Satchman

In a nutshell, this film seems to be a poorly copied "Fight Club". Watch the movie and decide for yourself though.

The plot becomes increasingly complex as the film progresses, leaving the viewer expecting some incredible revelation come the end of the film. Don't let me spoil this film for you, but there's no incredible clincher. Just a very lame, apparently rushed end to a film that was otherwise watchable, if not a truly good movie.

We have Jason Statham being typecast once again as the hard, unlikely hero, to whom the usual labels of "good" and "bad" don't seem to apply.

Ray Liota does a lot of shouting and crying in his underpants.

Andre Benjamin plays Confucius #1. Whose idea was it to give singers acting jobs? His role hardly merits the term "acting", rather, "babbling" since all he does is spew nonsense all the way through the film.

Vincent Pastore (Salvatore "Big Pussy" Bonpensiero from The Sopranos) plays Confucius #2, with the added duty of sometimes-hard-man.

There's a bit of daft, totally unnecessary manga animation. No doubt Ritchie had seen "Kill Bill" and thought a bit of manga would make the film sell better.

But credit where its due, the kill scenes are generally entertaining, Mark Strong gives a sterling performance as the hit-man "Sorter" and the camera work really is pretty slick.

After you've watched it, ask yourself...

IS there really a schizophrenic element at work here?

WHY did the three Eddies have to go that way? WAS it significant?

WHY do we need to meet Jake Green's brother? What purpose does THAT serve?

In the end, IS there any real way of deciding who Sam Gold is?

And if there is, do we really care?

If you don't want to get angry over a flawed plot, take my advice and just enjoy the fight scenes and the camera work.

After 80 minutes of waiting and a build up to a tension you could cut with a knife, the director gives up and decides on a "mysterious" ending which means nothing, divulges nothing and ultimately leaves you feeling annoyed and ripped off. After a complicate beginning showing two men waking in a filthy subterranean bathroom, shackled to the walls. How did they get there? Why are they there? How will it end? The answers are: it doesn't matter, you aren't told, and with a big yawn. Our two heroes, Adam and Dr. Lawrence are supposedly at the mercy of a notorious serial killer who gives his victims the chance to escape his elaborate torture chambers at the expense of immense physical and emotional pain. How Danny Glover was roped into acting in this load of rubbish I'll never understand, he must be desperate for work. Anyway, Glover plays an obsessive cop who has encountered the killer once before and is determined not to lose him again. Glover plays a very small and totally insignificant role. If he or his part hadn't been included it wouldn't have made any real difference. The director prompts us to suspect Adam, then Lawrence... which one is telling the truth? Are they really as unfamiliar with each other as they claim? Will they give in and saw their feet off in a bid to free themselves of their restraints and attempt escape? Yes, you've guessed it! -Who cares! Not the director obviously. Because all this doesn't matter a bit to the story... if you can call it a story that is. It seems hard to believe that the director's actually got a sequel lined up! Another hour and a half of abject boredom. I can't wait!

Anyway, by now you know what my advice is going to be: spare yourself 90 minutes of boredom and a mouthful of bile: Don't watch this film!

Following in the footsteps of other recent films, "The Chronicles Of Riddick" is a big budget flick with lavish special effects and incoherent babble that attempts to pass for a plot. The film is based on the original "Pitch Black" only in the very loosest sense of the phrase. Apart from Riddick there are only two other characters from the original film, continuity obviously wasn't an issue here.

To cut a very tedious and painful story short, five years after "Pitch Black" Riddick has a bounty on his head, which sends him chasing after his betrayer to discover that his betrayer's home planet is soon to be invaded by *groan* a race of mysterious powerful beings who are sacking the universe planet by planet on their way to the "underverse".

Yes, a pathetic "story"... punctuated by poorly choreographed fight scenes, pathetic macho one-liners and soliloquies from Vin Diesel and acting that leaves the air smelling distinctly of bacon. This movie is sure to be a big hit with the under 12s who will revel in the gratuitous violence and profanity.

A crying shame considering the potential the original film showed...

Unless you're insanely masochistic, I advise you not to waste two hours of your life on this film.

If its possible to hand out minus points, this film definitely merits them.