Module 3

Understanding Harmony in the Family

and Society- Harmony in Human-
Human Relationship
Family as the basic unit of Human
Interaction.
• Starting from family each one of us are involved in the relationships with society
and its different parts.
Harmony in Family
1. Relationship IS and it exists between the Self (‘I’) and the other Self (‘I’).
2.The Self (‘I’) has feelings in a relationship. These feelings are between ‘I’ and ‘I’.
3.These feelings in the Self (‘I’) are definite. i.e. they can be identified with
definiteness.
4.Recognizing and fulfilling these feelings leads to mutual happiness in relationship.

Recognizing and Fulfilling Feelings Leads

to Mutual Happiness in a Relationship.
• Once we have recognized the existence of human relationships, we are
subsequently able to identify the feelings (values).
• It leads to mutual fulfillment
• Justice is the recognition of values (the definite feelings) in relationship, their
fulfillment, the right evaluation of the fulfillment resulting in mutual happiness
(Ubhay-tripti).
Justice
(Nyaya)
Recognition of values,

Fulfillment

Evaluation

Mutual happiness ensured

 What is the state today?
• Do we want justice only on few occasions
or every moment?
• Will the justice get ensured in the family or
in courts of law?
• In how many relationships and on how
many occasions, are we presently able to
ensure justice?
 Values in Human
Relationships
Feelings (Values) in Relationships :

• Trust (Visvãsa ) (can be spelt as ‘Vishvas’ too)

• Respect (Sammãna) (can be spelt as ‘Samman’ too)
(3) Affection (Sneha)
(4) Care (Mamatã) (can be spelt as ‘Mamata’ too)
(5) Guidance (Vãtsalya) (can be spelt as ‘Vatsalya’ too)
(6) Reverence (Shraddhã) (can be spelt as ‘Shraddha’ too)
(7) Glory (Guarava)
(8) Gratitude ( Kritagyatã ) (can be spelt as ‘Kritagyata’
too)
(9) Love (Prema) (can be spelt as ‘Prem’ too)
 Trust (Vishwas)
• Trust or vishwãs is the foundational value in
relationship.
• The feeling of Trust (Visvãsa ) in relationship is
defined as:
“To be assured that each human being inherently
wants oneself and the other to be happy and
prosperous.
• After analysing we come on 2 aspects:
– Intention (wanting to-our natural
acceptance)
– Competence (being able to do)
 Intention (Natural acceptance ) Competence (Ability to fulfill )

1 a ) I w ant to be happy 1 b ) I am always happy

2 a ) I w ant to make the other happy 2 b ) I make the other always happy
3 a ) The other wants to be happy 3 b ) The other is always happy
4 a ) The other wants to make me happy 4 b ) The other makes me always happy

What we really want to be What we are

When we are assured of the intention of the other and find that the competence is
lacking, we become a help to the other. When we doubt the intention of the other,
we get into opposition.
 Do we have Trust
today?
This is the most serious matter in all our interpersonal
relationships-between husband and wife, father and son,
between friends-this basic lack of trust, at the level of
intention, is the basic issue. And we seem to be doing
nothing to address this issue, to resolve this issue.

This is a matter of fact that what is the trust you carry with
others and how you evaluate it on the part of others.

“Why do people have poor competence?” You may ask. It is

because hardly anyone is paying attention to understanding
the relationships. People are largely unaware. We can
see that people keep doing things they don’t mean to. Even
each one of us. We don’t want to get angry (intention), but
end up getting angry (lack of competence).
What we mean by trust today?/How do we use
this term ‘trust’ today?
Now, you may say,
1.‘How can I trust a stranger?’
2.‘How can I trust someone who has bad intentions?’
(a)He has not paid attention to his own natural acceptance at
all (no one, even in education, pointed this out to him)
(b)Due to the unfavourable circumstances that he has grown
up in, or lives in, he
has assumed that robbing is right or the only way. So he
goes ahead and does it.
3.‘I know someone’s character is not good. How can I trust
someone like that?’
4.‘If I trust everyone, wouldn’t people take undue advantage
of me?’
5.‘This person can never be trusted. Be careful of that person’
6.‘Never trust anyone blindly’
To Summarize…..

In all our relationships, trust is the foundation. A

relationship without trust results in opposition, the
relationship itself gets shaken up. Lack of trust is what
ultimately leads to extreme situations like war.

Trust is thus called the foundation value or ‘ãdhãra

mülya’.

Our natural acceptance is to live with a feeling of

relatedness to all and this means that we have the
assurance in us at all times that each and every human
being wants my happiness.
 Respect means “Right
Evaluation”
• Over Evaluation (adhi-mülyana) - To evaluate
more than what it is.
– e.g if you are wrongly flattered you feel uncomfortable.
• Under Evaluation (ava-mülyana) - To evaluate
less than what it is.
– e.g if you are condemned, you feel uncomfortable.
• Otherwise Evaluation (a-mülyana) - To evaluate
otherwise than what it is.
– e.g if you are evaluated as something else , you feel
uncomfort
 “The Basis For
Respect”
1. I want continuous happiness and prosperity.
• The other too wants to be continuously happy and
prosperous!
2. To be happy, I need to understand and live in
harmony at all four levels of my living.
• The other also needs to understand and live in
harmony at all four levels of his/her living!
3. The activities in me (‘I’) are continuous, we can
check this for our desire, thought and expectation.
• It is the same for the other ‘I’ as well. The activities
are continuous there as well, and the other too has
continuous desires, thoughts and expectations.
 After analyzing
situations we
conclude:
1. We both want to have continuous happiness and prosperity
• Our basic aspiration is the same.
2. We both need to have the right understanding: which is to
understand and live in harmony at all four levels of our living.
• Our program of action is the same.
3. The Activities and Powers of the self are continuous and the
same in both of us – at the level of ‘I’.
• Our potential is the same.

Based on these three evaluations we can conclude that……

The other is similar to me

“Assumed Basis For
Respect Today”
Differentiation on the
basis of …

Physical Beliefs
Body
Facilities

Sex
Sects
Wealth Post Ism’s
Race

Age

Physical
Strength
 “The Problems Due to
Differentiation”
•Differentiation based on Sex/Gender
•Differentiation based on Race
•Differentiation based on Age
•Differentiation based on Wealth
•Differentiation based on Post
•Differentiation based on ‘isms
•Differentiation based on Sects
 “DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ‘ATTENTION’
AND ‘RESPECT’ ”
There is a whole lot of surplus activity that people
are engaged in today, for the sake of respect. It can
be actually funny if you start observing: people are
climbing up mountains for the sake of fame, eating
hot chillies and worms to be on TV, putting on all
kinds of clothes, shaving their heads, letting their
hair grow long, letting their finger nails grow long,
earning a lot of money (even trying to become the
richest person on the earth), working very hard to be
on the magazine cover, this list is simply endless! If
one understood the simple fact that what you can
get from all this is only ‘attention’ and that you
cannot ensure the feeling of being in relationship,
the feeling of right evaluation and respect in the
other (ask yourself-when you wear an exclusive
dress, does it create a feeling of respect in the other
or a feeling of jealousy?), then all these people will
feel very much at ease! Just think about it: all the
while, people are uncomfortable inside, since they
 Affection
(Sneha)
• Affection is the feeling of being related to the
other.
• Affection comes when I recognize that we both
want to make each other happy and both of us
are similar. Then for the first time, I feel that I am
related to the other that the other is a relative of
mine. This feeling is called affection.
• “This feeling of acceptance of the other, as one’s
relative is the feeling of affection or sneha in
relationship”
 “Competiti
on”
• There is a lot of talk of competition today.
• You will find that competition results when there is
lack of affection.
• When there is affection, I help the other grow.
• When I miss this feeling, I try to beat the other, act
as an opponent.
• It has been assumed by us generally, that in
certain spheres of life, we do need to
compete with the other, treating the other as an
opponent.
• We want excellence, not competition
Affection or sneha is the recognition of
the feeling that the other is related to
me. It comes naturally once trust and
respect are recognized in relationship.

The basic crisis today is that of Trust

and Respect

Once we have these, affection naturally

follows.
Care (Mamta)
The feeling of Care (mamatã) is the feeling to nurture and
protect the body of our relative
Guidance (Vatsalya)
The feeling of ensuring right understanding and feelings in the
other (my relative) is called Guidance or vãtsalya .
Reverence( Shraddha)
The feeling of acceptance of excellence in the other is called
reverence (shraddhã)
Glory (Gaurava)
Each one of us wants to live with continuous happiness and
prosperity. Each one of us has the similar faculty of natural
acceptance, has the same goal and program and we have the
same potential to realize this.
Gratitude (Kratigya)
Gratitude is the feeling of acceptance for those who
have made effort for my excellence.

Love (Prema)
The feeling of being related to all is love (or prema).
This feeling or value is also called the complete
value (Pürn.a mülya), since this is the feeling of
relatedness to all human beings.
Harmony from Family to World
Family: Undivided Society
Justice starts from family and slowly expands to the world
family.
In the family, we learn to recognize relationship,
the definite feelings or the values and learn how to fulfill them.
Undivided Society ( Akhan da Samãja)-feeling of being related
to every human being.
The feeling of being related to every human being leads to our
participation in an undivided society(Akhan da Samãja).
When we understand the values in relationship with other
units in nature too, we are able to recognize our
connectedness with them too, and fulfil it. This enables us to
participate in the universal human order (Sarvabhaum
Vyawasthã).
We can now conclude that there are definite
values in human-to-human relationships which
need to be understood and fulfilled accordingly.

These values are

1. Trust
2. Respect
3. Affection
4. Care
5. Guidance
6. Reverence
7. Glory
8. Gratitude
9. Love
 Response and
Reaction

Reaction Response
-Doubt on intention -We are able to see that
relationship IS a t the level of 'I'
– Irritation -We feel the relatedness with
the other at the level of 'I'
-Getting Angry -We don’t doubt the intention of
the other 'I'
–Fights -We feel a sense of
responsibility to improve our own competence and the other's
competence
-We work for mutual fulfilment