like official?
- Jordan: You don't have to say anything.
- Angela: It was sort of like when you were letting me drive your car and I loved it. It made me feel really powerful, but also really terrified. Like, I wasn't ready for that much freedom.
- Jordan: Well, you should know I won't hold it against you. If your name ever comes up.
- Angela: Thanks.
- Jordan: No sweat.
- Angela: Because, it is a big deal. I mean, sex made your whole life start and if you think about life as like, a circle, or something, then sex and death are the same. Look, I'm not saying they're the same. I've thought about having sex with you and, God I've never seriously thought about killing you.
- Jordan: Okay! Okay. At least, you got in some driving practice. Just don't take your turns too wide, or anything. I'm sure you won't.
- Angela: [Narration] Sometimes, somebody says something really small, and it just fits right in an empty place in your heart.
- [to Jordan]
- Angela: Your hair. The way it's really soft in the back. I'm really going to miss that.
- Jordan: Yeah?
- Angela: Yeah. I guess this is it, so... goodbye.
- Jordan: Bye. I'll see you tomorrow.
- Sharon Cherski: Angela, come on.
- Jordan: Angela!
- Angela: I'm gonna be late for homeroom. What?
- Jordan: I did an undefendable thing. I created my own prison and I have to exist in it. Maybe I had a wish, or whatever, to punish you. An unconscious wish. You've heard of them, right?
- Angela: No, I think so. I can't believe it. What you just said was really amazing.
- Jordan: I know.
- Angela: Okay.
- Jordan: Okay, what?
- Angela: Okay, now we can have a serious talk.
- Jordan: We just did.
- Angela: Oh, come on. You can't hit a person with something that profound and expect that to be the end of the discussion.
- Jordan: You can't? Oh, uh, I forgot. I'm late for homeroom.
- Rayanne: Don't tell her I was here. I mean I guess you will because you guys are tight.
- Patty: Tight?
- Rayanne: It's not like she tells you everything, but you know...
- Patty: No.
- Rayanne: But, like, if something really horrible happened.
- Patty: Did something really horrible happen?
- Rayanne: I guess. But I didn't really think it was. She said she was totally over him.
- Patty: You mean Jordan?
- Rayanne: Otherwise, I would have never done it. Cause it's not something either of us really... it was just like, this thing that happened. It was just, like, there.
- Patty: You and Jordan?
- Rayanne: You hate my guts. I mean, I guess I would too. If I were you.
- Patty: No. No, no, I don't hate you. I guess I can certainly understand how Angela feels.
- Rayanne: I've never really hurt somebody this bad before. It's hard to believe, but I guess you can't really hurt someone this bad unless you really matter to them. Please don't tell her I was here.
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