itsahoverboard

I am pretty baffled by the critical response to this movie, as I usually see pretty eye to eye with them. This thing was so dry and boring that I could hardly believe it. There is hardly any moment that breathed any kind of life or spark, apart from an admittedly sweet and nostalgic JC Penny's sequence - which felt more like it benefitted from just being a trip down memory lane than anything else.

There is hardly any story movement, and what few lines of dialogue can be heard are almost completely useless. Half of them are just the little girl asking basic questions which don't get answered. And lines like "I'm going to kill myself if you don't come pick me up" and "It's funny, every moment of my life is a living hell" are just obnoxious in this day and age.

Now granted, the AC was broken in our theater so that may have also had something to do with our discomfort. But we still walked out of the theater after 40 minutes. The filmmaker is talented I'm sure, but this one just wasn't for me at all.

Lady Bird will always be a masterpiece, and I loved the 90s Little Women (as a 40 year old man no less), so I was very psyched for this. It's just a convoluted, scatterbrained mess though. The dual timeline structure just doesn't work. Characters are always saying something, but hardly ever anything important. Feels like they just came to set every day and quickly hashed together an idea on how to do the scenes.

It's a bummer because I love all the people involved, I loved the sets and costumes. I don't even mind that Greta tried to modernize it a little bit (although some lines were just so obviously out of time period that it made my eyes roll). Just disappointed in the overall finished product.

Florence Pugh and Meryl were the standouts. Paul Atriedes is awful and horribly miscast lol.

Yes, that's a real quote from Joaquin Phoenix to Ridley Scott right before they started filming. I love Joaquin Phoenix, but you can really tell that he doesn't "get" the character of Napoleon that he's trying to play. I honestly don't know if Phoenix even has that kind of charisma and confidence within him, but then again I don't know anything about Napoleon either. But it was just uncomfortable watching him stumble his way through the movie, often just looking clueless.

The other problem with the movie is it's just plain dull and uninteresting. It really does feel like a "highlights" movie. For an almost 3-hour film, it has surprisingly little dialogue. The dialogue that's there isn't' that illuminating or interesting. I normally like politics and romance (which is the bulk of this story), but I would have loved to see more military and war stuff in a movie like this. Isn't Napoleon supposed to be a brilliant war leader? There's like none of that here. Except "oh we'll do a sneak attack in the night."

The cinematography was also really surprisingly dull. It looked super digital. The colors were so bland and washed out.

Vanessa Kirby is really the best thing about the movie. And also the first battle taking over that fort, which was admittedly pretty epic. I have never seen such a thing happen to a horse in a movie, and it was wonderfully horrifying.

I fully blame Ridley Scott for this dud. Hopefully Spielberg's Kubrick miniseries about Napoleon will be much better.