I really wasn't sure if I would wind up watching the full Oscars broadcast this year.
Due to my job situation and various other factors (including a severe lack of enthusiasm toward most of the nominees), I felt that this might be the year that I break tradition and sit one out, making it the first ceremony since 2012 that I, alas, had to forgo. Not that this felt like a huge loss; I mean, when you read that the presenters include the likes of Megan Thee Stallion and DJ Khaled, that should tell you exactly how much you ought to care about the Academy Awards at this point. (I even forgot to mention Questlove in my review of last year's show, and how he now "DJs" the Oscars because they've really gotten that desperate for broader, younger viewership.)
Truth is, I ultimately did skip the show. And... wow! Wow, did I pick the wrong night to sleep in! I don't need to bore you with all the various takes on the Chris Rock-Will Smith altercation and Jada Pinkett Smith, but I can definitely say that this has been one of the most eye-opening moments of discourse in Twitter history -- in terms of the sheer number of people telling on themselves in such a short while:
We now know precisely who has a proclivity to justify battery (or even hissy-fit slap fights) and which excuses they may use. We know who to mute for their readiness to use a moment like this to lecture us on "black on black violence", "toxic masculinity" (depending on which aisle you're in, but that lens really doesn't seem to get used much when the punches are dealt in the name of a woman's honor, which is even funnier), and even Vladimir Putin somehow. We know whose media comprehension is still intact enough that they could see Smith, our hero, laughing along at Rock's joke before suddenly running up to do what I've admittedly wanted to do to Chris Rock ever since his claim that voice acting is inherently "easier" than "real" acting. We know who has sacrificed objectivity for Smith family fanboyism, that Jaden might not be the most unstable member of said family after all, AND that this was apparently "staged" all along to garner press, boost ratings, and also distract from the war in Ukraine ergo we're ALL suckers. Lastly, we know who's smart enough to just make baldness/cuckoldry memes out of the whole thing.
As of this writing, I feel like the deranged takes have only just begun. And really, all I wanna do tonight is focus on the few things that didn't suck about the ceremony:
- Jessica Chastain taking the time to attend the non-televised awards out of respect for her colleagues on the film The Eyes of Tammy Faye, whose Hair and Makeup award was handed out during this pre-taped segment. This was an inordinate display of empathy towards the "plebs" on the part of a Hollywood celebrity, but it's still deeply hilarious that certain, "less important" awards were removed from the live telecast in an effort to shorten it -- something that didn't actually happen. In fact, this was the longest Oscars ceremony since 2018. Are you even really that surprised?
- Troy Kotsur winning Best Supporting Actor for CODA and giving a damn fine speech. Yuh-Jung Youn, another treasure and the winner of last year's Supporting Actress prize (Minari), had also learned sign language for the announcement, making it all the more moving. I dunno, it's just nice to be reminded that there are people in the film industry who just, like, aren't complete sh-t, you know?
- The unintentional morbid hilarity of the upbeat music choice for the "In Memoriam" segment.
- Bringing in half of the galaxy-brained duo behind "WAP" during the performance of "We Don't Talk About Bruno" because, like I said, this is the level of desperation ABC's at.
Those are the only real moments of note that I can think of right now. Thank you so much for reading this half-review! Remember to take good care of yourself and to be happy that the show at least wasn't being hosted by Ricky Gervais, or Will Smith might've "had to" straight-up go full Tsar Bomba on his ass.
