- Penny Robinson: Let's see, do I spend my last night on Earth watching Mom and Dad pretend not to be fighting, or blow ten years worth of allowance at the mall? You do the math.
- Reporter #1: Professor Robinson, how do your children feel about traveling into space for the next ten years?
- John Robinson: They couldn't be more excited.
- [next scene]
- Penny Robinson: This mission sucks!
- Will Robinson: [after seeing the old ship 20 years into the future] Oh shit!
- Dr. Zachary Smith: A boy of your intelligence should never swear.
- [Smith sees the old ship]
- Dr. Zachary Smith: Oh shit. Indeed.
- [Why the others should believe his warning about the spiders]
- Dr. Zachary Smith: Trust me, Major. Evil knows evil.
- Penny Robinson: [to her diary] On this eve before she is torn from all she knows, kidnapped, hurled into deep space against her will, what thoughts fill the mind of the young space captive?
- Will Robinson: Will there be boys on Alpha Prime? Whatever will I wear?
- Dr. Zachary Smith: You'll forgive me if I forgo the kiss, my sleeping behemoth. But the time has come to awake.
- Robot: Robot is on-line. Reviewing primary directives. One, preserve the Robinson Family. Two, Maintain ship systems. Three
- Dr. Zachary Smith: What noble charges my steely centurion. Sadly I fear you have far more dire deeds in store for you.
- Robot: Robot is on-line. Reviewing primary directives. Two hours into mission destroy Robinson family. Destroy all systems.
- Dr. Zachary Smith: Now that's more like it. Farewell my platinum-plated-pal. Give my regards to oblivion.
- [as Will looks for parts to Robot's body]
- Will Robinson: Relax, Robot. I'm going to build you a new body. Mom always said I should make new friends.
- Robot: Oh, ha ha.
- [the Robinson family shares a tender moment of love as they are reunited]
- Major West: You know, the planet IS breaking up around us.
- Monster Smith: Haven't you made the doorway... too small?
- Older Will: Not for me. But then, I'm not going, am I? The spiders didn't kill the girls. It was you. I just didn't let myself see it. You kept me alive because you needed me. Because I could build this for you.
- Monster Smith: Poor, poor boy. Did you think that I would let you go? After all that I have become? Look at me. I am no mere man.
- [He takes off the clothes covering him to reveal a spider/human figure]
- Monster Smith: I am a god. Within these eggsacks lives a monster race of spiders. We shall descend upon helpless Earth. An entire planet on which to rule. An entire planet on which to feed! Time to die, *son*.
- Older Will: I'm not your son!
- Will Robinson: Oh, shit.
- Dr. Zachary Smith: A boy of your intelligence should never swear... Oh, shit.
- Major West: 8 years of flight training. Navigational holographics online. 50 combat missions. Course confirmed for slingshot exit of the solar system. Just so I could take the family camper on an interstellar picnic.
- Robot: Will Robinson! I will tell you a joke! Why did the robot cross the road? Because he was carbon bonded to the chicken!
- Will Robinson: We've got a *lot* of work to do.
- Robot: It sounds like old morse code.
- Will Robinson: What does it say?
- Robot: Danger, Will Robinson, danger.
- Major West: What about you, Doc? Is there some lucky little nerd you left behind?
- Judy Robinson: I've spent the last three years training for this mission. I'm trying to save the planet. I haven't had time for fun.
- Major West: If there's no time for fun, Doc, then what are we saving the planet for?
- Dr. Zachary Smith: [reprogramming the future Robot] Let's try this again, shall we? You are the puppet, I am the puppeteer. Do try to get it right this time...
- [the Jupiter II is hurtling towards the Sun]
- John Robinson: We're caught in the sun's gravitational pull. We're headed straight for it.
- Major West: Oh, really? Is that what the big round ball is?
- Major West: It's working.
- John Robinson: What?
- Major West: If we can't go around the Sun, then we go straight through it, using your hyperdrive.
- John Robinson: If we engage the hyperdrive without a gate, we could be thrown anywhere in the galaxy.
- Major West: Anywhere but here.
- Major West: I'm going to try to break us out of the atmosphere.
- John Robinson: No, we don't have enough core material for that.
- Major West: Well, maybe if we catch one of the thermal...
- John Robinson: No, it won't work. I *know*. We have to go... down. Through the planet as she's breaking up. We can use the planet's gravity...
- Major West: What?
- John Robinson: To throw us ut the other side and back into space!
- Major West: That's insane!
- John Robinson: I don't have time to argue.
- Maureen Robinson: Am I interrupting something? No really, I think you two should go ahead and slug it out. I mean, here we are on an alien world and you boys want to get into a pissing contest? Please, go for it. I'll have Judy down here in a heartbeat to declare you both unfit, and I'll take over this mission. Now I don't want to hear another word from either of you, is THAT clear?
- John Robinson: Have you noticed, you take to opposite position to whatever I say?
- Maureen Robinson: Of course I do, we're married.
- Maureen Robinson: NOT another word. Better. Now if you've finished hosing down the decks with testosterone, I suggest you come with me. I may have found a way to get us off this planet.
- Monster Smith: You should have killed me when you had the chance.
- John Robinson: You know, you're right. I couldn't kill the man...
- [takes out on of Will's science fair plaques as an improvised weapon]
- John Robinson: But I can kill the monster!
- Maureen Robinson: [after will alters holographic projection of his principal, making her look like a gorilla] No more monkey business!
- Dr. Zachary Smith: It's the world behind the world Dr. Robinson. Lie once, cheat twice, and everything becomes clear.
- Maureen Robinson: Get the hell out of there!
- Robot: [being controlled by Will] Mom says, get the hell out of there!
- Major West: [West assembles his gun as the spiders are attacking] A million bucks worth of weaponry, and I'd trade it all back for a lousy can of Raid.
- Penny Robinson: This mission sucks. I don't wanna leave early. I don't wanna go at all.
- Maureen Robinson: We will discuss this at dinner.
- Penny Robinson: For the last three years, I've missed everything. Training. So I can spend the next ten years missing everything else. I'm not staying home for dinner. I'm going out to see my friends.
- Maureen Robinson: Penny.
- Penny Robinson: I'm going out to... say good-bye to my entire life.
- Maureen Robinson: Penny I need you here tonight.
- [Will, through the robot's holographic interface, sees the spiders eating the other injured spiders]
- Will Robinson: Eww. They eat their wounded.
- Maureen Robinson: Get the hell out of there!
- Will Robinson: [speaking through the Robot] Mom says to get the hell out of there.
- Dr. Zachary Smith: Major West, I highly recommend you never breed. That, by the way, is my medical opinion.
- Dr. Zachary Smith: [to Will Robinson] Let me tell you a lesson about life, kid. There are monsters everywhere... I know, I am one.
- Dr. Zachary Smith: Something you should abide by on this world or any other, never trust anyone. Especially me.
- [First night on an unknown unfriendly looking planet they crashed on]
- Maureen Robinson: Good night, John.
- John Robinson: Good night, Maureen.
- Will Robinson: Good night, Judy.
- Penny Robinson: Good night, Will.
- Judy Robinson: Good night, Penny.
- [pause]
- Major West: You guys have got to be kidding.
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