Reviews
300 (2006)
One of the Best So-Stupid-It's-Funny Movies of the Year!!!
Watched as a comedy, 300 is not bad, but they should have put in more funny scenes. I won't spoil the magic, but we were all cracking up when the mutant ninjas appeared. It's as if the film makers were so scared that all the half-naked men might give the audience the wrong idea about the Spartans, that they turned the Hetero up to 11. At first I was offended, but the homo/xenophobia is so over-the-top, it becomes absurdly funny.
Twelve Things I learned from the movie:
1) Spartans are kind of like Scottish football players except that they all shave their chests and don't wear shirts... wait, I guess they're exactly like Scottish football players.
2) If anyone is effeminate, nonwhite, a lesbian, or physically unattractive, they are an enemy of freedom or a slave.
3) Wearing underwear is only for evil people like hunchbacks and God-kings. The army of freedom goes commando.
4) Throwing your only weapon is a good battle strategy, as is slowing time and teleporting from one location to another. (I knew this from other funny action movies though)
5) The aesthetic style of car commercials from the early 90's is the new cutting edge of action cinematography unless there are women in the shot, then you should shoot it like a perfume commercial from the early 90's.
6) Rhinos and elephants are easy to ship, easy to train, and very easy to kill.
7) Spartan cloaks never get dirty unless you are returning from a son-avenging murderous rampage.
8) Spartan cloaks have the power to summon wind if the wearer utters a corny line. Protip: Louder and cornier lines produce a stronger wind.
9) The sight of a toppling decapitated body can be surprisingly funny if the body belongs to a character you know nothing about and the entire scene happens in sloooooow moooootion.
10) Ru Paul blew most of his Godking evil henchmen budget on fancy masks for his elite army of mutant ninjas and forgot to check their resumes for evidence of any actual fighting skill.
11) People who kill innocent women and children are savage enemies of reason and justice, but people who kill innocent babies are reasonable and just champions of freedom.
12) "Well-written action movie script" (or video game or comic book) still means laugh-out-loud cheesiness during every dramatic scene.
So, while it doesn't quite top The Mummy Returns for unintentionally hilarious nonsensical action, it's a close second. I predict that this movie will score well with male gamers, adolescent boys, and ultra conservative patriarchs. I know it was based on a comic, but really now, it's like an allegory for the War on Terror written by a confused twelve year old. If you're looking for quality even on par with the mediocre Gladiator, keep looking. 5/10
P.S. Make sure you watch the credit roll for the multiple evil transsexual Asian roles (I thought transsexual Asian #3 did an excellent job).
Knocked Up (2007)
Insultingly ridiculous premise custom-made for the adolescent man.
As many reviewers have already stated, this movie is based on a premise that is incredibly unbelievable, even for a comedy, even for an Apatow comedy. At least in The 40 Year Old Virgin, you could kind of barely understand the appeal of the main character. Not here. Ben is a little too realistically lame to be funny or sympathetic. The movie shares space in that uncanny valley that "King of the Hill" occupies, where you realize with slowly growing horror that thousands of emotionally and intellectually stunted "men" like these characters exist. Although the movie makes light fun of their lifestyle, it ultimately excuses and justifies it. And so we reach the crux of the problem:
I don't care how drunk she gets, an intelligent, attractive, successful woman is not going to sleep with Ben, ever, to say nothing of not having an abortion if she were to become impregnated with his loser-spawn. Movies like this are comfort food for teens and man-children who shirk responsibility and spout lazy profanity all day because they have nothing interesting to say. I'm sure that if I were thirteen again, I would find the constant use of the F-word, homophobic jokes, and "stoned guys think everything is funny" scenes to be works of comic brilliance, but it all sounds pretty trite to my ancient 29 year old ears.
I liked Mallrats, Austin Powers, even Dodgeball and Zoolander. I have no problems laughing at a low-brow comedy, even profanity if it is used in interesting ways, but screenwriters need to stop insulting the intelligence and judgment of their female characters. If the movie poked fun at its own stupidity with more vigor or provided some meaningful character development, it would be less of an issue, but the tone jerks violently back and forth in a half-hearted effort to shoehorn some kind of life lesson into its ludicrous plot.
The end result of this bipolar sitcomminess is that the target audiences leave with the suspicion that their fruitless, ignorant lives are actually not so bad. After all, a heterosexual relationship with a beautiful woman and the miracle of childbirth are all it takes to turn everything around. Why waste time maturing into a decent, intelligent, tolerant, productive member of society? That's so lame. Just let your brain idle in that adolescent sweet-spot and fantasize about having sex with every attractive woman you see without ever taking the time to actually get to know one. Your penis will work its mysterious magic, and presto! you shall become a man. This is not a helpful message for the already ignorant youth of America.
Even if you thought The Forty Year Old Virgin was a work of genius, there's a good chance you'll be disappointed by this one. However, if you thought Wedding Crashers was hilarious, this will be right up your alley. Of course, if you happen to be a lazy slob with a dead-end job who hangs out all day gaming and getting high with equally brainless companions, maybe this movie will bring you some misguided hope that a wonderful woman you don't deserve will decide to clean up your life for you just because you're so damn irresistible... or maybe you'll be depressed about how ridiculous and unfunny it all is and just want your money back.
The A-Team: Cowboy George (1986)
This is the funniest episode of the A Team ever...
The A Team is all about cheese, but when a bar full of homophobic rednecks starts rocking out to Boy George, the show reaches a level of surreal ridiculousness attained by very few programs.
It's a perfect illustration of the strange and delicate balance that characterized the 80's between rigid adherence to gender roles and ultra macho men on one side, and the androgynous queer-chic MTV culture on the other.
I probably watched every A-Team episode two or three times as a kid, but this is the one that always sticks in my mind because it totally obliterated the fragile suspension of disbelief I had painstakingly held on to.
And yet, when Mr. T and Boy George, two males on the opposite sides of the masculine spectrum "bond" (figuratively) at the end, it's actually kind of a sweet moment. That Boy George is a sass machine when he kicks down that door. No one's gonna make him cry. You go George.
Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006)
An amusing satire that leans slightly to the left...
If you're hoping to see the Nascar culture of the South (and midwest)mercilessly skewered, this movie will not satisfy your liberal bloodlust. It does lean a little left, but ultimately it's not picking sides and is a funny film that even intelligent people can enjoy.
Will and crew have good comic timing, and Will somehow once again channels his idiot man- child character in a way that makes you actually care about him. Jane Lynch is awesome in Guest mockumentaries, but is wasted here. Leslie Bibb is dead on as the gold-digging bombshell and Amy Adams nails her inspiring monologue although her character is clearly tacked on. John C. keeps pace with the zaniness of Will F. and has many of the funniest lines. Michael Clarke Duncan is there as the token bait for African Americans. He is not given much to work with, and the whole second knife thing is a bit insulting (although funny). Gary Cole is funny and believable.
You're not going to laugh until you cry, but you will laugh often. The film tries to make fun of product placement with product placement which kind of sort of works. It's a bit like Fight Club pretending to be anti-Hollywood... not really convincing. The soundtrack is well chosen especially at the end, and the movie has by far the best on screen kiss in recent memory that actually makes you feel hopeful for the future of the country.
The only negatives for me were the annoying children. Once again the tired, "make kids say foul things" trick was used, and it still isn't funny. Luckily Jane Lynch comes to the rescue, and I heard several cheers from the audience when the childish antics are silenced.
As usual, there are several extremely low reviews on the site posted by people who have clearly not seen the movie. Some of them even cut and paste the same vague sentence over and over to make the minimum word limit. Now that's laziness. Just to make it clear, the n- word is never uttered, there is no anti-Semitism, no nudity, and there are only a few raunchy jokes (mostly erection related). For Tom Cruise's sake, The Naked Gun is more offensive than this film.
The real reason this movie inspires hatred, is that it is effective as a satire of the absurdity of both the ultra-male, Christian-lite homophobic Nascar culture (the fainting from the gayness scene cracked me up), and the over the top extreme-left, pseudo-cultured in your face liberal credo.
The Ballad of Ricky Bobby is not fall out of your chair funny, and it's not as awesome as Highlander, but it's miles and miles better than the atrocious Wedding Crashers and is surprisingly well made for a Hollywood comedy. Everyone in the audience (except for a couple people who were clearly waaaaaaay too sensitive about Jesus) had a good time.
The Descent (2005)
Two big flaws, otherwise a nice little feminist horror movie that makes you think
I went in with no expectations and was pleasantly surprised. The movie is gory, but the gore never seems gratuitous. Most importantly, it's a lot of fun to debate to what extent this can be considered a feminist allegory. There are the tried and true baptism and rebirth scenes, and lots and lots of penetrations and narrow tunnels, but besides all the cheesy overdone stuff, there is an underlying message about violence against females and the difficulty women have surviving in a male dominated world that tries its best to consume them or pit them against each other.
The two huge flaws in the movie come pretty early on. In the first, two of the women accomplish a physical feat that requires superhuman strength. I won't spoil it, but it involves hanging by one arm from a rock (try doing it from a plastic ring for a while if you doubt this is difficult) while simultaneously setting climbing gear into the ceiling. It is not utterly impossible (almost, but not quite), but the nonchalant way in which it is accomplished by such obviously weak women destroys the credibility of the movie early on. I just assumed it was a dark fairy tale, and enjoyed the rest of the movie as an allegory.
The second flaw is the reliance on the old cheap scare tactics of lesser horror films (the CG bats are laughable). The first four or five jump-in-your-seat scares are so by-the-books that everyone in the audience knows: A - exactly when they will happen, and B - that they will turn out not to be the creatures. Once the creatures show up, these silly telegraphed moments go away for the most part.
Besides these two flaws, the film is entertaining, well-directed, and genuinely scary. Many viewers will comment on the lack of character development. It's not really an issue. You know all you need to know about the two main characters in the movie. There are two major plot twists which are very violent, the second hurts the feminist vibe of the movie a bit, but it also gives the film a little bit of a moral center to discuss in addition to the feminist angle.
There are many ignorant male theater patrons (female as well I suppose) who complain that the stars are not "hot" and that there are no breast flaunting, hip-waggling, pelvis grinding moments. This is actually a good thing, but if you're going in hopes of some brainless T and A action, stay at home los lonely boys. Thankfully, the movie never stoops to flashing skin, at least not nubile female skin... there's plenty of pale cave-dweller skin.
There are a slew of negative reviews lately that seem to be some kind of backlash against the critical praise that this movie has received. Make no mistake, this movie is not "the next Alien" or the greatest horror film of the decade, but it is worth watching on the big screen. The ending was altered significantly from the European version which is disappointing, but the movie retains most of its value even with its slight Hollywoodish sugar-coating. If you want some thrills in a dark fairy tale, if you like watching women kick ass instead of screaming and tripping over their miniskirts, and if you don't mind thinking a little after a movie (to what extent is it a feminist film?), Descent is well worth the price of a ticket.
The Matrix Reloaded (2003)
Nothing Special
Many people will defend this movie as being composed of layers, as being some kind of tongue-in-cheek postmodern metamovie that pokes fun at itself. Umm... maybe the filmmakers intended all of this; knowing their target audience, they probably did. I'm sure that like many modern works of "art," the film contains a lot of clever references and puzzles, but ultimately before you start wading through every scene looking for cookies, you need to ask yourself, "Is this movie really worth analyzing?"
The answer is no. It has no value because it inspires no feeling. It is a soulless exercise, and if the viewer doesn't care about what is happening or what is being said, then who cares about cleverness? The matrix is a hodgepodge of Philip Dick science fiction, Hong Kong action, and philosophy. It borrows the shape of these forms but leaves behind the substance. It's a cake made entirely of store bought frosting.
Keanu Reeves cannot act. The dialogue is cheesier than the first movie if you can believe it. The action scenes are completely uninspired and actually boring. The actors have no grace. Watch a martial ARTS movie, and you will see people move fluidly, people who have devoted their lives to the study of an art. There is no art in this "film," only artifice.
Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within (2001)
I wouldn't see it again for free... ever
That should say a lot right there. The film pushes computer graphics to a new level which makes the film worth watching... for about two minutes. Here are the three most obvious things that are horribly horribly wrong:
1) Pacing - There are no high points, no low points, no fast scenes, no slow scenes, just dragging minutes of plodding monotone explanation.
2) Writing - The dialogue is cliched, the plot is derived, the jokes aren't funny. The characters are painfully one dimensional and lack any development whatsoever.
3) Emotion - The scenes of supposed high emotion are hamstrung by limitations in the effects. The expressions of sorrow and joy in particular are unconvincing.
This is a film that deserves to lose money. Do not watch it, do not rent it. Send a message to the bigwigs that not everyone in the world is a graphics whore. Amen.
Atlantis: The Lost Empire (2001)
Shows Signs of Improvement
First of all, Hayao Miyazaki's Laputa: Castle in the Sky has a plot very similar to this movie, and is in fact much much better in every way. I believe Disney has the rights to release Laputa in the US, and I suspect that they won't dare release it in theaters now for fear of the tremendous embarrassment of "borrowing" so much and doing such a lousy job.
Most importantly, the movie has huge pacing problems. I feel as though another hour could easily have been (and should have been) added on. This would have lent the scenes that were supposed to be awe inspiring more power due to a gradual build-up, but instead the audience is thrown from emotion to emotion too rapidly for any of them to actually sink in. Disney is like a nervous dominatrix telling us how we should feel, we play along because the game is temporary.
But, Disney's loyalty is to film as a source of capital, not film as art, so I understand that they want to hurry things along for all the kids in the audience. Despite all the criticism I have, the film does show promise. All of the character designs have their charm except for the friendly musclebound African American doctor Sweet. The main villain was poorly developed, but then again all of the characters were given barebones development in the rush to get to the next action scene.
The animation quality was average in most places, with the exception of the Leviathan. Obviously computer generated, but the design of the enormous mechanical
lobster-like Leviathan was truly impressive. I wish that it had more screen time. The writing was decent,but that nagging Disney habit of jamming jokes into inappropriate situations is evident. Disney is at the cusp of making movies that are actually marketed for adults, but they are unwilling to leave behind the cash cow of the kiddie audience, and this will hamper their artistic vision... probably forever unless they can get enough artistic courage to leave commercialism behind... naaah ain't gonna happen.
From the design of some of the ancient robots, I'm guessing that the animators at Disney have seen The Iron Giant. The writers (there are quite a few, always a bad sign) have obviously seen Laputa. Somehow though, they both have failed to see the simple beauty of those superior animated movies. Or maybe simplicity and beauty have lost their charm as modern society relentlessly chops more and more years from
childhood.
The Mummy Returns (2001)
Had Me Doubled Over and Paralyzed With Laughter
This film was much better than I expected. The numerous intentional movie references are kinda silly, but I did like the Dr. Strangelove one. However, the most hilarious moments of the movie are:
*spoilers* (although you shouldn't be worried about spoilers in this movie)
1) The "evil archaelogical dig," everything about it is funny.
2) The wizard of Oz like chant as the mummy is resurrected. (you know,
ooooooh-eeeee-oooh, eee-ooohuuumm)
3) The scene where the row of horsemen ride up in a line and then ride away for no apparent reason.
4) The fact that the computer generated Rock's expressions and acting are much better than the real Rock's. This still makes me smile.
5) When the Scorpion King dies, the Mummy runs onto screen from the side, gets down on his kness, clenches his fists in the air and shouts "Nooooooooo!" I was laughing for about ten minutes after this.
6) Frasier's wife dies, and her brother doesn't seem to mind.
*end spoilers*
There are many many other unintentionally funny moments in this movie. It's bad, I mean really God awful bad, but it doesn't take itself seriously and the accidental moments of comedy are worth a matinée ticket.
PS None of the planned jokes are funny at all.
The Matrix (1999)
Laughably Awful
The good: The action scenes involving guns are original. The "frozen moment" camera effect is well done.
The bad: The script is uneven and horribly horribly written. I mean Saturday morning cartoons are better written than this, not even good cartoons either, I think that the average episode of Voltron or Scooby Doo have more meaningful and profound scripts. The main characters can't even manage to be two dimensional.
The ugly: The acting is hideous, and I'm not just talking about the spoken lines. I can almost hear Keanu saying "dude" after every line. Fishburne is also attains a whole new level of corniness, Mumra on Thundercats levels of melodrama. As in another over-hyped movie, Crouching Tiger etc. etc., no amount of special effects can disguise the fact that these people do not know martial arts. The fight scene between Fishburne and Reeves made me laugh out loud, and not in a happy way, more of a "I can't believe how pathetic this is" kind of defensive laugh. Hong Kong movies made in the late seventies have better wirework. The cookie cutter villain is actually the most compelling character, and that my friends is sad.
This is what really makes me nauseous: Two more movies are coming out. Umm... did I miss something here? I thought that the movie's only redeeming quality was the "surprise" midway through when we found out what "The Matrix" was. There's not much sequel material here to work with.
The first half of this movie is decent in that it doesn't really insult the viewer. As soon as Reeves wakes up in the tank, the movie becomes a laughable, pretentious Saturday morning cartoon. Junior high kids should eat it up, but any reasonably intelligent person who has read a book in his or her life will take absolutely nothing from this move of any lasting value. A truly mind-numbing movie.
Series 7: The Contenders (2001)
Surpassed My Expectations in Every Way
This movie is for people who like their comedies so black that the light from the screen can barely escape the film's gravitational pull.
Fortunately, I'm one of those people, and I found the film to be hilarious beyond my wildest dreams. The main thing that makes the movie's premise work is that the movie takes itself seriously. It's similar to Christopher Guest's mockumentary style in that the people in the movie are for the most part unaware of their own ridiculousness. Now, that being said the acting in the movie is excellent. There is very nice character development of the main characters, and Brooke Smith's character has to be the most appealing and interesting assassin I've seen on screen ever. Most importantly, the movie is presented exactly like a reality show which eventually draws the viewer into suspending their disbelief and accepting the ludicrous world these characters inhabit. Even the bad parts of reality shows are accurate, the narrator's overly dramatic voice, the cheesy melodramatic music to inject some false drama, the corny stock footage of the flying bird. It's all so accurate it's wickedly funny. It even parodies cop shows during a car chase. Finally, the icing on the cake is that as ridiculous as everything is, you realize that American society isn't too far off from this extreme today, and that gives the film the added bite of seriousness that propels it above being simply entertaining and makes it a true satire, This film is even more impressive considering the fact that the idea was conceived 5 years ago before the reality craze began.
I encourage people to watch Series 7 once, it's destined to become a cult classic. The last line of the movie is also laugh-out-loud funny.
George Washington (2000)
Memorable Fairy Tale of Youth
This film has some really realistic portrayals of the thoughts and actions of young children, but their words are often unconvincing.
There are brief moments during which the children sound like children, but for the most part the movie allows them to express themselves far more eloquently than would be possible in reality. In contrast, the adults in the movie behave in an extremely childlike fashion. Now, this didn't really bother me, and it was actually refreshing to see adults and children converse on the same level, but it requires very bright children and very simple adults and takes a while to get used to. Taken as sort of an urban fairy tale told from a child's perspective (it's narrated by one of the children) , the movie worked very well for me. As has been said many times, the cinematography is vibrant and attractive in the typical artsy way. There are some really hilarious moments in the film, and it captures the bittersweet quality of being young and poor well. The children in the movie do an amazing job making introspective lines sound very natural. Similar lines in The Thin Red Line sounded painfully corny to me coming from supposed soldiers, but somehow these young actors and actresses pull it off well. The movie presents an interesting world with children who have more complexity than the adults which is a great change of pace. However, if I see one more scene of someone releasing a dove into the air I'm going to become physically ill. There are little melodramatic moments here and there such as that which keep me from really liking the film. It's definitely a movie that will provide some memorable images and the cast of children is one of the best I've seen. I also liked the fact that the movie doesn't preach to the audience or judge its characters to a great extent. A great movie to see with a child with lots of depth for adults to chew on too.
Cast Away (2000)
Predictable With No Real Insight
Now, the predictable part didn't bother me much, because I was expecting the movie to delve into the psyche of the main character and reveal something profound about humanity. Instead the film is extrmeley shallow. Here is the question the movie poses: What would it be like to be stranded on an island? Now, the average person has certain preconceptions when thinking about this question. The job of the movie is to provide depth and material which forces the viewer to reconsider these preconceptions. No such material exists in the film. It has the intellectual blandness that is typical of popcorn movies, but with most of the action removed. As a result, the movie failed to hold my interest. Besides this basic failing, there are also some minor nitpicks.
The film took the more marketable and typical gender designations with the male being lost on an adventure, and the woman at home. This formula has been around since The Odyssey and I would have liked to see Helen Hunt and Tom Hanks reverse their roles. But, seeing a woman on screen without make-up and perfect hair? A woman who can survive alone? We can't have that now.... In addition, no one spears fish standing twenty feet away from the target. It just isn't done. Tom Hanks also was remarkably chubby and healthy looking during the first few days on the island.
After returning from the island, the movie cheats us by magically producing a Tom Hanks who has managed to reintegrate himself into society in a mere four days. Sure, he's a little reserved, but after four years alone his behaviorisms would take a wee bit longer to disappear. The scenes with Helen Hunt manage to be painfully melodramatic which is quite an achievement considering that the situation would seem to allow for melodrama. Finally, I predicted the appearance of the beautiful woman in the final scene about a minute before she showed up which was depressing. It suggests that all a lost man needs to provide him with some direction in his life is some other pretty girl in too much make-up. So, all in all some nice scenery but not enough to make up for the films inability to inspire thought in the viewer.
What Women Want (2000)
If I Was a Woman...
I'd be pretty damn insulted by this movie. As it is, I find it sad that such cliched female stereotypes still parade around in popular American culture. I hate to restate the obvious, but the female characters in this movie are as nuanced as a brick wall, and their "thoughts" are as profound and shocking as the drivel spouted off by guests of any daytime talkshow. If any man truly believes that this is an accurate portrayal of the thoughts of even the most simple minded woman, he's living in a misogynistic dreamland. Why did the writers feel the need to turn women into cardboard cutouts? Is it to make sure we notice just how charming, energetic, and attractive Mel Gibson is? After all, isn't Mel Gibson what women want? I've seen vacuum cleaners that would look charming and attractive next to the poorly developed female characters Mel has to play against. Perhaps the film makers want to ensure that every single woman in the world can be reassured that she is the intellectual superior of the women in the movie.
The general feel of the film reminds me of Liar Liar. The gimmick is that through the main character people get to "say the truth" and avoid the deception that's necessary due to the conventions of society. However, like Liar Liar the conventions of society are just reinforced by the predictable stereotypical truths that are revealed.
There's nothing surprising or fresh about the script because its target audience is women who have gorged themselves on ER and Friends and hundreds of other soap operas that hold you by the hand and tell you exactly what's going to happen and exactly how you're supposed to react. Sure the details of the plot are changed to add "suspense", but every change happens in a comfortable little protective bubble of convention. Now, that being said, Liar Liar is much more successful at actually being entertaining. The plot of What Women Want is horribly uneven, Helen Hunt is wasted and Mel Gibson's acting is oddly self-assured for such an awful movie. It's almost uncomfortable watching an actor strut proudly through such a wasteland. The scary thing is that some young girls with low self-esteem might watch this and think "gee this isn't how I think at all, is there something wrong with me?" Or some young oaf will watch and ponder oafishly to himself "women really are as dumb as I thought." For once, I hope that the couples who will inevitably flock to this fluff will spend more time making out than watching the screen.
Titan A.E. (2000)
God-Awful in a mediocre way
And I almost went to the theater to see it. Whew! dodged a bullet on that one. Here's a little hint to all you American animation studios out there. "Good" actors (especially good American actors) do not necessarily make good voice actors. Case in point: Titan A.E. Now the term "good actor" is used rather loosely in Matt Damon's case and doesn't even apply in Drew Barrymore's case, but anyway they are terrible terrible voice actors.
This is my theory: most if not all American actors are judged on appearance first and acting ability a distant second. In addition, acting for the screen allows them to use their appearance to convey their emotions and their voice isn't as important. When some bigwig gets the bright idea that popular people will draw an audience and decides to cast them in an animated movie, many are completely lost without their precious good looks/physical antics to distract the audience from their horrible acting skills as far as actually speaking their lines. Their solution is to Over-act and Over-deliver their lines which makes them sound even worse.
This is the general problem I have with most American voice acting. There's rarely any subtlety which means there really isn't any complexity in the characters. They're boring cardboard cutouts whose personality can be summed up in a neat little sentence.
Now, all that being said, the voice acting in Anastasia and The Iron Giant are both much much better than in Titan AE which I think reflects primarily on the quality of the script and the skill of the actors involved. Also, hearing Drew Barrymore's voice coming from an Asian girl makes me physically ill, but I'll get into that later.
First of all, as has been said a hundred times before the script is the most derived, bland piece of sci-fi mishmash imaginable. I can say with confidence that the average twelve year old if given some paper and a pen would produce maybe not as polished a script, but certainly a much more interesting one. As far as the animation quality is concerned, by any standard it is subpar. The character animation suffers from the Disney "rubberized" effect where motions and expressions are overemphasized to make it perfectly clear to the dumb little children exactly what's going on because everyone knows that children are incapable of detecting subtle emotions. (I dare you to tell that to any mother of a young child.) The computer effects have been done several years ago in Japan and even older Saturday morning cartoons like Beastwars look more impressive and polished. Also, inexplicably there is a drop in framerate when a lot of computer effects are used. That's right, there is videogame slowdown in a movie! Uhhh...I'm not sure how this happened, all I can think of is that the prerendered effects were done at a low framerate to save money and they tried to match the animation framerate to make it consistent. In any event, the movie is visibly jerky druing most action scenes which is distracting. Now, a rant on casting: With the exception of Nathan Lane and John Leguizamo, the characters in the movie don't match their voices.
Even Matt Damon, whose Cale character looks fairly similar to the actual actor doesn't seem to matchup voicewise. (but the appearance of the character shouldn't really make a significant difference anyway to a decent voice actor.) It's most likely due to a combination of bad voice acting, a lousy script, and poor facial animation of the characters. One obvious complaint, Drew Barrymore's voice is extremely lazy (as is her acting). Her character is supposed to be the silent, intense type (I know my Asian stereotypes). The resulting mismatch sounds ridiculous.
Janeane Garofalo's standup is funny because she's a sarcastic little complaining woman. Her character is a large angry military alien. There is a basic mismatch in terms of personality and voice that can only be overcome with good voice acting skills which just aren't there. Finally, realism. It isn't there either. I think that most people understand that there are certain qualities about a vacuum that make it impossible to float through it unharmed. A couple would be temperature and the lack of freaking air. It reminds me of Episode One in the way that it seems to have been created by flimsily linking together preplanned action sequences with no regard to a smoothly flowing plot or even the most basic scientifc facts and laws of physics. Now, the good points. John Leguizamo has fun and his character is believable. Nathan Lane sounds like Nathan Lane which can be good or bad depending on your opinion of him, but I thought he did a good job. In a radical departure (I'm sure there were several marketing meetings held about this) there is no wisecracking animal sidekick in the Disney sense. *spoiler* The best scene in the movie is when you think that the insect-like cook will take that role and he is then shot. *end spoiler* This movie is also too short, apparently the Disney standard 90 minutes was in place and it feels very rushed. Of course with a poor movie like this, I was glad when it was over. This is an utterly flavorless movie that stands as another shameful example of the horrible quality of American animated movies. I am quite ashamed to have rented it, and I will do everything in my power to forget that it exists. PS: If your excuse is that the movie was intended for young viewers, several young people whose opinions I respect pronounced the movie as "boring and predictable" and "okay, but I don't want to see it again." In any event, I think that the standards for holding an intelligent child's attention and capturing their imagination are quite a bit higher than those for the average American adult these days.
Dark Days (2000)
Good God What a Great Film
I enjoyed this film on a lot of different levels. The camera work is really beautiful, and the film has a loose narrative structure with an uplifting ending. All of the people in the film are very articulate in their own way, which shatters some of the stereotypes people have about the homeless. The movie definitely takes sides, and is sympathetic towards the homeless, but it also makes it very clear that the people made poor choices in their life which lead to their situation. Even in the midst of all their suffering, I found it surprising that they all have excellent senses of humor. The response to the question of "what item that you find in the trash is the easiest to sell?" is particularly hilarious.
It was also nice to see how many of the people in the tunnel form friendships, depend on each other in tough times, and know all of their neighbors' names, something which most people in the US can't claim. The symbolism of the white man and black woman tearing down their home is kind of over the top, but it did make me feel good. I guess I'm a sucker for cheesy stuff like that. The score by DJ Shadow is also extremely well done and appropriate. I agree that the average homeless person in the United States can afford to be much more lazy than those in other poorer countries, and they definitely have more opportunities to escape from poverty, but that doesn't mean that their situation should be taken lightly or ignored.
To the commenter who was angered at the use of the words "faggot" and "sissy" you can't possibly hold bad language and grammar against the people in the film. Have you ever listened to a conversation among children in the supposedly wholesome Midwest, or even in supposedly tolerant cities like San Francisco? I can assure you that the term "faggot" is still tossed around quite a bit. Homophobic attitudes and language are certainly reprehensible coming from educated, middle class children, but coming from an individual surrounded by poverty, chewed up and spit out by the criminal justice system, and breast fed on American popular culture, I don't find it to be much of an offense.
My only complaint would be that the film sugar coats everything a bit by ignoring some of the more unsavory aspects of homeless life and not interviewing the less appealing inhabitants. However, the overall impact of the film is powerful, and ultimately it is a film that everyone should see because it's entertaining and informative on many, many levels. Out of the hundreds of documentaries I have seen, this is definitely one of the top ten, and I'm not exaggerating when I say that I will remember it my entire life.
Panic (2000)
Where Did this Movie Come From?
This movie seemed to magically materialize at the local theater, so I went in knowing nothing about it and I'm glad I did. From some of the other comments about it being on cable I'm guessing it was released only on TV or in Europe maybe.
Oh well, it doesn't matter. I was pleasantly surprised. William H. Macy does a good job playing a man who was taught to bottle up his emotions by his father who obviously is suppressing a lot of hatred for humanity in general. Some of the lines from Tracy Ullman and the kid were a little off, but the acting was very good all around. I'm glad to see Mr. Macy finally get a love scene since those are usually reserved for the "pretty boy" actors.
I felt that Neve Campbell was a little miscast since I didn't really see how such an uninteresting stereotypical gen-x chick was supposed to be the catalyst for the whole middle age crisis thing. However, I do feel that she did the best she could given her limited acting abilities.
The camera work is really pretty in the film, lots of hard edges and simple geometric backgrounds. What I liked most about the film was the script. A lot of films that go for the noir feel end up sounding so corny and clichéd that you just can't take the characters seriously, or they try to sugar coat everything so that mainstream audiences won't run the danger of feeling uncomfortable (*cough*..American Beauty).
There are instances in this film when the script seems headed for corniness, but Mr. Macy quickly rescues it with his very realistic morose reactions. The weakest section is the sex scene with Sara the dialogue wounds really forced and I really wanted Mr. Macy to go a little more berserk when his passion was finally given an avenue through which to vent.
A lot of the themes explored are similar to those in American Beauty, a film which I heartily despise, but the script and actors give the film a serious and deeper tone so the messages don't end up sounding as preachy or superficial. As a result, I didn't feel as silly taking the ideas in the movie seriously.
Well, all I can add is, if you happen to notice the movie pop up suddenly in your neighborhood, don't be afraid to try it out. If you're the kind of person who likes to like things that most people don't like and dislike things that everyone seems to like, then you'll probably like this movie.
Charlie's Angels (2000)
This Movie Makes me Sad
Hollywood keeps trying to import the Hong Kong feel into their movies. While I guess some would take it as a nice tribute to HK cinema, it makes me sick to my stomach that they just can't seem to do it right.
There's no other way to put it, this is just a bad movie. I guess it's supposed to be entertaining for the prepubescent crowd and campy for the older folks...oh yeah and empowering for the women.
Let's see...horrible script, terrible acting, painfully clichéd plot, all of these are pretty standard for an action movie. However, the problem is that the action in this movie is pathetic. If you enjoyed the action in The Matrix, maybe you'll appreciate the fine athletic ability shown here.
Here's the basic problem, no amount of fancy effects and digital editing can disguise the fact that these women do not know martial arts. Heck...Drew Barrymore can't even fake Michael Jackson's moonwalk something that I thought every four year old child could accomplish. In the old days, at least the stunt doubles knew what they were doing. The solution today seems to be 2 second takes, sudden freeze frames and slow motion, and tight camera angles. It looks awkward and artificial, it prevents you from knowing exactly what's happening, in disrupts the flow of the scene, and it distances you from the movie.
Hollywood should understand that martial arts is not solely guys screaming and making random cool poses every once in a while. It's almost insulting to watch the action scenes in this movie. It's similar to making random strange sounds in an attempt to imitate the Chinese language. Cameron Diaz and seems to be the only person to give any effort at all in both acting and action, but then again she's given the most to work with.
It's a sad reflection on popular American culture that The Legend of Drunken Master, a movie just as "campy" as Charlie's angels, one of the greatest action movie ever filmed, goes by unwatched and unnoticed while this piece of music video trash is put on a pedestal. I will say this, Drew Barrymore seems to have Americans figured out, or perhaps she just shares their general stupidity and lack of taste. The sad thing is that there were plenty of ways to do this movie right, but I guess for marketing purposes the popular way is the right way.
America..land of the corporate whore and the world's leading supplier of mindless media products. God bless us every one.
Jui kuen II (1994)
If You Only See One Jackie Chan Movie...
It has to be this one. I can't believe that it took this long for them to release it here in the states. This is just a movie that everyone should see even if it's just once. It has an almost universal appeal.
If you're turned off by the unpolished editing of early Jackie Chan movies, or the awful awful writing and acting (Who Am I is a nice example), you have very little to fear. The editing isn't Hollywood smooth, but it's superb where it counts. No shaking camera, no rapid series of half second takes, no blatant wirework, no cheesy digital effects.
The plot is decent enough not to get in the way of the action scenes, and the action scenes get better and better building to the ~20 minute finale which you WILL want to watch again immediately ( unless you are bored by amazing displays of physical skill and would rather watch pretty explosions, shiny cars, and giant robots and dinosaurs).
It's a given that there will be dubbing since many Americans are unwilling to watch a subtitled movie (even if it is one of the greatest action movies ever produced). It's a given that the dubbing will be awful since apart from a very few cartoons, there is no such thing as a good American voice actor (Am I bashing Americans enough here?). But Jackie Chan movies are not about subtleties in dialogue, and I'd like to think that sound is not necessary to enjoy the action scenes in this move.
If it seems like I haven't told you anything substantial about the movie, I haven't. There's really only one thing I need to tell you... see it for yourself on a big screen. Think of everything great about a Jackie Chan movie, it's done best in Drunken Master 2(or The Legend of Drunken Master).
IMDB is a place of hyperbole. Movies are all too often described in extreme terms by bored people who need an outlet for their emotions (I'm usually one of them). This movie is good. You may forget the details in time, but you will never forget the experience.
Final Destination (2000)
I Finally Figured It Out...
Newline has obviously paid a number of desperate people to leave favorable comments about this movie. There is no other explanation that permits me my sanity.
I was marginally excited during the very first death scene. At least it briefly stopped me from wondering whether or not the projectionist would spill some coke and mercifully begin a chain of events leading to the explosion of the theater. That this scene occurs a good half hour into the movie didn't bother me as much as the fact that the half hour clearly hints that the actual final destination will be a town I am forced to visit far too often: middle-class-white cliche city.
Is this a realistic portrayal of American teens? Sadly, it often is. Does this make me care whether or not and how Cindy and Bobby will die and what their romantic preferences are? It's like asking me to care about what brand of tomato soup tastes the best. Any imaginable alternative will be plain, bland, predictable, and will significantly increase the likelihood of future heart failure.
Suffice it to say, I pretty much predicted the key moments in the 'plot' a good five excruciating minutes beforehand. This 'plot' also manages to flow about as smoothly as a monkeywrench through my colon. Although I must admit the sudden flashes forward in time and the abrupt meaningless ending gives me hope that the director experienced a sudden flash of intelligence on the set and ran off screaming into the Canadian wilderness. If only the brainless moviegoers could achieve a similar enlightenment.
P.S. I did not pay to see this movie, if I had I would be writing this from a hospital ward or more likely one of our nation's many fine asylums.
Omohide poro poro (1991)
Simple and Moving
This is one of Studio Ghibli's less known films. It tells the story of middle-aged Taeko's gradual realization of her love for the Japanese countryside. Through frequent funny and realistic childhood coming-of-age flashbacks we see that even during moments when life seems hopelessly complicated, it's really quite simple. On a similar note, the ability of anime to refine the needlessly complicated to its essence is one of its great qualities in my opinion. The scene in which little Taeko merrily walks into the sky is an (exaggerated) example of this ability. A live action attempt to show childhood elation would be much more strained. The film does glorify farm living, but doesn't gloss over the difficulties to the extent that most films do. I was skeptical of any animated film's ability to inspire emotion for the beauty of the countryside. I mean... it's just drawings that presume to represent the real thing right? Well, the animators obviously did their research. The scenery isn't artificially...scenic, but it is very beautiful in a subdued, natural way. What most impresses me is the constantly calm mood of the film. Where other films would escalate certain situations to cheesy melodramatics, this film keeps it's feet on the ground (except for little Taeko... I love that scene). On a final note, the voice acting was superb, and the famous (among otaku) ending sequence is very uplifting. If Miramax releases a subtitled version of this, do yourself a favor and pick up a copy.
Pâfekuto burû (1997)
Flawed Voice Acting Hurts The Films Effect
This is one of my favorite anime films simply because it is very unique in style. I have a subtitled copy at home and when I watch it late at night, it's still one of the few films that manages to truly freak me out. One of the most common complaints is that the dream versus reality bit is overdone, but I think it's very effective in producing a mental state in the audience that mimics the main character's sense of confusion.
The artificial rape scene disturbs me much more than "real" rape scenes in other movies, and I think that that's the emotion that such a scene should provoke. I almost always object to such scenes in movies, but this scene is pivotal to the plot. In case you haven't figured it out, this is not a "date movie" in the stereotypical sense. Also casual anime fans might be disappointed with the lack of mechs and sex. A general knowledge of what a Japanese "Pop Idol" is would also be nice to have, but a rough idea can be figured out pretty easily.
Now, I do not consider myself a subtitle-snob. When that one in a million decent English dubbing job comes by (Wings of Honneamise for example), I give it credit. Admittedly, this movie has some difficult roles, but this should have made the search for good voice actors that much more important. The voice of Mima is appropriate. However the voice of the Mimaniac totally ruins any sense of menace or seriousness he possesses, and the voice of Mima's Idol "Ghost" is more annoying than eerie or frightening. As a result, the dubbed version of the movie loses much of its ability to provoke any sense of horror. I recommend watching the movie at the theater just to support the release of anime in US theaters, but please try to find a fan-subbed copy to truly enjoy the film.
One last thing, the English dubbing of the songs is surprisingly well done. Unfortunately, this is relatively unimportant as the movie progresses.
Regret to Inform (1998)
Women's Perspective of The Vietnam War
This film deeply moved me. I've seen other documentaries about the War, and forgotten them the next morning. I'm still thinking about this one.
The juxtaposition of beautiful scenery and truly horrible war stories is very affecting. Everyone in the theater was completely silent throughout the entire film, and EVERYONE stayed for the credits.
I think that the women in the movie have a certain emotional honesty that makes the movie much more powerful. It's important to understand the impact that the war had on families and children. Most documentaries focus on the lives of the American soldiers. The music is also very appropriate... It's hopeless trying to review this as a film, I just urge you to watch it.
Mononoke-hime (1997)
A Unique and Beautiful Story
I watched an English subtitled version of this movie, and I often had to rewind the movie to read the subtitles. Not because I am a slow reader, but because I couldn't tear my eyes away from the images on the screen. I watched the movie a second time and ignored the subtitles, and the movie's impact was just as great. The film explores the theme of nature vs. technology much like many of Miyazaki's films. There are definitely similarities between this and Nausicaa, but Mononoke Hime is much more serious and occasionally dark. Although the film does have moments of graphic violence, I would think that it would be very safe to bring an intelligent child of twelve or so. The hero's attitudes towards violence are made very clear. His most repeated phrase is "calm yourself," usually yelled in an attempt to avoid bloodshed.
This is a film that could not be made as a live action movie. Fancy computer-generated creatures and live actors would make it seem less "real." (not to mention ridiculously expensive) Miyazaki has always been careful in his films to create complete worlds with their own religions and mythologies, and he never oversimplifies his characters. The heroes have bad traits and the villains have good traits, and we the audience are left to figure out what makes the villains in the wrong. He also has a tradition of strong women characters which is very evident in Mononoke Hime. Computer graphics are used sparingly and never seem out of place or thrown in. People who are not used to watching anime often jump to comparisons with Disney films because they equate animation with cartoons or children's movies. For the most part, this is an unfair comparison, since the target audiences are extremely different both agewise and culturally.
If I had to compare this to an "American" movie I would say that it's a less sappy, more realistic Neverending Story with hints of Braveheart thrown in here and there (primarily in the epic battles, setting, and the music). If you get a chance to see this on a big screen, no matter how horrible the dubbing or translation, please do so. The visuals and story will still draw you in. Bring as many friends as possible and send a message that showing anime in American theaters can be profitable. If you like Mononoke Hime, Miyazaki's other films are of similar quality and are more suited for younger viewers.
An Ideal Husband (1999)
If You Like Wilde, You Should Like This.
A lot of people sneak into movies that they haven't payed for in this neighborhood. The most hilarious part of this movie for me was watching teenage couples sneak into the movie, sit for a couple minutes, and then sneak out. This is a movie in which one has to pay attention and listen constantly, and many people of my generation sadly seem unable to do this. I really think that it's a shame because this is a well acted funny movie.
To those who are unfamiliar with Wilde, I would recommend picking up one of his plays and reading a couple pages (preferably the entire thing) to get a feel for the pace and style of the movie as it is definitely not something everyone will enjoy. However, anyone who remotely enjoys Wilde will surely at least be entertained by the film. The dialogue and plot remain surprisingly fresh after a century or so.
Rupert Everett is wonderful as the typical Wildean dandy, and although Minnie Driver is a bit blunt in her performance in comparison with the others, she's just so adorable only the harshest critic will moan about bad casting. I laughed out loud in the scene when she "falls in love" with Lord Goring. The setting and costumes are very bright and cheerful in fitting with the mood of the play, as is the music.
One can nitpick about authenticity of costumes and camera shots and the ethnicity of the music, but I've always viewed Wilde's plays as sort of witty soap operas with rather shallow moral lessons. His novel, The Picture of Dorian Gray, is a little deeper. Thus, I think a profound treatment of the plays would be kind of inappropriate. English majors will be quick to disagree. The only scene in the movie which seemed a bit tacky was the play during which the characters were watching a performance of The Importance of Being Earnest, and Wilde himself makes a cameo. It seems a bit redundant to me. Oh well, to sum everything up, I went into the theater expecting Wilde, and Wilde was what I got.