Two Weeks Notice (2002)

Hugh Grant: George Wade

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Quotes 

• George Wade : Before you came into my life I could make all kinds of decisions, now I can't, I'm addicted, I have to know what you think!

  [holds up cufflinks] 

  George Wade : What do you think?

  Lucy Kelson : George, I think you are the most selfish human being on the planet.

  George Wade : Well that's just silly. Have you met everybody on the planet?

  Lucy Kelson : Goodbye George.

  [she leaves] 

• George Wade : I own the hotel, and I live there. My life is very much like Monopoly.

• Lucy Kelson : So do we have a... a deal?

  George Wade : No. I want something else from you.

  Lucy Kelson : [chortles incredulously]  Oh, no. I am fully aware of your reputation and there's no way you're getting... that. No.

  George Wade : Getting what?

  Lucy Kelson : You know what. Sex. There's no way you're getting... that. No.

  George Wade : Well, that would be nice. But what I really need is a new chief counsel.

  Lucy Kelson : [beat]  Honestly, I think I'd rather have the sex.

• George Wade : I'm now poor. When I say I'm poor, I mean we may have to share a helicopter with another family.

• George Wade : I need your advice on one last thing, then I promise you will never hear from me again. You see, I've just delivered the first speech I've written entirely by myself since we met, and I think I may have blown it. I want to ask your thoughts. Okay? Then I will read it to you. I'd like to welcome everyone on this special day. Island Towers will bring glamour and prestige to the neighborhood and become part of Brooklyn's renaissance. And I'm very pleased and proud to be here. Unfortunately, there is one fly in the ointment. You see, I gave my word to someone that we wouldn't knock down this building behind me. And normally, and those of you who know me or were married to me can attest to this, my word wouldn't mean very much. So why does it this time? Well, partly because this building is an architectural gem and deserves to be landmarked and partly because people really do need a place to do senior's water ballet and CPR. Preferably not together. But mainly because this person, despite being unusually stubborn and unwilling to compromise and a very poor dresser, is... she's rather like the building she loves so much. A little rough around the edges but, when you look closely, absolutely beautiful. And the only one of her kind. And even though I've said cruel things and driven her away, she's become the voice in my head. And I can't seem to drown her out. And I don't want to drown her out. So, we are going to keep the community center. Because I gave my word to her and because we gave our word to the community. And I didn't sleep with June. That's not in the speech, that's just me letting you know that important fact. What do you think?

  Lucy Kelson : I have to get back to work.

  George Wade : Right. Right, yes. Sorry to disturb you. Congratulations, again, Polly.

  [leaves] 

  Lucy Kelson : Aside from the split infinitive that was somewhere in the middle, that speech was actually quite perfect, wasn't it?

  Polly St. Clair : Yeah. I don't know what the hell you're still doing sitting here. And I don't even like him.

  Lucy Kelson : [runs after George] 

• George Wade : [talking about Lucy's mother]  Yes, she is terrifying. I thought she was going to kill me and feed me to the poor.

• George Wade : This whole project is worth about 50 million in profits.

  Ruth Kelson : No offense, but I think it's *immoral* for one person to acquire that much wealth. How do you sleep at night?

  George Wade : Well, I have a machine that simulates the sound of the ocean.

  Larry Kelson : Do those really work?

  George Wade : Oh, yes, quite well actually.

• [last lines] 

  Lucy Kelson : [on the phone]  Hi, Mr. Wong, it's Lucy Kelson. I need one No. 13, two No. 7's...

  George Wade : [walking back and forth]  I can't believe how small this apartment is, it's actually shocking!

  Lucy Kelson : I need three No. 8's, no garlic...

  George Wade : It's a very good thing your parents went to the movies, we'd never have squeezed in!

  Lucy Kelson : I need one No. 7 and...

  George Wade : You realize, I can actually move from one side of this apartment to the other in 6 seconds. Watch this,

  [steps off] 

  George Wade : one...

  Lucy Kelson : ...and a No. 11, please. No, actually, this is for two.

• George Wade : Well, we obviously can't leave you alone with that stapler.

• George Wade : You make Gandhi look like a used cars salesman.

• George Wade : [showing up late to his divorce hearing]  Sorry everyone. Did I miss the blessed event?

  Lucy Kelson : [under her breath]  Check with me before you talk.

• Lucy Kelson : What did I tell you that defines an emergency?

  George Wade : A large meteoroid, severe blood loss and uh... what was the other thing?

  Lucy Kelson : Death! And you're not dead!

• George Wade : If you have to go, just... go!

  Lucy Kelson : What? What am I, five years old? This is my car!

  George Wade : It's only a Volvo.

  Lucy Kelson : People just don't *go* in Volvos.

  George Wade : I'll buy you another Volvo!

  Lucy Kelson : No! Besides, that is the only thing you'll ever remember about me... that I'm the woman who *went* on the front seat.

  George Wade : Well, that would be hard to forget.

• Lucy Kelson : [during divorce proceedings]  You're referring to the alleged infidelity?

  Lauren Wade : *Alleged?* He was having sex with her in our *bed*.

  George Wade : Well, I knew how worried you were about getting anything on that sofa.

• Tony : She looks so peaceful when she's sleeping... Like a doll.

  [Lucy snores loudly] 

  George Wade : A doll with a sinus problem.

• Helen Wade : Would you like anything?

  George Wade : I'd love some Milk Duds.

  Helen Wade : We don't have any, I could send out for one.

  George Wade : Oh, no, don't be ridiculous. If you're going to send out, get a whole box.

• Lucy Kelson : You called everyone but Slurpee Heaven.

  George Wade : That is not true. I did call Slurpee Heaven. They didn't want you. Heard you had attitude. Said you weren't "Slurpee" material.

• George Wade : I find you... annoying.

• Lucy Kelson : Oh, well, I can swing a racket.

  George Wade : Yes I know, at my head, I've experienced it.

• June Carter : Do you know what I like even more than chess?

  George Wade : Pokémon?

  June Carter : [smiles seductively]  Strip chess.

  George Wade : [beat]  Oh yes, that is a very good game.

• George Wade : And did you tell Billy you loved him? Did you say, 'Billy, I love you'?

• [talking about a leather belt] 

  George Wade : What do you think of this? Too ornate? Or do you think it's... beltacular.

• George Wade : Divorce always gives me an appetite. Kabob?

  Lucy Kelson : No thanks. I've never really warmed to the idea of a *flesh* popsicle.

• Lucy Kelson : Mr. Wade, so sorry to bother. I've been going over the Environmental Impact Reports for Island Towers. I would really love to talk with you.

  Lucy Kelson : Very good.

  George Wade : [holds up two very similar looking pieces of stationary]  I really wanted to ask you: which one of these do you prefer?

  Lucy Kelson : How do you mean?

  George Wade : It's for my new personalized stationary.

  Lucy Kelson : Is this a trick question? They look exactly the same to me.

  George Wade : No, not at all.

  [raises and lowers stationary as he speaks] 

  George Wade : This is a linen finish and this is a watermarked vellum finish.

  Lucy Kelson : Leaving aside the fact that they've taken perfectly good forests and denuded them in order to make this nonrecyclable paper... I would say that it was...

  [she takes the first stationary and licks it, she does the same with the other and hands them back] 

  Lucy Kelson : Well, than this one. It tastes better.

  George Wade : [Perplexed, George does the same thing Lucy just did by licking the stationary]  Do you know that I've asked 30 people that question. You're the only one to come up with that answer. My God, you're good. I'm getting you a bigger office.

  Lucy Kelson : [following after him]  No, it's very sweet but I'd rather go over the...

• Lucy Kelson : Oh good, while you're at it, be sure to massage his cloven hoof.

  George Wade : Girls, I'm starting to feel a pain in my ass...

• Donald Trump : Wade.

  George Wade : Trump.

  Donald Trump : I hear Kelson finally dumped you.

  George Wade : Not exactly, no. We just came to a mutual understanding that she couldn't bear me for another second, that's all.

  Donald Trump : So who's the new chief counsel? If she's any good, I'm gonna steal her away.

  George Wade : I doubt it. She seems quite loyal to me.

  Donald Trump : Let me be the judge of that.

  George Wade : All right. I'm not intimidated. I'll even lead you to her, she's over there somewhere.

• [driving from the tennis court, Lucy begins having food poisoning] 

  Lucy Kelson : That last chili dog is really barking!

  [as they pull up to a traffic jam, it starts to rain] 

  George Wade : It's not perfect timing, I must say. We'll be back in the city in 20 minutes.

  Lucy Kelson : I don't have 20 seconds! I feel like I swallowed a cruise missile.

• [Wade and Kelson are interviewing a potential replacement for her; a large African-American woman] 

  George Wade : Well, it's a terrific résumé, Polly. And

  [winks] 

  George Wade : Congratulations on the baby.

  Polly St. Clair : What baby?

  Lucy Kelson : [whispers to Wade]  Maybe you should check with me before you talk.

  Polly St. Clair : [becoming incredulous]  What baby?

  Lucy Kelson : I'd like to talk about your moot-court experience...

  Polly St. Clair : [now legitimately angry]  What baby?

  George Wade : [turns to Kelson]  Yeah, what baby?

  [St. Clair settles back into her seat, offended that they would think she was pregnant] 

• [St. Clair and Wade meet again about a year and a half later at Kelson's new job] 

  George Wade : So you work here now? Terrific. How are you?

  Polly St. Clair : [honestly]  Pregnant.

  George Wade : [chuckles knowingly]  I'm not falling for that one again!

  Polly St. Clair : No, I'm really pregnant. You can congratulate me now.

  George Wade : Polly, I was not born yesterday...

  Polly St. Clair : [angry]  I'm pregnant! You wanna see the damn sonogram?