The Remake

Dreadful vanity production written and directed by and starring some woman I never heard of. Her co-star is some guy I never heard of. Terrible actors.

Plot has two middle-aged has-beens reuniting for a movie remake of something they made in 1979 when they were teenagers. Ya right. Try 40 or 50 years ago. The woman is a vengeful snot who's never forgiven him for leaving her at the altar after the cops apparently dragged him away for being an illegal alien and deported him back to Italy. Oh?

Her Italian looking daughter daughter (ahem) is getting married. If only her WASP daddy (ahem) hadn't died before he could see her get married. Huh? She already has a kid. No matter.

As soon as you get the set up you know where it's going. The leads couldn't act their way out of a paper bag. Intro this drek step Patrika Darbo as the woman's sister, Sally Kellerman as Aunt Peg, and June Lockhart as the grandmother.

Bravo to 90+ Miss Lockhart for breathing some life and acting skills into this morass. She only has a few scenes but you'll be grateful for them if you make it that far into this one.

Whoever did the sound and the music track should have their union cards revoked. Half the dialog can't be heard because of terrible sound and terrible music. Oh well, considering how bad the dialog is, maybe that's a blessing.