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Reviews
Eating Out (2004)
Movie-length episode of MTV's "Undressed"
Remember MTV's "Undressed" -- that nightly, shameless bite of over-earnest sexual situation comedy? Everyone was just slightly insecure and prime-time-friendly kinked, and sexual preference made everyone awkward until exactly what they wanted fell into their laps at the end of the episode? Yeah. This is "Undressed, The Movie." The production values are low (in fact, it looks like it was filmed on the same minimalist sets as the show) and there are no points for art, aside from the uncomfortable but amusing first scene, which mimics classic repairman porn that suddenly goes bad, then funny. The actors are each given one adjective (uncomfortable; hot; gay; sexual) and they run with them like an improv comedy troupe without an audience to play off of. The writing leaves them without an ounce of subtlety or realism, but that's okay. The point of the film is not to create truly great characters, aside from oversexed loudmouth Gwen, whose squeak of a voice makes her foul language and unabashed proclivities almost endearing. The point is to create fun new sexual situations, then pretend that sex and love correspond.
Head Over Heels (2001)
Incredibly funny if not taken too seriously
I'll admit it: it's utterly embarrassing to watch this movie with another human being. I was embarrassed when I laughed uncontrollably at things numerous reviews had told me were idiotic humor. Well, this movie is idiotic. It's also adorable romantic comedy, with a funny and somewhat original premise . . . at least, it's cobbled together from original premises, like the "Rear Window" setup where Amanda thinks she witnesses her obsession across the street, Jim, murdering someone. Freddie Prinze Jr is completely irresistible, and Monica Potter's somewhat one-note nice-girl cuteness is made palatable by the insanity of her four supermodel roommates and her practical lesbian friend. Watch this, laugh hard and don't be embarrassed, because this movie, even at its most poorly scripted moments, is earnestly trying to make you laugh, unlike most of today's prefab romantic comedies, whose earnestness is sheer manipulation. Plus, only a small percentage of those have Freddie in them.
Legally Blonde (2001)
Clueless Goes to Grad School
I will be short and sweet on this one (ha, you wish): this movie is very funny, sugary sweet without being cloying, and visually uncomplicated and satisfying. I really enjoyed it. Never far away from the material which first brought us the shallow, yet deeply involved in her shallowness, Beverley Girl ("Clueless"), "Legally Blonde" (awful title, boys) plunks this new Cher, named Elle, into the alien world of Harvard (obviously, except for the first arresting aerial shots of the vaunted institution, filmed in Los Angeles or thereabouts) and follows her through preppie parties and intimidating classes, accompanied by a band of clownish, broadly drawn, and entertaining supporting characters and temporary villains.
A note on acting: Selma Blair is funny without being annoying, a new move in her career which I applaud her for, as Vivian Kensington, legacy bitch of Harvard Law and Elle's competition for the shriveled heart of her former boy toy; Luke Wilson, as well, has managed to not only not annoy me, but has made me fall in love with him as a softhearted associate at the law firm where Elle gets an internship. In many movies (Home Fries, to take a memorable example), Wilson's dimwittedness made you want to slap him. Ironically, here, where he is playing an intelligent lawyer, the doofy act is endearing and not annoying ("Did you just call me a butthead? It's just that I don't think anyone's called me that since, like, 9th grade."). Reese Witherspoon is sweet and that look of sudden enlightenment, which she can maintain throughout a conversation, is priceless. Holland Taylor is underused but perfect, and all the males not branded doofy, and thus acceptable, are perfectly and convincingly slime-coated.
Don't think too hard -- that's what killed this movie for my sister, a bona-fide Harvard student. Just keep remembering Clueless:
Cher: That's Ren and Stimpy! They are way existential.
Josh: Do you have any idea what you're talking about?
Cher: No . . . Why, do I sound like I do?
The Sun Also Rises (1984)
insulting
As TV movies go, this version of "The Sun Also Rises" isn't the worst. However, the liberties taken with Hemingway's work were both unnecessary and destructive. Oh, did I mention the acting is terrible? Jane Seymour, as Brett, tries her very hardest, and it shows, but it's not enough: she's just not talented enough to slog through dialogue this bad and retain a modicum of grace (and let's not talk much about the "period" costumes, OK? Not every woman of the 20's dressed like an Arabian vampire with black turbans, alright?). Hart Bochner, on the other hand, is in every way jarringly unconvincing. He's too young, too matinee-idol-ish, to portray depressed, self-destructive, castrated veteran Jake Barnes. I admit to having missed the beginning, as I saw it on TV - did they cut out the fact that he was wounded that way? Omissions like that, changes to such a well-known work of great literature as "Sun," would seem to be heretical, but once you've heard Hemingway's subtle and sparing dialogue dismissed for more obvious tripe, and the few great, memorable lines from the book - "isn't it pretty to think so?" "Send a woman off with one man . . . and sign the wire 'with love.'" - hopelessly destroyed by Bochner's wooden speech and expressions, nothing will ever seem shocking again. Entire lifelines are altered to further banish subtlety, most shockingly Bill's (didn't love his sitcom acting style either), but also to a small extent Cohn's, Romero's, and even Jake's.
Not a complete waste of time, but if you love the book, then each mistake, omission, alteration, and Bochner-ed line will make you cringe. Just read the novel, and forget this.
Antitrust (2001)
Fantastic true-to-genre flick
a la "The Net" and "Hackers" (Antitrust pilfers liberally from the latter film but it rarely fails to improve upon this borrowed material), Antitrust scrupulously adheres to the rules of the fledgling "computer thriller" genre. fevered typing, quick claustraphobic cuts to approaching, unheeded threats,attractive people, running, homemade resistance and precious few scenes of actual programming activity -- all these elements are gainfully employed in the service of entertainment, along with the beautiful faces of a surprisingly adept cast. Not really ever surprising, this movie is thrilling even through its predictability, and shamelessly manipulative to good effect. Go see it.
Twelfth Night or What You Will (1996)
Neat, pretty, fun
Unfortunately, modern day theatre people are still subject to
the whims of Shakespeare; a play that could have done very well
less three or four characters (read: Malvolio, Augecheek) is
always mangled because more emphasis ends up on the foolish
exploits of a drunken uncle and a stuck-up servant than on the
love and pain and all that stuff Shakespeare should have stuck
to (because his attempts at comedy fail in my eyes). Fortunately, enter the camera, just in time to rescue Twelfth
Night from itself. By flipping back and forth in that spastic
way films can, the movie managed to put the emphasis back on the
love between brother and sister (which is always lacking in
stage productions) and Viola's relationship with Orceno and
with Olivia. Also, the reworked character of The Fool is fun
(despite Ben Kingsely's mediocre singing voice), and adds the
necessary atmosphere to let you leave the movie humm
The Sure Thing (1985)
A tradition of excellence
This movie is beyond brilliant. I say this not entirely because
John Cusack is my god, but rather because it's true; The Sure
Thing has all the classic elements of an 80's movie (minimal on
the gratuitous nudity) without being worthless fluff. There is
nothing bad to say about this movie, aside from the female
lead's obvious annoyance factor (her boring boyfriend, Jason, is
the funniest construct of modern filmmaking). The dialogue is
hilarious, John's character is witty and fun (ex: "So, I'm good
in school and stuff" he says, and his friend replies, "You're
failing english! That's your mother tongue! And stuff.")
See this movie. Watch it, buy it, love it, trea
Roswell (1999)
Cheezy, of course. But cute.
Sure, the premise is silly- humanoid aliens, surviving the 195?
crash in Roswell, New Mexico, emerge from incubation into the
hippest age bracket of the day. No one ever said this show will
get by on its plot. It will, however, coast on Jason Behr's
(Max's) amazing eyes and his intense gaze. Shiri Appleby (Liz)
will not be the next Katie Holmes, but her earnest smile may be
appealing to some of the more down-to-earth guy watchers (only a
little pun intended. A punlet).
Downsides, of course, include all the other characters. The
fellow aliens are flat, but they've got potential: Isabel, the
aloof, hip one, Michael the spiky-haired, cynical foster child.
The humans are not nearly as interesting: Maria (a note on her
name: It's New Mexico. There is one Native American character.
Where are the hispanic characters? Maria's coloring is
definitely scandanavian) is boring and aggravating, plus her
strange choice of lipstick makes her look frozen and oxygen-starved much of the time; Alex has minimal potential as
an earnest friend; Kyle, Liz's boyfriend, is a puff of vapor;
and the sheriff is just stupid. The more they try to add
dimension to him, the more uninteresting he becomes. Let's call
in the real guns- when the FBI arrives, hopefully the show will
perk up.
'Til then, we have Behr's eyes, and the numerous will-they-kiss
connection moments. I'll
Wish Upon a Star (1996)
blah, blah, blah.
You can't beat Disney for predictability, normally, but this
movie is surprisingly hard to follow, coming in in the middle,
and that is actually to its credit; the shamaltz may be there,
and the end scene of the two sisters gazing lovingly at each
other while they dance with their boy toys is rather disconcerting, an example of misdirected directing and mediocre
acting, but the plot is, if cliched, at least complicated.
Anyway, don't expect too much, and you may find a redeeming
virtue, be it the excuse to gaze at the handsome jock the pretty
sister bags, or the oppurtunity for heckling when the younger
sister's "catch" is suitably ugly and loserly, and so the
heirarchy of high school is maintained. Watch this with your
sister, decide you're glad you're not her, move on with your
li
The Sixth Sense (1999)
A warning.
This is a warning to all of you out there- if you like sleep, do
not see this movie. Oh, the fright won't keep you up- the
graphic imagery is mostly forgettable, even for a wuss like me,
who could not watch beyond the first scene of "Scream" and
didn't sleep much afterward. It's the rest of the imagery, the
faces and the hands, which seem to stick- I plug Tak Fujimoto,
the film's cinematographer, for an Oscar, as well as young Haley
Osment (you should have been Anakin!)- and of course the ending
will leave you a little bit dizzy and force you to look back.
But that forced march backwards through the movie, hunting for
flaws and clues, is what has caused my sleepless nights. Be
warned before you walk in that theatre- it's hard
The Thomas Crown Affair (1999)
Fun but worthless.
A few shallow notes: 1. Pierce Brosnan, Mr. Flexible-As-Wood-Actor, should NEVER EVER
SMILE. 2. Rene Russo should never giggle. 3. The people in charge of the following should be taken out and
shot: makeup (black eyeshadow is NOT SEXY), costume (who were
apparently unable to provide Ms. Russo with a shirt), hair, and
sex scene choreography. The dialogue people may stay as long as
they attend night school for bad screenwriters. It was a crime
wasting Dennis Leary, the ever apoplectic comedian, on such a
comatose, clichéd part. However, the little tricks, mostly applied to the robbery and
reverse-robbery scenes, were wonderful and fun, and some real
art peeked through at times. See it by yourself, as it is
neither the right mood for friends
Teen Angel (1997)
Lame and sorry.
This show was positively terrible, and no one should mourn its
passing. It marked, along with "You Wish!," the end of the
Golden Era of TGIF, ABC's friday night preteen programming. I
hope that no one remotely involved with it ever works in acting
again- the main character should get a hair cut and some therapy
for his nervous twitching, and then get a real job, because he
was annoying to watch. The writers should be taken out and
shot, and that guy from "Coach" who played the grandfather has
REALLY gone over the hill. Did her EVER get a go
Airborne (1993)
Cute, fun, etc etc
I watched this movie on TBS in a motel room in Sedona, Arizona with my 3 siblings. We came in halfway through the movie and afterwards none of us could remember the protagonist's name, so we called him Wally (actually character name: Mitchell. We weren't far off the mark.) We watched it because we recognised the early work of Seth Green, deadpan Buffy character extraordinaire. Today I watched it again- I came in just in time to see the stupid romance scenes, and of course who could forget Wally's profound dream (in which, he claims, a shark, representing his love interest's protective older brother, tells him to get away from a perfect wave. Very intellegent scene, I recommend it hehe)? A few undeniables though- Wally was hot, to a point, Seth green was funnier than he normally is in Buffy, but not as much as he was in Can't Hardly Wait, and the rollerblading scenes were COOL. very cool. watch them. Fast-for
October Sky (1999)
Strangely engaging tale, carried by main and most-developed character, Homer
Strangely affecting and penetrating, if sappy, film adapted from Homer Hickham jr.'s "Rocket Boys", about a group of friends in a coal mining town who, inspired by the Russian satellite Sputnik, started small and build up model rockets which could get them the colege scholarships they could not hope to get for football but which would give them a ticket away from the nightmarishly dead-end mining town of Coalwood. The subplot of workaholic, goodhearted but gruff father and slightly neurotic mother is not as interesting as watching the perfectly innocent, angelic Jake Gyllenhaal take the reality of the coal mines head-on. Wonderful
Tarzan (1999)
Sweet, classic Disney with obvious deficiencies
An obvious hybrid; The Lion King meets Beauty and the Beast, but without the wonderfully singable music. Tarzan's patented upgrading of the traditional vine-swinging is cute, but Minnie Driver doesn't bring enough fire or modern perspective to her voice part, and Rosie O'Donnell is useless in a badly written and ill-fitting role. They should have done what Disney always does- play up the funny sidekicks. Cute movie,